Saga of Sues
Story Or Series Title: HalfTerm for the Bladebreakers! Exclamation mark!
Fandom: Beyblade, in theory
Culprit Author's Name: felixgirl That is, me. *ashamed*
Full Name (plus titles if any): Kai Hiwatari; Penny *cough*self-insert*cough*
Full Species(es): Canon character gone awry; self-insert Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned, as far as I know, so blue; not mentioned as far as I know, so dark brown As it’s me...
Eye Color (include adjectives): Thus far: Cold blue Which is bollocks; warm brown
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Face paint; “looks like a cross between Emily and Tyson” Which was supposed to read “chubby with glasses”, but I glossed over it.
Special Possessions (if any): A billion wounds, a nemesis, his Beyblade; a Beyblade, a cat
Annoying Origin: Me, unfortunately.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is supposed to be one; falls in love with one, has two fall in love with her, bullies the others and keeps them in her house.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to be completely OOC; being better at Beyblading than Kai.
Other Annoying Traits: He’s OOC, you need more? And she exists!
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Falcon: Hello there, this is Falcon sporking a real piece of tripe that I wrote when I was younger. This is part of a saga of sporks of my old Mary Sues, which will be sporked with the Sue in question. Helping me in this monstrosity is the self-insert Sue for this fic, Penny, who will be attempting to argue her corner.
Penny: Hi.
I’ll be in bold, she’ll be in italic bold, and this is the first chapter for a taster. Don't worry, it's short. Here we go!
Hi! This is my first fanfic so if it’s rubbish don’t be too angry/upset O.K? The hallmark of doom... It’s not that bad!
“My feet are killing me!” Moaned Tyson. “The grammar and formatting are killing me!” groaned the sporker. I fixed it for you, fortunately.
“Oh quit your bellyaching Tyson! Please!” Begged Kenny as they walked down the street. “Somebody is going to let us stay for a week if we just keep begging!” What? They’re begging? Why didn’t they stay in a hotel?
The BladeBreakers were spending another week at Beauchamps, but they had no money and nowhere to stay. ...sorry, what? This meant that they were going around all the houses in the area begging to be able to stay. Yes, we got that. You know you’re sporking. I feel ashamed for existing.
“But I’m starving!” Tyson continued to moan. Because all Tyson does is moan.
“How about this house?” Rei suggested. I might have been dealing with too many characters in this fic, you know. Ya think?
Kenny, Max and Tyson crowded around Rei as he knocked on the door, cute faces at the ready, *eyetwitch* This is fanfic, not anime. It doesn’t work. while Kai just leaned against the wall with his arms folded scowling as usual. Because all House does is scowl. The door opened and a twelve-year-old girl opened it. Yay, it’s me! Oh God no... She was dressed in black leather gloves cut off at the fingers, I thought it was cool... blue jeans, blue trainers and a black, sleeveless top. What’s not to like? The fact that I described all your clothes but didn’t even mention your hair colour? The first thought of every member of the BladeBreakers (excluding Kai) was, ‘she looks like a cross between Emily and Tyson!’ Yes. Chubby, dark-haired and wearing glasses. Shush, you’ll ruin the illusion! Well that’s what I meant at the time! And the second was (this time including Kai) The brackets are starting to get annoying. You think? was, ‘where have I seen her before. And where did the question mark and apostrophe go? By the time they had thought this, the girl had taken in that it really was them. I was rather accepting, wasn’t I?
“Omigod!” She exclaimed (rather loudly). And with more pointless brackets.
“Do you remember us?” Rei asked hopefully as asking her who she was. ...I’m sorry, what the hell does that mean?
“Of course!” Said the girl (still rather loudly). “I’m Penny Mary Sue remember? Hey! You are! I’m friends with Beth and you met me when you went to our school?” (My good friend Saro or Saroberos wrote that story. You can find it on this site. It’s called Beauchamps High I think.) *eyetwitch* Are you okay? *grabs a Singapore cane from the Sandman and starts beating Penny with it* YOU. DO. NOT. PUT. AUTHOR. NOTES. IN. THE. CHAPTER. Ow! Ow! The sporking! The sporking! *stops beating and growls*
“Oh yeah!” Max exclaimed, sounding really stupid. Why the Max-bashing? What did he do to you? You should know, you wrote it!
Kai glared at Max and, realising he must have sounded stupid, Max shut up. Paging the Department of Redundancy Department. Tyson smiled sweetly to try and win Penny over as he explained their situation/ Where’s the full stop?
“We’re in a bit of trouble Sharpie Pen,” he began. “We’ve got no money, no food and nowhere to stay for the holidays. And we’d rather not live in a Dumpster, or repeat everything that the omniscient narrator has already said. Oops, too late. So you see…”
“Stay here!” Penny interrupted enthusiastically. “My parents won’t mind and neither will my cat!” WHAT? You just invited a bunch of almost complete strangers into your house?! Are you mentally subnormal? *coughs* Oh yeah. Silly question. *looks affronted*
“You have punctuation marks a cat!?!?” Tyson exclaimed. “I’m allergic to them, maybe we should just…” Where did the allergy come from?
Tyson shut up in mid-sentence as Kenny covered his mouth with one hand and Rei thumped him on the arm. Kenny then pulled Tyson out of the way (assisted by Rei) and Max smiled his mega cute smile. That does not remedy the Max-bashing. It does too! I’m admitting that even though he’s an idiot, he’s cute! But he’s not an idiot!
Oh cut the pointless dialogue about complaining and Tyson coming in. What’s wrong with it? Pointlessness, my dear. Now shut up.
With a clatter of shoes COMMA. You’re wasting your time. the BladeBreakers entered the house, Max first and Kai last. Why did this need to be specified? They had their holiday home. Yippee. But how long before something was going to go wrong? Oh do tell, please. Approximately three seconds. See, didn’t keep you waiting. It was sarcasm. Max tripped over his own feet whilst skipping into the house. No. Just no. Then Tyson tripped over Max. Of course. Then Kenny tripped over Tyson. Then the partridge hopped out of his pear tree and tripped over Kenny. Then Rei jumped over the pile of bladers, because he really is part cat. Kai just walked slowly around them. He’s so cool... *swoons* Please kill me now. Max, lying on the floor, sweatdropped. FOR GOD’S SAKE, NO!!! Calm down. No, you don’t do that in fanfiction! My GOD.
“Oh Max!” Sighed Penny. She pulled him up and then Max pulled up Kenny while she pulled up Tyson, as they are puppets and obviously unable to stand up by themselves.
“I’m hungry,” said Tyson. “When am I going to get fed?” No, Tyson does not complain that much. Good grief...
“Oh Tyson!” Yelled everyone except Kai. Kai doesn’t do undignified stuff like yelling. FANGIRL.
“Now where are we going to sleep?” Kenny asked. This is a portent of doom, trust me.
This story is to be continued. Which is a real pity.
I don’t see what’s so bad about this.
That’s because you’re in it. Well, everyone, what do you think? How much of a monstrosity is this?
Hey!
You’re a Sue! Get over it!