He is HUGE and therefore has HUGE GUTS!
Well, little story before this one because the fandom's rather obscure. I have recently been quite taken with a film called Sky High, quite possibly one of Disney's best forays into live action (bar, of course, Pirates). It's essentially a high school superhero movie that takes numerous swipes at the cliches of both genres and has a cast that's completely ga-ga bouncing off the walls. I mean, Cloris Leachman?. It's also proof that Disney can indeed write teenagers well. Definitely recommended.
So, what do I do when I find something I like? Why, scour the Internet for terrible fanfiction of it, of course! Ugh. I think I have a disease. I blame you guys.
Story Or Series Title: Thunder's Heart That some kind of rejected Sailor Moon power? Also, I'd definitely avoid clicking the link unless you've either seen the movie or don't mind spoilers, because it gives away one of the best twists I've ever seen in a "family" film. For this reason, also, this snark will remain spoiler-free.
Fandom: Sky High
Culprit Author's Name: DR. COFFIN. This is, incidentally, the same name as the second-most badass Scooby Doo villain.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Big McLargeHuge Thomas "Thunder" Jackson.
Full Species(es): Superhuman
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black, braided hair that "reached past his shoulders and down his broad back."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "deep" hazel
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Light chocolate colored skin," "powerful legs," the aforementioned broad back. He towers over Gwen's father. Granted, it's not hard to be bigger than Jim Rash (yes, from Reno 911; told you this casting was weird), but we've really heard enough about how huge you are, thanks. He's so well-toned that he looks five years older than he actually is.
Special Possessions (if any): Angst. Entitlement issues. Clothes that make him look like a fairytale prince. Gwen Grayson. Again, for those not familiar with this relatively obscure fandom, Gwen is the romantic lead for most of the film. She's also Grade-A Badass with a touch of Magnificent Bastard all in the adorable little body of Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Bizarrely, despite her prominent role (and, you know, being Mary Elizabeth Winstead), she has very few fics centering on her, probably because she has a very complex role in the plot that renders her nearly impossible to pair with a Stu. This is the only one of that variety I've found, actually.
Annoying Origin: The son of two former superheroes' sidekicks.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Gwen's homecoming date. You know, the one that she didn't have in the movie?
Annoying Special Abilities: Can control the weather. Also appears decent at stalking.
Other Annoying Traits: Classifying Sky High Sues is interesting because pretty much everyone is bound to have superpowers, so the "special powers" section really doesn't help much. This one may even be a subversion of a Stu, given the interesting conclusion, but that still doesn't explain why most of the fic is devoted to this guy's angst and how huge he is.
As a completely unrelated sidenote, the word "harridan" is featured. I can no longer read this word in anything other than the voice of Davy Jones.
Please include a small sample of the worst of the story:
It was Gwen. She was crying. At first he couldn't understand her, but she did calm down and told him that Will had just dumped her in front of everyone at the party, and the night before homecoming as well.Thunder was shocked. Now that little creep had the NERVE to do that to the most beautiful and kind girl in the world? It took every ounce of strength to keep from flying out the window, blowing up the front yard of the Stronghold's house with a lightning bolt and challenging Will to a fight in front of all the partiers. But Gwen said that the party was already over, broken up by the arrival of Will's parents. Though he still felt his parents should know what an a-hole their son was, Thunder would not teach Will some manners…at least not yet.
Thunder was ready, willing and able when Gwen meekly asked him if he would take her to homecoming.
"I'd be so grateful forever," she whispered in a quivering voice, "I…I just can't walk into there without someone with me after what Will just did. It would be so humiliating…"
"Don't worry for a second," he told her, "what kind of hero would I be if I didn't save a beautiful damsel in distress?"
Damsel in distress. It was the time-honored term for a situation where a girl was in eminent danger and a hero would rescue her at the last second.
He had been able to get a tux at the last second, though it wasn't easy to get one his size with his broad shoulders and tapered waist from his years of intensive exercise. He had his braided hair redone so that it reached past his shoulders and down his broad back. He shaved so that his strong face was baby smooth, and he had to admit with a little vanity that he looked GOOD. Once Gwen got a look at the tall, strong young man with the light chocolate colored skin, deep hazel eyes and long black hair dressed like a prince from a fairy tale she'd completely forget that short, scrawny raggedy-looking punk.
