And I Can Fix Your Broken Parts (2/2)
His company was unnervingly empty, blazing Sunday sun filtering into air conditioned rooms. It had been quite long since Jongdae had set foot there. Yixing's (well, Minseok's) company had become their place, somewhere to create new memories, better ones.
It still awed Jongdae how much one could get attached to someone, how could two people go from being strangers to the most important person in the other's lives. The room felt too empty without Yixing's comforting presence, too silent. He thought he'd made the right decision practicing by himself, without the distraction that would be having Yixing there, especially when he could only think about kissing him since the night before, but now he just felt lonely. And kind of sleepy. He sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere.
The beeping of his cellphone was a much appreciated interruption, a grin breaking into his face as he glanced at the screen.
From: Xing
Are you busy rn?
To: Xing
Not really
Dying of boredom
From: Xing
Great
I'm coming over
Want something to eat?
To: Xing
Tteokbokki?
From: Xing
What room?
To: Xing
16
From: Xing
Ok
I'll be there soon
With the prospect of seeing Yixing soon, Jongdae turned back to work, decided to make the most of that couple of minutes and then call the day off for good. He was finally seeing a progress in his high notes, despite barely having tried Yixing's advice for a day. Everything seemed to be falling into its right place. And Yixing was to thank.
The door opened with a creek, startling him and making him laugh softly, "I didn't think you were really that close. Weren't you going..." He turned around, words dying in his mouth as he took in who was really standing by the door. "Joonmyeon?"
And he was, in fact, right there. Shoulders slouched and looking worn out, it was so unlike the Joonmyeon he'd known so well. He tried to recall the last time he'd seen him, that time when he'd told him about the duet. He'd seemed fine. Not that he would have known if he wasn't. It had been much longer since they'd really talked. Just about when Joonmyeon broke their thing. Was it even a thing? Having sex with someone who you really like, could see yourself falling in love with, expecting that someday he'd feel the same way about you? Having to pretend not being heartbroken when he tells you he found someone else, a woman, and that he loves her? Jongdae is not sure anymore.
"What's wrong? Why are you here?" he didn't mean to be so bold, but honestly, Joonmyeon had been avoiding him like he had the plague for months, and now, all of a sudden, he showed up while he practiced?
"I wanted to talk to you," Joonmyeon finally said, voice low. Jongdae felt that telling stir in his stomach, the one that he'd come to know so well in their short time together. Only that it wasn't welcomed now.
"I'm really busy. And Yixing'll be here any moment now."
Joonmyeon approached him until there was barely any distance between them, an openly lost look in his eyes that terrified Jongdae. Joonmyeon didn't let his emotions show. That was just not him.
"Do you hate me?"
"Hate you?" I should, "No. I couldn't."
Joonmyeon leaned forward, embracing Jongdae, who froze in his place, too confused to even comfort the obviously distressed man. What was even going on? Since when had Joonmyeon needed to lean on him?
When he regained control of himself, he wrapped his arms around the man's waist, holding him. "What happened?"
"She left me," Joonmyeon murmured, lips ghosting over his neck, and Jongdae tensed at the words. He'd been waiting so long to hear them. He should be laughing, or at least feeling happy about it. Though, he could only feel pity. Pity for the man in front of him, left by someone he loved. He'd been there. He knew how much it hurt, the betrayal and the sensation of loss. And also pity for himself. For his past self. It had taken Joonmyeon to literally run into his arms for him to realize his feelings weren't there anymore. Sure, he still liked Joonmyeon, but the magnet-like attraction was gone. The love was gone. Too much damage had been made for them to go back to how things where.
Joonmyeon raised his head, frantic eyes switching between Jongdae's own and his mouth. Jongdae saw his intent, should have stopped him, said something, move, but it was already too late. Joonmyeon's lips were on his, and for once their sweetness didn't melt Jongdae. It was just kinda awkward and he should really really stop it. He didn't need to.
"Hey, they were out of tteokbokki, so I got some-" Jongdae's eyes widened at the sound of Yixing's voice, pulling himself out of Joonmyeon's grip to face an open mouthed Yixing by the door. "Sorry!" he said before turning around and closing the door behind himself.
"Shit," Jongdae cursed, looking between the door and Joonmyeon, "I'm sorry. Can't do this anymore."
Without waiting for an answer, Jongdae ran towards the door, yanking it open and jogging behind Yixing's retreating figure.
"Wait!" he said, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him around. Yixing flinched as he turned, and Jongdae wanted to punch himself for putting that hurt look in his eyes, "Xing! What you saw there-"
"Don't worry about it. I should've knocked. I'm gonna go now. See you tomorrow," he said with a quivering smile, "And... sorry about yesterday. The kiss, I mean. I must've gotten it wrong. Didn't know you were with him."
He looked so, so hurt. Jongdae felt his heart sink to his stomach, suddenly feeling sick. No, this couldn't be happening. Not when things were finally going well. Not with Yixing.
