Life After Stardom - Chapter Two
Title: Life After Stardom
Status: Chapter Two
Author: maskofsanityy
Pairing: Gerard/Bert
Rating: R
Summary: Their fifteen minutes has been up for ten years and while everyone else formerly in My Chemical Romance is able to move on, Gerard seems stuck on everything that has been. For once you're a rock star, normality is anything but acceptable.
Author's Note: Sorry about the wait, I'm getting over the flu. Hopefully future installments will be faster.
Forgetfulness seems to be a pattern for his day as the English language completely abandons Gerard at that point. His mind is not even able to produce a coherent thought as Gerard completely shuts down at the sight of the smaller man. Bert looks almost exactly as he did when Gerard had last seen him on a music channel a few years ago. Age has been gentler to his former friend and only the faintest hints of lines accentuate his youthful visage. His eyes narrow in venomous envy of the man who has laughed twice as hard as him and lived twice as hard and the fact he seems to be fairing better in his debauchery than Gerard in his conservation. Bert notices the change in expression and doesn't speak, silence hanging over the two.
"Hello, Bert," Gerard finally interjects coldly. Bert smiles affably and Gerard resists from cringing at the fact the other man need not worry about darkening nonexistent smile lines.
"I didn't know you live around here. Wow, talk about not knowing the neighbors...I just moved out here a few weeks ago," Bert informs, but Gerard is more aware of the flexing of the skin on Bert's face as he talks to actually hear what he says. Small lines crease the sides of his nose and around his forehead with the different words coming out of the younger man's mouth, but they retract instantaneously after. Gerard isn't sure if he wants to touch the skin out of awe or dig his nails into it and rip it off the undeserving man's face. He replies to Bert's chatter with a small 'oh' and doesn't remember anything what he said. Bert cocks his head slightly, looking at the taller man curiously.
"Gerard?" he says a bit louder to attract the man's attention. Gerard is visibly shaken this time, taking in a deep breath and clenching his eyes shut. His voice hasn't changed either and the innocent inquiring tone is so familiar, belonging to the days Gerard misses and yearns for every passing second. It brings him back to those times before things began to decline, back when he was invincible and living the best times of his life. He doesn't like this feeling of everything being so far away from him. He has been avoiding that feeling for the past ten years and he has been doing a good job at running from it. Now, everything seems to have caught up with him in the form of Bert. Opening his eyes slowly, the hazel irises swirl with tumults of emotion, making it hard for Bert to holds his gaze with the phosphorescent set. While Gerard doesn’t like the evoking of these emotions, Bert shies from their revelation. "Um...look," he begins, dropping his eyes to the floor.
This act snaps Gerard back to his stolid state, anger biding at the familiar action of awkwardness. He is sure that his dislike for the other radiates off him like poisonous waves, even stronger now after the attack on his shell. Whatever Bert wants, Gerard hopes he gets it out quickly so he can escape from his presence. While he believes that he still owns a place on top, Gerard also has not let go of his past and its grudges. Bert, while unwelcome by Gerard due to their past, is now even more slighted by the preservation of everything that Gerard wishes he himself still possess.
"What?" Gerard demands. Bert lifts his eyes back up to Gerard's, anger flaring momentarily before it melts to his earlier amiable nature. He shakes his head and sighs, dropping his eyes to the floor once more.
"Wasn't it you who had tried to put our conflicts behind us in the past? And now that I'm being mature about the past, you won't accept it! Can't we just try and work around the dark spots? Or have our roles reversed," Bert accuses in attempt to break the other's animosity. Gerard restrains himself from punching the younger man, hating the fact he is taking the approach of being the reasonable and accepting one of the two. If he hadn't hated him before, Gerard surely hates him now with all the factors adding up as the seconds tick by. Bert compromises Gerard’s position and allots him to be everything that Gerard has been evading and denying, which makes Gerard want nothing more than to permanently escape his presence.
"I'm pretty sure my attempt was prior to your attacks," Gerard reminds venomously.
"And I'm pretty sure my attacks were well rooted," Bert quips, words sharp for a moment before adding onto his statement. "Look I-" Not wanting to hear anymore, Gerard turns from the antagonizing conversation and begins to stalk childishly to the door. What halts him is a simple phrase that Bert calls after him.
