WIP meme (multi part fics)
Excerpts from WIPs with more than one chapter.
Apologies in advance for the formatting issues. Some of the segments ended up italicized for no apparent reason.
What He Didn't Know ...
“Leave Cottle out of this. He was only following orders - my orders. If you want someone to go off on, go off on me.” Laura had followed him from his quarters to sickbay.
Whirling around to face her, Bill gave her what she wanted.
“What's the point in talking to you?
“He had children. He had grandchildren before the attacks. He knew better. You? You could never understand the magnitude of what you did wrong.
“You've never had children. You have no idea what it's like to lose a child. You have no concept of the pain, of the suffering that you've put Helo and Sharon through.
“You've never held a child in your arms that you helped to create. You've never felt a child growing inside of you. Never felt that child mov -”
“- Good gods man! What's wrong with you?” Cottle stepped between them.
For the first time since he had begun his tirade, Bill looked at her - he really looked at her.
She held her head up high, meeting his gaze, but the tightness in her facial expression, her lack of color, the shine in her eyes as she starred back at him, blinking almost continuously to bat back the tears that threatened to escape -
All Bill knew of Laura's past was what Laura was willing to share with him which - as it was becoming more and more clear with every revelation - wasn't very much.
Given his need to know her full medical history during her illness, how many more pieces of the puzzle that was Laura Roslin did Cottle have than him?
So Clear It's Like Looking Through Glass
As the door to his cell clanked open, Saul lifted one of his shackled arms to shield his eyes from the bright overhead light in order to see which model it would be this time.
Instead of a cylon, he saw their esteemed vice president being thrust into the room.
Saul snorted. “Oh frak me. Now this is torture! What? You guys rounded up so many people you ran out of space and now we have to double bunk?”
As soon as Zarek in his standard cylon issue jumpsuit was shackled similarly, though to the opposite wall, the door clanked closed.
Trying to make light of the situation, Saul groused. “Four walls. A roof. Twice a day room service. The bathroom -” Saul gestured to the bucket in the corner. “- leaves a bit to be desired, but this place is still nicer than my tent. Cylons have done a better job in a few days than you and Baltar did in a year.”
“Yeah.” Tom agreed. “I spent twenty years in a Sagittaron prison. This is nothing.”
Neither said anything for a few minutes.
“It's been two days. If they were just looking to finish what they started back on the colonies you would think they would have done it by now.”
“Haven't you heard? They come in peace.” Tom snorted derisively.
“That's something I guess. So what exactly do you think our new benevolent overlords want with us?”
“Us in general? I couldn't say. Us in particular? Information's a pretty safe assumption.”
“Well they won't be getting any from me.” Saul responded resolutely.
“They'll get it from you a hell of a lot faster than they will me. Did I not just mention that I spent twenty years in a Sagittaron prison?”
“Oh piss off. You are so breaking before me. I’ve been in the military for fifty frakking years. You can bet your frakking ass, they ain’t breaking me.”
“Care to make an actual wager on that, Colonel?”
“Do you have anything with you to actually wager with?” Saul asked.
“No.” Zarek admitted. A minute later, he asked. “So what’s their plan? Do they really think playing us off of each other will work?”
Saul grinned. “This is going to be good. I am going to enjoy watching them torture your frakking ass!”
“Likewise, Colonel. Likewise.” Zarek returned.
The door opened again. Skipping the shackles this time, a hooded figure was simply thrown to the floor before the door again closed.
“Oh you have got to be frakking kidding me.” Any trace of humor left Saul at the sight of the room's new addition. He recognized her by the crimson skirt and shawl she wore even before her auburn tresses started spilling out as she pulled at the burlap sack over her head.
* * *
One Month (And a dozen or so chapters) Later
Saul watched her tear the red shawl that Bill had loved so much into strips.
“Bill Adama is coming.” Saul listened to Tom's anguished voice repeating back to Laura words that she had said to them mere weeks ago. “And when he gets here nothing that happened here is going to matter. Bill Adama is coming back for us, Laura. We just have to hold out a little longer.”
“I know. He is.” she agreed. “He's coming for us, but I'm not going to be here when he gets here. I can't keep doing this.”
Saul watched her struggle to turn the strips into what it was that she needed.
“Don't tell him about this. Don't tell him about any of this. Tell him … tell him it happened the first day. Tell him that I was strong and brave and that it was quick and painless.”
Saul swallowed at the lump in his throat. “Give it here. I'll do it.”
Tying the knot that she didn't know how to, Saul prayed for forgiveness - not from the gods, but from Bill.
* * *
The marines who guarded the corridor outside the President's office, the marines who knew him perfectly well tried to stop him as he went to pass.
“Admiral, sir, is the President expecting you? Because I think the President and the vice President might be ... in a meeting.”
“It's all right.” Bill assured them. “The President is expecting me.”
His words were mostly true. She was expecting him - just not until this afternoon. Something had come up on the tylium ship requiring his presence. On the way back to Galactica he had decided on impulse to stop by early hoping to catch Laura before she had lunch.
Stepping aside, with a look of relief, the guards waved him through.
Bill found it more than slightly odd. It was the middle of the day and Tory’s desk was empty. Pulling back the curtain to the President’s office, he found that similarly deserted.
One would think that the marine detail outside the outer hatch would have thought to mention that the president wasn’t actually here.
Perhaps they were in the room the Quorum met in?
Bill was about to turn to go back when he heard a noise - or more specifically two noises. He heard a moan and he heard his name being called. Both came from behind the curtain of the President’s sleeping area.
Normally he wouldn’t think to enter without knocking, but she had called his name.
“La-“ Pushing aside the curtain, the word died on its way out of his mouth.
Madam President was there in a meeting - of sorts - with her vice-president. Tom Zarek was on top of her and clearly inside of her.
The sound of the curtain being moved attracted Zarek’s attention - causing his head to turn from its place on Laura’s neck. At the sight of Bill there watching them, Zarek shuddered and climaxed.
Closed eyes suddenly opening, Laura’s voice held all the disappointment and contempt that Bill was feeling at that moment. “Gods Tom, that was pathetic! What are you twelve?”
“Sorry, I lost my concentration.” Leaning on one hand, Tom used the other to tilt Laura’s head towards the curtain.
Bill just stood there. He knew he should go. Leave the room. Leave the office. Leave the ship. But all he could do was stand there.
Allergies
Her color was gone and there was a sheen of perspiration on her face.
Bill couldn't help but notice and comment, concerned. “Madame President, you don't look so good.”
“Allergies acting up.” she replied with a tight smile.
“Allergies.” He repeated as he looked her over more carefully. “Right.”
Allergies.
That must be the cylon code word for my insides are being fried by all the electromagnetic activity because that was the same excuse that the Leoben model had used at Ragnar.
* * *
“I don't know how she did it - any more than we could figure out how Godfrey did it, but they are not aboard this ship anymore. Bill, the marines have checked every inch of this ship and there is no sign of the President or your son anywhere.”
“Not every inch.” Bill said into the receiver as he noticed the blazer draped over his desk chair.
Confident that Saul would grasp the meaning of his word, Bill hung the receiver back up and moving quietly made his way to the back of his cabin.
Shelley Godfrey and her pitiful attempt to seduce him had been the short con. This lovely creation that he now found laying in his bed half dressed was the long con.
The con might have worked - had in fact been working - had not their travel through the nebula shown her cards.
