Circles of Influence Ch1
The Marks We Bear II: Circles of Influence
by Marysia (April-May 2002)
Rating: R
Pairings: Harry/Draco
Summary: Harry is in denial once more after Mrs Weasley catches him and Draco together. Can Ron and Hermione get him to see reason? In the meantime Voldemort wants Draco dead. Harry/Draco slash.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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Chapter 1
Sunday 12th Oct
Ron walked into the kitchen and started filling his face almost immediately. "I thought I heard shouting earlier," he said through a mouthful of sausages. "Is everything all right?"
"Everything's fine, dear," answered Mrs Weasley.
"Where's Malfoy?" he asked Harry. "Still asleep?"
"He's gone," said Harry in a hollow voice.
"Gone where?" Ron asked in confusion.
"He left," his voice started to crack. "He left and I don't know where he is." He stood up and ran out of the kitchen.
Ron stared after him in surprise then turned to his mother. "What happened? Did they have a fight?"
Mrs Weasley looked slightly uneasy. "I... ah.... I asked Draco to leave."
"What? Why?"
"He was very rude," she said defensively.
"But he's always rude," said Ron. "I think it's inherited."
"Don't question me Ron," she said looking guilty.
"But you can't throw him out," Ron argued. "He saved our lives last night. I mean I know he's an ass and he probably only did it because of Harry but still, that has to count for something."
Mrs Weasley got up and began to rearrange the dirty dishes. "I don't want to discuss it," she said firmly.
"What did he say anyway? Was this about them sleeping in the same room?" Ron persisted.
Mrs Weasley refused to answer.
Ron sighed and stuffed another sausage into his mouth before going off to find Harry.
He found him sitting on a rock in the garden staring at the grass, when Harry saw him he turned away abruptly and it looked suspiciously like he was wiping away tears.
"You crying?" asked Ron.
"No," snapped Harry, still not looking at him.
"Sorry for whatever happened with my Mum, she won't tell me but she looked pretty guilty about something. I'm sure she was over-reacting, Weasley temper and all that. It comes from her side of the family, you know."
"It doesn't matter, it was my fault anyway," Harry said hoarsly.
"If it was your fault how come Malfoy was the one who got chucked out?" said Ron reasonably. "I bet I know exactly what happened. He said something rude to my Mum, she took a maddy and he went all haughty and got thrown out. Am I right?"
"She was angry because she caught us together in the bathroom," said Harry quietly. "She blamed him and he got angry and left."
"How's that your fault?"
"Look, I don't want to talk about it," repeated Harry. "It's over and done with and I just want to forget about it."
"Okay, don't take my head off. I guess it doesn't matter, after all we'll go back to school tomorrow and you'll see him again then anyway."
Harry shook his head. "I'm not going to see him again, ever. I told you, it's over."
"What?" Ron stared at him. "That's... er... great, I guess. Except... are you sure?"
"I don't even know where he is anyway, he left on his own. He could have gone anywhere."
"He wouldn't though, would he? I mean where would he go?"
Harry shrugged lifelessly.
"I'm sure he just went back to school," Ron tried to reassure him.
"It doesn't matter where he went," Harry persisted. "The whole thing was a mistake."
"Er... right." Ron sat with Harry a little longer then finally gave up and went back inside to see if Hermione was awake yet. Malfoy and Harry not being together anymore should be a good thing as far as he was concerned but the whole situation left him feeling very worried. Something was off and it wasn't just Malfoy.
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Draco stood in the center of Hogsmeade breathing in the cool, damp autumn air. He could smell the rotting of moss and fallen leaves and fungus in the air. It was fetid and suited his mood. He faced the road that eventually led to Hogwarts and contemplated whether to set foot on it or not.
He felt... stupid.
He had over-reacted. In the cool air of morning, with a little time passed, he was sure of it. The question was, had his over-reaction caused what he had most feared happening. Had he ruined everything? Could Mrs Weasley keep them apart?
There was nothing for it but to go back to school, it was as close to a home as he had now that he had betrayed his father and alone out here he felt exposed and unsafe. Everything was so uncertain these days. If he was seen by the wrong person.
Besides if there was help anywhere it was there, maybe Professor Snape could talk to Mrs Weasley for him. There must be something he could do to stop things getting any worse... he set off quickly down the road to school.
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Monday 13th Oct
Harry, Ron and Hermione arrived back at school in time for lunch, having Floo'd to Hogsmeade shortly after breakfast. Hermione was extremely worried about having missed the morning's classes, or at least kept up the impression of being so. But in truth she was still pale and a little shaky from the events of Saturday night and her protestations were not terribly convincing.
In fact the only one of them behaving half way normal was Ron. Neither of them had been able to get anything longer than one syllable out of Harry since Malfoy had left although he had seemed relieved when Dumbledore told Ron's Mum that Malfoy was back at school. He was still adamant that his relationship with Malfoy was over and refused to explain exactly why.
They entered the Great Hall, sending a buzz of conversation around it, and Malfoy immediately stood up from the end of the Slytherin table and came over to them.
"I'm so glad you're back," he said to Harry. "Were things too awful with Mrs Weasley? Professor Snape told me she didn't say anything to Dumbledore about us after all. Did she yell at you?"
Harry stared at Malfoy for a moment then said, "I told her she didn't have to. I told her that it was over."
"And she believed you?"
"Yes," Harry replied shortly.
"That's great, then there's nothing to worry about." Malfoy smiled. "I wish you'd sent me an owl to say, I've been frantic about it."
"I thought I should tell you in person," Harry told him.
Ron and Hermione exchanged a worried look.
"It's over, Draco."
"What?" Malfoy looked confused.
"Us," said Harry quietly but intensely. "It's over. It was a mistake, I'm sorry."
"What?" said Malfoy again, seemingly unable to take it in but behind the confusion there was dawning pain. "But... what?" he repeated.
"I'm sorry," said Harry roughly and turned away to go to the Gryffindor table.
