Variations On A Theme Chp 4/4
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Summary: Kara sleeps with Laura instead of Baltar the night of the Colonial Day celebration.
Beta: fragrantwoods
-
There was no fleet. There was some of a fleet. There was no Galactica. What did that mean? There had been Laura's voice, and that was... that was...
What was she supposed to say when she saw them? Mission accomplished? Look what I found? Each step off the heavy raider and onto the Astral Queen echoed hollow in her ears. Her throat was dry when she turned the corner to face the greeting party.
Laura was smiling. About Kara or the arrow? The arrow wasn't in sight.
There was Lee. Without Galactica? And Zarek, without a gun to his head. What the frak had happened while she was gone? What was going to happen, now that she was here?
Lee was the closest, and she stopped just short of him. She still didn't know what to say, couldn't bring herself to look at Laura again for a cue. Lee didn't seem sure either, and then he stepped forward and suddenly he was kissing her.
Her body seized up.
Anders' hands on her thighs, the feel of him between them-
-Laura's mouth on her breast teasing her nipple-
-and Lee was kissing her. When he stepped back she couldn't even look at him.
What the frak. What the frak.
Her focus stayed on the floor until the clang of steps behind her drew her attention. Helo and Sharon.
"I need to tell you-"
Too late.
-
The rain was so heavy Kara could only hear low murmurs from the others. They had split themselves up under their little shelters, and though Lee's eyes were on Sharon and Helo, her worries rested with the woman on her own. Lee had been at her side so much, Kara hadn't expected him to leave her alone now.
Laura looked tiny, hair and clothes clinging to her skin because of the rain, body pulled in close. The President's focus was on the book in her lap, and the world might as well have not existed. It was hard to see through the rain, but it seemed to Kara that she could be shaking.
She had wanted to go to her side when Elosha had died, but Lee had been there, and what would be the point of both of them standing there? Now Lee was at her side and Laura was over there, shivering. A short tremor ran through her own body, and gooseflesh rose on her skin.
She stood up.
"Kara?"
He didn't rise to follow her when she stepped into the rain, and she was thankful.
Even though she was already damp, it was still a shock stepping out from under the shelter. Her shoulders hunched and she kept her steps even, not wanting to slip in the mud and make a fool of herself. More of a fool? How would Laura react to her, showing up at her side now? After presenting her with the arrow, she hadn't been near the woman. Hadn't touched her. Not even a brush of their hands. She hadn't touched Laura since she'd been kissing her on Cloud Nine. Would they start again if her skin reached hers?
She stopped just short of stepping under the tarp, panicking a moment and considering veering off course and pretending to wander into the woods to pee. Anyone watching her would know it was a last minute and false decision.
Kara heard the soft murmur of Laura's prayers and dropped down to sit next to her. The gap between them barely measured in inches, but the lack of response to her presence made Kara feel nonexistent. Was she being deliberately ignored, or was Laura too caught up in her own head to realize she was there?
The open Book of Pythia in her lap was filthy. Rain and blood had warped the paper, and it was amazing the ink hadn't run off or oozed into the binding of the book. Her murmured prayers were still too quiet for Kara to hear properly.
"There... there are people. Back on Caprica." She never knew what the frak to say to this woman.
The praying stopped.
"I was thinking, after..." After they found the map? After they found Earth? After they rejoined the fleet? "We could go back. It's a resistance. They've been fighting, we owe it to them-"
"Owe them?"
The words were quiet, curious, almost as if she was testing them on her tongue.
"Yes." She gripped her legs and rain ran out from under palms. If she couldn't put her hands on Laura and shake her, maybe her words could. "I promised them I would go back."
"I can't keep your promises for you Kara."
Kara. Kara. She had called her Kara. Why was it Laura was always the one setting the names?
"You should want to save them."
"What I want to do and what I can do..." Her fingers curled around the book, holding it tighter and forcing its edges into her forearms. "We can discuss this later. Right now..."
Right now she's climbing a mountain. Right now she's caught in a rain storm. Right now she's grieving.
Right now, she's dying.
And remembering that was a sudden, horrible, sucker punch to the gut. Her stitches twinged and she kept her hands on her legs so that they wouldn't shake.
"Right," Kara said, because she didn't want to hear an explanation.
There would be no changing the fact of her illness.
"You have an uncanny way of coming back."
"What?"
"I tried to get Adama to leave you for dead. You came back then. You came back with the Arrow. You'll save them."
Was she telling her that she was worthless, or that she believed in her? She looked up, watching the tarp shake as the rain hit it. She didn't feel emboldened by Laura's words. They didn't sound like platitudes, they were just honest. It wasn't comforting. If she did manage to save the people back on Caprica, what would the cost be?
Kara lowered her gaze back to the woman at her side. She was trying to get the people to Earth, and it was costing her her life.
Laura loosened her hold on the book and slowly closed it. She tucked it under her arm and held it close to her side.
"I... Kara, I haven't.. thank you."
For what? Coming back? Taking her word about the Old Man? She almost hadn't.
"That's not enough." She should bite her tongue, hold back the rest, but she didn't want to. "After being lied to. After everything that happened to me... Madame President, that's not enough."
She finally turned her head, looking her in the eye. Kara thought to kiss her, but that wasn't quite what she wanted either.
"It won't be, but it's more than most people get for doing something brave."
Brave? She had thought her mad for telling her to go to Caprica. Calling her desperate, angry actions brave seemed to further her assessment.
"You're..." Wrong. Wrong was the word she needed to use. Except... she had gone to Caprica. She'd even accomplished what had been asked of her. Did that make her crazy or brave? Coming from that woman's mouth, did it make a difference which she chose to believe?
Laura turned away, focus falling to the book under her arm. It looked heavy at her side, and Kara wanted to pull it away. She was close enough to do it, and she wouldn't even have to touch her to accomplish it. She could get that damn book and Elosha's death and the gods away from her for just one moment.
Was that what she wanted in turn for her actions? It didn't seem selfish enough.
They had held each other because it was comforting and had laughed together in some half-remembered moment. When she had told her she was dying it had hurt and she'd called her brave.
Kara gave into the impetus she felt during their climb whenever she saw Laura slipping. She reached for her and wrapped her arms around her.
The sound of their rain gear sliding against each other was harsh and grated her ears. Kara tightened her grip, resting her cheek against Laura's shoulder. There was a start, like when she had kissed her on the couch, but she relaxed into the hug as quickly as she had kissed back. The book fell from its snug place at her side, and her hands gripped Kara's arms, pulling them closer to her body. She didn't feel warm, and Kara wanted to be able to reach between their clothes and hold her, skin against skin. Wanted to be somewhere dry and soft where both of them could just rest.
Kara turned her head and kissed the rain soaked skin on Laura's neck.
It wasn't enough, but it had to be more than what either of them were used to.
-
Previous Chapter