Fluttering. { 震える。} Part One
Title: Fluttering.
Author: Vandalism
Rating: PG to NC-17
Pairing/Main Character: Shou/Saga; Shou/OC
Warnings: Slash M/M.
Status: Two-shot (Completed)
Summary:
Disclaimer: Don't own people.
☆Now, I'll say it without fear of being misunderstood, I love you ☆
Written while waiting for system scan/Dreaded Writers block
{ Fluff? /Drama? / Crack? / Romance? }
I will say that everything is completely fictional, and may or not be true XD its fiction
One day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster.
I sighed. I did it. I came out to my parents, which was harder than anything I had ever done in my life. Of course it wasn’t good to have waited this long. I mean I was supposed to be married with the daughter of some company. How could I? They expected me to share my life with her. I mean how could they not know? I was ultra-feminine looking. My skin was flawless because I took care of it constantly, thus I never tried to go for sports nor nature like activities. I never spoke of a girlfriend and I liked a girl once, when I was five. How was I sure that I was gay? I fell in love with a man; there was neither confusion nor dramatic understanding of who I was. I realized that being gay was normal; at least it was to me unlike the prejudice around me. Who you ask? That’s not important right now.
Let’s start from the beginning of the story.
I was there at my parent’s door, three days before the big event. Why had I waited all this time? I was hoping the man I loved would speak up and stop me. I was hoping for this romantic gesture and all I got was a stiff congratulations and a shocked, black expression. Since then I rarely spoke of it. I rang a few times before my mother’s face appeared and I was greeted happily.
I sighed at the thought of ruining it.
My parents were actually shocked.
Did they think I would marry the beautiful heiress and give up my band for a frilly obedient wife that would prance around waiting for me to come home to make me dinner and fix me a drink? They had hated the thought of me giving up my game-designing career before it even started to pursue my love for music. They had stated that my new choice in career was only a phase and that they wouldn’t waste money going to a single concert. We just wanted different things. My parents wanted me to grow up, and I wanted to live.
“We hit it off, as a band I mean. Soon we made new singles repeatedly, every few months and we went on our first tour. It was then I realized we all had a special charisma. Something that just oozed into the audience and made everyone sing-a-long with me making my heart jump as it sped up with excitement. “
I told my mother one day over tea when I visited her after leaving for a few months. She was actually starting to warm up to the idea. One thing she didn’t know about our band was that we all became friends, not just a band, but actual friends that hung out at bars/restaurants and host-clubs. We grew close over the years. Soon, I could sense something going on with our two guitarists; Saga and I discussed this over tea one day.
“I swear Shou, just being in the same room with them, they gravitate towards each other.”
I had smiled at the bassists face, he was deep in thought, and he sounded as if he had discovered something forbidden. Laughter had escaped from my lips as his fingers played with the bright orange sharpie. It wrote very nicely on a clean white paper.
“Saga-shi, leave them be, if there’s something going on they’ll tell us.”
Saga only nodded as he took out a notepad and scribbled on the page with the marker. His lines so clean and precise only he could make them look great. It took me a few minutes to realize he had actually drawn a very realistic drawing of Chiko.
“Chiko is fine, he’s only getting his check up, relax.”
“I know, but I worry.”
It was then my heart tugged a bit, just from hearing his soft voice like that.
I looked out of the window of the tea house that we were in; a thought struck me.
It was then; I started to notice more things about Saga-san.
I noticed how his eyes shifted to the side when he got nervous.
I noticed how his smile was so small it almost disappeared behind the laugh that followed it.
I noticed how his lips lingered a few seconds longer than it should have for ‘proper’ fan-service.
I noticed how he seemed to relax to so easily around my presence.
It made me feel special.
His voice, his beautiful fair face and the way his eyes would crinkle when he smiled. The strange strong nose that fit his face perfectly, no matter how much Nao made fun of it…
At first, I was afraid to take that step, I was afraid to possibly taint our relationship, our friendship I mean. I didn’t know what we had. I knew it was slightly farther than a normal friendship. Saga had confessed that he had gotten farther with me than he had ever with anyone.