She had been playing her con slowly and it had been working. A little longer and she would have had him completely sold on her bill of goods. Completely at her mercy.
Bill trailed his hand along the arm exposed above the covers. She felt so real.
At his touch, she shifted toward him in her sleep - did these things have to sleep or was even this an act? Her movement caused the strap of her camisole to fall down revealing more of what passed for flesh on her.
They made her well - a little too well. Her skin was soft - softer than the skin a woman of her supposed age had a right to be.
She felt so real; he had to wonder if she would taste just as real. Her mouth, her skin, elsewhere ...
He had been such a fool to not see it from the start. What were the chances that some obscure Cabinet member would just happen to survive the initial attacks and be in the vicinity of his ship.
Bill had heard the rumors about Adar and his Secretary of Education. No doubt Adar had been her assignment before him. What easier way to infiltrate Colonial defenses than by exploiting the baser weaknesses of a man in a position of some power and importance?
Bill's eyes snapped to the hatch of the head as it opened.
"Oh hey dad." Minus his tunic and still fumbling with his belt buckle, Lee stepped out. "I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to bring the President."
Beyond the Pale
(Adar version)
That had not gone well to say the least.
Sitting back down in his chair, Richard put his head down and rubbed his hand over the back of his head.
He couldn't help it. He was angry. She just didn't listen. She never did. Not to him, not to anyone. Not on this. Not on anything.
He was so furious with her. Not about the teacher's union - he could care less about that.
He should go after her. Maybe even take Colonial One and go join her at the decommissioning.
When he had discovered the lump while washing her in the shower the other morning, he had wanted to get dressed and go right then. Cancel whatever meetings they both had planned for that day, cancel whatever appointments might already be scheduled with whoever was the best specialist in the area and get her in for a biopsy right then and there. After all what was the point of being the President, of being the ruler of the worlds if you weren't going to take advantage of it when the need arose?
Laura had refused. Had put it off. Telling him that she needed a bit of time and space first to process what was going on. She had agreed to go but had scheduled her biopsy for after her return from this anserine ceremony.
It was going to be a false alarm. It had to be.
“Oh gods please let it be a false alarm.” Richard said to himself in the empty room.
Please let it be the wake up call to get Laura to finally agree to the preventative mastectomy the doctor had recommended she have back when her mother was first diagnosed. Let this convince her the way that Richard's pleading with her never had.
The knock at the door was followed immediately by Wally sticking his head in the door. “Mr. President, that Siltzer Prize winner is here for his internship interview. Shall I send him in?”
“No. Cancel all my meetings for the rest of the day. Have Colonial One gassed up. I'm taking a little trip.”
“Um … yes, sir. To where?”
“Galactica. Notify the Admiralty that I will be attending the decommissioning ceremony. ”
Wally didn't have to say anything, Richard could feel his disapproval from all the way across the room.
It was going to take at least an hour to get Colonial One ready to launch. Possibly longer given the lack of notice. Richard could use something to distract himself in the meanwhile. “What's his name?”
“Sir?”
“The Siltzer kid.”
“The file is on your desk, sir. William Keikeya.”
“Send him in.”
* * *
“Dazzle me. Why do you want to work for the President?”
The President didn’t even look up from the papers on his desk as he said it. He seemed irritated. Distracted.
“Well sir ...”
Billy mentioned the President’s health initiatives. The President seemed bored. But then as Billy began to talk about his mother and what Adar's health initiatives had meant for her, he noticed a change. The President seemed genuinely interested.
“She beat it though - the cancer.”
“Yes, sir.”
“How long has she been cancer free?”
“Four years now.”
The President’s nodding looked almost absentminded. He had that distracted, far away look again.
“Small change of plans. You have a travel bag?”
“Ah … yes, sir. I do.”
“I’m assigning you to the Secretary of Education, Dr. Roslin.”
Billy didn’t understand the demotion. “Mr. President, did I say or do something wrong?”
“No. No, you didn’t. You did everything right. And trust me the change is a good thing. She makes a much nicer boss then I do.”
Trying not to show his disappointment, Billy nodded. He had been warned that President Adar was difficult on the best of days, but he had no idea what it was that he had said to displease him.
“I need to send Dr. Roslin a message.”
“Certainly, Mr. President.” After a pause in which the President made no attempt to write anything Billy asked, “The message is …?”
“She’ll understand.” The President assured him. “You better hurry and catch whoever personnel assigned to her. Take their place on the transport headed to Galactica’s decommissioning.”
***
She said she needed a little space. He would give her that. He wouldn't follow her. He would give her that and something more.
She needed a new assistant. He had gone over her head and fired the last one the day before yesterday when Laura had finally admitted that for the last five years she had been sending her assistant to take the mammograms that Richard had so fastidiously scheduled for her. Richard had known for years that she had been having her assistant take the mandatory monthly urine drug tests for her, but he had never thought her asinine enough to send a substitute for her yearly mammograms.
Beyond the Pale
(Bill version)
This fic got too long so I started trying to break it up into multiple fics so you get multiple excerpts
* * *
Whenever Bill had envisioned the ripping off of Laura’s blouse - and envision it he had, more times than he cared to admit - it had never been quite like this. The hurried, frenzied pace certainly, but in Bill’s mind’s eye it had never been Cottle’s fingers slipping into the space between two of the buttons and wrenching the two halves apart with enough force to tear off the buttons.
It hadn’t been Cottle’s hands roaming her body at a feverish pace.
“Irrigation!”
Water? Saline? Something was being poured over her body to rid her skin of the blood so they could find the location of her wound or wounds by tracing where it reappeared.
Cottle was looking for a fresh wound, but all he was finding were old ones. From where he was standing, Bill counted five small scars on her abdomen. They were knife wounds he knew - battle scars from her days teaching at the very worst high school in Caprica City. More prominent was the scar on her left side from the bullet she had stepped in front of - the bullet meant for Adar.
Attaching the leads of a monitor, Ishay declared. “Her pulse is good. High, but good.”
“Where is all the blood coming from?” Cottle questioned aloud.
“Blood pressure is - blood pressure isn't bad.” Ishay sounded surprised.
“Let’s get her turned over.” Cottle motioned for another technician to help.
From beside Bill, Zarek spoke. “It’s a head wound. Tory …”
“Tory what?” Cottle snapped impatiently before turning to look at Tory and at the hands that she still held out from her body, the hands that had cradled Laura's head on the flight over, the hands that were smeared with more than just blood. Sherman looked for only a moment before giving a slight nod of understanding as his expression turned from tense to grim.
Taking in the crowd that had gathered around, Cottle nudged Ishay. “Close the curtain. Let’s give the little lady some privacy.”
Bill looked on as Cottle begin to gingerly prod under Laura’s hair until the curtain came around to conceal her from view.
* * *
He found the note mixed in with the requisition requests from various ship captains. It was sandwiched between requests from the Cassandra and the Celestra.
The Quorum is meeting this afternoon to discuss what is to be done with the President.
There should be at least one person there looking out for her interests.
That was all the note said.
It wasn’t signed.
What about the President this meeting was about Bill couldn’t even begin to fathom. What had happened leading up to Kobol was so far behind them now, Bill couldn’t believe that they wanted to dredge that up again and he couldn’t think of anything she had done since that would warrant action on the part of the Quorum.
Still, one never could tell with those people.
