Twilight Heaven- An Exceptionally Annoying POTC/LOTR Crossover
Story or Series Title- Twilight Heaven (so far, this story has nothing to do with twilight or heaven. I suppose I should wait until the author wants to include a plot.)
Fandom- Pirates of the Caribbean/Lord of The Rings crossover. God.
Culprit Author's Name-Broken-Rose-Thornesxoxo (She could at least have spelled 'thorns' right.)
Full Name (plus titles if any): Penelope (but DON'T BLOODY CALL HER THAT LEST YOU FEEL THE WRATH OF JERK!SUE!!11!!1) prefers to be called Pippin, Pip, Penny or (inexplicably) JJ. It sort of reminds me of "There are those who call me...Tim?"
Full Species(es)- Spoiled Brat Human
Hair Color- "And my hair? It was a short choppy cut and a dark, rich auburn color, naturally. Again, no joke." (uhm. I didn't find anything humorous about that description. 0.0)
Eye Color- "Apparently my eyes were literally emerald green, but I didn't see it." (You could try...a mirror?)
Unusual Markings/Colorations- None that I've seen so far, but this story is so gag-inducing I was sort of forced to scan over it rather than read in depth.
Special Possessions (if any)- Tons of money (that she thinks is so annoying. I no, rite? Must be HARD living in a mansion in Colorado. Must be TOUGH.), friends (despite being whiny, annoying and bossy)
Annoying Origin- IRL world. More specifically, a mansion in Colorado.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters- Well, Legolas -having just inexplicably dropped out of Middle Earth- seems enchanted by forcefulness (Read- bitchyness). Commodore Norrington has also appeared (Yeah, awesome. Thanks for butchering my favorite character) and seems to lie down and take her crap as well. Its obvious that Legolas will end up with marysue-whats-her-face (even though she's spend countless paragraphs whining about how superior Aragorn is) and Norrington, with the marysue-sidekick (aka the suethor's IRL best friend).
Annoying Special Abilities- Again, having friends despite being a selfish brat.
Other Annoying Traits- Oh, right...she uses the word 'bloody' constantly, despite being American. What is it with Jerk!Sues and trying to be cool by saying 'bloody' over and over again? I'm fairly certain no real pre-teens say this in real life.
Small Sample-
Just to forewarn you, this is perhaps one of the most disgustingly obnoxious Sues I've ever come across. Its almost gratuitous enough to be a troll but you just know it isn't. It's definitely some insecure preteen girl with the thigh-sweats for a bunch of fictional characters and who, for whatever reason, wants her character to be 'too kewl' for the fanfic itself. Lord, beer me strength.
Alright, here's the lowdown. I am definitely not your average girl. I'm only five feet tall, 19 years old, have an annoying but caring 22 year old brother named Bruce, a huge crush on his friend Dave, and parents that I never see.
Yeah. Right now, I'm living alone in my parents abandoned house, with nothing to do. They decided that they wanted to go on yet another vacation. Why couldn't they just stay here, with me?
Oh right, probably because I scared them. I was a punk/prep/hobo girl. Yeah. One day, I'd wear a mini skirt, stilettos, and a tight tank top, and the next I'd wear etnis, baggy ripped jeans, a tank top, and a really big jean jacket. Not to mention the 15 necklaces, 50 bracelets, and skull and rose earrings. Well, they had Johnny Depp to thank for that. I swear, I even had those things that he wore on his wrists. No joke. And my hair? It was a short choppy cut and a dark, rich auburn color, naturally. Again, no joke. Apparently my eyes were literally emerald green, but I didn't see it.
Anyway, my parents are mega rich. It's annoying really. We live in this mansion thing, sitting on a big chunk of land, smack dab in the middle of Colorado. Oh yeah, and we have a gigantic swimming pool and a huge garden.
And here I am, stuck in this paradise, with nothing to do.
By the way, my name's Penelope. Don't ask me why, it was my mom's idea, as it was to name our tabby cat with tiger stripes Frou Frou. People usually call me Pippin, Pip, Penny, or JJ. Don't ask why, I don't know.