"No! I'm not! Please, just-" he sat on the floor, back against the wall. He was so tired. He couldn't do this. He couldn't let Yixing go, "Let me explain."
It was moments later that the man sat by his side, avoiding his eyes, and brought his knees to his chest. Jongdae opened his mouth, unsure of how to begin. It was then that Joonmyeon left the room and sat eyes on them, raising an eyebrow at Jongdae.
"Uhm. Nice to meet you, Yixing. Jongdae. I'll... see you later, I guess?" he said, tone barely sheepish under the "son of the president of the company" façade. Jongdae shoot him a murderous glare as he left, turning to Yixing once the man was out of sight.
His fingers were tightly wrapped around his arms, knuckles pale, and his glassy eyes were set on the wall in front of them. And then he blinked, shaking his head slightly, and untangled his limbs.
"I should probably go," he said, voice hoarse. Clearing his throat, he made a move to stand up. Jongdae panicked, rushing forward to grab a hold of his wrist.
"Hear me out. Please."
Yixing finally met his eye, settling back down with a nod. Jongdae let out a shaky breath.
"We're not together. Joonmyeon and I. We've known each other since before my debut, before his father left him the company," he swallowed, stealing a glance at an impassive Yixing, "We... were a thing about a year ago. It was a secret, as he couldn't risk people saying he was with an idol from his own company. We broke it off when he fell for a woman, and I haven't really talked to him since then. She broke up with him, and now he came looking for me. I swear I didn't know! I didn't even want to kiss him!" Jongdae finished rambling and drew a breath, feeling his heart pounding in his ears. Yixing was still motionless, and he was losing hope. "Xing? Say something. Please," he begged.
"Do you like him?" he said, voice barely audible.
Jongdae smiled a little, inching closer to where Yixing sat. "Nah. I used to, but not anymore. There's someone I really really like now, though."
Yixing turned to him at the words, expression considerably less grim, but not daring to be hopeful. Yet. Jongdae let out a chuckle, leaning forward to capture Yixing's lips. He felt the boy go still under his touch, before bringing his arms up to rest at his shoulders. Jongdae made a noise of contentment, tangling his fingers on Yixing's silky hair to pull him closer.
"It's you, just so you know," he said breathlessly the moment the pulled apart to catch their breaths.
Yixing chuckled, raising his eyebrows in feigned surprise, "I would've never guessed it," he joked, pulling Jongdae back to him to speak against his lips, "I really really like you too, then."
Their second kiss was even better than the first, soft and unhurried, filled with reassurance and emotion. Though, the distant sound of footsteps reminded them just where they were, sat in a very public hallway in the middle of Jongdae's company.
Jumping to his feet, Jongdae offered a hand to Yixing, "Come on. The floor is freezing."
Yixing shoot him a smile, dimple and everything, and Jongdae felt himself melt, seriously considering sitting back down. But then the man was by his side, twinning their fingers together, and Jongdae realized that he had everything he could possibly need.
"Oh! I had bought food. Are you still hungry?" Yixing asked as they began walking out of the company. Jongdae couldn't help but laughing as he pressed his lips back to Yixing's.
.oOo.
A Way For Us
It was hard to believe how Jongdae's life seemed to have set itself right in such a short period of time. Sure, he still sometimes got the crippling fear that he wasn't good enough, that he didn't want this for his life and that he would die alone and with a dozen of cats, but now he had someone to hold him every time, to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that he wasn't alone. And Yixing was just right for him. It was Jongdae's first time being in a relationship where he didn't feel pressured at all, but instead supported and cared by the other. Every day things between them got better, and Jongdae couldn't help but feeling that he was living in some sort of romantic chick flick, where all he wanted to do was being with Yixing and holding his hand and staring into his eyes lovingly. And making out.
Everything was progressing getting better for Jongdae. The songs were done and checked, praised by the company and perfect for them. Yixing had such a way with words, making every line hold so much meaning, that it made Jongdae want to actually be able to sing them as well as he possibly could, so he'd been working on his throat, and could almost say that it was healed. Besides, Yixing was going to sing with him, and that alone was a huge encouragement.
That evening they'd finished the pre-recording for the album, long, exhausting hours of listening to incompetent producers were past them, and they could finally relax. At least for a while. Their debut as a duet would take place in a few days, dreaded costume and audio and setting testing ahead of them.
For now, though, Jongdae was intended to focus on Yixing and Yixing only, pressed against one of the walls of their studio, mouth on Jongdae's, with one his hands on his hair and the other gripping Jongdae's shirt by his waist. They'd gotten to the point where spending a whole day having to behave professionally around each other had become unbearable, and Jongdae would have made fun of them, hadn't he been kissing Yixing back desperately.
They were so caught up in the moment that they failed to notice the door being opened, at least until an "Oh my god!" scared them out of their minds, forcing them to separate and look over to a flailing Chanyeol, followed by a clearly unsurprised, very disgruntled Kyungsoo.