Malfoy caught at his robes, trying to stop him. "Harry..."
Harry just kept walking leaving Malfoy standing by Ron and Hermione with his hand stretched out. Hermione looked between the two of them, not knowing what to say.
"I don't understand," said Malfoy quietly, sounding lost.
It was Ron who finally spoke up. "I don't either, he won't talk to us. He's hardly said a word since you left the Burrow."
Malfoy looked at him helplessly.
"Just..." Ron shook his head. "Just give us a couple of days to find out what he's thinking."
Malfoy looked after Harry. "A couple of days?" he said stricken, he sounded as though he'd been asked to wait years not days. "Is it because I left? Or... what I said to your Mum? I'll apologise. Tell him I'll apologise to her."
"I don't know," said Ron gently. He looked after Harry who had sat down and was ignoring all three of them. "Can you meet us later?" he asked finally. "You can tell us exactly what happened with my Mum since neither of them will. Maybe it'll give us somewhere to start."
Malfoy seemed to grasp at that crumb. "Where?"
Ron thought. "Library," he answered. "After dinner." He started to escort Hermione away.
"Weasley," Malfoy stopped him. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you care if Harry doesn't want to see me anymore?"
Ron looked annoyed at being asked. "I don't," he said. "But he's not happy."
Malfoy nodded and went back to the Slytherin table silently.
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Hermione and Ron sat at a table in the library waiting for Malfoy to show. It hadn't been hard to get away without Harry, he hardly seemed to notice they were there anyway. Hermione was reading over some notes she had borrowed from Parvati on this morning's classes.
Malfoy strode into the room looking very irritated and was followed moments later by Crabbe, Goyle and a couple of older Slytherins who were walking in an extremely nonchalant manner. "I can't shake them," he hissed at Ron. "We'll need to go somewhere they can't follow us."
"What?" said Ron in confusion.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Them," he said, jerking his head in the direction of the Slytherin's. "Follow me, I'll explain once we get some privacy."
Bemused, Ron and Hermione followed Malfoy out of the library and through a convoluted maze of stairs and corridors. Finally he stopped at a wooden door, looking behind them the Slytherin's were nowhere to be seen.
"It's charmed," he said, opening the door. "Anyone who intends to harm me can't enter this corridor." He gave Ron a wry look. "Guess that's your reputation for hating me blown for good."
Ron chose to ignore that.
"That's a pretty tricky spell," said Hermione. "Where did you learn it?"
"I didn't," said Malfoy, opening the door and leading them into a small bedroom. "Dumbledore cast it after Snape told him Voldemort had ordered me killed."
"What?" said Hermione, aghast.
Malfoy shrugged. "It wasn't exactly unexpected, just happened faster than they thought it would. Anyone here with Death-Eater contacts has been told that Voldemort will look very favourably on my unexpected and highly accidental death. Most of the older Slytherins know I betrayed him and my father and more than a few people round here are looking for ways to ingratiate themselves to Voldemort. On the bright side, I got my own room out of it." He swept his arm around the room. "Not too shabby." He looked as if he couldn't care less about the room. "Better than being smothered in my sleep anyway." He locked the door behind them and sat down on the bed, he looked haunted and tired. "How's Harry?"
Ron sighed. "The same. He won't talk about you or why he broke it off, he won't tell us anything about what my Mum said and he looks like hell."
"What can I do?"
"Tell us what happened yesterday morning."
Draco looked at his hands, utterly silent and still for a moment. "Everything was fine when we got up," he said finally. "Then we..." he blushed and skipped ahead. "We fell asleep in the bath and when we woke up your Mum and Dad were outside the door waiting to get in. We didn't really say anything when we opened the door but I suppose it was pretty obvious what we'd been doing, we both legged it actually. I thought it was going to be all right though, we came up with a story to explain why we were both in the bathroom but when your Mum came to talk to us it all fell apart. She said she would make sure Dumbledore kept us apart, or something... I don't remember exactly, and I got angry and I ... said some stuff ... and she got even angrier and told me to leave and I did." He sighed. "I know I shouldn't have said whatever it was I said to your Mum but I just... I thought she was going to stop me from seeing Harry. Except now it looks like she doesn't need to since Harry's done it for her."
"Well," said Ron. "That's pretty much what I figured had happened. My Mum has this thing about us doing anything vaguely sexual under her roof and she pretty much sees Harry as one of us. So she blew up, you acted like the prick you generally are and she threw you out."
Malfoy looked as though he were considering protesting the prick comment but finally just said. "Yes, I suppose that's what happened."
"Which still doesn't explain why Harry's acting like he is."
Hermione got her look of deep concentration and then said. "I've got it!"
The boys looked at her.
"I think I know what's going on," she said. "It makes sense if you know why Harry didn't want to be gay in the first place. The only people that knew about you and Harry were Ron and I, his closest friends. No-one else and most especially no adults. It was the shock at being found out along with the fact that she didn't approve, it played on all his old fears that what he felt was wrong. He was worried that his parents would be disappointed in him, Mrs Weasley is kind of Harry's surrogate mother."
Malfoy nodded. "Maybe, but what do we do about it?"
"Just give it some time," said Ron. "We'll keep an eye on him."
"He's bound to want to talk about it eventually," added Hermione. "I'm sure he doesn't really want to break up with you, he just thinks he should."
"Time," Malfoy echoed sadly. "Well, I suppose I'll try not to be murdered before he changed his mind."
"I'm sure you'll be fine," Hermione assured him. "Professor Dumbledore wouldn't let one of his students be killed on school grounds."
Malfoy didn't look convinced.
"We'll just get going then," said Ron. "See you around."
Malfoy nodded.
They unlocked the door. "And... um, thanks," Ron added.
Malfoy looked up.
"You know, for rescuing us."
He gave a small smile. "You're welcome."
