Letter to Miss Swire -- part one (introduction + epi 2.01)
I'm finally able to round off my Lavinia Swire-analysis, before the Christmas Special will make her completely irrelevant :-)
5 weeks of writing, a 30-page word document, based on a close-reading of the DA Script. Contains pretty much everything I will ever care to say about the character. I have split it into several parts, for the sake of easy scrolling. Episode 2.08 analysis still in the works.
My dear Miss Swire
a letter
Mary: Poor Lavinia. I feel sorry for her.
Violet: She's an obstacle to your happiness, dear, and must be removed.
When it's done, you can feel as sorry as you wish.
Mary: But even if Matthew does break it off with her, why should he propose to me again?
Violet: With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time.
My dear Miss Swire,
Almost seven weeks have passed since you have been carried off by that horrible Spanish flu, and I offer my sincere condolences. However, inasmuch as we are not closely related, I hope you will forgive me for going into half-mourning at this stage, so I can allow myself to look in a more sobre fashion at the events that have unfolded in series 2 of Downton Abbey. You see, Miss Swire, your famous speech to Matthew in episode 2.08 - which surely has earned you sainthood for years to come with the majority of DA fans - has troubled me a great deal for some time, because it contains, well-hidden in the general tone of humbleness, two grave insults which I cannot leave unaddressed...
You say, I quote, that it is not in you to be Queen of the County, that you are «a little person, an ordinary person, and when I saw you and Mary together, I thought, "How fine. How right you look together."» The longer I have been thinking about these words, the stranger they ring in my ears and I was beginning to suspect that you totally failed to see what Mary's and Matthew's connection has been all about. By reducing their «rightness» to something visually accessible, two handsome aristocratic people in fine clothes dancing (as opposed to ordinary little people), you accuse Matthew of being attracted to Mary only because of her «proper» status, and you equally assume that, of Mary's qualities, it is her status as a trophy wife that gives her the upper hand in the fight for Matthew's love. I can assure you that you get both of them completely wrong, and if Matthew interpreted your words in the same way I did, it is not surprising that he appears edgy rather than apologetic during your conversation. But you do not leave it at that. You add with great pride that «when you were wounded, I thought it was my calling to look after you and care for you. And I don't think Mary would've done that quite as well as me, really.» Matthew agrees with you on that point (I will get back to this, though) and frankly, I do too, for the simple reason that Mary never had any inclination to make Matthew feel disabled, needy and dependent. She knows he hates that! His self-esteem is pretty easily shaken as it is, he always feels he has to prove that he is worth something, worth the attention he receives, and naturally when he is paralysed, his self image is completely shattered. What he needs is someone who emphasizes his abilities, not his disabilities. When Mary sits by Matthew's bedside, she constantly focuses on minimizing the extent of his disability in his eyes, and her practical help such as holding the sick bowl appears effortless as if it was «nothing». Even Isobel comments on that. You, however, return to Matthew because of his illness and his need to be looked after and cared for. And call it your «calling», while he self-deprecatingly calls it a sacrifice on your part. I am positively sure that Matthew never felt more disabled than the moment you decided to devote yourself to him for the rest of his life. Out of «love», of all things...
The great injustice you do Matthew in your two final scenes together is that you never question the quality of your own feelings for him, and that you advertise these feelings as genuine love virtually to your last breath. By the time of your confrontation in 2.08, Matthew has finally come to the realisation that, as far as he is concerned, he does not love you the way he should, and I give him credit for not deceiving you about his lack of feelings for you in this scene. To leave Matthew with a guilty conscience for having hurt you with his honesty hours before your death is bad enough (he sees you cry as he leaves the room), but to let him believe until the very end that your feelings for him are more noble than the ones he harboured for you is - in my humble opinion, Miss Swire - unforgivable. If there is a theme to this letter, and indeed a theme to your relationship with Matthew Crawley, it is that you are unable to define the qualities in him which attract you, that you are in fact unable to endow him with any admirable qualities, and yet you are unwilling to let go of him on your own account. The idea that Matthew Crawley is your emotional life-support system is the red thread running through your plotline, despite the fact that you never really pinpoint what you actually get out of being with him, or want to get out of it, that should make it so impossible for you to go back to the life you had before you met him and enjoy it. I shall argue that you throughout most of the series have forced Matthew to stay in this relationship with you, with complete disregard for how much pain you inflict on him by expecting him to give up the woman both you and he knows to be his true love. That you do not consider once what a real sacrifice he is making for you, for your ego, by giving up on his own shot at happiness to satisfy your idea that your own hypothetical sacrifice demands acknowledgement. I shall argue that it was possible for Matthew to break off the engagement, and that he tried, but that you refused to accept his decision. And that you yourself had several opportunities to break off the engagement - knowing that you did not have the necessary qualities to be a good wife for Matthew, and knowing that you did not fancy the kind of life he had to offer, but that you refused to do so, because you had decided to stay on that boat until you sink together. Just like that.