"Oh my god XingXing!" the giant exclaimed, the maniac grin back on his face.
"You've already said that, Yeol," Yixing smiled sheepishly, fiddling slightly as he took in Kyungsoo's glare. Jongdae noticed too, reaching to take his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"But Xing! When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me? Is he your boyfriend? Do you like really like him?" Chanyeol shoot question after question, leaving no time for them to process. Yixing, used to his ramblings, waited patiently until the man ran out of oxygen and finally shut up.
"We got together about a week ago," Chanyeol made an attempt to speak up, but closed his mouth as it seemed the boy would continue, "We didn't tell you because you'd freak out. What you actually did, so we were right. And yes, we are boyfriends," he snapped his head to look at Jongdae, eyes wide and a little panicked, "We are boyfriends, right?"
"Yeah."
Yixing shot him a smile before turning back to Chanyeol, "And yes, I really like him. Is that it?"
Chanyeol strode forward, embracing Yixing so that his face was pressed against his chest, "I'm so so happy for you XingXing! I knew this music buddy thing would be good for you."
"Yeol. Can't breathe," Yixing attempted to say.
"Oh right. Sorry," Chanyeol let him go, ruffling his hair as he did.
At the sound of someone clearing his throat, the three of them turned to Kyungsoo, who looked quite threatening for someone his size. As usual.
"Yes. We're so happy to see you got together," he stated plainly, face showing anything but happiness, "But we need to clear some things up."
'Clear some things up' ended up being an hour long lecture. "You're not going to act like a couple in public. That means no holding each other's hand, not acting all lovey-dovey, not saying anything that may be interpreted like you are together, and don't even think about kissing each other. In fact, don't stand closer than two feet from the other," Jongdae had successfully managed to block out Kyungsoo's voice within the first ten seconds, but, when he felt Yixing's hand tightening its hold, he turned to the boy, who looked scarily pale, and caught a glimpse of an about to cry Chanyeol.
"That's it Kyungsoo. I think we got it," he spoke up, thumb running soothing circles over his boyfriend's hand.
Kyungsoo stared at him, about to retort, when Chanyeol interfered, reminding him that they were in fact there to take their boys out for dinner, not to lecture them on their love life. Jongdae shut his eyes. That was it. Kyungsoo would kill Chanyeol and then he'd kill them both and he'd die without knowing what Yixing's favorite color was. When nothing happened, he pried an eye open, just to see Kyungsoo gathering their things together, a proud Chanyeol by his side. Yixing tugged his hand, looking as good as ever, and he stumbled to his feet, legs numb.
As they made their way towards the door, led by Kyungsoo, Chanyeol called Jongdae's name, motioning for him to stay behind. Once Yixing had left the room, he turned to Jongdae, expression stern for the first time.
"If you even think about hurting him, I'll kill you. Understood?" His expression was supposed to be frightening, but Jongdae couldn't help to think that it was endearing. He knew that deep inside Kyungsoo cared about him, but not even as close as Chanyeol's affection for Yixing.
He nodded, staring up at Chanyeol, "Don't worry about it. I'm not planning to let him go."
.oOo.
Whatever You Do
"Isn't Chanyeol supposed to be at home?" Jongdae asked as he walked through the doorway and into the little apartment. It was just like the place he'd imagine the man living in, warm and comfortable, homey.
A snort guided him towards the kitchen, where his boyfriend was rummaging through the fridge, "Chanyeol lives here only on paper. You know, he's not supposed to leave me all by myself, but he trusts me enough to live on my own. Most of the time, save for when we have to get up really early to go somewhere, he lives with his boyfriend. Baekhyun or something. He's nice," he'd moved to the cabinets, proceeding to search there too.
Jongdae nodded from where he had sat on the counter, amusedly watching him come and go. Getting back on his feet, he approached the boy, hugging him from the back and pecking his cheek before nuzzling his face in the crook of his neck, "What are you doing?"
Yixing sighed, placing his hands above Jongdae's around his waist, "Looking for something for us to eat. But I haven't gone grocery shopping in ages and there's nothing even remotely useful for cooking. Should we get pizza delivered?"
Untangling himself from the boy just enough to turn him around, Jongdae chuckled, placing a fleeting kiss on Yixing's lips, "I don't really care about what we eat. I came here to be with you, not for food. But pizza sounds great."
Without separating himself from Jongdae, Yixing reached for his phone, ordering way more pizza than they were probably supposed to eat. But, taking into account that Jongdae shouldn't even be there in the first place, it didn't seem so much of a crime. He had, in fact, been explicitly prohibited of doing something stupid the night before their big debut, and he was pretty sure that doing things like eating junk food and spending the night making out and watching movies with Yixing was considered something stupid in Kyungsoo's terms. Not that he cared, though.