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Tuesday 14th Oct
Draco had sat up all night figuring out what he was going to say. He was done falling apart over this, it was embarassing. He still couldn't believe he'd let himself look so pathetic in front of Granger and Weasley. Whatever was going on in Harry's head, he would confront him and they would talk it out one way or the other. He wasn't interested in giving it time. He wouldn't be pushed around, he wouldn't let Harry dictate his life. He couldn't wait.
He let himself into the Gryffindor Common Room, password hadn't changed since Friday, while the other students were at breakfast and went up to Harry's dorm knowing he had free periods all morning and liked to sleep in.
"Harry," he called out, knocking on the door. "Are you awake?" There was no answer and he opened the door and looked in.
Harry was standing in the middle of the room in his dressing gown staring at the door, their eyes met. "I didn't say you could come in," Harry said weakly.
Draco entered and closed the door behind him. "We need to talk," he said firmly.
"There's nothing to talk about," Harry replied, his tone hardening. "I'm sorry if you think I led you on but I can't stay in a relationship I don't want to be in."
"Look," said Draco reasonably despite the tight set to his features. "I know that Mrs Weasley being so angry upset you but I'm sure she was just surprised and Ron said she can be a bit..."
"Don't," cut in Harry. "Don't try and talk me round. I'm not interested in you and that's all there is. I got carried away and so did you but it was a mistake, for both of us."
"Don't tell me how I feel," Draco snapped, starting to get upset.
"Go away, Draco," Harry insisted. "Just forget about us and get on with your life, that's what I'm doing. What we were doing was... it was just hormones. It was too much and too fast and not what either of us really wanted. I just wish I'd pulled myself out of it sooner, for both our sakes. You shouldn't have been blamed for what happened at the Burrow. It was my fault. Now it's my responsibility to get things back on track."
Draco felt his calm facade shattering, Harry didn't want him, hollow pain rang through him making him want to fall to his knees and sob but that was not going to happen. Years of practice at controlling his weaker emotions allowed him that much dignity. However you couldn't hide that much emotion, you could only subvert it into something else and so he shoved away the pain and in it's place bubbled up anger. He was furious, he had never felt such a cold rage sweep through him. "You self-absorbed prick," he hissed at Harry. "You can take your martyr-complex and shove it up your arse. I can't believe I ever fell for you in the first place. You're so fucking determined to decide everything when you can't even see what's right in front of you. You walk into my life and show me this whole new world and then kick me out of it when you decide you don't want to play any more. Fuck you, Harry Potter. Except I already did, didn't I, and you loved it. Think about that the next time you tell yourself you don't want me and then remember that it's never, ever going to happen again. I wouldn't take you back if you fell on your knees and begged me in front of the whole school."
Draco turned and stormed out of the room leaving Harry staring after him bleakly. From between the curtains of his bed Ron said, "Great job, Harry. Looks like you got things right back on track."
"Fuck off, Ron," said Harry and shut himself back behind the curtains of his own bed.
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Wednesday 15th Oct
That morning at breakfast Harry sat next to Ginny instead of with Ron and Hermione. They were far enough down the table that they couldn't hear what he was saying but he seemed to be talking to her. Which was more than he'd done with anyone else since he'd got back.
"I think it's a good sign," said Hermione hopefully. "He's starting to open up to people again."
"But why is he talking to Ginny instead of us?" asked Ron. "I just don't buy that he's suddenly ready to rejoin the world, not after the fight he had with Malfoy yesterday morning. It was really vicious."
"Well, maybe he's talking to Ginny because he knows she won't push him and because she doesn't know about him and Malfoy."
"Maybe," Ron didn't sound very convinced.
Hermione glanced over to the Slytherin table, Malfoy wasn't present. When she'd checked on him last night, after hearing about the fight with Harry from Ron, he'd told her he would be taking breakfast in his room from now on. He'd asked Snape and got permission on the grounds that the more time he spent there the safer he'd be. Hermione was sure it was partly an excuse to see less of Harry.
"What do you think they're talking about?" Ron asked her.
"Hmm?" she said, directing her attention back to him.
"Harry and Ginny."
"No idea, I'll ask her later. Might give us an idea as to how to get him talking to us again."
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Thursday 16th Oct
Hermione didn't have time to speak to Ginny in private until the next day, Harry sat with her every mealtime and anytime they tried to join them Harry would fall silent and roll his eyes at Ginny in some secret communication.
After dinner Hermione ran upstairs to catch Ginny in her dorm room. When she came back downstairs she wore an expression that was half worry and half anger. She grabbed Ron's arm and hauled him out into the corridor. "You are not going to believe this."
"What?"
"Harry told Ginny he's not gay. In fact he told her that it was all something you and I had made up to put Ginny off him."
"He said what?"
"She told me that I didn't have to protect her because she could look after herself and that just because Harry was a year older than her didn't mean they couldn't make it work."
Ron went beetroot red. "Harry's dating my sister?"
"He told her he always fancied her and he was just too shy to tell her especially since he was best friends with her older brother."
"I... he.... I.... I'm going to rip his arms off!" Ron bellowed and strode back into the common room and on up the stairs to find Harry. Hermione ran after him.
When she got to the boys dormitory Harry and Ron were staring at one another while Seamus and Dean stood watching from well out of the way.
"Did you tell my sister you fancied her?" Ron roared.
Harry looked surprised then said, "Yes, I did."
Harry stared at Ron blankly as he slowly grew redder and redder. "I am trying," Ron said through gritted teeth. "To remember that you're clearly having some sort of mental breakdown right now and therefore I should try very very hard not to beat you to death."
"I thought you'd be pleased..." Harry started.
"Pleased!" Ron yelled. "You thought I would be pleased that you're leading my sister on and making her think you like her?"
"I do like her."
"Harry, you're gay!"
"Shut up! Everyone get's confused sometimes," Harry shouted back. "It was just a mistake, a one time thing. It doesn't mean I can't like girls too."
Dean and Seamus exchanged very confused looks at this.