While he could think of far better ways to spend the afternoon than locked in a room with the representatives of the Twelve Colonies, he would attend to offer his support for the President. Perhaps, he could even turn it into a chance to spend some time with Laura.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Billy didn’t leave the room after showing him in. Taking a stack of papers from the desk, he busied himself with them in the corner.
Bill noticed that a lot lately - Billy not leaving him alone with the President when they had their meetings. He just wasn’t sure what he had done to warrant the chaperone. As far as he could tell Laura had no idea that his feelings for her ran deeper than friendship.
Peering up from over her glasses, she smiled and asked, “What can I do for you, Bill?”
“I thought I could escort you to this afternoon’s Quorum meeting. Perhaps we could have dinner together after?”
“There’s no -“ She started to answer, but stopped abruptly.
He caught it. The flicking of her eyes to Billy. Billy’s minute shake of the head.
She started again more assuredly. “There’s no Quorum meeting this afternoon. Or at least none that I’ve been invited to. The President - thank the gods - doesn’t attend all Quorum meetings.”
“Billy, would you mind stepping out for a moment?”
Billy didn’t move until the President nodded.
She knew that she had given herself away. As soon as Billy was out the curtain, she smiled. “Didn't I tell you that I thought Billy would be president someday? I just didn’t realize at the time that it would be this soon.”
When he didn’t return it she dropped the false smile. Looking away, she admitted, “I’ve started keeping him in the room with me for meetings to make sure I don’t miss anything.”
Bill nodded, not that she saw.
“Look Bill, I don’t know who it was that told you about the meeting this afternoon, but my advice to you is don’t go. You won’t like what you hear there - I can promise you that.”
“So you know what the meeting is about?” he asked.
“I have my suspicions.”
Bill waited a moment before stating the obvious. “But you’re not going to tell me.”
She changed the subject instead. “Rain check on that dinner.”
As soon as he stepped outside the curtain, he found Billy waiting for him.
“She’s not - she’s not slipping.” Billy assured him unbidden. “She hasn’t missed anything or forgotten anything. She’s just so desperately afraid that she’s going to.”
~ ~ ~ ~
The meeting was already in progress when Bill arrived.
“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Why not just use the airlock?”
“When a President dies in office, it is traditional for the body to lie in state for seven days to allow all those wishing to travel to pay their respect to do so.”
“What tradition? The Colonies haven’t even been confederated for fifty years. Has a President of the Twelve Colonies actually died while in office before this?”
“Pop her in the freezer. Defrost her when we get to Earth.”
The Gemenese delegate was adamant. “The law is very clear. She must be buried the same day she dies!”
“Gemenese law may be clear, but given that President Roslin is Caprican, perhaps the delegate from Caprica would like to speak up?”
The Caprican delegate didn’t look as though he had expected to have to speak at this meeting. “Well … Caprican tradition is very … unclear. Caprican burial traditions are more of an anything goes kind of thing. Most Capricans choose cremation.”
“Absolutely not!” Sarah Porter interrupted horrified.
“Why don’t you just cut her in twelve pieces and each colony can do whatever the frak they want with their piece?”
The sarcasm in Zarek’s words was lost on Porter. “Gemenese law requires the body be kept intact. In fact, Admiral if the doctor on board has taken any tissue samples, they will need to be returned for burial.”
Adama gaped at the woman.
“And speaking of your Dr. Cottle, I’ve been trying to contact him for several days now with no response. I think the President’s Chamalla dosage should be increased. Perhaps that would spur more visions to lead us to Earth.”
“By all accounts, it’s merely a matter of days or weeks now.” One of the other delegates ventured as he leaned forward eagerly. “Commander, do the star charts show any planets in the vicinity that might potentially be Earth?”
The entire delegation turned their gaze - excited and hopeful - onto him.
Bill couldn’t take it anymore. He had to get out of that frakking room.
Hands in his pockets, Tom shuffled out behind him.
“You sent the message.” Bill thought he knew why, but he asked anyway. “Why?”
Zarek shrugged. “Like the note said - I thought someone who actually had Laura’s interests at heart should be here.”
Zarek stared at the wall over his shoulder. “It just doesn’t seem right. Her dying like this.”
“I’m surprised you care. I would have thought you would be happy. After all, you did try to have her killed … twice.”
Zarek shook his head, but he didn’t deny it. “I like to win, Commander. I admit that. But I like to earn my wins. This, this is winning by default. A few months from now I would have beat Laura Roslin in a fair, clean election.
“It’s like Mr. Fantastic vs The Whirlwind. Do you follow boxing, Commander? Mr. Fantastic was the heavyweight champion and lost it to The Whirlwind. The next week The Whirlwind lost the title to some other guy. The week after that Mr. Fantastic got the title back by KOing that guy, but he never got his rematch with The Whirlwind and you can bet that that title never meant the same to him as it would of if he had taken it back from The Whirlwind.
He knew Zarek must find it odd, but Bill couldn’t help but smile.
Reboarding Colonial One, Bill headed straight for Laura’s office.
“It’s a social call, not business.”
Billy hesitated a moment before nodding. “She's tired but she won't admit it to you so don't be long.”
“What - what do you want for -“ Faltering repeatedly, Bill questioned her. “How do you - when -“
This was really happening. Any day now - maybe today even - she was leaving him.
“Bill!” Her hand felt so cold as she laid it upon his hand in a gesture of comfort. “It’s been taken care of. Billy knows what to do.”
That wasn’t good enough. “I need to know. How can I be sure you get what you want if I don’t know what it is that you want? I need to be sure.”
She smiled at him warmly. “Bill, you don’t have to worry about it. The arrangements have already all been made.”
Yes, she was certainly the one that did the heavy lifting in their partnership. Not only was she the one dying, but she had to sit there and comfort him about her dying.
Realizing he wouldn’t relent, she let him in on her plans. “Upon my death I will immediately be whisked off by my personal guard to Cloud 9. Arrangements have been made for me to be buried in the gardens there. It will be done before the official announcement is given to the wireless or even the vice president and the Quorum of Twelve for that matter so you see they really won’t have a say in the matter. They can hold whatever memorial services they want after the fact.”
Bill was horrified. One of these times he was going to be called away for a cylon attack or some other crisis and when he came back she was just going to be gone. To have just disappeared. Vanished.
She really had no idea how much she had come to mean to him. No idea at all.
And she broke her word to him yet again. She realized it too.
“I know I promised to be front and center at the next state funeral. I lied.”
“You’ve got it all planned out haven’t you? All of your angles covered.”
“Bill, I’ve been expecting this for a very long time now. I don’t know that I would go so far as to say I’ve learned to live with it -”
There it was again that gallows humor that he despised so much.
“- but I’ve made my peace with it.”
She smiled at him brightly. “I’m finally going to get to wear my maroon suit with the peek-a-boo blouse again!”
The only time she faltered was when she mentioned what she didn’t want. “I - I don’t want to be put out the airlock.
“I don’t want things to drag out to the point where I have to be transferred to Galactica, but on the other hand I don’t want poor Billy to have to be the one to find me one of these mornings.
“I have to admit I'm starting to get a little antsy. I just really don’t want things to drag out too long. When my mother died -“ she broke off, taking a second to moisten her chapped lips. “By the time she died, the cancer was in her brain.”
Wally, Bill recalled, had mentioned that Laura’s mother had died of brain cancer. Laura had sat there for two years watching her mother go through treatment after treatment all the while never letting on to her friends or coworkers what was going on in her home life.
