Dude, people never change, and if they do its for the worse because what you liked about them is gone and the shit you hated is amplified 10 fold... its happened to me too many times to count, which is why I don't give second chances to girls anymore, and like it's happening to you now, the relationship implodes much faster than it did the first time around.
Stop fearing change, because in your case if nothing changes you're guaranteed to be miserable lke this the rest of your life, but if you choose the unknown there's no telling how happy you could be--I know it's a gamble, but life is a series of calculated risks, and personally rather I'd take the risk. Janie isn't going to be different when she's out of college, she'll put you on hold for her career, and blow you off the second she gets a chance to see those friends of hers and she's gonna want you to live somewhere away from your friends and family to be close to hers, and you'll be even more alone and miserable with her cuz you won't have anybody else. On the flipside you could kick her to the curb, find the girl of your dreams and a family if you want it and have a satisfying life together. The only downside is there's a possiblity that you spend a long time going thru shitty, meaningless relationships that fail, and maybe one of them will intentionally get knocked up and you'll have to pay child support, but you'll still have your freedom and your friends.
While the shitty option vs the Janie option are both fucking nightmares, I think you'll agree that you'd be better off being a lonely bachelor is much much better than being lonely and trapped in a loveless marriage that may or may not have kids, at least a bachelor has options and doesn't have to stay that way--there is still hope, and no children are going to be hurt from it. Think about it, talk to your parents about their marriage, because I'd imagine they'd have some insight into that situation and I'm sure that learning from their mistakes is a much better alternative then repeating them and fucking up your kids someday.
I've always got your back man, I'm not going to flake out on you if you don't, so do what we both know needs to be done, and don't worry what's gonna happen because you're not a fat schlub anymore, and when you're not being aloof and putting up your front, you're actually really fucking cool--so whenever you meet a girl thats worthwhile she'll figure it out and if Janie isn't in the picture you'll be able to jump on the opportunity.
It's always easier to just wait for Scott to post something, then respond to that, so that's what I'm doing.
I'm gonna disagree with Scott that people never change, and that when they do it's for the worse. I personally have changed for the better since I've been with Corban, but I change things that I wanted to change, which is the key. Changing yourself can be easy if you know what you're doing wrong or whatever and you actually want to change it. However, if she doesn't want to change, and it really doesn't sound like she does, than she's never going to.
The rest of it I agree with. There's somebody else out there that's good for you, more than one for sure, there's only so many kinds of people out there when you get right down to it, and while nobody is going to be perfect, there are going to be people that come pretty close. Corban and my relationship isn't perfect, but it's damn good, mainly because we realized some things about ourselves and we're helping each other to deal with those things (activly or passivly).
You have to have time for your friends and family, but you have to make time for your significant other, or it's nothing more than a booty call, really. God knows what's going to happen in the future when Corban get's into a nursing school (finally, stupid fucking language crap!) and/or I go to grad school (finally, lazy fucking twat!). But we're not going to let that decide how we act outside of school and work. I'm not normally somebody that touts "living for today" or "running with the devil," and you'll never hear me going all Erik Schoenek about how you have to live your life like some kind of ill-prepared hedonist because tomorrow you could die (zing!), but there's no reason to suffer now for the off chance of happiness in the future. If you were guarunteed happiness in the future (like Corban and I, for example) you could suffer a little now (like Corban, especially, is doing with her work/school schedule), but it sure as shit doesn't sound like any future with Janie won't be all that awesome, so you might as well look somewhere else and enjoy everything you have as much as possible.
You don't have to push yourself to love life, and you can take it one day at a time or you can plan it out, but if something hurts, fix it, there's no point in being emo and wallowing about it, life is lengthy, barring freak accidents and sociopathic presidential administrations, but you've still only got so long, and any time spent feeling down is generally wasted.
When I said people don't change, I meant that simply you can't change them, and theres no point in waiting for someone to change because they need to want it just as bad as you do. I do believe a person can change themselves, but true lifestyle changes, like diets, exercise, quitting bad habbits or vices are insanely hard to do and stick with. Regardless though, he needs to drop her ass and move on.
Stop fearing change, because in your case if nothing changes you're guaranteed to be miserable lke this the rest of your life, but if you choose the unknown there's no telling how happy you could be--I know it's a gamble, but life is a series of calculated risks, and personally rather I'd take the risk. Janie isn't going to be different when she's out of college, she'll put you on hold for her career, and blow you off the second she gets a chance to see those friends of hers and she's gonna want you to live somewhere away from your friends and family to be close to hers, and you'll be even more alone and miserable with her cuz you won't have anybody else. On the flipside you could kick her to the curb, find the girl of your dreams and a family if you want it and have a satisfying life together. The only downside is there's a possiblity that you spend a long time going thru shitty, meaningless relationships that fail, and maybe one of them will intentionally get knocked up and you'll have to pay child support, but you'll still have your freedom and your friends.
While the shitty option vs the Janie option are both fucking nightmares, I think you'll agree that you'd be better off being a lonely bachelor is much much better than being lonely and trapped in a loveless marriage that may or may not have kids, at least a bachelor has options and doesn't have to stay that way--there is still hope, and no children are going to be hurt from it. Think about it, talk to your parents about their marriage, because I'd imagine they'd have some insight into that situation and I'm sure that learning from their mistakes is a much better alternative then repeating them and fucking up your kids someday.
I've always got your back man, I'm not going to flake out on you if you don't, so do what we both know needs to be done, and don't worry what's gonna happen because you're not a fat schlub anymore, and when you're not being aloof and putting up your front, you're actually really fucking cool--so whenever you meet a girl thats worthwhile she'll figure it out and if Janie isn't in the picture you'll be able to jump on the opportunity.
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I'm gonna disagree with Scott that people never change, and that when they do it's for the worse. I personally have changed for the better since I've been with Corban, but I change things that I wanted to change, which is the key. Changing yourself can be easy if you know what you're doing wrong or whatever and you actually want to change it. However, if she doesn't want to change, and it really doesn't sound like she does, than she's never going to.
The rest of it I agree with. There's somebody else out there that's good for you, more than one for sure, there's only so many kinds of people out there when you get right down to it, and while nobody is going to be perfect, there are going to be people that come pretty close. Corban and my relationship isn't perfect, but it's damn good, mainly because we realized some things about ourselves and we're helping each other to deal with those things (activly or passivly).
You have to have time for your friends and family, but you have to make time for your significant other, or it's nothing more than a booty call, really. God knows what's going to happen in the future when Corban get's into a nursing school (finally, stupid fucking language crap!) and/or I go to grad school (finally, lazy fucking twat!). But we're not going to let that decide how we act outside of school and work. I'm not normally somebody that touts "living for today" or "running with the devil," and you'll never hear me going all Erik Schoenek about how you have to live your life like some kind of ill-prepared hedonist because tomorrow you could die (zing!), but there's no reason to suffer now for the off chance of happiness in the future. If you were guarunteed happiness in the future (like Corban and I, for example) you could suffer a little now (like Corban, especially, is doing with her work/school schedule), but it sure as shit doesn't sound like any future with Janie won't be all that awesome, so you might as well look somewhere else and enjoy everything you have as much as possible.
You don't have to push yourself to love life, and you can take it one day at a time or you can plan it out, but if something hurts, fix it, there's no point in being emo and wallowing about it, life is lengthy, barring freak accidents and sociopathic presidential administrations, but you've still only got so long, and any time spent feeling down is generally wasted.
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Should read as this: "sure as shit doesn't sound like any future with Janie will be all that awesome"
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