"You need me." Gerard pauses, a swift bout of alarm runs through his body, leaving tingling his palms and calves. He can't seem to get out of the chains this phrase threw on him. "You need me because you know me and I know you. I know who you are- what you are. So stop the bullshit, Gerard." Gerard flies around, fists clenched at his sides and face contorting in anger.
"Then what am I, Bert?" Gerard hisses. Bert smirks at this, the friendly gleam in his eye replaced with a more familiar one of defiant enmity.
"You're bitter. You're an old man who won't let go of the past and refuses to embrace anything other than what he wants. You're resentful of what you lost," Bert pauses to throw in a snide laugh, "and what you are loosing with each passing day. You wallow in self-pity and you wait for everything to be thrust upon you while regretting your past. You're pitiful and just like every other ruined fad artist. You had fifteen minutes of fame and glory for a fickle crowd and they ended long before you threw in the towel. You're stuck in a perpetual state of loneliness and sadness because of your arrogance. You are pathetic," Bert finishes with a scowl. Gerard stands there, fists trembling with the accurate dissection of his person. Gerard's eyes no longer glare furiously but are wide with awe and fear of being discovered.
"How...what?"
"You aren't the only one like that, Gerard," Bert informs, voice not holding the same condescending tone as earlier. His eyes seem soft once again and the thought of this assault being a hallucination flits through Gerard’s mind. Shaking his head, he backs up. "Gerard?"
"No…no," Gerard mutters. He fixes his gaze with Bert's. "No," his voice is firm now. "I'm not like that. You're wrong. I...I..." Gerard mentally grapples for some type of footing in this conversation but can't seem to pick up the pieces that shattered as soon as Bert opened his mouth. "I'm fine," he settles for. "I don't need you."
"Gee-"
"Shut up, Bert!" Gerard shouts at the sound of his old nickname, prickling feeling at the back of his eyes that Gerard tries to blink back. The store is looking at the two now, and a girl who had been close for a while edges towards the younger of the two. Gerard's mouth opens and closes like a fish fighting for air as his face turns red when nothing seems to be produced. He is lost for words. Lost for actions. His entire world, so perfectly crafted over the years, has been torn down with one shot at it. Thrust into reality, Gerard doesn't know how to act. His world is all he knows and as the people of the store stare at him, blue eyes pierce his soul to the point where he wants to cry out in the agony of it all. To admit to everything he has been accused of this day and just break down. But his pride won't let him. He is still Gerard way and that is still Bert McCracken, and anything the latter says cannot be held as any truth for all he wants is to break Gerard down. Or maybe that was all he wanted. But accepted that in past tense would be putting his entire being as such too and Gerard will not do that. So he turns again and heads more purposefully to the door.
"Excuse me, are you Bert McCracken?" Gerard overhears from the girl who had been watching them. He closes his eyes in disdain as she continues to praise the younger man and pledge her love for his music. That is the last straw for Gerard as he bursts through the door. Head down, he pushes through the busy streets until he makes it on an alley. Hitting the wall, the pain is doubled due to the previous cuts on it. Letting out a wail of hurt, Gerard cradles the hand, watching as new red is absorbed into the gauze. Allowing himself drop to the ground, Gerard scoots until his back is against the wall before releasing a choked sob. The water that had been threatening earlier now comes pouring down in tumults against his weathering face. Gerard tries to pin his hatred on Bert, but he can only muster up a slight anger at the other man for tearing down his walls in a single conversation. The tears run freely for a few minutes, Gerard letting his emotions run with them, but no thoughts stand out in his mind. He just sits and experience the feel of crying until it ceases. Standing up, the gauze seems to have stopped the bleeding as the red hasn't spread in a while, and Gerard just nurses it slightly until he gets back to his home. He feels numb now, but not in his usual way. He just doesn't feel and everything seems light. Maybe he needed that cry. Maybe he did need Bert after all, otherwise he wouldn't feel this way. But he doesn't need Bert now, he doesn't need him as the other claims. Bandaging his hand, he makes his way to his kitchen where the earlier offending picture hangs. Admiring it, Gerard smirks.
Bert is wrong; Gerard isn't pathetic nor is he stuck on anything. He is the Gerard Way and he is going to show everyone what exactly that means. He is going to remind them all what he never gave up like them. He is going rediscover himself, with or without their belief.
Gerard goes to bed early that day, not satisfied with the sudden change in his routine. While he is not fond of routines, the extreme shock his underwent was too much for him to enjoy. The next morning, Gerard gets up and instead of disdaining over the withstanding New York skyline, he calls his brother.