So, what do I do when I find something I like? Why, scour the Internet for terrible fanfiction of it, of course! Ugh. I think I have a disease. I blame you guys.
Story Or Series Title: Thunder's Heart That some kind of rejected Sailor Moon power? Also, I'd definitely avoid clicking the link unless you've either seen the movie or don't mind spoilers, because it gives away one of the best twists I've ever seen in a "family" film. For this reason, also, this snark will remain spoiler-free.
Fandom: Sky High
Culprit Author's Name: DR. COFFIN. This is, incidentally, the same name as the second-most badass Scooby Doo villain.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Big McLargeHuge Thomas "Thunder" Jackson.
Full Species(es): Superhuman
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black, braided hair that "reached past his shoulders and down his broad back."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "deep" hazel
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Light chocolate colored skin," "powerful legs," the aforementioned broad back. He towers over Gwen's father. Granted, it's not hard to be bigger than Jim Rash (yes, from Reno 911; told you this casting was weird), but we've really heard enough about how huge you are, thanks. He's so well-toned that he looks five years older than he actually is.
Special Possessions (if any): Angst. Entitlement issues. Clothes that make him look like a fairytale prince. Gwen Grayson. Again, for those not familiar with this relatively obscure fandom, Gwen is the romantic lead for most of the film. She's also Grade-A Badass with a touch of Magnificent Bastard all in the adorable little body of Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Bizarrely, despite her prominent role (and, you know, being Mary Elizabeth Winstead), she has very few fics centering on her, probably because she has a very complex role in the plot that renders her nearly impossible to pair with a Stu. This is the only one of that variety I've found, actually.
Annoying Origin: The son of two former superheroes' sidekicks.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Gwen's homecoming date. You know, the one that she didn't have in the movie?
Annoying Special Abilities: Can control the weather. Also appears decent at stalking.
Other Annoying Traits: Classifying Sky High Sues is interesting because pretty much everyone is bound to have superpowers, so the "special powers" section really doesn't help much. This one may even be a subversion of a Stu, given the interesting conclusion, but that still doesn't explain why most of the fic is devoted to this guy's angst and how huge he is.
As a completely unrelated sidenote, the word "harridan" is featured. I can no longer read this word in anything other than the voice of Davy Jones.
Please include a small sample of the worst of the story:
It was Gwen. She was crying. At first he couldn't understand her, but she did calm down and told him that Will had just dumped her in front of everyone at the party, and the night before homecoming as well.Thunder was shocked. Now that little creep had the NERVE to do that to the most beautiful and kind girl in the world? It took every ounce of strength to keep from flying out the window, blowing up the front yard of the Stronghold's house with a lightning bolt and challenging Will to a fight in front of all the partiers. But Gwen said that the party was already over, broken up by the arrival of Will's parents. Though he still felt his parents should know what an a-hole their son was, Thunder would not teach Will some manners…at least not yet.
Thunder was ready, willing and able when Gwen meekly asked him if he would take her to homecoming.
"I'd be so grateful forever," she whispered in a quivering voice, "I…I just can't walk into there without someone with me after what Will just did. It would be so humiliating…"
"Don't worry for a second," he told her, "what kind of hero would I be if I didn't save a beautiful damsel in distress?"
Damsel in distress. It was the time-honored term for a situation where a girl was in eminent danger and a hero would rescue her at the last second.
He had been able to get a tux at the last second, though it wasn't easy to get one his size with his broad shoulders and tapered waist from his years of intensive exercise. He had his braided hair redone so that it reached past his shoulders and down his broad back. He shaved so that his strong face was baby smooth, and he had to admit with a little vanity that he looked GOOD. Once Gwen got a look at the tall, strong young man with the light chocolate colored skin, deep hazel eyes and long black hair dressed like a prince from a fairy tale she'd completely forget that short, scrawny raggedy-looking punk.