(FMA) Mercy Fluch (oneshot)
Mercy Flush
part of the Misuse of Alchemy series
a Full Metal Alchemist based collection of (humor) oneshots involving the misuse and abuse of alchemy.
Because it's funnier with an alchemist!
by Masamune Reforged
Masamuneehs@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters. If I did, you'd bet there'd be more porn of it.
Warnings: Adult language, semi-explicit mentions of yaoi (Roy x Ed), gross poop stuff
Mercy Flush
Misuse of Aqueous Alchemy
Misuse of Alchemy 8
Edward Elric grunted and twisted his hips in strained effort. Squeezing his eyes shut, he let out a soft huff of breath and focused on his inner sphincter muscles, pushing and constricting them. After being brutally, enjoyably corn-holed by Roy Mustang's considerable cock for five of the last ten hours, getting those muscles to contract to anywhere near their normal projectile power was going to be tough.
One day I'm going to turn the tables on him! Ed thought in vexation. Not that he didn't enjoy sex with Mustang. Enjoy was an understatement. But Ed was an adventurous soul and it wasn't really in his nature to be submissive or deferential, part of what made his weekend trysts with Mustang so exciting... But the thought of one day having Mustang squirming and writhing under him!!!
Ed's smile flipped into a tight line of lips. He pushed with his ass and was rewarded only with a loud, wet fart. All sound and fury. He let out another rush of gas, bubbily rustling over the sticky lubricant that was absolutely scraped into the walls of his guts. Ed was glad he had the shower running to provide a cover for his gaseous geysers. One day...
Minutes passed, and Ed was still stuck on his current obstacle. Or, rather, his current obstacle was stuck in him. He really had to lay off of those cheese snacks...
There came a knock on the door, and Ed nearly jumped off the porcelain pony he was idling upon. Before Mustang could say anything, Ed hollered, “Hey, you fucking mind!?”
“I thought I'd quickly use the toilet while you showered,” Roy Mustang's voice expressed a slight irritation, but unmistakable mirth. There was a pause, then a smarmy, “But it seems you just like to run up my monthly utilities to provide background music.”
“Oh go piss in your oatmeal!” Ed snarled. He wasn't taking any shit, literally.
Embarrassed, Ed was still glad the shower was running, likely drowning out Mustang's mocking chuckle. He wished it could drown out his voice entirely when Mustang said, “Do try to be out in the next hour or four.” Ed clenched his teeth so hard that he almost produced stool. “Not only would I like to have the option of relieving myself in my own apartment before midday, but I am also genuinely afraid you might slip and fall in.”
Ed tensed and began to curse fit to burn a demon, but a burning of a different rank suddenly produced a shudder down his spine, and he was finally achieving a bowel breakthrough. Once the loggerhead was through, splashing thrillingly like the first frog hopping into a morning pond, the rest came almost easily. Too easily, in fact. Ed closed his eyes and let out several awkward grunts of relief as he gave the inside of Mustang's toilet a tree-trunk camouflage. The absolute rush of pumping gush and surging stool overwhelmed Ed's small frame, and he shook like the dog in that Alkaline Trio song.[1]
It was like entering excretion ecstasy.
It was the stench that brought Ed back to the land of the living. Absolutely disgusting. The floaters settling and his body feeling a solid ten pounds lighter, Ed stood up, a small sheen of butt sweat glistening on the seat where his muscled ass had recently reached Richter scale seismic shudders. He turned and his mouth dropped.
If poop were gold, marauders would be fighting for centuries about the map to Roy Mustang's apartment. That is, if the lid could be shut... and a lock fitted around the toilet bowl. Ed had a sinking feeling that that toilet lid couldn't be shut.
