in minor chords
While driving down the nearly open road I watched the sunset. Flocks of birds that I imagined to be migrating winged against a band of magenta across the horizon. Why can I never say what I want to? Ginger tells me all the time she wished she had my ability to stay cool-headed. I've never been much like a volcano, I don't have angry outbursts and I try not to act on impulse but allow myself time to digest and think about things before making a big deal out of them. But it's moments like that, watching those birds, that I forget about other things. To just fly away.
If I don't return a snowfall in July, maybe the next life will bring me wings.
I'd like to say that I'm happy in this life. I have reasons to be. But the same reasons that make me happy are the ones that threaten to be heart-breaking. There's a lot to be said about being able to trust someone. My exposure to influential figures would lead me to likely have a very hard time with this based on their examples. But I actually find that I don't really have a problem with opening myself up to people (though I suppose I can be very selective about with whom I do). But then the slightest hints of dishonesty or secrecy trigger a gradual build-up of a wall. An attempt of self-protection perhaps.
At times it's like a picnic in the park, or a drive in a convertible with the wind rushing through my hair... exhilirating, exciting, fun. But then I start thinking realistically. I don't want to end up with the guy who sneaks out of the house at 2am to text or make calls on the driveway. (True story- I saw someone do this one night). Who takes the laptop to the bathroom to instant message ladies with some privacy. (I know someone who used to do this). Funny thing is, guys never admit to anything, even after you know it's going on. I've watched enough episodes of Cheaters, okay. Who ever said television wasn't educational? I'm sort of joking. But I should be enough, when it's right. That person on the driveway at 2am feels like there's something they're lacking. The other person in bed probably asleep, isn't enough. Or maybe was and isn't any more. The other girl is filling a void of some kind. It's not fair for anyone involved to keep that situation up. Is it getting strung along though if you know you're getting strung along? Maybe it becomes something else in that case. I don't know I probably think too much which can be dangerous. I still believe in happy endings as silly as that might be.
I'm just going to turn on the music, spend the rest of the night in minor chords. I'm learning this one:
If I don't return a snowfall in July, maybe the next life will bring me wings.
I'd like to say that I'm happy in this life. I have reasons to be. But the same reasons that make me happy are the ones that threaten to be heart-breaking. There's a lot to be said about being able to trust someone. My exposure to influential figures would lead me to likely have a very hard time with this based on their examples. But I actually find that I don't really have a problem with opening myself up to people (though I suppose I can be very selective about with whom I do). But then the slightest hints of dishonesty or secrecy trigger a gradual build-up of a wall. An attempt of self-protection perhaps.
At times it's like a picnic in the park, or a drive in a convertible with the wind rushing through my hair... exhilirating, exciting, fun. But then I start thinking realistically. I don't want to end up with the guy who sneaks out of the house at 2am to text or make calls on the driveway. (True story- I saw someone do this one night). Who takes the laptop to the bathroom to instant message ladies with some privacy. (I know someone who used to do this). Funny thing is, guys never admit to anything, even after you know it's going on. I've watched enough episodes of Cheaters, okay. Who ever said television wasn't educational? I'm sort of joking. But I should be enough, when it's right. That person on the driveway at 2am feels like there's something they're lacking. The other person in bed probably asleep, isn't enough. Or maybe was and isn't any more. The other girl is filling a void of some kind. It's not fair for anyone involved to keep that situation up. Is it getting strung along though if you know you're getting strung along? Maybe it becomes something else in that case. I don't know I probably think too much which can be dangerous. I still believe in happy endings as silly as that might be.
I'm just going to turn on the music, spend the rest of the night in minor chords. I'm learning this one:
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