Another Sue report
(Hope no one minds another of these things. Credit goes to mhari for the name and initial identification).
The first canon-specific Sue report.
Sueologists in the LOTR canon have been extraordinarily busy of late. LOTR remains one of the most fertile habitats for those studying Puella moderna, and now other Sues are beginning to become more common there, such as Puella angstia. However, only recently have experienced field agents begun to identify the one subspecies of Sue native to the LOTR canon, one who drives many, many readers mad.
This is Sidhia tolkienii, the Elven Sue.
Common Habitat: The LOTR canon. However, there appears to be a point of confusion on just where in the canon Sidhia tolkienii originates. Often, the Elven Sue appears from an Elven "kingdom" or "realm" that no one has ever heard of before, where perhaps a Queen rules, or perhaps the people are long-isolated Elves. Why Tolkien has remained silent on these Elves is a point of mystery of great interest to Sueologists, but which Sidhia tolkienii authors often choose to ignore. And when the Sues do come from a known Elven retreat- the main three choices being Mirkwood, Rivendell, and Lothlorien- they likewise emerge from a deafening silence on the part of Tolkien, who never mentioned Galadriel's niece or Elrond's second daughter. The current contention is that it is far more likely Sidhia tolkienii are in fact the work of Morgoth, and sent from beyond the Void. He is thought to have twisted some Elves into Orcs; he may have kept some Elves for the far more devastating project of breeding Sidhia tolkienii. Morgoth is a Vala, and would have enough power to make the Sues appear in Middle-Earth, complete with new realms or great powers of hypnotism that would make the other canon characters accept them as always having been there.
Common Plumage: Sidhia tolkienii almost always wears gowns, described in loving detail. When she does wear male clothes, she usually has Mulier bitchia or Mulier badasstica psuedofeminista genes and will spend much time complaining about how male Elves oppress her, despite the lack of evidence in the LOTR canon for this. The male Elves, including Legolas, usually accept this meekly.
Common Fur: Sidhia tolkienii has long and flowing hair, of course. It is often golden (taking after Galadriel) or dark (taking after Arwen), though a few red-haired and silver-haired specimens have been reported. Since golden and dark are natural Elven hair colors, many Sueologists argue that this is proof Sidhia tolkienii must spring from their stock, though the predominance of golden hair in Sues not apparently descended from Finarfin makes others suspect that Morgoth has been tampering with their genes on a fundamental level. Common adjectives used to describe: long, flowing, soft, billowing, glowing.
Common Eye Colors: Here, Morgoth's influence has been most pernicious. Sidha tolkienii shows no respect at all for one of the most common of Elven eye colors, gray. Instead, she may have blue eyes, golden eyes, silver eyes, violet eyes, green eyes, or eyes of almost any color except gray. Even Sues with scarlet eyes seem more common than Sidhia tolkienii with gray eyes. Tolkien considered gray eyes very beautiful, and Luthien and Arwen, the most beautiful specimens of Elven women, both had them. One has the impression that Sidhia tolkienii does not care. Common adjectives used to describe: sparkling, mysterious, shining.
Common Mating Rituals: Sidhia tolkienii, more than other Sues, relies almost exclusively on her beauty. Legolas will fall in love with her because she is "the most beautiful Elf he has ever seen," or because of her "shining features." She stuns other characters as well, even Aragorn who has won the heart of Arwen. It is sad to note that Morgoth has apparently turned even Elven beauty to his own account.
He has done much the same thing with Elven voices. Sidhia tolkienii sometimes enchants her prey with the power of her song. While this is nothing unusual among Sues, again the talent is exaggerated in comparison to other Elves. Unlike many other canons, LOTR does have such a standard of comparison; Luthien undeniably has the most beautiful voice in Middle-Earth's history. But Sidhia tolkienii surpasses her. Possibly Morgoth lends her some of his power when she sings. He may want substitute Luthiens to make up for the one that got away.
Common Mates Chosen: Sidhia tolkienii concentrates almost exclusively on Legolas. She may be a childhood friend, his arranged bride (though Elves do not have arranged marriages), or simply a mysterious girl whom he falls in love with very quickly. He will defend her until the end of their quest, and then they will marry.