Panicked, and well aware of Mustang anxiously waiting to use the bathroom, Ed did the first thing that came to his mind. It was the simplest thing, and it brought the brackish sludge water four-fifths of the way up to the brink of the brim. The water came in, but in only; and every boy for Danny could hear those pipes from miles around. [2]
Ed cursed. His pants were pooled around his ankles, and he eyed the toilet paper. There was no way he could add that to the mess. He coughed and wrinkled his nose. God, it stank. Ed opened the top of the toilet and began fiddling with the tank, to no avail. Somehow, a tiny bit of water had drained, and Ed tried to flush again, this time watching with the tank open. There just wasn't enough water coming in to do the job.
Roy knocked on the door. “Everything alright in there?” he asked suspiciously.
“YES!” Ed said, voice cracking in panic.
Ed could almost hear the man thinking behind the closed door. “Ed, let me in.”
“Hell no!”
“I'm getting the spare key..”
Oh fuck fuck fuck!
Ed's mind was racing furiously. This was beyond embarrassing. He cursed and went back and forth between barricading the door, at least wiping his backside, or trying to do something about Mount Elric Jr. He had to clean up this mess fast, get it to flush some-
The idea came to Ed in a flash.
“Ed? I'm coming in.” The concern in Mustang's voice would have maybe touched a soft spot in other conditions.
In his present condition, Ed was thinking about water density. If there wasn't enough water, he could channel in more from the pipes, condensing it so that it didn't flood the entire apartment. If he drew too much, they'd be swimming in poop bricks. If he made the water too dense-
Ed heard the knob wriggling, the door swinging open. He clapped his hands and thrust them into the top of the tank.
Roy Mustang opened his bathroom door at the precise moment where the tile floor cracked and gave way, swallowing his toilet, and a shouting Edward Elric whole.
-end Mercy Flush
Misuse of Aqueous Alchemy
I wanted to do something with poop that was absolutely gross. Sorry for all the ridiculous alliteration and toilet humor based puns.
[1] The song is ' Radio ' by Alkaline Trio. The lyrics are 'Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades'. Yeah, every time that song comes up in Winamp I'm like “what a lovely visual image! I think i can go another hour now before i could possibly enjoy food!”.
[2] “Oh Danny boy. The pipes, the pipes are calling.”
Really want to hear what people think about this one.
part of the Misuse of Alchemy series
a Full Metal Alchemist based collection of (humor) oneshots involving the misuse and abuse of alchemy.
Because it's funnier with an alchemist!
by Masamune Reforged
Masamuneehs@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters. If I did, you'd bet there'd be more porn of it.
Warnings: Adult language, semi-explicit mentions of yaoi (Roy x Ed), gross poop stuff
Mercy Flush
Misuse of Aqueous Alchemy
Misuse of Alchemy 8
Edward Elric grunted and twisted his hips in strained effort. Squeezing his eyes shut, he let out a soft huff of breath and focused on his inner sphincter muscles, pushing and constricting them. After being brutally, enjoyably corn-holed by Roy Mustang's considerable cock for five of the last ten hours, getting those muscles to contract to anywhere near their normal projectile power was going to be tough.
One day I'm going to turn the tables on him! Ed thought in vexation. Not that he didn't enjoy sex with Mustang. Enjoy was an understatement. But Ed was an adventurous soul and it wasn't really in his nature to be submissive or deferential, part of what made his weekend trysts with Mustang so exciting... But the thought of one day having Mustang squirming and writhing under him!!!
Ed's smile flipped into a tight line of lips. He pushed with his ass and was rewarded only with a loud, wet fart. All sound and fury. He let out another rush of gas, bubbily rustling over the sticky lubricant that was absolutely scraped into the walls of his guts. Ed was glad he had the shower running to provide a cover for his gaseous geysers. One day...
Minutes passed, and Ed was still stuck on his current obstacle. Or, rather, his current obstacle was stuck in him. He really had to lay off of those cheese snacks...
There came a knock on the door, and Ed nearly jumped off the porcelain pony he was idling upon. Before Mustang could say anything, Ed hollered, “Hey, you fucking mind!?”
“I thought I'd quickly use the toilet while you showered,” Roy Mustang's voice expressed a slight irritation, but unmistakable mirth. There was a pause, then a smarmy, “But it seems you just like to run up my monthly utilities to provide background music.”