«Marriage is a long business»
Dear Miss Swire, let us come clean about your «love» for Matthew Crawley, and what you really had intended to offer him to feed on for the next fourty or fifty years if he had married you. Cousin Violet is absolutely right: Marriage is a long business, and two people's commitment to each other should take that into account. Let's not muddy the pool by discussing the question of Mary being available or not available, of Matthew being honourable or not honourable. I have no intention of placing the responsibility for your marital bliss on any other people, howevermuch you would like to divert the attention away from your own role in this tragic romance. It is not Matthew's responsibility to ensure that you will make him happy, it is your own. It is not Mary's responsibility to ensure that you appear more enticing to Matthew than she does, it is your own. Let us just stick to that for the time being; let us examine what you have to contribute to a happy marriage. In order to do you justice, I have re-examined every line you say in the script about your feelings for Matthew, as well as his lines concerning you, and I was truly surprised at the negativity which pervaded most of your scenes. It is incredible!!!! If the main argument in favour of a union between you and Matthew is supposed to be that you are so sweet together, I should expect to find evidence in the script to warrant that impression, and I am sorry to say that it just does not hold up. But I will get to that in a minute.
Before I do, Miss Swire, let me tell you one thing about what Mary and Matthew are about: She followed him into the trenches. When Matthew was unable to actually talk to anyone about the things he'd seen, she decided to come with him the next time. From the haunted look in his eyes at the dinner table in episode 2.01, Mary sensed that he might feel alone and scared and uprooted, and that this fear might cost him his life, so she went with him. She gave him her little toy dog, the one she'd always had, and followed him into the trenches in the shape of that dog, into the mud and into the cold. She showed faith in his ability to pull through, in a way you did not. She basically gave him the order to survive so he could return the dog to her without a scratch, and Matthew took that order willingly, because it meant that she had confidence in him, that she wanted him back, and that she trusted in his ability to do what he has to do without feeling the need to play the hero. Is it any wonder he would pick the dog anytime he left his quarters, and leave your picture on the shelf? Because he needed to hold on to that faith she had, because it made him stronger. The fact that Mary experienced a physical reaction during the battle of Amiens, in which Matthew was shown to be truly terrified before being wounded, is a testimony to the reality of their bond and the reality of Mary's participation in Matthew's experiences. This is what Mary and Matthew are about.
Did you ever have Matthew's wellbeing in mind when he went back to the front? «And I can't stop thinking about what I'd do if anything happened to him», you say to Mary in episode 2.02. Really? First you have fantasies about something happening to Matthew, and then you proceed to fantasize about yourself and your own life afterwards. You even say that twice! Do you want him dead? There is a difference between faith and conviction, Miss Swire, and when Mary emphasises her faith in Matthew («I know he'll be all right»), you treat her faith like a conviction and dismiss it, as a false confidence in Matthew's abilities, which he obviously neither deserves nor inspires in you: «No you don't. None of us do. We say that sort of thing, but we don't know. If he died, I don't think I could go on living». I believe the show makes it quite clear that it is possible to wish the best for someone without losing sight of the possibility that something bad could happen. Here lies the basic difference between Mary and you with regard to your faith in Matthew, and your ability to provide emotional support both him and yourself during wartime.
The Script
Let us now look at the way you feature in the script, as far as the scenes pertain to your relationship with Matthew. My particular focus lies on what needs Matthew expresses (verbally and non-verbally) during the series, what you offer to contribute to the relationship (verbally and non-verbally), and how Matthew relates to what you have to offer. I must say for starters that I believe the impression of you as a fragile and guileless character can partly be attributed to your tendency to speak with a voice that suggests permanently clogged sinus. This makes about everything you say sound rather sweet on screen, and I believe it lets you get away with statements that no other character on Downton Abbey would get away with. In fact, it was only after reading the episode transcripts provided by scriptline that I even noticed what you were saying! But let us look at the script step by step.
Episode 2.01
The series opens in late autumn 1916, with scenes of Matthew in the trenches during the closing stages of the Battle of the Somme, one of the bloodiest military operations ever recorded. He is informed that he will get a couple of days' leave. We are told of your existence in a later scene set at Downton, where Isobel informs the Granthams that Matthew got to know you on his previous leave, that he has just got engaged to you in London on his present leave, that he will bring you up to Downton to introduce you two, and that it all seems rather hurried. Incidentally, Matthew himself mentions his impending visit to London in his first trench scene: «London first to remind myself what real food tastes like. Then north for a couple of days, I suppose. Naturally there's a girl I want to see when I'm there.» London for the food - that is enthusiastic... The girl up north is the one he «naturally» wants to see...
The first time we see you in person is when you enter the Great Hall at Downton alongside Matthew, and your first comment is that the place is «awfully» grand and that «home» would not be the right word to describe it. What a promising start! When Matthew loves Downton almost as much as Robert does (starting from when they are repairing the cottages together in S1) and when he is so proud to show it to you. Basically you tell him it is a bad offer for a home, possibly hurting his pride and self-esteem. Either you do not know Matthew very well, or you do not really care about what is important to him.