“I realize that there is the possibility that my guards will be stopped before they complete their task. I’ve left instructions for there to be no autopsy. That shouldn’t be difficult to put off since everyone knows about the cancer, but Bill, if the cancer moves to my brain … Billy knows what to do, but if that happens, there really cannot be an autopsy.”
The question came out before he could stop it. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about the cancer?”
She seemed genuinely surprised by the question. She turned it back on him. “Why would I have told you?”
He could understand why she wouldn’t tell him in the beginning, but had he really behaved that horribly towards her that at no point did she feel she could come to him about it?
“I didn’t see anything to be gained by telling you. I wasn’t interested in your sympathy or your pity. Until my illness advanced to the point where it would affect my ability to do my job I didn’t see it as any of your business. It was a private matter.”
“Maybe not as the commander of the fleet, but what about as your friend?”
“Bill, I didn’t want anyone to know who absolutely didn’t have to know.
“Before my announcement to the Quorum of Twelve, I had only told three people - your doctor Cottle, Lee, and Kara Thrace.”
She had left someone out. He corrected her. “Billy knew.”
She nodded. “I did tell him during the initial attacks, but he had actually already worked it out for himself.”
The boy was astute, but hadn’t Wally told Bill that the transport to Galactica was the first time that Laura had met Billy? Adar had sent him to Laura as a peace offering for some offense. He didn’t have a chance to ask about the inconsistency as she went on with her listing.
“Your deck chief, Tyrol, put it together on his own too - he mentioned that one of his parents was a priest and the other an oracle. Wally figured it out during or shortly after our little fight. The weight loss tipped him off I assume.”
Bill was still trying to work out in his mind some of the things she had already said. Cottle’s need to know was obvious. She had told Kara to play on her religious convictions to get her to go back to Caprica to retrieve the Arrow.
“Why tell Lee?”
She took a moment to consider her answer. “It seemed like the thing to do. He was talking about the future, making plans than included me. I thought he needed the time to accept that that those plans weren’t going to happen.”
She smiled. “Sometimes Lee reminds me of my students from when I was teaching. Children can grow attached so quickly. Sometimes they needed reminding that I wasn’t going to be with them the following year.”
Did she really think that Lee was the only one that would need time to accept her leaving? Not that all the time in the world would have made this any easier.
Something of his hurt must have shown in his face for she chided him. “Bill don’t take it as a personal slight. I didn’t even tell my lover and he was the one who found the lump.”
The way she spoke about her lover, it was as if she expected him to know who it was. She had told him once that she was frakking Richard Adar but from a conversation he had overheard between her and her one time aide Wallace Gray Bill knew that to be a lie. That it was someone she worked with he had already gathered, but that didn’t exactly narrow things down for him.
The first time Bill had met him, Wally Gray had revealed to him that Laura had frakked half of Adar’s Cabinet. When confronted by Bill with Wally’s claim, Laura had described Wally’s claim as overly generous, but not entirely untrue. She had frakked by her count approximately one third. It was only later that Bill had learned of President Richard Adar’s incredibly disturbing habit of appointing to his Cabinet and other high level governmental positions men that Laura had previously frakked and discarded. Laura had only actually frakked two fellow Cabinet members during their time in Adar’s administration.
“If he knew about the lump, how did you get around telling him?”
“My appointment was originally scheduled for after my return from the decommissioning ceremony. Until then, we agreed to carry on as usual.”
She gave a half smile. “He kept insisting that he was going to go with me to the appointment which for obvious reasons was not an option. I’m not entirely sure if it was just for support or if he wanted to go because he didn’t trust me to tell him what the doctor really said. I tried to dissuade him, but he wouldn’t change his mind so I changed the appointment without telling him.”
A shadow crossed her face. “I saw him after the appointment, before I left for the ceremony. It was like any other day. We quarreled about all the usual things. I didn’t tell him. I didn’t know how.”
Bill asked the question that had been eating at him for some time now. “Taking the Chamalla, forgoing the more traditional treatment of doloxan - did that have anything to do with fear of my finding out about the cancer?”
“Bill no. I never had any intentions of taking doloxan.” She said the word as if it were a curse.
“I loved my mother, but we never got along well. We never seemed to want the same things for me. I don’t think I ever managed to do a single thing she approved of, but she was the strongest, bravest, most vibrant woman I have ever known.
“I watched her go through two years of doloxan treatments. I watched that woman die bit by bit. I watched her go from being a force of nature to being this absolutely pitiful creature who I couldn’t bear the sight of.”
She took a breath to steady herself before going on. “I watched the doloxan strip her of her hair, her energy, her strength, her independence, her dignity and then finally her life. By the end she had lost all of her hair from the treatments, she was bedridden, she couldn’t feed herself, she couldn’t even control her own -“ she broke off.
“By the end the cancer had moved to her brain and -“ shaking her head, she broke off again. “- I never had any intention of going through that myself.”
Moved to her brain. It was the second time she said it that way and this time he caught it. “Your mother had breast cancer?”
She didn’t seem to hear him.
“I didn’t want that. It’s not worth it. Living like that - it’s not living. I would rather go hungry; I would rather starve than ever have to be spoon fed.”
She was growing agitated.
“That’s what I didn’t know how to tell him.” She moistened her lips, before continuing. “He was a friend long before we were lovers and he was a very good friend. He was with me the last few weeks with my mother. He saw what she went through, what she had become.”
Bill knew that the shudder that passed through her had nothing to do with temperature.
“After seeing what the doloxan did to my mother, I was absolutely certain that I never had any intention of putting myself through what my mother went through. He knew that. I was perfectly clear about it. He had known it for years.”
Bill knew what was coming before she said it by the way she kept repeating herself.
“Yet when the time actually came, when he found the lump, he wanted me, expected me to have the doloxan treatments.
“I could see it in his eyes.
“He saw the doloxan as if not a treatment to cure the cancer at least a way to give us more time together before the end.”
Blinking repeatedly to keep back the tears that threatened, she swiped the heel of her hand across her cheek to cast off what tears had already dared to fall.
“How do you tell the man that has been your best friend for twenty years, a man with whom you have shared ideas and dreams, a man with whom you have shared a bed on and off for years that you just don’t love him enough to be willing to go through that? That gaining those few more month with him wouldn’t be worth becoming what you would have to become?”
Not knowing what to say Bill reached out to take her hand in his.
“I couldn’t quite figure out how I was going to explain to him that I didn’t love him enough to go through that indignity myself.
“He would have been willing to see me through to the end , to take care of me.” She looked and sounded so horrified by the idea.
“How was I supposed to tell him?” Her breathing was becoming more labored as she continued. “ To make him understand that I didn't love him enough - didn't want to be with him desperately enough - to be willing to let him do those things? How -”
Through the curtain, Billy called to him. “Commander, the Colonel is on the line. He says he needs to speak to you urgently.”
Refusing to leave her side, Bill answered back. “I'll call him back.”
“He says it's urgent.”
The interruption seemed to bring her back to herself. She disentangled her hand from his. Continuing to gather herself back together, the President dismissed him. “Bill, you should go.”
Moving from her 'private' quarters to her office space, Bill found Billy waiting. The phone wasn't even off the hook.
Voice low, the young man berated him. “Why are you doing this? Why are you upsetting her like that? She needs to rest. She doesn't need this.”