“Oh go piss in your oatmeal!” Ed snarled. He wasn't taking any shit, literally.
Embarrassed, Ed was still glad the shower was running, likely drowning out Mustang's mocking chuckle. He wished it could drown out his voice entirely when Mustang said, “Do try to be out in the next hour or four.” Ed clenched his teeth so hard that he almost produced stool. “Not only would I like to have the option of relieving myself in my own apartment before midday, but I am also genuinely afraid you might slip and fall in.”
Ed tensed and began to curse fit to burn a demon, but a burning of a different rank suddenly produced a shudder down his spine, and he was finally achieving a bowel breakthrough. Once the loggerhead was through, splashing thrillingly like the first frog hopping into a morning pond, the rest came almost easily. Too easily, in fact. Ed closed his eyes and let out several awkward grunts of relief as he gave the inside of Mustang's toilet a tree-trunk camouflage. The absolute rush of pumping gush and surging stool overwhelmed Ed's small frame, and he shook like the dog in that Alkaline Trio song.[1]
It was like entering excretion ecstasy.
It was the stench that brought Ed back to the land of the living. Absolutely disgusting. The floaters settling and his body feeling a solid ten pounds lighter, Ed stood up, a small sheen of butt sweat glistening on the seat where his muscled ass had recently reached Richter scale seismic shudders. He turned and his mouth dropped.
If poop were gold, marauders would be fighting for centuries about the map to Roy Mustang's apartment. That is, if the lid could be shut... and a lock fitted around the toilet bowl. Ed had a sinking feeling that that toilet lid couldn't be shut.
Panicked, and well aware of Mustang anxiously waiting to use the bathroom, Ed did the first thing that came to his mind. It was the simplest thing, and it brought the brackish sludge water four-fifths of the way up to the brink of the brim. The water came in, but in only; and every boy for Danny could hear those pipes from miles around. [2]
Ed cursed. His pants were pooled around his ankles, and he eyed the toilet paper. There was no way he could add that to the mess. He coughed and wrinkled his nose. God, it stank. Ed opened the top of the toilet and began fiddling with the tank, to no avail. Somehow, a tiny bit of water had drained, and Ed tried to flush again, this time watching with the tank open. There just wasn't enough water coming in to do the job.
Roy knocked on the door. “Everything alright in there?” he asked suspiciously.
“YES!” Ed said, voice cracking in panic.
Ed could almost hear the man thinking behind the closed door. “Ed, let me in.”
“Hell no!”
“I'm getting the spare key..”
Oh fuck fuck fuck!
Ed's mind was racing furiously. This was beyond embarrassing. He cursed and went back and forth between barricading the door, at least wiping his backside, or trying to do something about Mount Elric Jr. He had to clean up this mess fast, get it to flush some-
The idea came to Ed in a flash.
“Ed? I'm coming in.” The concern in Mustang's voice would have maybe touched a soft spot in other conditions.
In his present condition, Ed was thinking about water density. If there wasn't enough water, he could channel in more from the pipes, condensing it so that it didn't flood the entire apartment. If he drew too much, they'd be swimming in poop bricks. If he made the water too dense-
Ed heard the knob wriggling, the door swinging open. He clapped his hands and thrust them into the top of the tank.
Roy Mustang opened his bathroom door at the precise moment where the tile floor cracked and gave way, swallowing his toilet, and a shouting Edward Elric whole.
-end Mercy Flush
Misuse of Aqueous Alchemy
I wanted to do something with poop that was absolutely gross. Sorry for all the ridiculous alliteration and toilet humor based puns.
[1] The song is ' Radio ' by Alkaline Trio. The lyrics are 'Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades'. Yeah, every time that song comes up in Winamp I'm like “what a lovely visual image! I think i can go another hour now before i could possibly enjoy food!”.
[2] “Oh Danny boy. The pipes, the pipes are calling.”
Really want to hear what people think about this one.