Jongdae had lived by himself most of his life. As soon as he'd made up his mind about wanting to be an artist, he'd left his childhood town to move to the city. He had never regretted it. He liked being alone, liked the stillness, the silence. The fact that there was nobody there to impress. But now, sat in Yixing's small couch, the boy pressed against his side and a bowl of pre-dinner popcorn in their laps, he thought that, maybe, he wouldn't mind living with Yixing.
Pizza didn't take long to arrive, its cheesy, greasy taste heaven to Jongdae's permanently dieting stomach. He'd already eaten in less than ten minutes his weekly allowance, not that he cared. Yixing, on the other side, savored every bite, chewing slowly, and Jongdae couldn't take his eyes away from him. Seriously, he even liked the way the boy ate. That couldn't be normal.
That had been the best dinner he'd had in months. By far. He hadn't had such a good time in ages, nor hadn't he felt so full. By the time they had settled in front of the TV for some crappy movie Jongin had mentioned their last time at the bar, Jongdae could already feel himself drifting off, Yixing's warmth lulling him to sleep.
He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep until he felt Yixing's fingers through his hair, calling his name softly.
"We should go to bed. We're worn out and tomorrow is a pretty big day," he said, helping him to a stand.
Jongdae nodded, still half asleep, and made his way to the bathroom down the hall, getting hold of his toothbrush on the way.
He changed into sleeping clothes and sat on the bed, feeling much more awake than barely ten minutes before. Yixing came into the room in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, looking really tiny and tired. He sat by Jongdae's side, automatically reaching for his hand. Jongdae leaned into him, placing his head on his shoulder before turning his face upwards, reaching for his lips. It was sloppy, both too tired for it to have any rhythm, but it was perfect. Jongdae lay down, pulling Yixing with him and tucking his head below the boy's chin.
"Xing?"
"Hm?"
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"No. You'll be up there with me, won't you?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I will."
And like that Jongdae let himself go, drifting to sleep, lulled by the steady sound of Yixing's breathing.
.oOo.
One Last Minute
Jongdae really hated debut stages. Unlike his usual performances, where only his fans would pay to go and see him, they were filled with people ready to jump at him at his tiniest mistake. It was nerve wracking, and something he'd usually want to get through as quickly as possible.
The day had started in the only way a crappy day could: Kyungsoo. Of course, he'd outdone himself this time, and it really hadn't been pretty at all when he'd bursted into Yixing's room that morning, having miraculously obtained the key to the apartment, and yanked their covers away. After a twenty minutes long rant about why it wasn't a wise idea to stay up for most of the night before such an important presentation, he'd ushered them back to the bedroom, giving them a good ten minutes before dragging them out of the apartment and into their car, where Chanyeol was waiting for them with a much more uplifting attitude, and, most importantly, breakfast.
The ride towards the studio had been fine, Chanyeol providing constantly commentary about everything and Yixing playing with his fingers. It all ended as soon as they stepped out of the car, though, a multitude of young girls screeching their names. How the hell had they managed to wake up at that ungodly hour just to go and see them? Jongdae was barely awake himself and was supposed to be on stage for prerecording in less than two hours. Great.
Kyungsoo took the lead towards the studio, followed closely by Yixing, who was waving at fans and trying to take some of their letters for him. He was just so nice all the time. And shit, Jongdae was already staring at him lovingly in public and they hadn't been outside for ten seconds. He'd have to work on it.
From then on, he was barely able to see his boyfriend. He was dragged through hair and make-up, hands constantly working on him for what seemed hours, before being put into some tightly fitted clothes he wasn't sure he could walk in, and then paroled around the studio, smiling for people whose names he couldn't remember even as they talked to him.
He remembers catching a glimpse of Kyungsoo, standing besides Jongin, and dazedly thinking that they really made a nice couple. Kyungsoo was even smiling at the taller boy. And Kyungsoo never smiled. Weird. It’d be nice if his manager got a life of his own and stopped making his harder. However, now, with an unknown woman in both his sides and being handled a bunch of things he had to take care of until he was onstage, he could really use a hand from his manager.
And then, stillness. Like the calm before a storm. Jongdae was backstage, Yixing nowhere to be seen, and he wasn't feeling well. What if nobody liked their ballad? What if his voice cracked in the middle of the song, ruining everything forever? What if he forgot the lyrics? He'd never sung something so complicated, that could really happen. His heartbeat was deafening, the stage lights blinding him as he waited for the group before them to finish their performance. He wasn't ready for this. Not without Yixing.
"Are you okay?" he jumped at the question, every suffocating thought melted down at the sight of Yixing approaching him.
"Really nervous. Where have you been?" he questioned, lacing their fingers and keeping them out of sight.
Yixing grimaced, shaking his head, "They had me testing the piano. And then worked on my hair for over an hour. It was a nightmare."
Jongdae chuckled, voice still shaky as he heard the roaring in the public, indicating their turn was almost up. He swallowed, tightening his hold on Yixing's hand as their names were announced.