Apologies in advance for the formatting issues. Some of the segments ended up italicized for no apparent reason.
What He Didn't Know ...
“Leave Cottle out of this. He was only following orders - my orders. If you want someone to go off on, go off on me.” Laura had followed him from his quarters to sickbay.
Whirling around to face her, Bill gave her what she wanted.
“What's the point in talking to you?
“He had children. He had grandchildren before the attacks. He knew better. You? You could never understand the magnitude of what you did wrong.
“You've never had children. You have no idea what it's like to lose a child. You have no concept of the pain, of the suffering that you've put Helo and Sharon through.
“You've never held a child in your arms that you helped to create. You've never felt a child growing inside of you. Never felt that child mov -”
“- Good gods man! What's wrong with you?” Cottle stepped between them.
For the first time since he had begun his tirade, Bill looked at her - he really looked at her.
She held her head up high, meeting his gaze, but the tightness in her facial expression, her lack of color, the shine in her eyes as she starred back at him, blinking almost continuously to bat back the tears that threatened to escape -
All Bill knew of Laura's past was what Laura was willing to share with him which - as it was becoming more and more clear with every revelation - wasn't very much.
Given his need to know her full medical history during her illness, how many more pieces of the puzzle that was Laura Roslin did Cottle have than him?
So Clear It's Like Looking Through Glass
As the door to his cell clanked open, Saul lifted one of his shackled arms to shield his eyes from the bright overhead light in order to see which model it would be this time.
Instead of a cylon, he saw their esteemed vice president being thrust into the room.
Saul snorted. “Oh frak me. Now this is torture! What? You guys rounded up so many people you ran out of space and now we have to double bunk?”
As soon as Zarek in his standard cylon issue jumpsuit was shackled similarly, though to the opposite wall, the door clanked closed.
Trying to make light of the situation, Saul groused. “Four walls. A roof. Twice a day room service. The bathroom -” Saul gestured to the bucket in the corner. “- leaves a bit to be desired, but this place is still nicer than my tent. Cylons have done a better job in a few days than you and Baltar did in a year.”
“Yeah.” Tom agreed. “I spent twenty years in a Sagittaron prison. This is nothing.”
Neither said anything for a few minutes.
“It's been two days. If they were just looking to finish what they started back on the colonies you would think they would have done it by now.”
“Haven't you heard? They come in peace.” Tom snorted derisively.
“That's something I guess. So what exactly do you think our new benevolent overlords want with us?”
“Us in general? I couldn't say. Us in particular? Information's a pretty safe assumption.”
“Well they won't be getting any from me.” Saul responded resolutely.
“They'll get it from you a hell of a lot faster than they will me. Did I not just mention that I spent twenty years in a Sagittaron prison?”
“Oh piss off. You are so breaking before me. I’ve been in the military for fifty frakking years. You can bet your frakking ass, they ain’t breaking me.”
“Care to make an actual wager on that, Colonel?”
“Do you have anything with you to actually wager with?” Saul asked.
“No.” Zarek admitted. A minute later, he asked. “So what’s their plan? Do they really think playing us off of each other will work?”
Saul grinned. “This is going to be good. I am going to enjoy watching them torture your frakking ass!”
“Likewise, Colonel. Likewise.” Zarek returned.
The door opened again. Skipping the shackles this time, a hooded figure was simply thrown to the floor before the door again closed.
“Oh you have got to be frakking kidding me.” Any trace of humor left Saul at the sight of the room's new addition. He recognized her by the crimson skirt and shawl she wore even before her auburn tresses started spilling out as she pulled at the burlap sack over her head.
* * *
One Month (And a dozen or so chapters) Later
Saul watched her tear the red shawl that Bill had loved so much into strips.
“Bill Adama is coming.” Saul listened to Tom's anguished voice repeating back to Laura words that she had said to them mere weeks ago. “And when he gets here nothing that happened here is going to matter. Bill Adama is coming back for us, Laura. We just have to hold out a little longer.”
“I know. He is.” she agreed. “He's coming for us, but I'm not going to be here when he gets here. I can't keep doing this.”
Saul watched her struggle to turn the strips into what it was that she needed.
“Don't tell him about this. Don't tell him about any of this. Tell him … tell him it happened the first day. Tell him that I was strong and brave and that it was quick and painless.”
Saul swallowed at the lump in his throat. “Give it here. I'll do it.”
Tying the knot that she didn't know how to, Saul prayed for forgiveness - not from the gods, but from Bill.
* * *
The marines who guarded the corridor outside the President's office, the marines who knew him perfectly well tried to stop him as he went to pass.
“Admiral, sir, is the President expecting you? Because I think the President and the vice President might be ... in a meeting.”
“It's all right.” Bill assured them. “The President is expecting me.”
His words were mostly true. She was expecting him - just not until this afternoon. Something had come up on the tylium ship requiring his presence. On the way back to Galactica he had decided on impulse to stop by early hoping to catch Laura before she had lunch.
Stepping aside, with a look of relief, the guards waved him through.
Bill found it more than slightly odd. It was the middle of the day and Tory’s desk was empty. Pulling back the curtain to the President’s office, he found that similarly deserted.
One would think that the marine detail outside the outer hatch would have thought to mention that the president wasn’t actually here.
Perhaps they were in the room the Quorum met in?
Bill was about to turn to go back when he heard a noise - or more specifically two noises. He heard a moan and he heard his name being called. Both came from behind the curtain of the President’s sleeping area.
Normally he wouldn’t think to enter without knocking, but she had called his name.
“La-“ Pushing aside the curtain, the word died on its way out of his mouth.
Madam President was there in a meeting - of sorts - with her vice-president. Tom Zarek was on top of her and clearly inside of her.
The sound of the curtain being moved attracted Zarek’s attention - causing his head to turn from its place on Laura’s neck. At the sight of Bill there watching them, Zarek shuddered and climaxed.
Closed eyes suddenly opening, Laura’s voice held all the disappointment and contempt that Bill was feeling at that moment. “Gods Tom, that was pathetic! What are you twelve?”
“Sorry, I lost my concentration.” Leaning on one hand, Tom used the other to tilt Laura’s head towards the curtain.
Bill just stood there. He knew he should go. Leave the room. Leave the office. Leave the ship. But all he could do was stand there.
Allergies
Her color was gone and there was a sheen of perspiration on her face.
Bill couldn't help but notice and comment, concerned. “Madame President, you don't look so good.”
“Allergies acting up.” she replied with a tight smile.
“Allergies.” He repeated as he looked her over more carefully. “Right.”
Allergies.
That must be the cylon code word for my insides are being fried by all the electromagnetic activity because that was the same excuse that the Leoben model had used at Ragnar.
* * *
“I don't know how she did it - any more than we could figure out how Godfrey did it, but they are not aboard this ship anymore. Bill, the marines have checked every inch of this ship and there is no sign of the President or your son anywhere.”
“Not every inch.” Bill said into the receiver as he noticed the blazer draped over his desk chair.
Confident that Saul would grasp the meaning of his word, Bill hung the receiver back up and moving quietly made his way to the back of his cabin.
Shelley Godfrey and her pitiful attempt to seduce him had been the short con. This lovely creation that he now found laying in his bed half dressed was the long con.
The con might have worked - had in fact been working - had not their travel through the nebula shown her cards.