"Hello?" a young voice asks.
"Hi Sam, is Daddy there?" Gerard asks. The young girl pauses.
"How did you know my name?" she squeaks nervously.
"This is Uncle Gerard," Gerard quickly responds as not to frighten his niece.
"Uncle Gee!" she calls into the phone. "Hi! Guess what?" Gerard chuckles at the younger girl's enthusiasm.
"Aliens abducted Bunny?" Gerard tries. Sam sighs loudly into the phone.
"No, silly! There is no such thing as aliens!" she states in a matter-of-fact tone. Gerard bites his lip as not to laugh.
"Are you sure? Because I thought I saw their spaceship hovering over your house last night...but if they aren't real then I guess they didn't get Bunny..." Gerard says. There is a clatter at the other side of the phone and Sam's voice fades as she’s calling for the old cat. Gerard laughs, and calls into the forgotten phone. He hears someone approach before his brother's voice comes over the speakers.
"Hello?"
"Hey Mikes," Gerard greets. There is a pause for a moment.
"Gerard?" Mikey asks, puzzled.
"C'est moi," Gerard laughs at his brother's confusion.
"Uh, hi. What happened with Sam?"
"Oh, I just told her that the aliens abducted Bunny, nothing too damaging," Gerard informs. Mikey makes a noncommittal noise at the other end, still confused at his brother's behavior.
"You'd never guess who I ran into at the store yesterday," Gerard exclaims. Mikey at this point is extremely taken aback by his brother's new attitude that he has found overnight. Usually, it is hard to get Gerard to pick up the phone if you call him. It is unheard of for him to call, let alone have a conversation that the older way instigates.
"Uh...who?" Mikey offers, still wary.
"Bert."
"As is Bert McCracken?" Mikey asks, voice rising a little.
"Mhmm, and he's still a royal fucking asshole," Gerard affirms with a nod.
"What happened?" Mikey probes. Gerard shrugs, not realizing his brother cannot see him through the phone line.
"Nothing really, just hope I don't have to see him again," Gerard replies.
"Nothing happened?" Gerard frowns at the questioning.
"No..."
"Gerard, are you okay?" Mikey asks.
"Yeah, Mikes, why wouldn't I be?"
"Well...you never call. We haven't had a real conversation in ages and when we talk at all, it is me carrying the conversation. You're extremely giddy this morning, which is very uncharacteristic of you at any point. You were never a morning person and lately it is hard to find you in anything but gloom. Plus, you're calling me Mikes again when I can't remember the last time you used that nickname. Really, Gerard, are you okay?"
"I'm great Mikey," Gerard practically whispers, playing with the hem of his nightshirt. His eyes trail across the bare room, not taking anything in but just waiting for his brother's next sentence.
"Okay, Gerard, I believe you. So what has you all excited, huh? Or is it a new you," Mikey encourages.
"I'm going to get back on top, Mikey. I'm going to be big again and everyone will know me," Gerard informs. The way he sounds is like when a child declares his future of being some star or puublic figure. Similiar to when they have all the hope in the world and really, truly believe that they're going to make it. Mikey isn't sure how to respond. The optimism and the hope in that declaration seem to represent everything that is keeping Gerard together. He can't crush it, but he can't believe it either. He lets out the smallest sigh, but his brother picks it up.
"I know, Gerard. I know," he assures almost sadly. Gerard turns quiet, frowning at the reaction from his brother. The earlier mood he was in has died at all the doubt thrust on him and he retreats back into his defenses. His world has built itself up again overnight and Gerard once more locks himself into it.
"Gerard?"
"Mm?"
"I wasn't sure if you were still there..."
"You know, we were under 'Classic Rock' yesterday," Gerard says quietly.
"What?"
"Our music, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, don't you remember it," Gerard sneers. Mikey pauses again.
"Yeah, of course I do..."
"It was labeled as fucking classic," Gerard sneers.
"I'm sorry Gerard," Mikey apologizes softly, knowing that this was to his brother as it would be to another be diagnosed with a fatal illness.
"Yeah...right..." Another lapse of silence.
"Are you there?"
"Oh, yeah...well, I guess I'll go," Gerard says awkwardly.
"Okay, Sam wants to talk to you. Bye Gerard," Mikey bids sullenly.
"Bye," Gerard mutters.
"Uncle Gerard!" sounds an indignant tone.
