I have a bad feeling about this
Story Or Series Title: Love is a scary thing
Fandom: Star Wars. Shouldn't have even looked...
Culprit Author's Name: P3wnage. I found it sickly ironic.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Just "Rena." As of the moment.
Full Species(es): mysterious!bitchy!catgirl!Sue, so far.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "short, black hair" doesn't sound so bad, until the Suethor includes: "(*try to imagine Haruhi Suzumiya's hair)"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "her cat eyes, to people eyes, from green to brown". Back to the good ol' eye-changing trick, are we.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "ears of a feline, of some other planet I know," and "a tail like said feline of same species," although we're not enlightened as to what species that IS.
Special Possessions (if any): Super-annoying attitude? The brains of our clone trooper? Nothing, so far.
Annoying Origin: She's found unconscious, in the middle of the woods, during a storm, just after a scream is heard. My guess is freshly birthed from a sasquatch.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None, as of yet.
Annoying Special Abilities: She can sneak into a clone trooper's bed, but the trooper's a few fries short of a Happy Meal, if you catch my drift.
Other Annoying Traits:
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
My name is CT-0707f. In Fett years, I am 16 years old. Fett years? ... The Republic had need of more troops immediately, so they flash trained us as soon as they can, and set us out into battle. This "churning out moar" policy shows in the quality of the troops. Oh, how it shows.
How I always dreamed of fighting along side Captain Rex and ARC troopers. Yeah, because you know a standard clone has dreams of ascending ranks he was never bred to climb. Sadly, that was not the case. Awww. Shucks. I wasn't going to get any action. Poor me. Huh, save the self-pity for when you meet the Sue, meatcan.
The first three days on planet Ogigyas was rather usual. No sign of Confederates, no sign of trouble. Good, good. You're wasting your time, excellent! That's just what wins an interplanetary civil war, m'boy!
Today, I heard it was going to rain for three straight days on the comlink. *grits teeth* Well, I looked at the weather reports and what do you know? Sushine all around. Silly weather people. Silly Commanders. Oh, I'm in stitches, you funny clone, you.
He makes a self-deprecating comment about his memory, and we move on the the next journal entry! Oh, joys of joys!
Well, I was dumb. Don't worry, my brain cells are dying from this, too. Rain, Rain, and more Rain fell upon the base. It was a thunder storm you see, very dark, very strong. o rly? For more than a week it was raining. I was so bored, I forced my self to write in this journal. Yessss, because ever so many troopers have ever so many personal possessions, like journals and teddy bears and Blackberries and tight leather pants and YouTube and-- Today, I decided to get into my armor Because you obviously have a choice! and scout around, to check for any Confederate Droids in the area. It was the perfect weather to be concealed in.
The cold drops tattered upon my helmet as I walked around the area. It was kind of frightening, for I could barely see in this weather. Yeah, I'm sure the Kaminoans were too cheap to invest in some nice light filters for your HUD. Who needs soldiers that can see in a little thunderstorm?
Dang weather people, you can never trust them. ... BWUH? Suddenly, I hear a faint scream in the north east. I ran toward the sound. A hurt animal? Possibly, but it sounded too human for a dying animal. Too human. DUH-DUH-DUUUUH.
The lightning light up where I was going. Falling pine trees were becoming common, and strong winds threw me off guard. Pine trees? D: Why was I running towards this scream? Hell if I know. A chance to save a life? And probably disobey orders? A chance to save myself from a totally drone day? Perhaps, but I didn't think of that while I was running, only afterwards. I tripped on some branches here and there, but I still went on. Finally, I stopped blindly running, and came upon a humanoid shape. It was lying on the ground, flat, but still breathing. The lightning flashed and I saw what i was gazing at. A young woman, about my age. Her short, black hair was covered in mud(*try to imagine Haruhi Suzumiya's hair). WUT DDD:
She had a sun blouse on her person, with spiky green patterns on the bottom, and yellow above. The girl looked human, except for a few things. One, she had ears of a feline, of some other planet I know. But can't name, amirite? Two, she had a tail like said feline of same species. Using my gut instinct, I decided to take her into the bunker. "Screw the training, I have gut instinct!"
So, after "an hour of tireful walking," CT-0707f returns to his outpost, stuffs the feline girl into "the living quarters," and treats her all nicey-nicey, even getting her a blanket and some blue milk. We are charmed by his loving care and apparent lack of other duties.
