inflicting hurt
ouch ouch ouch. woke up this morning after having three dreams about ben feeling very emo. I went through my old journal todays_lesson and i was reading how happy i was.. and some of the comments ben made were sad. Fuck why did it turn out like this. I try to be so strong.. but really im not. Really im all broken and hurting inside. and he's not. And i feel worthless. I am not looking foward to the trip down there on saturday. I dont know whats going to happen. Im thinking i might pass. Jen will be sad.. but i think ill be sadder if i go.. but then again.. i cant keep running away from him. I dontknow i am so confused, what i said to him on saturday needed to be said.. but its just so utterly painful. I just want my best friend back. I never ever known anyone like that before. I never broke his heart..i never deserved this..