"Hey Sam," Gerard tries to muster up enthusiasm.
"Bunny was sleeping with Mommy. The aliens didn't get him!" she huffs.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I could have sworn I saw them..."
"Whatever. You're weird. But your guess was wrong! Yesterday, Mommy and Daddy took me to go get a new dress! Guess what color it is!"
"Pink."
"Why does everyone want me to get a pink dress?" He pout is evident to Gerard as he chuckles slightly. "No, it is red! Daddy says you love red! But you don't have red in you house...I love purple and my room is purple. You need your house to be red!"
"If my apartment was red and you wore your dress, we wouldn't be able to find you because you'd blend right into the walls! You'd be invisible," Gerard jokes.
"Really?" Samantha squeals excitedly. Gerard laughs at this. "I'm going to wear the dress next time I come over! You better paint your house red by then, or else."
"Okay, okay. You win. Bye Sam," Gerard says.
"Bye bye!" she giggles before hanging up. Gerard sighs, smiling a bit at his niece. Staring at the phone, his smile curls into a frown at the rest of the conversation. His brother doubts him. His brother worries over his good moods. Doesn't he want Gerard to be happy? He has the perfect family life except for his fucked up brother whom he visits regularly with his family. Gerard plays right into his perfect life as the pathetic older brother who cannot take care of himself and is deluded by fantasies. Gerard growls furiously before throwing the phone across the room.
"Why does everyone think I'm so pathetic? I'm not! I'm not!" he yells into his empty apartment, stamping his foot as his hands runs though his hair. "I'm not," he tries to convince himself, voice wavering. Shaking his head, he clears his throat. "They just don't understand. They just don't remember," Gerard mutters to himself. "They don't remember who we are, who I am. We can do it, we're fine. I'm fine..." Gerard nods, his soliloquy having convinced himself that he is fine and things are working out. Throwing on some day clothes, Gerard neatly folds his dirty clothes and puts him into the hamper delicately. Cleaning has become one of his compulsions over the years and he cannot stand for things to be messy anymore. After tidying his room to make it look pristine, he heads towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Opening the refrigerator, he browses the various foods lining the appliance. Frowning, none seem appealing. Shutting the door, he heads to the cabinet for the cereals which he pours himself a bowl of Lucky Charms. Putting the box away and grabbing a spoon, he shovels a spoonful into his mouth. Cringing, the cereal tastes like cardboard to him. Standing up, he takes the almost full bowl of food and dumps it into the trash before loading the bowl into the dishwasher. Frowning at his apartment, he decides he shouldn't have to make breakfast himself. Taking his keys of their hook, he heads for his door.
He passes his neighbor, the same one as yesterday, who seems to stare at him as he walks past. For his entire time living there, she has rarely seen him leave his apartment. Two days in a row is unheard of and she can only watch as the mysterious neighbor makes for the elevator.
Gerard knows where he wants to go. It is a small diner a few blocks up. Although he rarely eats out, the people there know him. Recognition is what he wants now, craving it more than usual. He needs the assurance that comes with it and so he seeks out the familiar restaurant. Subconsciously, his eyes patrol the sidewalks around him for a familiar pair of blue eyes or greasy hair. His searching is in vain as he reaches the eatery and is seated quickly by a new hostess. Gerard frowns, having wanted to come here for the familiarity of the place and here he was with someone who he didn't know and who didn't know him. Thanking her, he scoots deeper into the two person booth that could definitely fit at leas four. Looking out the frosted window, he watches the mass of city people make their morning commute, still alert for icy blue eyes. He isn't sure why he wants to see that man so much. Yesterday, he wanted nothing more than to escape him or hurt him. Today, the subject is completely blank. He seeks out of curiosity, one that he isn't sure where the roots begin for. The animosity has subsided and Gerard isn't sure how he'd handle the other man. A familiar body catches his eyes across the diner and his head snaps in that direction. He is disappointed to find that it isn't his former friend but merely someone who hasn't seen shampoo or a hairdresser in a while. Thinking back, Gerard doesn't remember the other man having his trademark greasy hair. It was actually...clean. The concept jars Gerard but intrigues him at the same time. He honestly never thought that he would have seen the day Bert had manageable and clean hair. Gerard chuckles, still waiting for service to arrive. He stares out the window again, just watching the people unaware to the approaching server.
"Hello Gerard, I'll be your waiter this morning. Can I start you with something to drink?"