"Yes it does, because you're gay!" yelled Ron.
"I am not."
"I wouldn't even want you seeing Ginny if you did like her that way," Ron told him. "Not while you're on the rebound from Malfoy and you're not even on the rebound, there aren't words for whatever it is you're on."
Dean and Seamus went from confused to shocked.
"She really likes you and you're using her and that's it, I'm done trying now." Ron launched himself at Harry with his hands outstretched. "I'm going to hit you until you start making sense again."
"Ron, stop!" cried Hermione trying to pull him back. "Someone help."
Seamus and Dean grabbed Ron by the arms and pulled him back.
"Lemme go!" he shouted. "I'm not done yet."
"Sorry Ron," said Seamus. "We really can't let you kill Harry."
"It's for his own good!"
Hermione followed them down the stairs as Dean and Seamus dragged Ron backwards into the common room. They deposited him in an armchair where he sat panting for breath, when he made a move to head back for the stairs they pinned him down again till he indicated he would stay put.
"So," said Seamus conversationally. "When were you going to tell us that Harry was doing Malfoy?"
"Or that he was gay," added Dean.
Ron sighed and looked at Hermione. "What the hell are we going to do?" he asked her despairingly.
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Saturday 18th Oct
Having spent most of the day brooding in his room, he had skipped lunch, Draco finally dragged himself to the Great Hall for dinner. He really wished he had persuaded Snape and Dumbledore to let him eat all his meals in his room instead of just breakfast. He wanted to see as little of anyone as possible, most of all as little of his Slytherin house-mates and of Harry Potter. He was still angry, or at least when he wasn't miserable he was angry. Much of the time keeping the anger going was just too much effort and he had to save it up for when he was out in public so that he could hold himself together then. Hence the desire to spend as much time as possible in his room. With the amount of sleep he had gotten in the past week, that amount being approximately none at all, he had very little energy to spare for keeping up appearances.
He walked straight, with his head up, but meeting nobody's eye and took his usual place at the very end of the Slytherin table. As usual nobody sat next to him, which was as he preferred it. He no longer bothered to listen to the conversations around him. He knew what they thought of him, he knew what he thought of them. Most were of the opinion that he had gone mad, a few were quietly impressed at his gall and the remainder were simply watching for an opening to shuffle him off this mortal coil. An opening he had no intention of giving them, dying would be far too much like admitting defeat. He would wait the bastards out until things got better. How exactly they were going to get better he wasn't sure but he was fully determined that things would. He was rather hoping that he would simply get the hang of this new way of being, after all Professor Snape seemed to get by perfectly well being alone and despised. He didn't let it get to him and he gave back as good as he got. If he could do it, so could Draco Malfoy.
He poured himself some pumpkin juice and took a large gulp.
Then he froze as he realised that hadn't tasted at all like pumpkin juice. He started to stand up but before he made it to his feet the pain hit. With a strangled cry he crumpled in on himself, clutching at his stomach as his insides seemed to twist up. Across the room he faintly heard someone shouting his name as he fell backwards off the bench and passed out.
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Sunday 19th Oct
It had been three days since Ron and Hermione had broken up Harry's abortive attempt to date Ginny Weasley and he had spoken to neither of them since. He had skipped more meals than he attended and as far as they could tell he slept only a few hours a night. None of them knew how to get through to him, he seemed to be living on autopilot, stumbling through the day.
He'd only shown a flicker of emotion once, on Saturday, when someone had tried to poison Draco Malfoy at the dinner table. Fortunately Madame Pomfrey and Professor Snape had reacted instantly upon him collapsing and the poison had been slow enough acting that they'd fed him an antidote in time. Harry had noticed the second Malfoy collapsed, leaping to his feet before anyone else and crying out, "Draco!"
By the time the excitement had died down he had already closed himself back up. As soon as they saw that Malfoy would live he turned and walked away. Hermione had tried to reason with him that obviously he must still care about Malfoy from his reaction but Harry simply stonewalled her until she gave up.
It was time to bring in the big guns.
Hermione read over the letter Ron had written for Sirius.
"Dear Sirius,
I hope that you can help us, Hermione and me are
very worried about Harry. She thinks he might try to hurt himself,
he has hardly been eating or sleeping although he is trying to
hide that from us. I don't know if you heard about what happened
last weekend with Voldemort but that isn't the problem. I know
relationship stuff seems pretty small in the face of fighting
evil but it is what is wrong. I know I probably shouldn't be the
one to tell you and Harry will be mad when he finds out, but
Harry is gay and he is having trouble dealing with it. He was
seeing someone that he really liked and then my Mum found out
and yelled at them and Harry decided to break it off. Ever since
then he has been acting really wierd, he tried to hit on my
sister Ginny and like I said he hasn't been sleeping or eating
or talking to anyone and he just stares off into space whenever
he thinks no-one is watching. He won't talk to us and I thought
maybe you could talk to him cause you're his godfather and
everything.
Hope you are well, Ron"
"What do you think?" he asked.
"Don't you think you should have explained better? You didn't say who Harry was seeing or how far they'd gone or much about the arguments or Malfoy being poisoned. And it should be Hermione and I, not Hermione and me."
Ron ignored the last part. "I didn't want to tell him too much, I already said more than Harry would want me to say. I'm still not sure we should tell him Harry's gay."
"We're trying to help him, we need to give Sirius some idea of what the problem is if he's going to be able to help."
"I know, but it just seems..."
Hermione took his hand and squeezed. "Harry needs an adult, a parent figure who'll accept his sexuality. Who better than his godfather."
"But... what if it doesn't work out? What if Sirius doesn't want Harry to be gay and it only makes things worse?"
Hermione looked as if she'd never considered that option. "I'm sure he wouldn't do that," she said sounding a little worried. "We can trust Sirius."
"I hope so," said Ron grimly and tied the letter onto Pigwidgeon's leg.
