Upset with who I am
I just want to leave my body, explode out. That's how I've felt all this year. I realize more and more that my fate has already been sealed, that I'm going to end up in some low income monotonous office job for the rest of my life, just trying to make ends meet. I am wholely unremarkable. I don't have enough smarts, drive, ambition to really make something of myself. Yet I am nearing the point when I will graduate from college and be forced to find something to do. I'm scared shitless. I want my friends, need my friends, because more and more I realize they are my true family. People I choose to be with, not just ones I'm saddled with because I share common chromosomes. And yet I realize that in order to be me, to attain what I must, I will probably have to move away form them all and be on my own. And that scares me even more.