She had been playing her con slowly and it had been working. A little longer and she would have had him completely sold on her bill of goods. Completely at her mercy.
Bill trailed his hand along the arm exposed above the covers. She felt so real.
At his touch, she shifted toward him in her sleep - did these things have to sleep or was even this an act? Her movement caused the strap of her camisole to fall down revealing more of what passed for flesh on her.
They made her well - a little too well. Her skin was soft - softer than the skin a woman of her supposed age had a right to be.
She felt so real; he had to wonder if she would taste just as real. Her mouth, her skin, elsewhere ...
He had been such a fool to not see it from the start. What were the chances that some obscure Cabinet member would just happen to survive the initial attacks and be in the vicinity of his ship.
Bill had heard the rumors about Adar and his Secretary of Education. No doubt Adar had been her assignment before him. What easier way to infiltrate Colonial defenses than by exploiting the baser weaknesses of a man in a position of some power and importance?
Bill's eyes snapped to the hatch of the head as it opened.
"Oh hey dad." Minus his tunic and still fumbling with his belt buckle, Lee stepped out. "I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to bring the President."
Beyond the Pale
(Adar version)
That had not gone well to say the least.
Sitting back down in his chair, Richard put his head down and rubbed his hand over the back of his head.
He couldn't help it. He was angry. She just didn't listen. She never did. Not to him, not to anyone. Not on this. Not on anything.
He was so furious with her. Not about the teacher's union - he could care less about that.
He should go after her. Maybe even take Colonial One and go join her at the decommissioning.
When he had discovered the lump while washing her in the shower the other morning, he had wanted to get dressed and go right then. Cancel whatever meetings they both had planned for that day, cancel whatever appointments might already be scheduled with whoever was the best specialist in the area and get her in for a biopsy right then and there. After all what was the point of being the President, of being the ruler of the worlds if you weren't going to take advantage of it when the need arose?
Laura had refused. Had put it off. Telling him that she needed a bit of time and space first to process what was going on. She had agreed to go but had scheduled her biopsy for after her return from this anserine ceremony.
It was going to be a false alarm. It had to be.
“Oh gods please let it be a false alarm.” Richard said to himself in the empty room.
Please let it be the wake up call to get Laura to finally agree to the preventative mastectomy the doctor had recommended she have back when her mother was first diagnosed. Let this convince her the way that Richard's pleading with her never had.
The knock at the door was followed immediately by Wally sticking his head in the door. “Mr. President, that Siltzer Prize winner is here for his internship interview. Shall I send him in?”
“No. Cancel all my meetings for the rest of the day. Have Colonial One gassed up. I'm taking a little trip.”
“Um … yes, sir. To where?”
“Galactica. Notify the Admiralty that I will be attending the decommissioning ceremony. ”
Wally didn't have to say anything, Richard could feel his disapproval from all the way across the room.
It was going to take at least an hour to get Colonial One ready to launch. Possibly longer given the lack of notice. Richard could use something to distract himself in the meanwhile. “What's his name?”
“Sir?”
“The Siltzer kid.”
“The file is on your desk, sir. William Keikeya.”
“Send him in.”
* * *
“Dazzle me. Why do you want to work for the President?”
The President didn’t even look up from the papers on his desk as he said it. He seemed irritated. Distracted.
“Well sir ...”
Billy mentioned the President’s health initiatives. The President seemed bored. But then as Billy began to talk about his mother and what Adar's health initiatives had meant for her, he noticed a change. The President seemed genuinely interested.
“She beat it though - the cancer.”
“Yes, sir.”
“How long has she been cancer free?”
“Four years now.”
The President’s nodding looked almost absentminded. He had that distracted, far away look again.
“Small change of plans. You have a travel bag?”
“Ah … yes, sir. I do.”
“I’m assigning you to the Secretary of Education, Dr. Roslin.”
Billy didn’t understand the demotion. “Mr. President, did I say or do something wrong?”
“No. No, you didn’t. You did everything right. And trust me the change is a good thing. She makes a much nicer boss then I do.”
Trying not to show his disappointment, Billy nodded. He had been warned that President Adar was difficult on the best of days, but he had no idea what it was that he had said to displease him.
“I need to send Dr. Roslin a message.”
“Certainly, Mr. President.” After a pause in which the President made no attempt to write anything Billy asked, “The message is …?”
“She’ll understand.” The President assured him. “You better hurry and catch whoever personnel assigned to her. Take their place on the transport headed to Galactica’s decommissioning.”
***
She said she needed a little space. He would give her that. He wouldn't follow her. He would give her that and something more.
She needed a new assistant. He had gone over her head and fired the last one the day before yesterday when Laura had finally admitted that for the last five years she had been sending her assistant to take the mammograms that Richard had so fastidiously scheduled for her. Richard had known for years that she had been having her assistant take the mandatory monthly urine drug tests for her, but he had never thought her asinine enough to send a substitute for her yearly mammograms.
Beyond the Pale
(Bill version)
This fic got too long so I started trying to break it up into multiple fics so you get multiple excerpts
* * *
Whenever Bill had envisioned the ripping off of Laura’s blouse - and envision it he had, more times than he cared to admit - it had never been quite like this. The hurried, frenzied pace certainly, but in Bill’s mind’s eye it had never been Cottle’s fingers slipping into the space between two of the buttons and wrenching the two halves apart with enough force to tear off the buttons.
It hadn’t been Cottle’s hands roaming her body at a feverish pace.
“Irrigation!”
Water? Saline? Something was being poured over her body to rid her skin of the blood so they could find the location of her wound or wounds by tracing where it reappeared.
Cottle was looking for a fresh wound, but all he was finding were old ones. From where he was standing, Bill counted five small scars on her abdomen. They were knife wounds he knew - battle scars from her days teaching at the very worst high school in Caprica City. More prominent was the scar on her left side from the bullet she had stepped in front of - the bullet meant for Adar.
Attaching the leads of a monitor, Ishay declared. “Her pulse is good. High, but good.”
“Where is all the blood coming from?” Cottle questioned aloud.
“Blood pressure is - blood pressure isn't bad.” Ishay sounded surprised.
“Let’s get her turned over.” Cottle motioned for another technician to help.
From beside Bill, Zarek spoke. “It’s a head wound. Tory …”
“Tory what?” Cottle snapped impatiently before turning to look at Tory and at the hands that she still held out from her body, the hands that had cradled Laura's head on the flight over, the hands that were smeared with more than just blood. Sherman looked for only a moment before giving a slight nod of understanding as his expression turned from tense to grim.
Taking in the crowd that had gathered around, Cottle nudged Ishay. “Close the curtain. Let’s give the little lady some privacy.”
Bill looked on as Cottle begin to gingerly prod under Laura’s hair until the curtain came around to conceal her from view.
* * *
He found the note mixed in with the requisition requests from various ship captains. It was sandwiched between requests from the Cassandra and the Celestra.
The Quorum is meeting this afternoon to discuss what is to be done with the President.
There should be at least one person there looking out for her interests.
That was all the note said.
It wasn’t signed.
What about the President this meeting was about Bill couldn’t even begin to fathom. What had happened leading up to Kobol was so far behind them now, Bill couldn’t believe that they wanted to dredge that up again and he couldn’t think of anything she had done since that would warrant action on the part of the Quorum.
Still, one never could tell with those people.
