Highs and Lows
This is more for myself than anything. I just need to vent and work through some things that have been on my mind for a while.
It's funny because going out over the past week has made me feel incredibly good about myself again, but it has also made me feel like shit. Something is definitely wrong with me if I won't take advantage of a drunk girl throwing herself at me (this happened on new years and on redneck's b-day.) I've been trying to make meaningful connections with people instead of the same old bullshit that I did in college. I don't want these stupid things that start off with sex and/or making out. They just don't work out. Maybe I've done myself a disserice by getting back into shape. Maybe I'm just a shitty person overall.
Maybe I'm just not someone meant for serious relationships. Maybe I'm meant to be a solid one-night stand and nothing more. It just makes me think of something from the wedding singer and it really makes me sad:
"Their shows got canceled. Because no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks."
Eh, whatever, I'll stop complaining.
I'll just make sure to kill my feelings in the gym tomorrow.
I'm just looking for someone who truly gets me.
I guess it wouldn't be a "Steve" journal if I didn't cry about shit!
And I looked over my book again (to decide whether or not to finish putting the editing into digital form), and I think I've decided to abandon the project completely. I just don't think I have what it takes to be a truly good writer. It's a shame because I really liked where my story was going, but actually reading it made me upset with myself for ever having the delusion that I possessed some kind of innate talent.
It's funny because going out over the past week has made me feel incredibly good about myself again, but it has also made me feel like shit. Something is definitely wrong with me if I won't take advantage of a drunk girl throwing herself at me (this happened on new years and on redneck's b-day.) I've been trying to make meaningful connections with people instead of the same old bullshit that I did in college. I don't want these stupid things that start off with sex and/or making out. They just don't work out. Maybe I've done myself a disserice by getting back into shape. Maybe I'm just a shitty person overall.
Maybe I'm just not someone meant for serious relationships. Maybe I'm meant to be a solid one-night stand and nothing more. It just makes me think of something from the wedding singer and it really makes me sad:
"Their shows got canceled. Because no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks."
Eh, whatever, I'll stop complaining.
I'll just make sure to kill my feelings in the gym tomorrow.
I'm just looking for someone who truly gets me.
I guess it wouldn't be a "Steve" journal if I didn't cry about shit!
And I looked over my book again (to decide whether or not to finish putting the editing into digital form), and I think I've decided to abandon the project completely. I just don't think I have what it takes to be a truly good writer. It's a shame because I really liked where my story was going, but actually reading it made me upset with myself for ever having the delusion that I possessed some kind of innate talent.