"Are you ready?" Yixing said, and, when he looked back at him, Jongdae thought that, with him by his side, he was ready for everything.
"Yeah. Ready. Let's go."
It still awed Jongdae how much one could get attached to someone, how could two people go from being strangers to the most important person in the other's lives. The room felt too empty without Yixing's comforting presence, too silent. He thought he'd made the right decision practicing by himself, without the distraction that would be having Yixing there, especially when he could only think about kissing him since the night before, but now he just felt lonely. And kind of sleepy. He sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere.
The beeping of his cellphone was a much appreciated interruption, a grin breaking into his face as he glanced at the screen.
From: Xing
Are you busy rn?
To: Xing
Not really
Dying of boredom
From: Xing
Great
I'm coming over
Want something to eat?
To: Xing
Tteokbokki?
From: Xing
What room?
To: Xing
16
From: Xing
Ok
I'll be there soon
With the prospect of seeing Yixing soon, Jongdae turned back to work, decided to make the most of that couple of minutes and then call the day off for good. He was finally seeing a progress in his high notes, despite barely having tried Yixing's advice for a day. Everything seemed to be falling into its right place. And Yixing was to thank.
The door opened with a creek, startling him and making him laugh softly, "I didn't think you were really that close. Weren't you going..." He turned around, words dying in his mouth as he took in who was really standing by the door. "Joonmyeon?"
And he was, in fact, right there. Shoulders slouched and looking worn out, it was so unlike the Joonmyeon he'd known so well. He tried to recall the last time he'd seen him, that time when he'd told him about the duet. He'd seemed fine. Not that he would have known if he wasn't. It had been much longer since they'd really talked. Just about when Joonmyeon broke their thing. Was it even a thing? Having sex with someone who you really like, could see yourself falling in love with, expecting that someday he'd feel the same way about you? Having to pretend not being heartbroken when he tells you he found someone else, a woman, and that he loves her? Jongdae is not sure anymore.
"What's wrong? Why are you here?" he didn't mean to be so bold, but honestly, Joonmyeon had been avoiding him like he had the plague for months, and now, all of a sudden, he showed up while he practiced?
"I wanted to talk to you," Joonmyeon finally said, voice low. Jongdae felt that telling stir in his stomach, the one that he'd come to know so well in their short time together. Only that it wasn't welcomed now.
"I'm really busy. And Yixing'll be here any moment now."
Joonmyeon approached him until there was barely any distance between them, an openly lost look in his eyes that terrified Jongdae. Joonmyeon didn't let his emotions show. That was just not him.
"Do you hate me?"
"Hate you?" I should, "No. I couldn't."
Joonmyeon leaned forward, embracing Jongdae, who froze in his place, too confused to even comfort the obviously distressed man. What was even going on? Since when had Joonmyeon needed to lean on him?
When he regained control of himself, he wrapped his arms around the man's waist, holding him. "What happened?"
"She left me," Joonmyeon murmured, lips ghosting over his neck, and Jongdae tensed at the words. He'd been waiting so long to hear them. He should be laughing, or at least feeling happy about it. Though, he could only feel pity. Pity for the man in front of him, left by someone he loved. He'd been there. He knew how much it hurt, the betrayal and the sensation of loss. And also pity for himself. For his past self. It had taken Joonmyeon to literally run into his arms for him to realize his feelings weren't there anymore. Sure, he still liked Joonmyeon, but the magnet-like attraction was gone. The love was gone. Too much damage had been made for them to go back to how things where.
Joonmyeon raised his head, frantic eyes switching between Jongdae's own and his mouth. Jongdae saw his intent, should have stopped him, said something, move, but it was already too late. Joonmyeon's lips were on his, and for once their sweetness didn't melt Jongdae. It was just kinda awkward and he should really really stop it. He didn't need to.
"Hey, they were out of tteokbokki, so I got some-" Jongdae's eyes widened at the sound of Yixing's voice, pulling himself out of Joonmyeon's grip to face an open mouthed Yixing by the door. "Sorry!" he said before turning around and closing the door behind himself.
"Shit," Jongdae cursed, looking between the door and Joonmyeon, "I'm sorry. Can't do this anymore."
Without waiting for an answer, Jongdae ran towards the door, yanking it open and jogging behind Yixing's retreating figure.
"Wait!" he said, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him around. Yixing flinched as he turned, and Jongdae wanted to punch himself for putting that hurt look in his eyes, "Xing! What you saw there-"
"Don't worry about it. I should've knocked. I'm gonna go now. See you tomorrow," he said with a quivering smile, "And... sorry about yesterday. The kiss, I mean. I must've gotten it wrong. Didn't know you were with him."
He looked so, so hurt. Jongdae felt his heart sink to his stomach, suddenly feeling sick. No, this couldn't be happening. Not when things were finally going well. Not with Yixing.
"No! I'm not! Please, just-" he sat on the floor, back against the wall. He was so tired. He couldn't do this. He couldn't let Yixing go, "Let me explain."
