Harry Watson is Hopeless at Phone Sex
BBC Sherlock
Spoilers: none
Rating 12 (historical weirdness)
Summary: Indulgent historian's fluff with Dr Harriet Watson on the phone to Molly.
"Hi, M-Molly. It's m-midnight here and I'm sitting in my hotel room topless. And, erm, that sounds like I'm trying to have phone sex, but that’d be silly when it's just an answer m-machine on the other end. And if it's midnight here, isn't it seven p.m. with you? So m-maybe you're out enjoying yourself, which is fine, it really is.
"N-no, shit, it's five a.m., because I'm five hours behind you, n-not in front and I forgot to phone you at lunch time because I was talking to someone about syphilis. And you've p-put the answer machine on because you kn-knew I'd get it wrong and you didn't want to be woken up in the m-middle of the night. But it was very interesting about the syphilis - it was syphilis in the eighteenth century, obviously - and I thought you m-might know about the toxicity of some of the drugs the m-man mentioned.
"And I'm m-missing you so m-m-much and I didn't actually phone to talk about syphilis, just to say that m-my keynote speech went really well, p-people liked it. But I had some earnest Midwest students come up to me afterwards and ask m-me to explain the joke about the china, and I wasn't sure if I should, if I m-might be corrupting them. They were so young and tall and gorgeous and they looked at m-me as if I was about a hundred and they thought I was wise. One of them asked me for careers advice and all I could think of to say was 'Always back up your work thoroughly and n-never write a book review when drunk', and she sort of edged away after that. But the others just thought I was an English academic and supposed to be eccentric.
"And I'm staying very, very sober: I told Ruth Isaacs about my p-p-problem, m -my addiction, and she's being very fierce with m-me if I so much as look at a glass of wine. Only she thinks I should become a vegetarian too, it would be good for m-me, so that's a bit trickier. And I spilled tomato juice - tomayto juice - down m-my front at dinner, and Ruth said sponging on lemon juice would help, so I'm doing that n-now, which is why I'm topless, because I've only just got back from the bar after dinner. But I haven't been drinking, I p-promise, just talking to p-people, I mean other delegates, not n-normal people.
"And I've heard so m-many fascinating p-papers today, and I'm exhausted, but I kn-know I won't be able to sleep for a bit, because I'm still on a high, and, and, and I m-miss you, and there are two hundred historians here and n-not you. And if you were here I could take you round New York, and talk about the twentieth-first century, n-not just the eighteenth, and we could go and see a show together, you'd like that.
"And I'll try and phone tomorrow when you're awake, because I don't want gorgeous college girls with carefully straightened teeth, I want you. And I wish I could be with you right now, because you'd be warm and cosy in bed and I could cuddle up to you. And n-not talk about convents in p-pre-revolutionary France - even though they are very interesting - but tell you how sweet and sexy you are. So m-maybe you should phone m-me tomorrow and talk to m-me about what you're doing in bed, only I'll have to have my phone switched off in the sessions, and, and I've probably filled up the answer m-m-machine, and what really m-matters is that the conference ends on Friday and that I love you and always will do. Bye."
Spoilers: none
Rating 12 (historical weirdness)
Summary: Indulgent historian's fluff with Dr Harriet Watson on the phone to Molly.
"Hi, M-Molly. It's m-midnight here and I'm sitting in my hotel room topless. And, erm, that sounds like I'm trying to have phone sex, but that’d be silly when it's just an answer m-machine on the other end. And if it's midnight here, isn't it seven p.m. with you? So m-maybe you're out enjoying yourself, which is fine, it really is.
"N-no, shit, it's five a.m., because I'm five hours behind you, n-not in front and I forgot to phone you at lunch time because I was talking to someone about syphilis. And you've p-put the answer machine on because you kn-knew I'd get it wrong and you didn't want to be woken up in the m-middle of the night. But it was very interesting about the syphilis - it was syphilis in the eighteenth century, obviously - and I thought you m-might know about the toxicity of some of the drugs the m-man mentioned.
"And I'm m-missing you so m-m-much and I didn't actually phone to talk about syphilis, just to say that m-my keynote speech went really well, p-people liked it. But I had some earnest Midwest students come up to me afterwards and ask m-me to explain the joke about the china, and I wasn't sure if I should, if I m-might be corrupting them. They were so young and tall and gorgeous and they looked at m-me as if I was about a hundred and they thought I was wise. One of them asked me for careers advice and all I could think of to say was 'Always back up your work thoroughly and n-never write a book review when drunk', and she sort of edged away after that. But the others just thought I was an English academic and supposed to be eccentric.
"And I'm staying very, very sober: I told Ruth Isaacs about my p-p-problem, m -my addiction, and she's being very fierce with m-me if I so much as look at a glass of wine. Only she thinks I should become a vegetarian too, it would be good for m-me, so that's a bit trickier. And I spilled tomato juice - tomayto juice - down m-my front at dinner, and Ruth said sponging on lemon juice would help, so I'm doing that n-now, which is why I'm topless, because I've only just got back from the bar after dinner. But I haven't been drinking, I p-promise, just talking to p-people, I mean other delegates, not n-normal people.
"And I've heard so m-many fascinating p-papers today, and I'm exhausted, but I kn-know I won't be able to sleep for a bit, because I'm still on a high, and, and, and I m-miss you, and there are two hundred historians here and n-not you. And if you were here I could take you round New York, and talk about the twentieth-first century, n-not just the eighteenth, and we could go and see a show together, you'd like that.
"And I'll try and phone tomorrow when you're awake, because I don't want gorgeous college girls with carefully straightened teeth, I want you. And I wish I could be with you right now, because you'd be warm and cosy in bed and I could cuddle up to you. And n-not talk about convents in p-pre-revolutionary France - even though they are very interesting - but tell you how sweet and sexy you are. So m-maybe you should phone m-me tomorrow and talk to m-me about what you're doing in bed, only I'll have to have my phone switched off in the sessions, and, and I've probably filled up the answer m-m-machine, and what really m-matters is that the conference ends on Friday and that I love you and always will do. Bye."