And then he watches her sleep for a few hours, and the warm fuzzies turn into the heebie-jeebies. There's a mention of an armory, and his "DC-15S Carbine/Pistol," which has been known to produce cold shivers from readers at thirty paces.
I then walked into the living quarters, to find this girl, awake. She looked shy, timid, and aloof. lol tht makez sens
I wanted to know some stuff about her back ground. Was she a spy, was she lost? If so, where's your home? With all these questions, she turned her head away from me. In most situations, Commander Gree told me that universal expression meant she can't or does no want to hear much more. Looks like they squandered the citizen's taxes on those flash training programs.
I asked her all these questions but I forgot to do one thing: ask what her name was. D'oh!
Next, because I love you guys, and feel a brand of concern for your well-being, I advise anyone with a heart condition, high blood pressure, or an easily excitable temperament to immediately scroll past this excerpt. FOR SRS, GAIZ.
I took off my helmet, with hair coming down, long and swayed to one place(*imagine stereotypical emo hair). I had the features of a young Jango Fett. I never really liked my father.
Firstly: D:
Secondly: DD:
Thirdly: in case you didn't quite understand her description, I have kindly constructed a visual.
I'm sorry. Maybe that was overkill.
In any case, let's move on. Or at least try and scrub that memory from our thoughts long enough to scramble to the next atrocity.
It's revealed that the cat girl's name is "Rena," and she basically tells him to STFU, to which he responds by pondering the idea of telling her how to get to the nearest city in the morning. DEY R SO KEWT TOGETHR
That night, CT-0707f "rocks in his sleep", which is normally a problem reserved for awesome people, not emo-haired clone troopers. Saints preserve us, I can't believe I just said that.
In the morning, he wakes up, and finds Rena in his bed with him. But instead of blasting her in the face or maybe slamming a fist into her windpipe, he yells at her to get out.
To soothe his fears, Rena changes "her cat eyes, to people eyes, from green to brown".
There are many that would consider that to be... unnatural.
It's revealed that Rena got into his bed because it was "lonely" where he'd left her, and she was able to infiltrate using... an open door.
...
The trooper-- now referred to as "CT," tries to lay down some ground rules about being in his bed, but she falls asleep before rule one, like the polite house guest she is.
The chapter ends-- none too soon, might I add-- with:
"I guess my turn of phrase bores you, oh well. Good night Rena"
CT-0707f would make a bad roomate.
I'm going to stop for a moment, and point out that this fic was filed under "Cartoons >> Star Wars: The Clone Wars". Now, I'll admit to having not seen this movie, so I'm sporking under the canon laid down by the prequels and EU novels.
And from what I can see, CT-0707f should have been scrapped before he left the vat.
I feel horrible about condemning an innocent, slightly braindead clone trooper, but his general OoCness hurts almost more than the Sue. All the cleverness and honor and loyalty to orders that was bred into the troopers seems to have gone out the airlock, not to mention the fact that they practically lived for their brothers, the other troopers. CT-0707f's comrades aren't even mentioned, apart from a few references to his superiors and the ARCs. And, the whole, "stupid as a sack of hammers" thing kind of cuts down on his military value, just saying.
While every clone seemed to have a certain edge of individuality, however illicitly, I seriously doubt the range would have included anything like CT-0707f. I mean... um, really. D: Would you have spent any money on an army full of this guy?
Which leaves us with the more traditional Sue-- "Rena," the cat girl. I would've been forced to have bought it if the Suethor had named her as a Cathar, which would at least explain the feline attributes. Sort of.
Not so much the Haruhi Suzumiya hair or shape-shifting eyes, but it would have at least given us a SCRAP of canon to cling to.
Instead, she's rude, boringly 'mysterious-type lolololol' , and mostly unbelievable. CT-0707f only adds to this by not putting her in the nearest pair of binders or stuncuffs, or at least filing a report to his CO, but I suppose that's a little too inconveniently realistic.
In combination, CT-0707f and Rena are a matched pair of stupid, canon-chuffing OCs. I was extremely relieved to see only one chapter was posted so far, further preventing me from any more head-to-keyboard trauma, as well as any other exploits concerning Photoshopping emo hair onto Temuera Morrison. On the other hand, part of me sort of wants to see how far into debauchery this fic can descend, and the other part never wants to see it again.