Status: Chapter Two
Author: maskofsanityy
Pairing: Gerard/Bert
Rating: R
Summary: Their fifteen minutes has been up for ten years and while everyone else formerly in My Chemical Romance is able to move on, Gerard seems stuck on everything that has been. For once you're a rock star, normality is anything but acceptable.
Author's Note: Sorry about the wait, I'm getting over the flu. Hopefully future installments will be faster.
Forgetfulness seems to be a pattern for his day as the English language completely abandons Gerard at that point. His mind is not even able to produce a coherent thought as Gerard completely shuts down at the sight of the smaller man. Bert looks almost exactly as he did when Gerard had last seen him on a music channel a few years ago. Age has been gentler to his former friend and only the faintest hints of lines accentuate his youthful visage. His eyes narrow in venomous envy of the man who has laughed twice as hard as him and lived twice as hard and the fact he seems to be fairing better in his debauchery than Gerard in his conservation. Bert notices the change in expression and doesn't speak, silence hanging over the two.
"Hello, Bert," Gerard finally interjects coldly. Bert smiles affably and Gerard resists from cringing at the fact the other man need not worry about darkening nonexistent smile lines.
"I didn't know you live around here. Wow, talk about not knowing the neighbors...I just moved out here a few weeks ago," Bert informs, but Gerard is more aware of the flexing of the skin on Bert's face as he talks to actually hear what he says. Small lines crease the sides of his nose and around his forehead with the different words coming out of the younger man's mouth, but they retract instantaneously after. Gerard isn't sure if he wants to touch the skin out of awe or dig his nails into it and rip it off the undeserving man's face. He replies to Bert's chatter with a small 'oh' and doesn't remember anything what he said. Bert cocks his head slightly, looking at the taller man curiously.
"Gerard?" he says a bit louder to attract the man's attention. Gerard is visibly shaken this time, taking in a deep breath and clenching his eyes shut. His voice hasn't changed either and the innocent inquiring tone is so familiar, belonging to the days Gerard misses and yearns for every passing second. It brings him back to those times before things began to decline, back when he was invincible and living the best times of his life. He doesn't like this feeling of everything being so far away from him. He has been avoiding that feeling for the past ten years and he has been doing a good job at running from it. Now, everything seems to have caught up with him in the form of Bert. Opening his eyes slowly, the hazel irises swirl with tumults of emotion, making it hard for Bert to holds his gaze with the phosphorescent set. While Gerard doesn’t like the evoking of these emotions, Bert shies from their revelation. "Um...look," he begins, dropping his eyes to the floor.
This act snaps Gerard back to his stolid state, anger biding at the familiar action of awkwardness. He is sure that his dislike for the other radiates off him like poisonous waves, even stronger now after the attack on his shell. Whatever Bert wants, Gerard hopes he gets it out quickly so he can escape from his presence. While he believes that he still owns a place on top, Gerard also has not let go of his past and its grudges. Bert, while unwelcome by Gerard due to their past, is now even more slighted by the preservation of everything that Gerard wishes he himself still possess.
"What?" Gerard demands. Bert lifts his eyes back up to Gerard's, anger flaring momentarily before it melts to his earlier amiable nature. He shakes his head and sighs, dropping his eyes to the floor once more.
"Wasn't it you who had tried to put our conflicts behind us in the past? And now that I'm being mature about the past, you won't accept it! Can't we just try and work around the dark spots? Or have our roles reversed," Bert accuses in attempt to break the other's animosity. Gerard restrains himself from punching the younger man, hating the fact he is taking the approach of being the reasonable and accepting one of the two. If he hadn't hated him before, Gerard surely hates him now with all the factors adding up as the seconds tick by. Bert compromises Gerard’s position and allots him to be everything that Gerard has been evading and denying, which makes Gerard want nothing more than to permanently escape his presence.
"I'm pretty sure my attempt was prior to your attacks," Gerard reminds venomously.
"And I'm pretty sure my attacks were well rooted," Bert quips, words sharp for a moment before adding onto his statement. "Look I-" Not wanting to hear anymore, Gerard turns from the antagonizing conversation and begins to stalk childishly to the door. What halts him is a simple phrase that Bert calls after him.
"You need me." Gerard pauses, a swift bout of alarm runs through his body, leaving tingling his palms and calves. He can't seem to get out of the chains this phrase threw on him. "You need me because you know me and I know you. I know who you are- what you are. So stop the bullshit, Gerard." Gerard flies around, fists clenched at his sides and face contorting in anger.