On rarer occasions, Sidhia tolkienii goes after Aragorn, and may actually shove Arwen aside, to the screams of outraged readers. Aragorn never seems to notice, and when Arwen reacts in an understandable manner, she is potrayed as a spoiled brat. Going after Aragorn may thus seem less attractive than going after Legolas, but it does allow the Sidhia tolkienii to angst about loving a mortal.
Feeding Habits: Sidhia tolkienii seems to eat Elven food without trouble. However, since she is universally described as slim, she may have an eating disorder, or else eat very little. Possibly Morgoth's power gives her most of her energy.
Natural Enemies: Sidhia tolkienii must tremble first and foremost of all before Mulier guardiana canonica, who winces and screams in pain at all the tiny shreds the Sue rips the LOTR canon into. This enemy does not hesitate to give the Sue's author harsh reviews, or write reports about her.
Mulier canonica amoris, in the form of Arwen- or possibly another LOTR canon woman, in the case of a Sidhia tolkienii going after Celeborn or Faramir- is also a problem. The Sue's author rarely has any idea how to handle her, and this clumsy pushing aside or ignoring causes many readers to turn aside from the story.
Finally, a recently-catalogued enemy, Mulier legomancia detestia, is threatening Sidhia tolkienii. This enemy badmouths Legomances, making more readers determined not to read them at all, and thus depriving the Sue's author of what she craves most: an audience for her fantasies.
Other Comments: Sidhia tolkienii is unique in that we do not fully understand the extent of the problem she poses. Possibly, she simply interferes with the LOTR canon as many Sues do with other worlds. But she also seems to disturb the balance of the world entire, either by originating in places that are definitely not canon or in families whose genealogy is extremely well-documented, leaving her no place. And if these Sues are really the work of Morgoth, the Black Enemy has found a way through the Void and must be stopped. Suggestions for elimination: shoot to kill; import Mulier legomancia detestia, most of whom would probably agree that a short stay in Middle-Earth is worth badmouthing Legomances. Sidhia tolkienii is not presently an endangered species. Sueologists have agreed to try and change that.
I don't think I know any other species that displays so basic and bald an ignorance of the canon world, and the species she was supposed to be born into.
The first canon-specific Sue report.
Sueologists in the LOTR canon have been extraordinarily busy of late. LOTR remains one of the most fertile habitats for those studying Puella moderna, and now other Sues are beginning to become more common there, such as Puella angstia. However, only recently have experienced field agents begun to identify the one subspecies of Sue native to the LOTR canon, one who drives many, many readers mad.
This is Sidhia tolkienii, the Elven Sue.
Common Habitat: The LOTR canon. However, there appears to be a point of confusion on just where in the canon Sidhia tolkienii originates. Often, the Elven Sue appears from an Elven "kingdom" or "realm" that no one has ever heard of before, where perhaps a Queen rules, or perhaps the people are long-isolated Elves. Why Tolkien has remained silent on these Elves is a point of mystery of great interest to Sueologists, but which Sidhia tolkienii authors often choose to ignore. And when the Sues do come from a known Elven retreat- the main three choices being Mirkwood, Rivendell, and Lothlorien- they likewise emerge from a deafening silence on the part of Tolkien, who never mentioned Galadriel's niece or Elrond's second daughter. The current contention is that it is far more likely Sidhia tolkienii are in fact the work of Morgoth, and sent from beyond the Void. He is thought to have twisted some Elves into Orcs; he may have kept some Elves for the far more devastating project of breeding Sidhia tolkienii. Morgoth is a Vala, and would have enough power to make the Sues appear in Middle-Earth, complete with new realms or great powers of hypnotism that would make the other canon characters accept them as always having been there.
Common Plumage: Sidhia tolkienii almost always wears gowns, described in loving detail. When she does wear male clothes, she usually has Mulier bitchia or Mulier badasstica psuedofeminista genes and will spend much time complaining about how male Elves oppress her, despite the lack of evidence in the LOTR canon for this. The male Elves, including Legolas, usually accept this meekly.