So here it is, first day of summer, my parents are gone, my brother is coming to check up on me, Frou Frou wants to be fed, and I have nothing to do at eight o'clock in the morning. Yes, nothing to do in a mansion like this. Actually, I do have one thing to do: answer the phone.
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(Legolas POV, BTW) Penelope-er pippin, I guess, was enthralled with the thing we were watching. When Boromir attacked Frodo for the ring, I started to hear things. I had no idea what it was, so I tried to focus on the sound, trying to understand it.
"Will you please stop fidgeting? This is the best part!"
"But- someone is here." I was confused. Couldn't she tell someone was here?
There was a crash and a thud.
She just sat there staring at me.
"What the-? Where am I? Why am I in this bloody room?" there was a pause. "And why is this blasted pirate's face all over?"
"He's in the room with 'the blasted pirate'-"
"Aw crud!" she jumped up, hit something on the metal box, and ran out. "Why does it have to be my room? Why!?"
I followed her out and through a bunch of corridors.
She ran into a room, with walls that were plastered with countless portraits of Lord Aragorn, and some other man. "Who the bloody heck are you?"
"Commodore Norrington Milady," he gave a stiff bow, and took the hat off his head. He looked young, though why his hair looked white and stiff I had no idea.
"What on earth are you doing in my room?"
"These, are your, private quarters?"
"Yes!"
"Oh. I'm dreadfully sorry, milady. But I have no idea how I got here. Would you mind if I inquired as to what your name may be?"
"Penelope, and if you call me by that name I will hurt you."
She was quite literally bristling with anger.
"And you won't call me milady either. Chivalry is one thing, but you two, you two are something else."
"Well then, what shall we call you?"
"Pippin, Pip, penny, J. J., your choice. Now, both of you, out. Go entertain yourselves in the purple parlor."
She turned around and started to throw things around.
"Alright," I said, turning around and walking out of the room. The commodore followed me, just as confused as I was.
"And don't touch ANYTHING!" she slammed the door shut.
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Fandom- Pirates of the Caribbean/Lord of The Rings crossover. God.
Culprit Author's Name-Broken-Rose-Thornesxoxo (She could at least have spelled 'thorns' right.)
Full Name (plus titles if any): Penelope (but DON'T BLOODY CALL HER THAT LEST YOU FEEL THE WRATH OF JERK!SUE!!11!!1) prefers to be called Pippin, Pip, Penny or (inexplicably) JJ. It sort of reminds me of "There are those who call me...Tim?"
Full Species(es)- Spoiled Brat Human
Hair Color- "And my hair? It was a short choppy cut and a dark, rich auburn color, naturally. Again, no joke." (uhm. I didn't find anything humorous about that description. 0.0)
Eye Color- "Apparently my eyes were literally emerald green, but I didn't see it." (You could try...a mirror?)
Unusual Markings/Colorations- None that I've seen so far, but this story is so gag-inducing I was sort of forced to scan over it rather than read in depth.
Special Possessions (if any)- Tons of money (that she thinks is so annoying. I no, rite? Must be HARD living in a mansion in Colorado. Must be TOUGH.), friends (despite being whiny, annoying and bossy)
Annoying Origin- IRL world. More specifically, a mansion in Colorado.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters- Well, Legolas -having just inexplicably dropped out of Middle Earth- seems enchanted by forcefulness (Read- bitchyness). Commodore Norrington has also appeared (Yeah, awesome. Thanks for butchering my favorite character) and seems to lie down and take her crap as well. Its obvious that Legolas will end up with marysue-whats-her-face (even though she's spend countless paragraphs whining about how superior Aragorn is) and Norrington, with the marysue-sidekick (aka the suethor's IRL best friend).
Annoying Special Abilities- Again, having friends despite being a selfish brat.