"Then what am I, Bert?" Gerard hisses. Bert smirks at this, the friendly gleam in his eye replaced with a more familiar one of defiant enmity.
"You're bitter. You're an old man who won't let go of the past and refuses to embrace anything other than what he wants. You're resentful of what you lost," Bert pauses to throw in a snide laugh, "and what you are loosing with each passing day. You wallow in self-pity and you wait for everything to be thrust upon you while regretting your past. You're pitiful and just like every other ruined fad artist. You had fifteen minutes of fame and glory for a fickle crowd and they ended long before you threw in the towel. You're stuck in a perpetual state of loneliness and sadness because of your arrogance. You are pathetic," Bert finishes with a scowl. Gerard stands there, fists trembling with the accurate dissection of his person. Gerard's eyes no longer glare furiously but are wide with awe and fear of being discovered.
"How...what?"
"You aren't the only one like that, Gerard," Bert informs, voice not holding the same condescending tone as earlier. His eyes seem soft once again and the thought of this assault being a hallucination flits through Gerard’s mind. Shaking his head, he backs up. "Gerard?"
"No…no," Gerard mutters. He fixes his gaze with Bert's. "No," his voice is firm now. "I'm not like that. You're wrong. I...I..." Gerard mentally grapples for some type of footing in this conversation but can't seem to pick up the pieces that shattered as soon as Bert opened his mouth. "I'm fine," he settles for. "I don't need you."
"Gee-"
"Shut up, Bert!" Gerard shouts at the sound of his old nickname, prickling feeling at the back of his eyes that Gerard tries to blink back. The store is looking at the two now, and a girl who had been close for a while edges towards the younger of the two. Gerard's mouth opens and closes like a fish fighting for air as his face turns red when nothing seems to be produced. He is lost for words. Lost for actions. His entire world, so perfectly crafted over the years, has been torn down with one shot at it. Thrust into reality, Gerard doesn't know how to act. His world is all he knows and as the people of the store stare at him, blue eyes pierce his soul to the point where he wants to cry out in the agony of it all. To admit to everything he has been accused of this day and just break down. But his pride won't let him. He is still Gerard way and that is still Bert McCracken, and anything the latter says cannot be held as any truth for all he wants is to break Gerard down. Or maybe that was all he wanted. But accepted that in past tense would be putting his entire being as such too and Gerard will not do that. So he turns again and heads more purposefully to the door.
"Excuse me, are you Bert McCracken?" Gerard overhears from the girl who had been watching them. He closes his eyes in disdain as she continues to praise the younger man and pledge her love for his music. That is the last straw for Gerard as he bursts through the door. Head down, he pushes through the busy streets until he makes it on an alley. Hitting the wall, the pain is doubled due to the previous cuts on it. Letting out a wail of hurt, Gerard cradles the hand, watching as new red is absorbed into the gauze. Allowing himself drop to the ground, Gerard scoots until his back is against the wall before releasing a choked sob. The water that had been threatening earlier now comes pouring down in tumults against his weathering face. Gerard tries to pin his hatred on Bert, but he can only muster up a slight anger at the other man for tearing down his walls in a single conversation. The tears run freely for a few minutes, Gerard letting his emotions run with them, but no thoughts stand out in his mind. He just sits and experience the feel of crying until it ceases. Standing up, the gauze seems to have stopped the bleeding as the red hasn't spread in a while, and Gerard just nurses it slightly until he gets back to his home. He feels numb now, but not in his usual way. He just doesn't feel and everything seems light. Maybe he needed that cry. Maybe he did need Bert after all, otherwise he wouldn't feel this way. But he doesn't need Bert now, he doesn't need him as the other claims. Bandaging his hand, he makes his way to his kitchen where the earlier offending picture hangs. Admiring it, Gerard smirks.
Bert is wrong; Gerard isn't pathetic nor is he stuck on anything. He is the Gerard Way and he is going to show everyone what exactly that means. He is going to remind them all what he never gave up like them. He is going rediscover himself, with or without their belief.
Gerard goes to bed early that day, not satisfied with the sudden change in his routine. While he is not fond of routines, the extreme shock his underwent was too much for him to enjoy. The next morning, Gerard gets up and instead of disdaining over the withstanding New York skyline, he calls his brother.
