Too Late...Too Deep
I've been a horrible net~friend. *sigh* Like always part of my early morning routine includes reading my friends posts from the previous night and of course my offline messages and emails. SO I am in touch although maybe not in the literall sense. Maybe more like "In The Loop" So fear not...and at some point I hope like hell to get caught up with my replys. So much is happening to me right now, on the inside as well as the out. And not physically either...changes purely of the mind. Everyday is ever-evolving just the way things should as if I had written out perfection in my mind. I'm constantly wondering how I could have been so ignorant to the thought of something so wonderful happening anywhere beyond movie or the dreamworld. I want to say so much but at the same time I want to hold back..because wondering and hoping sometimes go awry for me. It seems through life weather it had been something so simple as looking forward to a tv show I wanted to stay up to watch or looking forward Christmas, SOMTHING...almost always was taken away. A damper if you will. Almost like a check of sorts. Just something shitty enough to knock you out of your Cloud. But still through it all..here I am all grown and still afraid to take things for what they are and go with the good feelings...because there is that fear..What will happen to me for being happy? What will be taken away? A sacrifice of sorts I guess.
Maybe I think entirely too much or maybe just way too deep. But ya know what I simply can't get out of my head? How much it breaks my heart that my mother died so young...so early, but worst of all...Never KNOWING true happiness. How it felt to be loved without limit or conditions. Right now THIS is my biggest fear. I have the chance to make change. Something I know I need to do..to save myself and to save me from my fear.
Good Night...
Maybe I think entirely too much or maybe just way too deep. But ya know what I simply can't get out of my head? How much it breaks my heart that my mother died so young...so early, but worst of all...Never KNOWING true happiness. How it felt to be loved without limit or conditions. Right now THIS is my biggest fear. I have the chance to make change. Something I know I need to do..to save myself and to save me from my fear.
Good Night...