That reassured me, I couldn’t keep my happiness at that.
I couldn’t keep myself from loving him anymore. I knew I did.
So, I decided, before taking that big step, I needed to tell my parents.
I’m scared, at least I was. I was afraid to be made fun of, I was afraid of rejection. It pained me to think of physically and emotionally hurting my parents, but what if my very existence pains them? What if they decide to disown me? What if they tell me I have dishonored them?
I’ve always loved my parents and even though they didn’t support me in everything I did, they still deserved the right to know this. So this is where I was, outside of my parent’s comfy one story house where I had grown up.
I just dropped this bombshell on them, I apologized and I left.
I couldn’t bare the sight of my father’s angry expression and my mother’s state of shock. My clammy folded hands settled down on my knees, my legs begging for me to run.
I didn’t say in detail as in who I loved, just in the gender.
My feet moved without any word from my brain as I walked back to the main subway where I proceeded back to my apartment. Where I tried to block out what I just did. When I sat there, waiting as it moved. As the scenery outside my window blurred, I smiled for a second. I felt free.
~
It’s been three days since I told my parents, not a single phone call or letter.
It had made me actually want to cringe and break under the pressure of ruining my parent’s dreams of a perfect marriage. It made me cry and feel like a selfish horrible son. It pained me to think of my grieving mother, grieving for the perfect marriage that was never going to be.
The phone, which I had thrown into a desk drawer this morning, was filled with missed calls from my ex-fiancé’s parents, herself, the wedding planner and all those other people that didn’t really give a shit about me. I couldn’t handle another handful of people hating me for who I was, it wasn’t her fault she got arranged to marry a gay guy.
I avoided everyone; I hid out in my apartment and played video games with my cats. It wasn’t until Hiroto was pounding down my door did I even put a pair of pants on. I opened the door, with myself behind it to escape from the burning light of day. He was shocked to see my distressed and worn expression when I closed the door. I didn’t even bother to look at him. His large eyes scanned my apartment and he took out his precious Iphone.
I only heard pieces of the conversation as I drifted back into my bedroom where I feel flat on my luxurious bed and I let out an exasperated sigh.
~
“Tora-shi I’m serious, no I swear! Shou has fucking lost it! His apartment is a mess, there are crumbs on the floor and oh my god there’s no hair products in his hair!”
Hiroto nearly cringed at the sight of the vocalist who decided to sleep.
“Call Nao, he has the good-cleaning supplies, and Saga! He’ll be able to talk Shou back to life, now get your ass here.”
~
Team Arisu, as Hiroto called it; ended up piling up at my door. Tora didn’t even bother to knock as he kicked down my bedroom door.
His nose twitched as he eyed Shou, his friend lying there hopelessly.
He sat on the bed, his legs crossed as he picked up my arm. I groaned and pulled away.
“Shou.” Tora’s deep voice interrupted the vocalist’s dark thoughts.
Tora had always been the one that had advice for everything, even though he was younger than the vocalist, Shou always used his shoulder when things piled up on him. It was odd to see him this down, Shou had never not want to talk about his problems; he would either write them out into a heart-wrenching song or tell Tora about it.
“I came out to my parents.”
That’s all I had to say. All I could say.
“Why didn’t you tell them before agreeing to marry that-chick.”
“I needed to see if Saga would react, and it was too late and I was stuck, but I couldn’t do it Tora, I couldn’t lie anymore, it was eating my insides just thinking about it.”
I hid my face in shame.
Tora immediately got up and left the room.
He walked into the kitchen where Nao was trying to scrape off a waffle from the ceiling, muttering nonsense. Tora only smirked as he spotted Hiroto lying on the couch, dialing numbers.
He walked towards him and haft smiled as the squirrel picked up his legs and then placed them back down on Tora’s lap as he sat. Tora drew circles on the guitarist’s legs as he voiced a question.