Common Fur: Sidhia tolkienii has long and flowing hair, of course. It is often golden (taking after Galadriel) or dark (taking after Arwen), though a few red-haired and silver-haired specimens have been reported. Since golden and dark are natural Elven hair colors, many Sueologists argue that this is proof Sidhia tolkienii must spring from their stock, though the predominance of golden hair in Sues not apparently descended from Finarfin makes others suspect that Morgoth has been tampering with their genes on a fundamental level. Common adjectives used to describe: long, flowing, soft, billowing, glowing.
Common Eye Colors: Here, Morgoth's influence has been most pernicious. Sidha tolkienii shows no respect at all for one of the most common of Elven eye colors, gray. Instead, she may have blue eyes, golden eyes, silver eyes, violet eyes, green eyes, or eyes of almost any color except gray. Even Sues with scarlet eyes seem more common than Sidhia tolkienii with gray eyes. Tolkien considered gray eyes very beautiful, and Luthien and Arwen, the most beautiful specimens of Elven women, both had them. One has the impression that Sidhia tolkienii does not care. Common adjectives used to describe: sparkling, mysterious, shining.
Common Mating Rituals: Sidhia tolkienii, more than other Sues, relies almost exclusively on her beauty. Legolas will fall in love with her because she is "the most beautiful Elf he has ever seen," or because of her "shining features." She stuns other characters as well, even Aragorn who has won the heart of Arwen. It is sad to note that Morgoth has apparently turned even Elven beauty to his own account.
He has done much the same thing with Elven voices. Sidhia tolkienii sometimes enchants her prey with the power of her song. While this is nothing unusual among Sues, again the talent is exaggerated in comparison to other Elves. Unlike many other canons, LOTR does have such a standard of comparison; Luthien undeniably has the most beautiful voice in Middle-Earth's history. But Sidhia tolkienii surpasses her. Possibly Morgoth lends her some of his power when she sings. He may want substitute Luthiens to make up for the one that got away.
Common Mates Chosen: Sidhia tolkienii concentrates almost exclusively on Legolas. She may be a childhood friend, his arranged bride (though Elves do not have arranged marriages), or simply a mysterious girl whom he falls in love with very quickly. He will defend her until the end of their quest, and then they will marry.
On rarer occasions, Sidhia tolkienii goes after Aragorn, and may actually shove Arwen aside, to the screams of outraged readers. Aragorn never seems to notice, and when Arwen reacts in an understandable manner, she is potrayed as a spoiled brat. Going after Aragorn may thus seem less attractive than going after Legolas, but it does allow the Sidhia tolkienii to angst about loving a mortal.
Feeding Habits: Sidhia tolkienii seems to eat Elven food without trouble. However, since she is universally described as slim, she may have an eating disorder, or else eat very little. Possibly Morgoth's power gives her most of her energy.
Natural Enemies: Sidhia tolkienii must tremble first and foremost of all before Mulier guardiana canonica, who winces and screams in pain at all the tiny shreds the Sue rips the LOTR canon into. This enemy does not hesitate to give the Sue's author harsh reviews, or write reports about her.
Mulier canonica amoris, in the form of Arwen- or possibly another LOTR canon woman, in the case of a Sidhia tolkienii going after Celeborn or Faramir- is also a problem. The Sue's author rarely has any idea how to handle her, and this clumsy pushing aside or ignoring causes many readers to turn aside from the story.
Finally, a recently-catalogued enemy, Mulier legomancia detestia, is threatening Sidhia tolkienii. This enemy badmouths Legomances, making more readers determined not to read them at all, and thus depriving the Sue's author of what she craves most: an audience for her fantasies.
Other Comments: Sidhia tolkienii is unique in that we do not fully understand the extent of the problem she poses. Possibly, she simply interferes with the LOTR canon as many Sues do with other worlds. But she also seems to disturb the balance of the world entire, either by originating in places that are definitely not canon or in families whose genealogy is extremely well-documented, leaving her no place. And if these Sues are really the work of Morgoth, the Black Enemy has found a way through the Void and must be stopped. Suggestions for elimination: shoot to kill; import Mulier legomancia detestia, most of whom would probably agree that a short stay in Middle-Earth is worth badmouthing Legomances. Sidhia tolkienii is not presently an endangered species. Sueologists have agreed to try and change that.
I don't think I know any other species that displays so basic and bald an ignorance of the canon world, and the species she was supposed to be born into.