Ever.
Fandom: Star Wars. Shouldn't have even looked...
Culprit Author's Name: P3wnage. I found it sickly ironic.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Just "Rena." As of the moment.
Full Species(es): mysterious!bitchy!catgirl!Sue, so far.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "short, black hair" doesn't sound so bad, until the Suethor includes: "(*try to imagine Haruhi Suzumiya's hair)"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "her cat eyes, to people eyes, from green to brown". Back to the good ol' eye-changing trick, are we.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "ears of a feline, of some other planet I know," and "a tail like said feline of same species," although we're not enlightened as to what species that IS.
Special Possessions (if any): Super-annoying attitude? The brains of our clone trooper? Nothing, so far.
Annoying Origin: She's found unconscious, in the middle of the woods, during a storm, just after a scream is heard. My guess is freshly birthed from a sasquatch.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None, as of yet.
Annoying Special Abilities: She can sneak into a clone trooper's bed, but the trooper's a few fries short of a Happy Meal, if you catch my drift.
Other Annoying Traits:
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
My name is CT-0707f. In Fett years, I am 16 years old. Fett years? ... The Republic had need of more troops immediately, so they flash trained us as soon as they can, and set us out into battle. This "churning out moar" policy shows in the quality of the troops. Oh, how it shows.
How I always dreamed of fighting along side Captain Rex and ARC troopers. Yeah, because you know a standard clone has dreams of ascending ranks he was never bred to climb. Sadly, that was not the case. Awww. Shucks. I wasn't going to get any action. Poor me. Huh, save the self-pity for when you meet the Sue, meatcan.
The first three days on planet Ogigyas was rather usual. No sign of Confederates, no sign of trouble. Good, good. You're wasting your time, excellent! That's just what wins an interplanetary civil war, m'boy!
Today, I heard it was going to rain for three straight days on the comlink. *grits teeth* Well, I looked at the weather reports and what do you know? Sushine all around. Silly weather people. Silly Commanders. Oh, I'm in stitches, you funny clone, you.
He makes a self-deprecating comment about his memory, and we move on the the next journal entry! Oh, joys of joys!
Well, I was dumb. Don't worry, my brain cells are dying from this, too. Rain, Rain, and more Rain fell upon the base. It was a thunder storm you see, very dark, very strong. o rly? For more than a week it was raining. I was so bored, I forced my self to write in this journal. Yessss, because ever so many troopers have ever so many personal possessions, like journals and teddy bears and Blackberries and tight leather pants and YouTube and-- Today, I decided to get into my armor Because you obviously have a choice! and scout around, to check for any Confederate Droids in the area. It was the perfect weather to be concealed in.
The cold drops tattered upon my helmet as I walked around the area. It was kind of frightening, for I could barely see in this weather. Yeah, I'm sure the Kaminoans were too cheap to invest in some nice light filters for your HUD. Who needs soldiers that can see in a little thunderstorm?
Dang weather people, you can never trust them. ... BWUH? Suddenly, I hear a faint scream in the north east. I ran toward the sound. A hurt animal? Possibly, but it sounded too human for a dying animal. Too human. DUH-DUH-DUUUUH.
The lightning light up where I was going. Falling pine trees were becoming common, and strong winds threw me off guard. Pine trees? D: Why was I running towards this scream? Hell if I know. A chance to save a life? And probably disobey orders? A chance to save myself from a totally drone day? Perhaps, but I didn't think of that while I was running, only afterwards. I tripped on some branches here and there, but I still went on. Finally, I stopped blindly running, and came upon a humanoid shape. It was lying on the ground, flat, but still breathing. The lightning flashed and I saw what i was gazing at. A young woman, about my age. Her short, black hair was covered in mud(*try to imagine Haruhi Suzumiya's hair). WUT DDD:
She had a sun blouse on her person, with spiky green patterns on the bottom, and yellow above. The girl looked human, except for a few things. One, she had ears of a feline, of some other planet I know. But can't name, amirite? Two, she had a tail like said feline of same species. Using my gut instinct, I decided to take her into the bunker. "Screw the training, I have gut instinct!"
So, after "an hour of tireful walking," CT-0707f returns to his outpost, stuffs the feline girl into "the living quarters," and treats her all nicey-nicey, even getting her a blanket and some blue milk. We are charmed by his loving care and apparent lack of other duties.