“What are you doing?”
Such a simple question that had so much thought to it.
“Calling Saga-chi, he’s not here yet!”
Tora only nodded.
“Shou came out to his parents.”
“Holy shit are-“Hiroto got up in a hurried fashion to comfort the vocalist but was pulled back by a forceful tiger.
“This is something only Saga can fix.”
“But-“
“No, Saga is the only one that can get to him right, let’s just wait. Why don’t you help Nao with the cleaning?”
Hiroto groaned, he hated cleaning, it was hard for him keep his apartment clean. The only thing he kept clean and groomed was himself and his dog Mogu of course.
Tora sighed, feeling worried for his friend and anxious about what was going to happen.
“Wait isn’t Shou supposed to get married in a few hours?”
“Yep.”
“…”
“That’s not going to happen~”
-
Nao twitched as Shou’s cat eyed him. The drummer carefully walked away from the feline, his bags of cleaning products barely making the counter since his eyes focused on those of the cats.
He grew tired as he scrubbed the floor and he heard laughter. He followed it with a scrubbing brush to the sitting area, where his eyes widened.
Hiro was actually on Tora’s lap, Tora’s hands on the guitarist’s hips as the other giggled at whatever joke Tora made. Nao’s grip on the scrub brush loosened as he watched in curiosity as his friend’s plush lips met those of the pierced guitarist.
He backed away, making it to the kitchen before bursting out in laughter.
He shook and wiped his eyes, his laughter fading slowly.
“Saga, you owe me 3,000 yen.”
-
Saga twitched in line as it grew shorter.
He was frustrated, how many people have to use the subway today? At this very moment?
Hiroto had called him, told him the Shou wasn’t well and of course; he was making his way there but, fucking fate made fun of him as one of the trains broke down and there was even more people packing themselves in there.
Shit.
Finally, the bassist found a seat in the back.
His sunglasses and dark blue hat were never removed from his face as the train moved.
He took out his phone as it began to sing a familiar song; he barely heard it over the crowd.
“Hello?” his voice was low but heard.
He recognized Tora immediately.
“Where are you, Shou needs you.”
“Nice, put the pressure on me.”
“He came out to his parents.”
The words died in Saga’s throat. He now knew the situation was serious. He knew that Shou had different feelings about him. He knew Shou liked him, he knew that he thought that Saga was the most amazing thing in the world. He knew this and he loved Shou for it.
He liked the other ever since the two of them starting working together. He was comfortable around him. Saga could look like shit and Shou would find some way to compliment him. He had never wanted to be so close to someone ever in his life.
Shou was cheerful, passionate and such a sweetheart, it made his heart flutter whenever the vocalist would touch his hair affectionately. He would thread his soft fingers into my hair, when it was long and when it was short. He liked it either way.
Saga sighed; he thought Shou would actually go through with it.
He thought Shou would actually make it to the wedding day and actually stand there, at the alter with some girl, to which in Saga’s opinion couldn’t even fathom what she had next to her. Shou would have definitely outshined her. Even if she was beautiful, nothing could stop Shou from looking utterly stunning in a tux. Saga had been shocked and quite upset upon hearing the news that his friend, his partner, was getting married to a woman. He remembered Shou’s timid smile, a ‘safe’ and appropriate distance between them as they sat on Saga’s couch. He remembered watching Shou’s lips move as the terrible news spilled out in rehearsed sentences. At that very moment, he knew, that when that day came and Saga was to hear the words ‘Does anyone object to this union’, he would raise his hand and take Shou’s and run.
He would steal the groom and escape to confess his love somewhere, a park maybe.
But Shou’s fake smiles, his walls, and structure collapsed before Saga could do this romantic gesture. Why had Saga waited in the first place? He was lazy and wanted Shou to make the first move.
-
My breathing became hard to do since my face was pressed hard into the pillow so I moved my head sideways, taking in more air.