"Hello?" a young voice asks.
"Hi Sam, is Daddy there?" Gerard asks. The young girl pauses.
"How did you know my name?" she squeaks nervously.
"This is Uncle Gerard," Gerard quickly responds as not to frighten his niece.
"Uncle Gee!" she calls into the phone. "Hi! Guess what?" Gerard chuckles at the younger girl's enthusiasm.
"Aliens abducted Bunny?" Gerard tries. Sam sighs loudly into the phone.
"No, silly! There is no such thing as aliens!" she states in a matter-of-fact tone. Gerard bites his lip as not to laugh.
"Are you sure? Because I thought I saw their spaceship hovering over your house last night...but if they aren't real then I guess they didn't get Bunny..." Gerard says. There is a clatter at the other side of the phone and Sam's voice fades as she’s calling for the old cat. Gerard laughs, and calls into the forgotten phone. He hears someone approach before his brother's voice comes over the speakers.
"Hello?"
"Hey Mikes," Gerard greets. There is a pause for a moment.
"Gerard?" Mikey asks, puzzled.
"C'est moi," Gerard laughs at his brother's confusion.
"Uh, hi. What happened with Sam?"
"Oh, I just told her that the aliens abducted Bunny, nothing too damaging," Gerard informs. Mikey makes a noncommittal noise at the other end, still confused at his brother's behavior.
"You'd never guess who I ran into at the store yesterday," Gerard exclaims. Mikey at this point is extremely taken aback by his brother's new attitude that he has found overnight. Usually, it is hard to get Gerard to pick up the phone if you call him. It is unheard of for him to call, let alone have a conversation that the older way instigates.
"Uh...who?" Mikey offers, still wary.
"Bert."
"As is Bert McCracken?" Mikey asks, voice rising a little.
"Mhmm, and he's still a royal fucking asshole," Gerard affirms with a nod.
"What happened?" Mikey probes. Gerard shrugs, not realizing his brother cannot see him through the phone line.
"Nothing really, just hope I don't have to see him again," Gerard replies.
"Nothing happened?" Gerard frowns at the questioning.
"No..."
"Gerard, are you okay?" Mikey asks.
"Yeah, Mikes, why wouldn't I be?"
"Well...you never call. We haven't had a real conversation in ages and when we talk at all, it is me carrying the conversation. You're extremely giddy this morning, which is very uncharacteristic of you at any point. You were never a morning person and lately it is hard to find you in anything but gloom. Plus, you're calling me Mikes again when I can't remember the last time you used that nickname. Really, Gerard, are you okay?"
"I'm great Mikey," Gerard practically whispers, playing with the hem of his nightshirt. His eyes trail across the bare room, not taking anything in but just waiting for his brother's next sentence.
"Okay, Gerard, I believe you. So what has you all excited, huh? Or is it a new you," Mikey encourages.
"I'm going to get back on top, Mikey. I'm going to be big again and everyone will know me," Gerard informs. The way he sounds is like when a child declares his future of being some star or puublic figure. Similiar to when they have all the hope in the world and really, truly believe that they're going to make it. Mikey isn't sure how to respond. The optimism and the hope in that declaration seem to represent everything that is keeping Gerard together. He can't crush it, but he can't believe it either. He lets out the smallest sigh, but his brother picks it up.
"I know, Gerard. I know," he assures almost sadly. Gerard turns quiet, frowning at the reaction from his brother. The earlier mood he was in has died at all the doubt thrust on him and he retreats back into his defenses. His world has built itself up again overnight and Gerard once more locks himself into it.
"Gerard?"
"Mm?"
"I wasn't sure if you were still there..."
"You know, we were under 'Classic Rock' yesterday," Gerard says quietly.
"What?"
"Our music, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, don't you remember it," Gerard sneers. Mikey pauses again.
"Yeah, of course I do..."
"It was labeled as fucking classic," Gerard sneers.
"I'm sorry Gerard," Mikey apologizes softly, knowing that this was to his brother as it would be to another be diagnosed with a fatal illness.
"Yeah...right..." Another lapse of silence.
"Are you there?"
"Oh, yeah...well, I guess I'll go," Gerard says awkwardly.
"Okay, Sam wants to talk to you. Bye Gerard," Mikey bids sullenly.
"Bye," Gerard mutters.
"Uncle Gerard!" sounds an indignant tone.