Other Annoying Traits- Oh, right...she uses the word 'bloody' constantly, despite being American. What is it with Jerk!Sues and trying to be cool by saying 'bloody' over and over again? I'm fairly certain no real pre-teens say this in real life.
Small Sample-
Just to forewarn you, this is perhaps one of the most disgustingly obnoxious Sues I've ever come across. Its almost gratuitous enough to be a troll but you just know it isn't. It's definitely some insecure preteen girl with the thigh-sweats for a bunch of fictional characters and who, for whatever reason, wants her character to be 'too kewl' for the fanfic itself. Lord, beer me strength.
Alright, here's the lowdown. I am definitely not your average girl. I'm only five feet tall, 19 years old, have an annoying but caring 22 year old brother named Bruce, a huge crush on his friend Dave, and parents that I never see.
Yeah. Right now, I'm living alone in my parents abandoned house, with nothing to do. They decided that they wanted to go on yet another vacation. Why couldn't they just stay here, with me?
Oh right, probably because I scared them. I was a punk/prep/hobo girl. Yeah. One day, I'd wear a mini skirt, stilettos, and a tight tank top, and the next I'd wear etnis, baggy ripped jeans, a tank top, and a really big jean jacket. Not to mention the 15 necklaces, 50 bracelets, and skull and rose earrings. Well, they had Johnny Depp to thank for that. I swear, I even had those things that he wore on his wrists. No joke. And my hair? It was a short choppy cut and a dark, rich auburn color, naturally. Again, no joke. Apparently my eyes were literally emerald green, but I didn't see it.
Anyway, my parents are mega rich. It's annoying really. We live in this mansion thing, sitting on a big chunk of land, smack dab in the middle of Colorado. Oh yeah, and we have a gigantic swimming pool and a huge garden.
And here I am, stuck in this paradise, with nothing to do.
By the way, my name's Penelope. Don't ask me why, it was my mom's idea, as it was to name our tabby cat with tiger stripes Frou Frou. People usually call me Pippin, Pip, Penny, or JJ. Don't ask why, I don't know.
So here it is, first day of summer, my parents are gone, my brother is coming to check up on me, Frou Frou wants to be fed, and I have nothing to do at eight o'clock in the morning. Yes, nothing to do in a mansion like this. Actually, I do have one thing to do: answer the phone.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Legolas POV, BTW) Penelope-er pippin, I guess, was enthralled with the thing we were watching. When Boromir attacked Frodo for the ring, I started to hear things. I had no idea what it was, so I tried to focus on the sound, trying to understand it.
"Will you please stop fidgeting? This is the best part!"
"But- someone is here." I was confused. Couldn't she tell someone was here?
There was a crash and a thud.
She just sat there staring at me.
"What the-? Where am I? Why am I in this bloody room?" there was a pause. "And why is this blasted pirate's face all over?"
"He's in the room with 'the blasted pirate'-"
"Aw crud!" she jumped up, hit something on the metal box, and ran out. "Why does it have to be my room? Why!?"
I followed her out and through a bunch of corridors.
She ran into a room, with walls that were plastered with countless portraits of Lord Aragorn, and some other man. "Who the bloody heck are you?"
"Commodore Norrington Milady," he gave a stiff bow, and took the hat off his head. He looked young, though why his hair looked white and stiff I had no idea.
"What on earth are you doing in my room?"
"These, are your, private quarters?"
"Yes!"
"Oh. I'm dreadfully sorry, milady. But I have no idea how I got here. Would you mind if I inquired as to what your name may be?"
"Penelope, and if you call me by that name I will hurt you."
She was quite literally bristling with anger.
"And you won't call me milady either. Chivalry is one thing, but you two, you two are something else."
"Well then, what shall we call you?"
"Pippin, Pip, penny, J. J., your choice. Now, both of you, out. Go entertain yourselves in the purple parlor."
She turned around and started to throw things around.
"Alright," I said, turning around and walking out of the room. The commodore followed me, just as confused as I was.
"And don't touch ANYTHING!" she slammed the door shut.
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