While he could think of far better ways to spend the afternoon than locked in a room with the representatives of the Twelve Colonies, he would attend to offer his support for the President. Perhaps, he could even turn it into a chance to spend some time with Laura.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Billy didn’t leave the room after showing him in. Taking a stack of papers from the desk, he busied himself with them in the corner.
Bill noticed that a lot lately - Billy not leaving him alone with the President when they had their meetings. He just wasn’t sure what he had done to warrant the chaperone. As far as he could tell Laura had no idea that his feelings for her ran deeper than friendship.
Peering up from over her glasses, she smiled and asked, “What can I do for you, Bill?”
“I thought I could escort you to this afternoon’s Quorum meeting. Perhaps we could have dinner together after?”
“There’s no -“ She started to answer, but stopped abruptly.
He caught it. The flicking of her eyes to Billy. Billy’s minute shake of the head.
She started again more assuredly. “There’s no Quorum meeting this afternoon. Or at least none that I’ve been invited to. The President - thank the gods - doesn’t attend all Quorum meetings.”
“Billy, would you mind stepping out for a moment?”
Billy didn’t move until the President nodded.
She knew that she had given herself away. As soon as Billy was out the curtain, she smiled. “Didn't I tell you that I thought Billy would be president someday? I just didn’t realize at the time that it would be this soon.”
When he didn’t return it she dropped the false smile. Looking away, she admitted, “I’ve started keeping him in the room with me for meetings to make sure I don’t miss anything.”
Bill nodded, not that she saw.
“Look Bill, I don’t know who it was that told you about the meeting this afternoon, but my advice to you is don’t go. You won’t like what you hear there - I can promise you that.”
“So you know what the meeting is about?” he asked.
“I have my suspicions.”
Bill waited a moment before stating the obvious. “But you’re not going to tell me.”
She changed the subject instead. “Rain check on that dinner.”
As soon as he stepped outside the curtain, he found Billy waiting for him.
“She’s not - she’s not slipping.” Billy assured him unbidden. “She hasn’t missed anything or forgotten anything. She’s just so desperately afraid that she’s going to.”
~ ~ ~ ~
The meeting was already in progress when Bill arrived.
“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Why not just use the airlock?”
“When a President dies in office, it is traditional for the body to lie in state for seven days to allow all those wishing to travel to pay their respect to do so.”
“What tradition? The Colonies haven’t even been confederated for fifty years. Has a President of the Twelve Colonies actually died while in office before this?”
“Pop her in the freezer. Defrost her when we get to Earth.”
The Gemenese delegate was adamant. “The law is very clear. She must be buried the same day she dies!”
“Gemenese law may be clear, but given that President Roslin is Caprican, perhaps the delegate from Caprica would like to speak up?”
The Caprican delegate didn’t look as though he had expected to have to speak at this meeting. “Well … Caprican tradition is very … unclear. Caprican burial traditions are more of an anything goes kind of thing. Most Capricans choose cremation.”
“Absolutely not!” Sarah Porter interrupted horrified.
“Why don’t you just cut her in twelve pieces and each colony can do whatever the frak they want with their piece?”
The sarcasm in Zarek’s words was lost on Porter. “Gemenese law requires the body be kept intact. In fact, Admiral if the doctor on board has taken any tissue samples, they will need to be returned for burial.”
Adama gaped at the woman.
“And speaking of your Dr. Cottle, I’ve been trying to contact him for several days now with no response. I think the President’s Chamalla dosage should be increased. Perhaps that would spur more visions to lead us to Earth.”
“By all accounts, it’s merely a matter of days or weeks now.” One of the other delegates ventured as he leaned forward eagerly. “Commander, do the star charts show any planets in the vicinity that might potentially be Earth?”
The entire delegation turned their gaze - excited and hopeful - onto him.
Bill couldn’t take it anymore. He had to get out of that frakking room.
Hands in his pockets, Tom shuffled out behind him.
“You sent the message.” Bill thought he knew why, but he asked anyway. “Why?”
Zarek shrugged. “Like the note said - I thought someone who actually had Laura’s interests at heart should be here.”
Zarek stared at the wall over his shoulder. “It just doesn’t seem right. Her dying like this.”
“I’m surprised you care. I would have thought you would be happy. After all, you did try to have her killed … twice.”
Zarek shook his head, but he didn’t deny it. “I like to win, Commander. I admit that. But I like to earn my wins. This, this is winning by default. A few months from now I would have beat Laura Roslin in a fair, clean election.
“It’s like Mr. Fantastic vs The Whirlwind. Do you follow boxing, Commander? Mr. Fantastic was the heavyweight champion and lost it to The Whirlwind. The next week The Whirlwind lost the title to some other guy. The week after that Mr. Fantastic got the title back by KOing that guy, but he never got his rematch with The Whirlwind and you can bet that that title never meant the same to him as it would of if he had taken it back from The Whirlwind.
He knew Zarek must find it odd, but Bill couldn’t help but smile.
Reboarding Colonial One, Bill headed straight for Laura’s office.
“It’s a social call, not business.”
Billy hesitated a moment before nodding. “She's tired but she won't admit it to you so don't be long.”
“What - what do you want for -“ Faltering repeatedly, Bill questioned her. “How do you - when -“
This was really happening. Any day now - maybe today even - she was leaving him.
“Bill!” Her hand felt so cold as she laid it upon his hand in a gesture of comfort. “It’s been taken care of. Billy knows what to do.”
That wasn’t good enough. “I need to know. How can I be sure you get what you want if I don’t know what it is that you want? I need to be sure.”
She smiled at him warmly. “Bill, you don’t have to worry about it. The arrangements have already all been made.”
Yes, she was certainly the one that did the heavy lifting in their partnership. Not only was she the one dying, but she had to sit there and comfort him about her dying.
Realizing he wouldn’t relent, she let him in on her plans. “Upon my death I will immediately be whisked off by my personal guard to Cloud 9. Arrangements have been made for me to be buried in the gardens there. It will be done before the official announcement is given to the wireless or even the vice president and the Quorum of Twelve for that matter so you see they really won’t have a say in the matter. They can hold whatever memorial services they want after the fact.”
Bill was horrified. One of these times he was going to be called away for a cylon attack or some other crisis and when he came back she was just going to be gone. To have just disappeared. Vanished.
She really had no idea how much she had come to mean to him. No idea at all.
And she broke her word to him yet again. She realized it too.
“I know I promised to be front and center at the next state funeral. I lied.”
“You’ve got it all planned out haven’t you? All of your angles covered.”
“Bill, I’ve been expecting this for a very long time now. I don’t know that I would go so far as to say I’ve learned to live with it -”
There it was again that gallows humor that he despised so much.
“- but I’ve made my peace with it.”
She smiled at him brightly. “I’m finally going to get to wear my maroon suit with the peek-a-boo blouse again!”
The only time she faltered was when she mentioned what she didn’t want. “I - I don’t want to be put out the airlock.
“I don’t want things to drag out to the point where I have to be transferred to Galactica, but on the other hand I don’t want poor Billy to have to be the one to find me one of these mornings.
“I have to admit I'm starting to get a little antsy. I just really don’t want things to drag out too long. When my mother died -“ she broke off, taking a second to moisten her chapped lips. “By the time she died, the cancer was in her brain.”
Wally, Bill recalled, had mentioned that Laura’s mother had died of brain cancer. Laura had sat there for two years watching her mother go through treatment after treatment all the while never letting on to her friends or coworkers what was going on in her home life.