And then he watches her sleep for a few hours, and the warm fuzzies turn into the heebie-jeebies. There's a mention of an armory, and his "DC-15S Carbine/Pistol," which has been known to produce cold shivers from readers at thirty paces.
I then walked into the living quarters, to find this girl, awake. She looked shy, timid, and aloof. lol tht makez sens
I wanted to know some stuff about her back ground. Was she a spy, was she lost? If so, where's your home? With all these questions, she turned her head away from me. In most situations, Commander Gree told me that universal expression meant she can't or does no want to hear much more. Looks like they squandered the citizen's taxes on those flash training programs.
I asked her all these questions but I forgot to do one thing: ask what her name was. D'oh!
Next, because I love you guys, and feel a brand of concern for your well-being, I advise anyone with a heart condition, high blood pressure, or an easily excitable temperament to immediately scroll past this excerpt. FOR SRS, GAIZ.
I took off my helmet, with hair coming down, long and swayed to one place(*imagine stereotypical emo hair). I had the features of a young Jango Fett. I never really liked my father.
Firstly: D:
Secondly: DD:
Thirdly: in case you didn't quite understand her description, I have kindly constructed a visual.
I'm sorry. Maybe that was overkill.
In any case, let's move on. Or at least try and scrub that memory from our thoughts long enough to scramble to the next atrocity.
It's revealed that the cat girl's name is "Rena," and she basically tells him to STFU, to which he responds by pondering the idea of telling her how to get to the nearest city in the morning. DEY R SO KEWT TOGETHR
That night, CT-0707f "rocks in his sleep", which is normally a problem reserved for awesome people, not emo-haired clone troopers. Saints preserve us, I can't believe I just said that.
In the morning, he wakes up, and finds Rena in his bed with him. But instead of blasting her in the face or maybe slamming a fist into her windpipe, he yells at her to get out.
To soothe his fears, Rena changes "her cat eyes, to people eyes, from green to brown".
There are many that would consider that to be... unnatural.
It's revealed that Rena got into his bed because it was "lonely" where he'd left her, and she was able to infiltrate using... an open door.
...
The trooper-- now referred to as "CT," tries to lay down some ground rules about being in his bed, but she falls asleep before rule one, like the polite house guest she is.
The chapter ends-- none too soon, might I add-- with:
"I guess my turn of phrase bores you, oh well. Good night Rena"
CT-0707f would make a bad roomate.
I'm going to stop for a moment, and point out that this fic was filed under "Cartoons >> Star Wars: The Clone Wars". Now, I'll admit to having not seen this movie, so I'm sporking under the canon laid down by the prequels and EU novels.
And from what I can see, CT-0707f should have been scrapped before he left the vat.
I feel horrible about condemning an innocent, slightly braindead clone trooper, but his general OoCness hurts almost more than the Sue. All the cleverness and honor and loyalty to orders that was bred into the troopers seems to have gone out the airlock, not to mention the fact that they practically lived for their brothers, the other troopers. CT-0707f's comrades aren't even mentioned, apart from a few references to his superiors and the ARCs. And, the whole, "stupid as a sack of hammers" thing kind of cuts down on his military value, just saying.
While every clone seemed to have a certain edge of individuality, however illicitly, I seriously doubt the range would have included anything like CT-0707f. I mean... um, really. D: Would you have spent any money on an army full of this guy?
Which leaves us with the more traditional Sue-- "Rena," the cat girl. I would've been forced to have bought it if the Suethor had named her as a Cathar, which would at least explain the feline attributes. Sort of.
Not so much the Haruhi Suzumiya hair or shape-shifting eyes, but it would have at least given us a SCRAP of canon to cling to.
Instead, she's rude, boringly 'mysterious-type lolololol' , and mostly unbelievable. CT-0707f only adds to this by not putting her in the nearest pair of binders or stuncuffs, or at least filing a report to his CO, but I suppose that's a little too inconveniently realistic.
In combination, CT-0707f and Rena are a matched pair of stupid, canon-chuffing OCs. I was extremely relieved to see only one chapter was posted so far, further preventing me from any more head-to-keyboard trauma, as well as any other exploits concerning Photoshopping emo hair onto Temuera Morrison. On the other hand, part of me sort of wants to see how far into debauchery this fic can descend, and the other part never wants to see it again.
Ever.