"Hey Sam," Gerard tries to muster up enthusiasm.
"Bunny was sleeping with Mommy. The aliens didn't get him!" she huffs.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I could have sworn I saw them..."
"Whatever. You're weird. But your guess was wrong! Yesterday, Mommy and Daddy took me to go get a new dress! Guess what color it is!"
"Pink."
"Why does everyone want me to get a pink dress?" He pout is evident to Gerard as he chuckles slightly. "No, it is red! Daddy says you love red! But you don't have red in you house...I love purple and my room is purple. You need your house to be red!"
"If my apartment was red and you wore your dress, we wouldn't be able to find you because you'd blend right into the walls! You'd be invisible," Gerard jokes.
"Really?" Samantha squeals excitedly. Gerard laughs at this. "I'm going to wear the dress next time I come over! You better paint your house red by then, or else."
"Okay, okay. You win. Bye Sam," Gerard says.
"Bye bye!" she giggles before hanging up. Gerard sighs, smiling a bit at his niece. Staring at the phone, his smile curls into a frown at the rest of the conversation. His brother doubts him. His brother worries over his good moods. Doesn't he want Gerard to be happy? He has the perfect family life except for his fucked up brother whom he visits regularly with his family. Gerard plays right into his perfect life as the pathetic older brother who cannot take care of himself and is deluded by fantasies. Gerard growls furiously before throwing the phone across the room.
"Why does everyone think I'm so pathetic? I'm not! I'm not!" he yells into his empty apartment, stamping his foot as his hands runs though his hair. "I'm not," he tries to convince himself, voice wavering. Shaking his head, he clears his throat. "They just don't understand. They just don't remember," Gerard mutters to himself. "They don't remember who we are, who I am. We can do it, we're fine. I'm fine..." Gerard nods, his soliloquy having convinced himself that he is fine and things are working out. Throwing on some day clothes, Gerard neatly folds his dirty clothes and puts him into the hamper delicately. Cleaning has become one of his compulsions over the years and he cannot stand for things to be messy anymore. After tidying his room to make it look pristine, he heads towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Opening the refrigerator, he browses the various foods lining the appliance. Frowning, none seem appealing. Shutting the door, he heads to the cabinet for the cereals which he pours himself a bowl of Lucky Charms. Putting the box away and grabbing a spoon, he shovels a spoonful into his mouth. Cringing, the cereal tastes like cardboard to him. Standing up, he takes the almost full bowl of food and dumps it into the trash before loading the bowl into the dishwasher. Frowning at his apartment, he decides he shouldn't have to make breakfast himself. Taking his keys of their hook, he heads for his door.
He passes his neighbor, the same one as yesterday, who seems to stare at him as he walks past. For his entire time living there, she has rarely seen him leave his apartment. Two days in a row is unheard of and she can only watch as the mysterious neighbor makes for the elevator.
Gerard knows where he wants to go. It is a small diner a few blocks up. Although he rarely eats out, the people there know him. Recognition is what he wants now, craving it more than usual. He needs the assurance that comes with it and so he seeks out the familiar restaurant. Subconsciously, his eyes patrol the sidewalks around him for a familiar pair of blue eyes or greasy hair. His searching is in vain as he reaches the eatery and is seated quickly by a new hostess. Gerard frowns, having wanted to come here for the familiarity of the place and here he was with someone who he didn't know and who didn't know him. Thanking her, he scoots deeper into the two person booth that could definitely fit at leas four. Looking out the frosted window, he watches the mass of city people make their morning commute, still alert for icy blue eyes. He isn't sure why he wants to see that man so much. Yesterday, he wanted nothing more than to escape him or hurt him. Today, the subject is completely blank. He seeks out of curiosity, one that he isn't sure where the roots begin for. The animosity has subsided and Gerard isn't sure how he'd handle the other man. A familiar body catches his eyes across the diner and his head snaps in that direction. He is disappointed to find that it isn't his former friend but merely someone who hasn't seen shampoo or a hairdresser in a while. Thinking back, Gerard doesn't remember the other man having his trademark greasy hair. It was actually...clean. The concept jars Gerard but intrigues him at the same time. He honestly never thought that he would have seen the day Bert had manageable and clean hair. Gerard chuckles, still waiting for service to arrive. He stares out the window again, just watching the people unaware to the approaching server.
"Hello Gerard, I'll be your waiter this morning. Can I start you with something to drink?"