Hand in hand they watched the little owl fly erratically off in excited zig zags.
by Marysia (April-May 2002)
Rating: R
Pairings: Harry/Draco
Summary: Harry is in denial once more after Mrs Weasley catches him and Draco together. Can Ron and Hermione get him to see reason? In the meantime Voldemort wants Draco dead. Harry/Draco slash.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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Chapter 1
Sunday 12th Oct
Ron walked into the kitchen and started filling his face almost immediately. "I thought I heard shouting earlier," he said through a mouthful of sausages. "Is everything all right?"
"Everything's fine, dear," answered Mrs Weasley.
"Where's Malfoy?" he asked Harry. "Still asleep?"
"He's gone," said Harry in a hollow voice.
"Gone where?" Ron asked in confusion.
"He left," his voice started to crack. "He left and I don't know where he is." He stood up and ran out of the kitchen.
Ron stared after him in surprise then turned to his mother. "What happened? Did they have a fight?"
Mrs Weasley looked slightly uneasy. "I... ah.... I asked Draco to leave."
"What? Why?"
"He was very rude," she said defensively.
"But he's always rude," said Ron. "I think it's inherited."
"Don't question me Ron," she said looking guilty.
"But you can't throw him out," Ron argued. "He saved our lives last night. I mean I know he's an ass and he probably only did it because of Harry but still, that has to count for something."
Mrs Weasley got up and began to rearrange the dirty dishes. "I don't want to discuss it," she said firmly.
"What did he say anyway? Was this about them sleeping in the same room?" Ron persisted.
Mrs Weasley refused to answer.
Ron sighed and stuffed another sausage into his mouth before going off to find Harry.
He found him sitting on a rock in the garden staring at the grass, when Harry saw him he turned away abruptly and it looked suspiciously like he was wiping away tears.
"You crying?" asked Ron.
"No," snapped Harry, still not looking at him.
"Sorry for whatever happened with my Mum, she won't tell me but she looked pretty guilty about something. I'm sure she was over-reacting, Weasley temper and all that. It comes from her side of the family, you know."
"It doesn't matter, it was my fault anyway," Harry said hoarsly.
"If it was your fault how come Malfoy was the one who got chucked out?" said Ron reasonably. "I bet I know exactly what happened. He said something rude to my Mum, she took a maddy and he went all haughty and got thrown out. Am I right?"
"She was angry because she caught us together in the bathroom," said Harry quietly. "She blamed him and he got angry and left."
"How's that your fault?"
"Look, I don't want to talk about it," repeated Harry. "It's over and done with and I just want to forget about it."
"Okay, don't take my head off. I guess it doesn't matter, after all we'll go back to school tomorrow and you'll see him again then anyway."
Harry shook his head. "I'm not going to see him again, ever. I told you, it's over."
"What?" Ron stared at him. "That's... er... great, I guess. Except... are you sure?"
"I don't even know where he is anyway, he left on his own. He could have gone anywhere."
"He wouldn't though, would he? I mean where would he go?"
Harry shrugged lifelessly.
"I'm sure he just went back to school," Ron tried to reassure him.
"It doesn't matter where he went," Harry persisted. "The whole thing was a mistake."
"Er... right." Ron sat with Harry a little longer then finally gave up and went back inside to see if Hermione was awake yet. Malfoy and Harry not being together anymore should be a good thing as far as he was concerned but the whole situation left him feeling very worried. Something was off and it wasn't just Malfoy.
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Draco stood in the center of Hogsmeade breathing in the cool, damp autumn air. He could smell the rotting of moss and fallen leaves and fungus in the air. It was fetid and suited his mood. He faced the road that eventually led to Hogwarts and contemplated whether to set foot on it or not.
He felt... stupid.
He had over-reacted. In the cool air of morning, with a little time passed, he was sure of it. The question was, had his over-reaction caused what he had most feared happening. Had he ruined everything? Could Mrs Weasley keep them apart?
There was nothing for it but to go back to school, it was as close to a home as he had now that he had betrayed his father and alone out here he felt exposed and unsafe. Everything was so uncertain these days. If he was seen by the wrong person.
Besides if there was help anywhere it was there, maybe Professor Snape could talk to Mrs Weasley for him. There must be something he could do to stop things getting any worse... he set off quickly down the road to school.
----------------
Monday 13th Oct
Harry, Ron and Hermione arrived back at school in time for lunch, having Floo'd to Hogsmeade shortly after breakfast. Hermione was extremely worried about having missed the morning's classes, or at least kept up the impression of being so. But in truth she was still pale and a little shaky from the events of Saturday night and her protestations were not terribly convincing.
In fact the only one of them behaving half way normal was Ron. Neither of them had been able to get anything longer than one syllable out of Harry since Malfoy had left although he had seemed relieved when Dumbledore told Ron's Mum that Malfoy was back at school. He was still adamant that his relationship with Malfoy was over and refused to explain exactly why.
They entered the Great Hall, sending a buzz of conversation around it, and Malfoy immediately stood up from the end of the Slytherin table and came over to them.
"I'm so glad you're back," he said to Harry. "Were things too awful with Mrs Weasley? Professor Snape told me she didn't say anything to Dumbledore about us after all. Did she yell at you?"
Harry stared at Malfoy for a moment then said, "I told her she didn't have to. I told her that it was over."
"And she believed you?"
"Yes," Harry replied shortly.
"That's great, then there's nothing to worry about." Malfoy smiled. "I wish you'd sent me an owl to say, I've been frantic about it."
"I thought I should tell you in person," Harry told him.
Ron and Hermione exchanged a worried look.
"It's over, Draco."
"What?" Malfoy looked confused.
"Us," said Harry quietly but intensely. "It's over. It was a mistake, I'm sorry."
"What?" said Malfoy again, seemingly unable to take it in but behind the confusion there was dawning pain. "But... what?" he repeated.
"I'm sorry," said Harry roughly and turned away to go to the Gryffindor table.