It was moments later that the man sat by his side, avoiding his eyes, and brought his knees to his chest. Jongdae opened his mouth, unsure of how to begin. It was then that Joonmyeon left the room and sat eyes on them, raising an eyebrow at Jongdae.
"Uhm. Nice to meet you, Yixing. Jongdae. I'll... see you later, I guess?" he said, tone barely sheepish under the "son of the president of the company" façade. Jongdae shoot him a murderous glare as he left, turning to Yixing once the man was out of sight.
His fingers were tightly wrapped around his arms, knuckles pale, and his glassy eyes were set on the wall in front of them. And then he blinked, shaking his head slightly, and untangled his limbs.
"I should probably go," he said, voice hoarse. Clearing his throat, he made a move to stand up. Jongdae panicked, rushing forward to grab a hold of his wrist.
"Hear me out. Please."
Yixing finally met his eye, settling back down with a nod. Jongdae let out a shaky breath.
"We're not together. Joonmyeon and I. We've known each other since before my debut, before his father left him the company," he swallowed, stealing a glance at an impassive Yixing, "We... were a thing about a year ago. It was a secret, as he couldn't risk people saying he was with an idol from his own company. We broke it off when he fell for a woman, and I haven't really talked to him since then. She broke up with him, and now he came looking for me. I swear I didn't know! I didn't even want to kiss him!" Jongdae finished rambling and drew a breath, feeling his heart pounding in his ears. Yixing was still motionless, and he was losing hope. "Xing? Say something. Please," he begged.
"Do you like him?" he said, voice barely audible.
Jongdae smiled a little, inching closer to where Yixing sat. "Nah. I used to, but not anymore. There's someone I really really like now, though."
Yixing turned to him at the words, expression considerably less grim, but not daring to be hopeful. Yet. Jongdae let out a chuckle, leaning forward to capture Yixing's lips. He felt the boy go still under his touch, before bringing his arms up to rest at his shoulders. Jongdae made a noise of contentment, tangling his fingers on Yixing's silky hair to pull him closer.
"It's you, just so you know," he said breathlessly the moment the pulled apart to catch their breaths.
Yixing chuckled, raising his eyebrows in feigned surprise, "I would've never guessed it," he joked, pulling Jongdae back to him to speak against his lips, "I really really like you too, then."
Their second kiss was even better than the first, soft and unhurried, filled with reassurance and emotion. Though, the distant sound of footsteps reminded them just where they were, sat in a very public hallway in the middle of Jongdae's company.
Jumping to his feet, Jongdae offered a hand to Yixing, "Come on. The floor is freezing."
Yixing shoot him a smile, dimple and everything, and Jongdae felt himself melt, seriously considering sitting back down. But then the man was by his side, twinning their fingers together, and Jongdae realized that he had everything he could possibly need.
"Oh! I had bought food. Are you still hungry?" Yixing asked as they began walking out of the company. Jongdae couldn't help but laughing as he pressed his lips back to Yixing's.
.oOo.
A Way For Us
It was hard to believe how Jongdae's life seemed to have set itself right in such a short period of time. Sure, he still sometimes got the crippling fear that he wasn't good enough, that he didn't want this for his life and that he would die alone and with a dozen of cats, but now he had someone to hold him every time, to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that he wasn't alone. And Yixing was just right for him. It was Jongdae's first time being in a relationship where he didn't feel pressured at all, but instead supported and cared by the other. Every day things between them got better, and Jongdae couldn't help but feeling that he was living in some sort of romantic chick flick, where all he wanted to do was being with Yixing and holding his hand and staring into his eyes lovingly. And making out.
Everything was progressing getting better for Jongdae. The songs were done and checked, praised by the company and perfect for them. Yixing had such a way with words, making every line hold so much meaning, that it made Jongdae want to actually be able to sing them as well as he possibly could, so he'd been working on his throat, and could almost say that it was healed. Besides, Yixing was going to sing with him, and that alone was a huge encouragement.
That evening they'd finished the pre-recording for the album, long, exhausting hours of listening to incompetent producers were past them, and they could finally relax. At least for a while. Their debut as a duet would take place in a few days, dreaded costume and audio and setting testing ahead of them.
For now, though, Jongdae was intended to focus on Yixing and Yixing only, pressed against one of the walls of their studio, mouth on Jongdae's, with one his hands on his hair and the other gripping Jongdae's shirt by his waist. They'd gotten to the point where spending a whole day having to behave professionally around each other had become unbearable, and Jongdae would have made fun of them, hadn't he been kissing Yixing back desperately.
They were so caught up in the moment that they failed to notice the door being opened, at least until an "Oh my god!" scared them out of their minds, forcing them to separate and look over to a flailing Chanyeol, followed by a clearly unsurprised, very disgruntled Kyungsoo.
"Oh my god XingXing!" the giant exclaimed, the maniac grin back on his face.
