One mission, one year.
So as you might know I will graduate for the second time this (school)year. And as this will be my last graduation on my High School, I would like to end it with a bang. And no, I am not talking about planting a bomb (very Red John, though). I am talking change, development and triumph.
My point exactly? Well: I started High School being the perfect nerd. And no offense to nerds, I am proud of my nerd-being (now that is, but that is partially because I am by far not as insecure as I used to be. Or desperate to belong). I have changed, and I have been through a pretty nice development, I like to think. I gained confidence, courage, a backbone and last but certainly not least, clear limits. Not that I now completely possess these characteristics, but I definitely have more of those than at the age of 12. Or 11, God knows what age I was when I started High School…12. And as I think I mentioned before: I am damn proud of that development, because I am so much more my own person now instead of a follower…
Yes, I always have a book in my every bag so I can read whenever I desire so. Yes, I am one of those few people (of my generation anyway) who reads for fun(God forbid!). Yes, I make my bag heavier by this book and my own notebook (so I can write whenever I desire so) instead of a whole make-up bulk (not that I am against make-up, it is just NOT me.). Yes, I do not fall in love easily. To make things worse: I have never fallen in love in my entire life (leaving Salman, Ranbir and other celebrities out of the picture now. Though those cases weren’t love either: it was admiration with a scoop of lust.). So no, I have never seen what other girls saw in the boys in our class. No, I do not feel the urge to get a boyfriend for the sake of just having one. I do not require a sapnon ka raja (immediately anyway XD) as a boyfriend, but I just can’t find somebody I like. Seriously, honestly, truthfully.
I am more in peace with myself now. And though that feels nice, there is just one thing I feel I need to do before closing this High-School-chapter, and that is the total change. And it may sound shallow to you, but with that, I mean: ‘good looks, good looks, good looks.’ [Bonuspoints for the people who know to whom I am referring now. The answer will be displayed in 3…2…1…and the correct answer is Poo(ja) of k3g when she is selecting her prom partner. These three are her requirements for the date. Gotta love k3g.]
So what does that mean precisely? Well. I want to show my school, but more importantly myself, that I have grown without words and with the following:
- Pictures.
- ‘Prom’.
- Graduation itself.
1. Pictures.
Well, as I have seen at this year’s graduation (of some friends who failed previous year), they will be putting every picture of every class in the yearbook. Which means my oh-so embarrassing picture of me with two braids, my braces and my glasses will be in it. What I looked like?
This comes close enough, without the ginger hair. So, as you might understand, it is important to me that I do not look like that insecure (cuzz that is what that picture means to me, next to oh-gosh-what-was-I-thinking) girl anymore. I need to show the change. I need to show I am now ready for the next step (University and maturity and such). I need to show I am closing the HS-chapter. And I want to achieve this by having a great last school-photo. One that shows everything I was not then but am now. I need to have a great last picture, one that will be the picture of how they will remember me till we see each other again.
Goal: Have a steady diet and somebody who can work with make-up so I will have a smashing last HS-photo.
2. ‘Prom’.
So this year’s graduation prom (a party with everybody of the examclasses and an open bar) was pretty fun and I like to think I looked decent. Oh. Yeah, I was a party crasher this year. But hey, I worked so hard with the graduators, I deserved to celebrate with them! But anyway. Decent won’t suffice this time. I need to look dashing. Which means the whole girlie-girl-dress-up. Shave legs and such, body-pealing, -scrubbing and all things to make my skin look amazing, perfect hair, perfect make-up (yes, we gonna do that too.) and the most important thing:
A perfect dress and shoes.
And trust me, perfect shoes. Yall know my tiny obsession with everything www.outnet.com. If there is one thing I will have on both my prom and graduation, it is www.outnet.com shoes. Heels. And I don’t care if I can walk on them now. I fucking will. Louboutins, Sergio Rossi’s, Zanotti’s…here I come.
And the dress? I would love it to come from www.outnet.com too, but with the different size-issues, and all, I will probably end up in H&M or something else. Maybe I will let my mom steal the design and then let her make it. Like Hervé Léger will notice. I am just a random girl in a random country that half of the world probably doesn’t know in a dress I always dreamt of, my dear Léger. But. That means I need to lose weight. And honestly I do not even look at the scale anymore. I just look at my own body now. Does this jeans fit? Do I need a bigger size? Not good. A smaller size? Way to go! This is why you passed McDonalds! This is why you cried when you were sad instead of bulking chocolate.
And what makes me confident I will achieve this time is that I already lost 18 cm’s around my waist with two times of fitness a week and my regular eating-pattern (including chips and chocolates at this moment, but I have started to lessen so I can gradually rule those out or at least make them ‘special-occasion-food’). So I hope to continue this, and with a healthy eating pattern I hope to come close to at least size 40 (Europe) or size 10 (USA). Cherries on top would be size 38. That would be a-frickin-mazing. But let’s keep it realistic now. 11 months, from size 42/44 to size 38/40. Should be possible right?
Goal: Continue to lose weight so you will look amazing on your prom, wearing clothes you always wanted to wear and now finally fit. To be specific: 11 months, from size 42/44 to size 38/40.
3. Graduation.
Graduation is my last moment to shine. Graduation will mean good-bye. And probably for myself than for others, I want to be able to give the HS-chapter a fairy-tale-like end. Yeah, yeah, the dreamy Bollywood-addict is showing again, let her be. And come on, it is not that bad! I do not ask for a 90s SRK or Salman to bring me a serenade on my beauty [Let’s get this straight: IF YOU WANT TO: HELL YEAH I WILL NOT REFUSE!], my little characteristics and God knows what more. Actually, there is no SRK or Salman acquired in this fairy-tale. A fairy-tale with no prince, fancy that!
No, I just want to be able to look back at this experience with a smile. Okay, okay. A triumphant, Anne-Boleyn-like smile. I want what you see on your left. I want that last scene of Ugly Betty. That, no matter what will happen, I am a strong, intelligent woman that will solve her own problems and that will accomplish her dreams, scene. Though that was not said explicitly, it was implied, I think. (To understand this thing, I guess you need some Ugly Betty-knowledge…in short: poor, ‘ugly’, insecure yet smart girl ends up in the wrong world. People discriminate, humiliate and envy her, but thanks to her courage and all she is able to fight back and work her way up, earning her respect. In the end she is able to make her dream come true in UK instead of USA in a company that is everything she once wanted and she takes it. What happens next is left open, because the America audience was so stupid to let this awesome TV-show get cancelled. I like to call these people the Jersey-Shore-generation.).
And an Anne Boleyn/Natalie Dormer smile because I have a good excuse:
Totally unrelated to the post: Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn was sheer BRILLIANCE. She is perfect for the role. If only she wasn’t beheaded…Anne Boleyn, that is, not Nat.
Okay…where was I? Got lost into the Tudor-fandom for…some time. But, the goal here:
Goal: Make the end of HS a positive experience. Make sure you feel good by being yourself. Make sure you look good by dressing up. Make sure you have no regrets of this night, because it will be one to remember, be it good or bad.
And to make sure I will not just write this down and then forget it, I will come back to this post every fifth of the month, with updates on weight, clothes and, of course, feelings. It’s an 11-month mission, on y va.