Malfoy caught at his robes, trying to stop him. "Harry..."
Harry just kept walking leaving Malfoy standing by Ron and Hermione with his hand stretched out. Hermione looked between the two of them, not knowing what to say.
"I don't understand," said Malfoy quietly, sounding lost.
It was Ron who finally spoke up. "I don't either, he won't talk to us. He's hardly said a word since you left the Burrow."
Malfoy looked at him helplessly.
"Just..." Ron shook his head. "Just give us a couple of days to find out what he's thinking."
Malfoy looked after Harry. "A couple of days?" he said stricken, he sounded as though he'd been asked to wait years not days. "Is it because I left? Or... what I said to your Mum? I'll apologise. Tell him I'll apologise to her."
"I don't know," said Ron gently. He looked after Harry who had sat down and was ignoring all three of them. "Can you meet us later?" he asked finally. "You can tell us exactly what happened with my Mum since neither of them will. Maybe it'll give us somewhere to start."
Malfoy seemed to grasp at that crumb. "Where?"
Ron thought. "Library," he answered. "After dinner." He started to escort Hermione away.
"Weasley," Malfoy stopped him. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you care if Harry doesn't want to see me anymore?"
Ron looked annoyed at being asked. "I don't," he said. "But he's not happy."
Malfoy nodded and went back to the Slytherin table silently.
----------
Hermione and Ron sat at a table in the library waiting for Malfoy to show. It hadn't been hard to get away without Harry, he hardly seemed to notice they were there anyway. Hermione was reading over some notes she had borrowed from Parvati on this morning's classes.
Malfoy strode into the room looking very irritated and was followed moments later by Crabbe, Goyle and a couple of older Slytherins who were walking in an extremely nonchalant manner. "I can't shake them," he hissed at Ron. "We'll need to go somewhere they can't follow us."
"What?" said Ron in confusion.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Them," he said, jerking his head in the direction of the Slytherin's. "Follow me, I'll explain once we get some privacy."
Bemused, Ron and Hermione followed Malfoy out of the library and through a convoluted maze of stairs and corridors. Finally he stopped at a wooden door, looking behind them the Slytherin's were nowhere to be seen.
"It's charmed," he said, opening the door. "Anyone who intends to harm me can't enter this corridor." He gave Ron a wry look. "Guess that's your reputation for hating me blown for good."
Ron chose to ignore that.
"That's a pretty tricky spell," said Hermione. "Where did you learn it?"
"I didn't," said Malfoy, opening the door and leading them into a small bedroom. "Dumbledore cast it after Snape told him Voldemort had ordered me killed."
"What?" said Hermione, aghast.
Malfoy shrugged. "It wasn't exactly unexpected, just happened faster than they thought it would. Anyone here with Death-Eater contacts has been told that Voldemort will look very favourably on my unexpected and highly accidental death. Most of the older Slytherins know I betrayed him and my father and more than a few people round here are looking for ways to ingratiate themselves to Voldemort. On the bright side, I got my own room out of it." He swept his arm around the room. "Not too shabby." He looked as if he couldn't care less about the room. "Better than being smothered in my sleep anyway." He locked the door behind them and sat down on the bed, he looked haunted and tired. "How's Harry?"
Ron sighed. "The same. He won't talk about you or why he broke it off, he won't tell us anything about what my Mum said and he looks like hell."
"What can I do?"
"Tell us what happened yesterday morning."
Draco looked at his hands, utterly silent and still for a moment. "Everything was fine when we got up," he said finally. "Then we..." he blushed and skipped ahead. "We fell asleep in the bath and when we woke up your Mum and Dad were outside the door waiting to get in. We didn't really say anything when we opened the door but I suppose it was pretty obvious what we'd been doing, we both legged it actually. I thought it was going to be all right though, we came up with a story to explain why we were both in the bathroom but when your Mum came to talk to us it all fell apart. She said she would make sure Dumbledore kept us apart, or something... I don't remember exactly, and I got angry and I ... said some stuff ... and she got even angrier and told me to leave and I did." He sighed. "I know I shouldn't have said whatever it was I said to your Mum but I just... I thought she was going to stop me from seeing Harry. Except now it looks like she doesn't need to since Harry's done it for her."
"Well," said Ron. "That's pretty much what I figured had happened. My Mum has this thing about us doing anything vaguely sexual under her roof and she pretty much sees Harry as one of us. So she blew up, you acted like the prick you generally are and she threw you out."
Malfoy looked as though he were considering protesting the prick comment but finally just said. "Yes, I suppose that's what happened."
"Which still doesn't explain why Harry's acting like he is."
Hermione got her look of deep concentration and then said. "I've got it!"
The boys looked at her.
"I think I know what's going on," she said. "It makes sense if you know why Harry didn't want to be gay in the first place. The only people that knew about you and Harry were Ron and I, his closest friends. No-one else and most especially no adults. It was the shock at being found out along with the fact that she didn't approve, it played on all his old fears that what he felt was wrong. He was worried that his parents would be disappointed in him, Mrs Weasley is kind of Harry's surrogate mother."
Malfoy nodded. "Maybe, but what do we do about it?"
"Just give it some time," said Ron. "We'll keep an eye on him."
"He's bound to want to talk about it eventually," added Hermione. "I'm sure he doesn't really want to break up with you, he just thinks he should."
"Time," Malfoy echoed sadly. "Well, I suppose I'll try not to be murdered before he changed his mind."
"I'm sure you'll be fine," Hermione assured him. "Professor Dumbledore wouldn't let one of his students be killed on school grounds."
Malfoy didn't look convinced.
"We'll just get going then," said Ron. "See you around."
Malfoy nodded.
They unlocked the door. "And... um, thanks," Ron added.
Malfoy looked up.
"You know, for rescuing us."
He gave a small smile. "You're welcome."