"You've already said that, Yeol," Yixing smiled sheepishly, fiddling slightly as he took in Kyungsoo's glare. Jongdae noticed too, reaching to take his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"But Xing! When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me? Is he your boyfriend? Do you like really like him?" Chanyeol shoot question after question, leaving no time for them to process. Yixing, used to his ramblings, waited patiently until the man ran out of oxygen and finally shut up.
"We got together about a week ago," Chanyeol made an attempt to speak up, but closed his mouth as it seemed the boy would continue, "We didn't tell you because you'd freak out. What you actually did, so we were right. And yes, we are boyfriends," he snapped his head to look at Jongdae, eyes wide and a little panicked, "We are boyfriends, right?"
"Yeah."
Yixing shot him a smile before turning back to Chanyeol, "And yes, I really like him. Is that it?"
Chanyeol strode forward, embracing Yixing so that his face was pressed against his chest, "I'm so so happy for you XingXing! I knew this music buddy thing would be good for you."
"Yeol. Can't breathe," Yixing attempted to say.
"Oh right. Sorry," Chanyeol let him go, ruffling his hair as he did.
At the sound of someone clearing his throat, the three of them turned to Kyungsoo, who looked quite threatening for someone his size. As usual.
"Yes. We're so happy to see you got together," he stated plainly, face showing anything but happiness, "But we need to clear some things up."
'Clear some things up' ended up being an hour long lecture. "You're not going to act like a couple in public. That means no holding each other's hand, not acting all lovey-dovey, not saying anything that may be interpreted like you are together, and don't even think about kissing each other. In fact, don't stand closer than two feet from the other," Jongdae had successfully managed to block out Kyungsoo's voice within the first ten seconds, but, when he felt Yixing's hand tightening its hold, he turned to the boy, who looked scarily pale, and caught a glimpse of an about to cry Chanyeol.
"That's it Kyungsoo. I think we got it," he spoke up, thumb running soothing circles over his boyfriend's hand.
Kyungsoo stared at him, about to retort, when Chanyeol interfered, reminding him that they were in fact there to take their boys out for dinner, not to lecture them on their love life. Jongdae shut his eyes. That was it. Kyungsoo would kill Chanyeol and then he'd kill them both and he'd die without knowing what Yixing's favorite color was. When nothing happened, he pried an eye open, just to see Kyungsoo gathering their things together, a proud Chanyeol by his side. Yixing tugged his hand, looking as good as ever, and he stumbled to his feet, legs numb.
As they made their way towards the door, led by Kyungsoo, Chanyeol called Jongdae's name, motioning for him to stay behind. Once Yixing had left the room, he turned to Jongdae, expression stern for the first time.
"If you even think about hurting him, I'll kill you. Understood?" His expression was supposed to be frightening, but Jongdae couldn't help to think that it was endearing. He knew that deep inside Kyungsoo cared about him, but not even as close as Chanyeol's affection for Yixing.
He nodded, staring up at Chanyeol, "Don't worry about it. I'm not planning to let him go."
.oOo.
Whatever You Do
"Isn't Chanyeol supposed to be at home?" Jongdae asked as he walked through the doorway and into the little apartment. It was just like the place he'd imagine the man living in, warm and comfortable, homey.
A snort guided him towards the kitchen, where his boyfriend was rummaging through the fridge, "Chanyeol lives here only on paper. You know, he's not supposed to leave me all by myself, but he trusts me enough to live on my own. Most of the time, save for when we have to get up really early to go somewhere, he lives with his boyfriend. Baekhyun or something. He's nice," he'd moved to the cabinets, proceeding to search there too.
Jongdae nodded from where he had sat on the counter, amusedly watching him come and go. Getting back on his feet, he approached the boy, hugging him from the back and pecking his cheek before nuzzling his face in the crook of his neck, "What are you doing?"
Yixing sighed, placing his hands above Jongdae's around his waist, "Looking for something for us to eat. But I haven't gone grocery shopping in ages and there's nothing even remotely useful for cooking. Should we get pizza delivered?"
Untangling himself from the boy just enough to turn him around, Jongdae chuckled, placing a fleeting kiss on Yixing's lips, "I don't really care about what we eat. I came here to be with you, not for food. But pizza sounds great."
Without separating himself from Jongdae, Yixing reached for his phone, ordering way more pizza than they were probably supposed to eat. But, taking into account that Jongdae shouldn't even be there in the first place, it didn't seem so much of a crime. He had, in fact, been explicitly prohibited of doing something stupid the night before their big debut, and he was pretty sure that doing things like eating junk food and spending the night making out and watching movies with Yixing was considered something stupid in Kyungsoo's terms. Not that he cared, though.
Jongdae had lived by himself most of his life. As soon as he'd made up his mind about wanting to be an artist, he'd left his childhood town to move to the city. He had never regretted it. He liked being alone, liked the stillness, the silence. The fact that there was nobody there to impress. But now, sat in Yixing's small couch, the boy pressed against his side and a bowl of pre-dinner popcorn in their laps, he thought that, maybe, he wouldn't mind living with Yixing.