I never opened my eyes.
Even when I heard the door open, even when I heard his footsteps nearing my bed, not even when the bed shifted and I felt his presence.
I never opened my eyes as his fingers threaded through my hair, as they dragged their soft cold fingers down my cheek, across my trembling lips. His words, they touched my heart as he began to whisper lyrics into my ears. Lyrics I had written about him.
“Now I’ll say it without fear of being misunderstood, I love you.”
I finally opened my eyes, tears running down my cheeks as I sobbed. His arms wrapping around my shaking body, Saga’s hands gripping mine as he pulled my face to his chest. I cried out of pent up frustration, out of fear and out of pure happiness. His lips found my head, my cheeks and my runny nose to which I had to laugh at, I wiped my nose with sleeve, not caring about it at all.
I wanted to kiss him, but a hand against my chest stopped me and before the smile on my face was wiped away with disappointment he spoke.
“I want our real first kiss to be…err um go shower, change clothes and I’ll take you out for some food, and I’ll deal with the marriage shit, go and relax.”
He knew how take care of me didn’t he?
I didn’t want to leave that very moment, I didn’t want to be away from him now that I had him but I did.
-
“Saga!” Hiroto exclaimed as the bassist closed Shou’s door behind him.
“What did you do to him, we could hear him crying!” Hiroto punched Saga’s shoulder forcefully.
Saga feigned a pain expression. “He wasn’t crying, he was relieving his frustrations, now. Hiroto get me the numbers of the wedding planner, I’m breaking up a wedding~” He said too cheerfully.
After a few times, Saga finally reached the wedding planner who was screeching into his ear about morals and commitment. Saga then called Shou’s fiancé, oh how he hated that taste coming from his mouth. She answered, upset and angry, demanding where her husband to be was. Saga was going to be easy on her but her tone grated his nerves.
“Well if you knew him, he’s not going to marry you, he’s in love with me and being married to you isn’t something he desired. Stop bitching at me. Good day.”
Hiroto was on the floor laughing hysterically, pointing at the frustrated bassist who wanted to throw the phone into the toaster oven.
“Dude, you’re face was priceless.”
-
His back was turned to me as I approached him.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
Saga turned to kiss my damp hair and gripped my upper arms lazily.
The first kiss we had was in my kitchen, with his hands on my cheek, his lips touching mine, his teeth gripping my lower lip. Sucking, touching, kissing, we couldn’t get enough of it. It wasn’t long before he was gripping the back of my thigh through the white robe I was wearing.
“Stop it you’ll scar Nao-shi~!” Hiroto chimed, carrying in bags of take-out into the kitchen, laughing at the flustered Shou who was muttering apologies.
-
Shou smiled as Nao passed him a plate of fried sushi, serving himself before passing it to his lover who was texting.
“Hey~ Nao, Reita-san told me that Kai has been asking about you~” Saga said coolly.
Nothing could stop the drummer’s blush and large grin. Nao quickly regained some of his coolness.
“Naa, Kai and I have a good drumming relationship!”
“Yeah, Kai sure does like pounding those drums.” Tora added, making the drummer redder than the cherry wine he was drinking.
“Pshh, shut up Tora!” Hiroto giggled, reaching for some of Nao’s cake with his chopsticks.
“Seems like Nao ha-“Shou stopped as he heard his phone ring.
Finally taking it out of the drawer his eyes widened as he brought the phone to his ear.
“Mom?”
The room went quiet as Shou had his conversation there, standing with his hand in a small tight fist.
Saga stood and wrapped his arms around the trembling vocalist. His lips kissing the base of Shou’s neck, the same lips and turned into a frown as Shou whispered a goodbye.
It was silent as closed his phone and placed it on the desk.
Then he turned, smiling as Saga’s face brighten as well.
“They want to meet you.”
Saga’s eyebrows rose.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Shou found his lips again.
Nothing could stop the smile on Shou’s face.
He now, fully, felt free.
X.