-----------------
Tuesday 14th Oct
Draco had sat up all night figuring out what he was going to say. He was done falling apart over this, it was embarassing. He still couldn't believe he'd let himself look so pathetic in front of Granger and Weasley. Whatever was going on in Harry's head, he would confront him and they would talk it out one way or the other. He wasn't interested in giving it time. He wouldn't be pushed around, he wouldn't let Harry dictate his life. He couldn't wait.
He let himself into the Gryffindor Common Room, password hadn't changed since Friday, while the other students were at breakfast and went up to Harry's dorm knowing he had free periods all morning and liked to sleep in.
"Harry," he called out, knocking on the door. "Are you awake?" There was no answer and he opened the door and looked in.
Harry was standing in the middle of the room in his dressing gown staring at the door, their eyes met. "I didn't say you could come in," Harry said weakly.
Draco entered and closed the door behind him. "We need to talk," he said firmly.
"There's nothing to talk about," Harry replied, his tone hardening. "I'm sorry if you think I led you on but I can't stay in a relationship I don't want to be in."
"Look," said Draco reasonably despite the tight set to his features. "I know that Mrs Weasley being so angry upset you but I'm sure she was just surprised and Ron said she can be a bit..."
"Don't," cut in Harry. "Don't try and talk me round. I'm not interested in you and that's all there is. I got carried away and so did you but it was a mistake, for both of us."
"Don't tell me how I feel," Draco snapped, starting to get upset.
"Go away, Draco," Harry insisted. "Just forget about us and get on with your life, that's what I'm doing. What we were doing was... it was just hormones. It was too much and too fast and not what either of us really wanted. I just wish I'd pulled myself out of it sooner, for both our sakes. You shouldn't have been blamed for what happened at the Burrow. It was my fault. Now it's my responsibility to get things back on track."
Draco felt his calm facade shattering, Harry didn't want him, hollow pain rang through him making him want to fall to his knees and sob but that was not going to happen. Years of practice at controlling his weaker emotions allowed him that much dignity. However you couldn't hide that much emotion, you could only subvert it into something else and so he shoved away the pain and in it's place bubbled up anger. He was furious, he had never felt such a cold rage sweep through him. "You self-absorbed prick," he hissed at Harry. "You can take your martyr-complex and shove it up your arse. I can't believe I ever fell for you in the first place. You're so fucking determined to decide everything when you can't even see what's right in front of you. You walk into my life and show me this whole new world and then kick me out of it when you decide you don't want to play any more. Fuck you, Harry Potter. Except I already did, didn't I, and you loved it. Think about that the next time you tell yourself you don't want me and then remember that it's never, ever going to happen again. I wouldn't take you back if you fell on your knees and begged me in front of the whole school."
Draco turned and stormed out of the room leaving Harry staring after him bleakly. From between the curtains of his bed Ron said, "Great job, Harry. Looks like you got things right back on track."
"Fuck off, Ron," said Harry and shut himself back behind the curtains of his own bed.
-----------------
Wednesday 15th Oct
That morning at breakfast Harry sat next to Ginny instead of with Ron and Hermione. They were far enough down the table that they couldn't hear what he was saying but he seemed to be talking to her. Which was more than he'd done with anyone else since he'd got back.
"I think it's a good sign," said Hermione hopefully. "He's starting to open up to people again."
"But why is he talking to Ginny instead of us?" asked Ron. "I just don't buy that he's suddenly ready to rejoin the world, not after the fight he had with Malfoy yesterday morning. It was really vicious."
"Well, maybe he's talking to Ginny because he knows she won't push him and because she doesn't know about him and Malfoy."
"Maybe," Ron didn't sound very convinced.
Hermione glanced over to the Slytherin table, Malfoy wasn't present. When she'd checked on him last night, after hearing about the fight with Harry from Ron, he'd told her he would be taking breakfast in his room from now on. He'd asked Snape and got permission on the grounds that the more time he spent there the safer he'd be. Hermione was sure it was partly an excuse to see less of Harry.
"What do you think they're talking about?" Ron asked her.
"Hmm?" she said, directing her attention back to him.
"Harry and Ginny."
"No idea, I'll ask her later. Might give us an idea as to how to get him talking to us again."
------------------
Thursday 16th Oct
Hermione didn't have time to speak to Ginny in private until the next day, Harry sat with her every mealtime and anytime they tried to join them Harry would fall silent and roll his eyes at Ginny in some secret communication.
After dinner Hermione ran upstairs to catch Ginny in her dorm room. When she came back downstairs she wore an expression that was half worry and half anger. She grabbed Ron's arm and hauled him out into the corridor. "You are not going to believe this."
"What?"
"Harry told Ginny he's not gay. In fact he told her that it was all something you and I had made up to put Ginny off him."
"He said what?"
"She told me that I didn't have to protect her because she could look after herself and that just because Harry was a year older than her didn't mean they couldn't make it work."
Ron went beetroot red. "Harry's dating my sister?"
"He told her he always fancied her and he was just too shy to tell her especially since he was best friends with her older brother."
"I... he.... I.... I'm going to rip his arms off!" Ron bellowed and strode back into the common room and on up the stairs to find Harry. Hermione ran after him.
When she got to the boys dormitory Harry and Ron were staring at one another while Seamus and Dean stood watching from well out of the way.
"Did you tell my sister you fancied her?" Ron roared.
Harry looked surprised then said, "Yes, I did."
Harry stared at Ron blankly as he slowly grew redder and redder. "I am trying," Ron said through gritted teeth. "To remember that you're clearly having some sort of mental breakdown right now and therefore I should try very very hard not to beat you to death."
"I thought you'd be pleased..." Harry started.
"Pleased!" Ron yelled. "You thought I would be pleased that you're leading my sister on and making her think you like her?"
"I do like her."
"Harry, you're gay!"
"Shut up! Everyone get's confused sometimes," Harry shouted back. "It was just a mistake, a one time thing. It doesn't mean I can't like girls too."
Dean and Seamus exchanged very confused looks at this.