Pizza didn't take long to arrive, its cheesy, greasy taste heaven to Jongdae's permanently dieting stomach. He'd already eaten in less than ten minutes his weekly allowance, not that he cared. Yixing, on the other side, savored every bite, chewing slowly, and Jongdae couldn't take his eyes away from him. Seriously, he even liked the way the boy ate. That couldn't be normal.
That had been the best dinner he'd had in months. By far. He hadn't had such a good time in ages, nor hadn't he felt so full. By the time they had settled in front of the TV for some crappy movie Jongin had mentioned their last time at the bar, Jongdae could already feel himself drifting off, Yixing's warmth lulling him to sleep.
He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep until he felt Yixing's fingers through his hair, calling his name softly.
"We should go to bed. We're worn out and tomorrow is a pretty big day," he said, helping him to a stand.
Jongdae nodded, still half asleep, and made his way to the bathroom down the hall, getting hold of his toothbrush on the way.
He changed into sleeping clothes and sat on the bed, feeling much more awake than barely ten minutes before. Yixing came into the room in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, looking really tiny and tired. He sat by Jongdae's side, automatically reaching for his hand. Jongdae leaned into him, placing his head on his shoulder before turning his face upwards, reaching for his lips. It was sloppy, both too tired for it to have any rhythm, but it was perfect. Jongdae lay down, pulling Yixing with him and tucking his head below the boy's chin.
"Xing?"
"Hm?"
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"No. You'll be up there with me, won't you?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I will."
And like that Jongdae let himself go, drifting to sleep, lulled by the steady sound of Yixing's breathing.
.oOo.
One Last Minute
Jongdae really hated debut stages. Unlike his usual performances, where only his fans would pay to go and see him, they were filled with people ready to jump at him at his tiniest mistake. It was nerve wracking, and something he'd usually want to get through as quickly as possible.
The day had started in the only way a crappy day could: Kyungsoo. Of course, he'd outdone himself this time, and it really hadn't been pretty at all when he'd bursted into Yixing's room that morning, having miraculously obtained the key to the apartment, and yanked their covers away. After a twenty minutes long rant about why it wasn't a wise idea to stay up for most of the night before such an important presentation, he'd ushered them back to the bedroom, giving them a good ten minutes before dragging them out of the apartment and into their car, where Chanyeol was waiting for them with a much more uplifting attitude, and, most importantly, breakfast.
The ride towards the studio had been fine, Chanyeol providing constantly commentary about everything and Yixing playing with his fingers. It all ended as soon as they stepped out of the car, though, a multitude of young girls screeching their names. How the hell had they managed to wake up at that ungodly hour just to go and see them? Jongdae was barely awake himself and was supposed to be on stage for prerecording in less than two hours. Great.
Kyungsoo took the lead towards the studio, followed closely by Yixing, who was waving at fans and trying to take some of their letters for him. He was just so nice all the time. And shit, Jongdae was already staring at him lovingly in public and they hadn't been outside for ten seconds. He'd have to work on it.
From then on, he was barely able to see his boyfriend. He was dragged through hair and make-up, hands constantly working on him for what seemed hours, before being put into some tightly fitted clothes he wasn't sure he could walk in, and then paroled around the studio, smiling for people whose names he couldn't remember even as they talked to him.
He remembers catching a glimpse of Kyungsoo, standing besides Jongin, and dazedly thinking that they really made a nice couple. Kyungsoo was even smiling at the taller boy. And Kyungsoo never smiled. Weird. It’d be nice if his manager got a life of his own and stopped making his harder. However, now, with an unknown woman in both his sides and being handled a bunch of things he had to take care of until he was onstage, he could really use a hand from his manager.
And then, stillness. Like the calm before a storm. Jongdae was backstage, Yixing nowhere to be seen, and he wasn't feeling well. What if nobody liked their ballad? What if his voice cracked in the middle of the song, ruining everything forever? What if he forgot the lyrics? He'd never sung something so complicated, that could really happen. His heartbeat was deafening, the stage lights blinding him as he waited for the group before them to finish their performance. He wasn't ready for this. Not without Yixing.
"Are you okay?" he jumped at the question, every suffocating thought melted down at the sight of Yixing approaching him.
"Really nervous. Where have you been?" he questioned, lacing their fingers and keeping them out of sight.
Yixing grimaced, shaking his head, "They had me testing the piano. And then worked on my hair for over an hour. It was a nightmare."
Jongdae chuckled, voice still shaky as he heard the roaring in the public, indicating their turn was almost up. He swallowed, tightening his hold on Yixing's hand as their names were announced.
"Are you ready?" Yixing said, and, when he looked back at him, Jongdae thought that, with him by his side, he was ready for everything.
"Yeah. Ready. Let's go."