“I realize that there is the possibility that my guards will be stopped before they complete their task. I’ve left instructions for there to be no autopsy. That shouldn’t be difficult to put off since everyone knows about the cancer, but Bill, if the cancer moves to my brain … Billy knows what to do, but if that happens, there really cannot be an autopsy.”
The question came out before he could stop it. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about the cancer?”
She seemed genuinely surprised by the question. She turned it back on him. “Why would I have told you?”
He could understand why she wouldn’t tell him in the beginning, but had he really behaved that horribly towards her that at no point did she feel she could come to him about it?
“I didn’t see anything to be gained by telling you. I wasn’t interested in your sympathy or your pity. Until my illness advanced to the point where it would affect my ability to do my job I didn’t see it as any of your business. It was a private matter.”
“Maybe not as the commander of the fleet, but what about as your friend?”
“Bill, I didn’t want anyone to know who absolutely didn’t have to know.
“Before my announcement to the Quorum of Twelve, I had only told three people - your doctor Cottle, Lee, and Kara Thrace.”
She had left someone out. He corrected her. “Billy knew.”
She nodded. “I did tell him during the initial attacks, but he had actually already worked it out for himself.”
The boy was astute, but hadn’t Wally told Bill that the transport to Galactica was the first time that Laura had met Billy? Adar had sent him to Laura as a peace offering for some offense. He didn’t have a chance to ask about the inconsistency as she went on with her listing.
“Your deck chief, Tyrol, put it together on his own too - he mentioned that one of his parents was a priest and the other an oracle. Wally figured it out during or shortly after our little fight. The weight loss tipped him off I assume.”
Bill was still trying to work out in his mind some of the things she had already said. Cottle’s need to know was obvious. She had told Kara to play on her religious convictions to get her to go back to Caprica to retrieve the Arrow.
“Why tell Lee?”
She took a moment to consider her answer. “It seemed like the thing to do. He was talking about the future, making plans than included me. I thought he needed the time to accept that that those plans weren’t going to happen.”
She smiled. “Sometimes Lee reminds me of my students from when I was teaching. Children can grow attached so quickly. Sometimes they needed reminding that I wasn’t going to be with them the following year.”
Did she really think that Lee was the only one that would need time to accept her leaving? Not that all the time in the world would have made this any easier.
Something of his hurt must have shown in his face for she chided him. “Bill don’t take it as a personal slight. I didn’t even tell my lover and he was the one who found the lump.”
The way she spoke about her lover, it was as if she expected him to know who it was. She had told him once that she was frakking Richard Adar but from a conversation he had overheard between her and her one time aide Wallace Gray Bill knew that to be a lie. That it was someone she worked with he had already gathered, but that didn’t exactly narrow things down for him.
The first time Bill had met him, Wally Gray had revealed to him that Laura had frakked half of Adar’s Cabinet. When confronted by Bill with Wally’s claim, Laura had described Wally’s claim as overly generous, but not entirely untrue. She had frakked by her count approximately one third. It was only later that Bill had learned of President Richard Adar’s incredibly disturbing habit of appointing to his Cabinet and other high level governmental positions men that Laura had previously frakked and discarded. Laura had only actually frakked two fellow Cabinet members during their time in Adar’s administration.
“If he knew about the lump, how did you get around telling him?”
“My appointment was originally scheduled for after my return from the decommissioning ceremony. Until then, we agreed to carry on as usual.”
She gave a half smile. “He kept insisting that he was going to go with me to the appointment which for obvious reasons was not an option. I’m not entirely sure if it was just for support or if he wanted to go because he didn’t trust me to tell him what the doctor really said. I tried to dissuade him, but he wouldn’t change his mind so I changed the appointment without telling him.”
A shadow crossed her face. “I saw him after the appointment, before I left for the ceremony. It was like any other day. We quarreled about all the usual things. I didn’t tell him. I didn’t know how.”
Bill asked the question that had been eating at him for some time now. “Taking the Chamalla, forgoing the more traditional treatment of doloxan - did that have anything to do with fear of my finding out about the cancer?”
“Bill no. I never had any intentions of taking doloxan.” She said the word as if it were a curse.
“I loved my mother, but we never got along well. We never seemed to want the same things for me. I don’t think I ever managed to do a single thing she approved of, but she was the strongest, bravest, most vibrant woman I have ever known.
“I watched her go through two years of doloxan treatments. I watched that woman die bit by bit. I watched her go from being a force of nature to being this absolutely pitiful creature who I couldn’t bear the sight of.”
She took a breath to steady herself before going on. “I watched the doloxan strip her of her hair, her energy, her strength, her independence, her dignity and then finally her life. By the end she had lost all of her hair from the treatments, she was bedridden, she couldn’t feed herself, she couldn’t even control her own -“ she broke off.
“By the end the cancer had moved to her brain and -“ shaking her head, she broke off again. “- I never had any intention of going through that myself.”
Moved to her brain. It was the second time she said it that way and this time he caught it. “Your mother had breast cancer?”
She didn’t seem to hear him.
“I didn’t want that. It’s not worth it. Living like that - it’s not living. I would rather go hungry; I would rather starve than ever have to be spoon fed.”
She was growing agitated.
“That’s what I didn’t know how to tell him.” She moistened her lips, before continuing. “He was a friend long before we were lovers and he was a very good friend. He was with me the last few weeks with my mother. He saw what she went through, what she had become.”
Bill knew that the shudder that passed through her had nothing to do with temperature.
“After seeing what the doloxan did to my mother, I was absolutely certain that I never had any intention of putting myself through what my mother went through. He knew that. I was perfectly clear about it. He had known it for years.”
Bill knew what was coming before she said it by the way she kept repeating herself.
“Yet when the time actually came, when he found the lump, he wanted me, expected me to have the doloxan treatments.
“I could see it in his eyes.
“He saw the doloxan as if not a treatment to cure the cancer at least a way to give us more time together before the end.”
Blinking repeatedly to keep back the tears that threatened, she swiped the heel of her hand across her cheek to cast off what tears had already dared to fall.
“How do you tell the man that has been your best friend for twenty years, a man with whom you have shared ideas and dreams, a man with whom you have shared a bed on and off for years that you just don’t love him enough to be willing to go through that? That gaining those few more month with him wouldn’t be worth becoming what you would have to become?”
Not knowing what to say Bill reached out to take her hand in his.
“I couldn’t quite figure out how I was going to explain to him that I didn’t love him enough to go through that indignity myself.
“He would have been willing to see me through to the end , to take care of me.” She looked and sounded so horrified by the idea.
“How was I supposed to tell him?” Her breathing was becoming more labored as she continued. “ To make him understand that I didn't love him enough - didn't want to be with him desperately enough - to be willing to let him do those things? How -”
Through the curtain, Billy called to him. “Commander, the Colonel is on the line. He says he needs to speak to you urgently.”
Refusing to leave her side, Bill answered back. “I'll call him back.”
“He says it's urgent.”
The interruption seemed to bring her back to herself. She disentangled her hand from his. Continuing to gather herself back together, the President dismissed him. “Bill, you should go.”
Moving from her 'private' quarters to her office space, Bill found Billy waiting. The phone wasn't even off the hook.
Voice low, the young man berated him. “Why are you doing this? Why are you upsetting her like that? She needs to rest. She doesn't need this.”