"Yes it does, because you're gay!" yelled Ron.
"I am not."
"I wouldn't even want you seeing Ginny if you did like her that way," Ron told him. "Not while you're on the rebound from Malfoy and you're not even on the rebound, there aren't words for whatever it is you're on."
Dean and Seamus went from confused to shocked.
"She really likes you and you're using her and that's it, I'm done trying now." Ron launched himself at Harry with his hands outstretched. "I'm going to hit you until you start making sense again."
"Ron, stop!" cried Hermione trying to pull him back. "Someone help."
Seamus and Dean grabbed Ron by the arms and pulled him back.
"Lemme go!" he shouted. "I'm not done yet."
"Sorry Ron," said Seamus. "We really can't let you kill Harry."
"It's for his own good!"
Hermione followed them down the stairs as Dean and Seamus dragged Ron backwards into the common room. They deposited him in an armchair where he sat panting for breath, when he made a move to head back for the stairs they pinned him down again till he indicated he would stay put.
"So," said Seamus conversationally. "When were you going to tell us that Harry was doing Malfoy?"
"Or that he was gay," added Dean.
Ron sighed and looked at Hermione. "What the hell are we going to do?" he asked her despairingly.
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Saturday 18th Oct
Having spent most of the day brooding in his room, he had skipped lunch, Draco finally dragged himself to the Great Hall for dinner. He really wished he had persuaded Snape and Dumbledore to let him eat all his meals in his room instead of just breakfast. He wanted to see as little of anyone as possible, most of all as little of his Slytherin house-mates and of Harry Potter. He was still angry, or at least when he wasn't miserable he was angry. Much of the time keeping the anger going was just too much effort and he had to save it up for when he was out in public so that he could hold himself together then. Hence the desire to spend as much time as possible in his room. With the amount of sleep he had gotten in the past week, that amount being approximately none at all, he had very little energy to spare for keeping up appearances.
He walked straight, with his head up, but meeting nobody's eye and took his usual place at the very end of the Slytherin table. As usual nobody sat next to him, which was as he preferred it. He no longer bothered to listen to the conversations around him. He knew what they thought of him, he knew what he thought of them. Most were of the opinion that he had gone mad, a few were quietly impressed at his gall and the remainder were simply watching for an opening to shuffle him off this mortal coil. An opening he had no intention of giving them, dying would be far too much like admitting defeat. He would wait the bastards out until things got better. How exactly they were going to get better he wasn't sure but he was fully determined that things would. He was rather hoping that he would simply get the hang of this new way of being, after all Professor Snape seemed to get by perfectly well being alone and despised. He didn't let it get to him and he gave back as good as he got. If he could do it, so could Draco Malfoy.
He poured himself some pumpkin juice and took a large gulp.
Then he froze as he realised that hadn't tasted at all like pumpkin juice. He started to stand up but before he made it to his feet the pain hit. With a strangled cry he crumpled in on himself, clutching at his stomach as his insides seemed to twist up. Across the room he faintly heard someone shouting his name as he fell backwards off the bench and passed out.
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Sunday 19th Oct
It had been three days since Ron and Hermione had broken up Harry's abortive attempt to date Ginny Weasley and he had spoken to neither of them since. He had skipped more meals than he attended and as far as they could tell he slept only a few hours a night. None of them knew how to get through to him, he seemed to be living on autopilot, stumbling through the day.
He'd only shown a flicker of emotion once, on Saturday, when someone had tried to poison Draco Malfoy at the dinner table. Fortunately Madame Pomfrey and Professor Snape had reacted instantly upon him collapsing and the poison had been slow enough acting that they'd fed him an antidote in time. Harry had noticed the second Malfoy collapsed, leaping to his feet before anyone else and crying out, "Draco!"
By the time the excitement had died down he had already closed himself back up. As soon as they saw that Malfoy would live he turned and walked away. Hermione had tried to reason with him that obviously he must still care about Malfoy from his reaction but Harry simply stonewalled her until she gave up.
It was time to bring in the big guns.
Hermione read over the letter Ron had written for Sirius.
"Dear Sirius,
I hope that you can help us, Hermione and me are
very worried about Harry. She thinks he might try to hurt himself,
he has hardly been eating or sleeping although he is trying to
hide that from us. I don't know if you heard about what happened
last weekend with Voldemort but that isn't the problem. I know
relationship stuff seems pretty small in the face of fighting
evil but it is what is wrong. I know I probably shouldn't be the
one to tell you and Harry will be mad when he finds out, but
Harry is gay and he is having trouble dealing with it. He was
seeing someone that he really liked and then my Mum found out
and yelled at them and Harry decided to break it off. Ever since
then he has been acting really wierd, he tried to hit on my
sister Ginny and like I said he hasn't been sleeping or eating
or talking to anyone and he just stares off into space whenever
he thinks no-one is watching. He won't talk to us and I thought
maybe you could talk to him cause you're his godfather and
everything.
Hope you are well, Ron"
"What do you think?" he asked.
"Don't you think you should have explained better? You didn't say who Harry was seeing or how far they'd gone or much about the arguments or Malfoy being poisoned. And it should be Hermione and I, not Hermione and me."
Ron ignored the last part. "I didn't want to tell him too much, I already said more than Harry would want me to say. I'm still not sure we should tell him Harry's gay."
"We're trying to help him, we need to give Sirius some idea of what the problem is if he's going to be able to help."
"I know, but it just seems..."
Hermione took his hand and squeezed. "Harry needs an adult, a parent figure who'll accept his sexuality. Who better than his godfather."
"But... what if it doesn't work out? What if Sirius doesn't want Harry to be gay and it only makes things worse?"
Hermione looked as if she'd never considered that option. "I'm sure he wouldn't do that," she said sounding a little worried. "We can trust Sirius."
"I hope so," said Ron grimly and tied the letter onto Pigwidgeon's leg.
Hand in hand they watched the little owl fly erratically off in excited zig zags.