Then you are introduced to Mary, and this exchange is interesting:
Mary: Hello, Miss Swire. I'm Mary Crawley.
You: Of course you are. I mean, I've been longing to meet you, because I've heard so much about you from Matthew. Er, that is--
Two statements - and you feel the need to qualify both of them? What did you mean with «of course» if you felt that came out wrong? You've heard «so much» about Mary from Matthew in the short time you have known him? Really? He had the need to talk about his ex extensively? But you never felt that he might not be ready to be with somebody else? In my humble opinion, Miss Swire, you betray in your very first conversation with Mary that you are well aware of Matthew's emotional predicament, and that you are suspicious of Mary from the start. Don't look surprised. And I saw how coldly you looked over your shoulder at Mary during the concert, before putting on a forced smile as her eyes met yours.
During the dinner scene, you assert yourself as a suitable bride to Matthew: «I don't know much about life in the country, but I do understand how the law works, so I believe I can be helpful to Matthew there.» By saying that, you fashion your role in Matthew's life as a supporter of the part of him that is disengaged from Downton. At the other end of the table, Matthew has just asked Mary if it was all right for her that he brought you at all. On his way out of the dining room, under your watchful eyes, Matthew continues his conversation with Mary: «She has plenty of time to learn. Cousin Robert will be in charge here for many years. Lavinia will be a lawyer's wife far longer than she'll be a countess. That's if I get through the war in one piece.» What Matthew is saying here, I believe, is that he hopes you will see your lawyer years as a time to grow into your role as countess, rather than an end in itself. This is an important point to me, as it has been suggested that your character is supposed to be as being just as ill-suited by nature to be a countess as Mary would be ill-suited to be a solicitor's wife. Consequently, it should implicitly follow that Matthew would do wise to pick the woman he could expect to share the greater number of harmonic years with. The way Matthew's statement sounds to me, however, he is already mentally in «Earl mode», and it would be important for his happiness that his future wife is supportive to both parts of his identity from the start. When Matthew questions if your marriage will ever come about, given that he might die, Mary rebuilds his wavering self-esteem immediately: «Of course you will. Don't even think like that.» But then again, that's Mary.
Matthew and Mary talk about you during their farewell dialogue at the train station:
Matthew: Showed Lavinia the places I like the most. Gave her a few memories. Mary, if I don't come back -
Mary: But -
Matthew: No. If I don't, then do remember how very glad I am that we made up when we had the chance. I mean it. You send me off to war a happy man. ... Will you do something for me? Will you...will you look after Mother...if anything happens?
Mary: Of course we will. But it won't.
Matthew: And Lavinia. She's young, she will find someone else. I hope she does, anyway, but...until she does.
The image of your last afternoon together is virtually killed of by a death fantasy in mid-sentence before Matthew's mind jumps back to himself and Mary, as if he wanted to imprint the present moment into his mind as his truly last memory from home. The reason, it seems to me, why he for once does not allow Mary to talk him out of dying is that, at this moment, the thought of their renewed friendship makes him feel like ending life on a high note. He derives his strength in battle (and peace of mind in case of death) not from flight fancies about a future with you but from the gratification he already has experienced in his life so far. And the memories of your quality time together would not have been enough to send him off to war a happy man.
It also appears to be important to Matthew to be remembered for who he feels he really is, and to make sure that people feel good about themselves in case he never returns for another chance to talk things over. It is important to him that Mary should be left with the solace of knowing he is a happy man because of her, and that he is grateful for their friendship. Mary has earlier expressed concern that Matthew might still have a low opinion of her after turning her down at the end of S1 («Who knows what you think of me now»), but he makes it clear that he does not want her to feel guilty about anything she might have said and done, and that is in fact he who is blessed that she still wants to be friends with him. So to release Mary from any guilty feelings she might harbour in case of his death is Matthew's top priority. I am going on about this because the attitude conveyed in this scene will be relevant to my interpretation of your final hour. Anyhow, Matthew's second priority addressed in this speech is his mother's well-being, and your marital status is only his third concern. He does not believe that you would be as devastated by his death as you yourself will claim one episode later. In his mind, he is already marrying you off to someone else.
CONTINUE TO PART TWO
5 weeks of writing, a 30-page word document, based on a close-reading of the DA Script. Contains pretty much everything I will ever care to say about the character. I have split it into several parts, for the sake of easy scrolling. Episode 2.08 analysis still in the works.
My dear Miss Swire
a letter
Mary: Poor Lavinia. I feel sorry for her.
Violet: She's an obstacle to your happiness, dear, and must be removed.
When it's done, you can feel as sorry as you wish.
Mary: But even if Matthew does break it off with her, why should he propose to me again?
Violet: With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time.
My dear Miss Swire,
Almost seven weeks have passed since you have been carried off by that horrible Spanish flu, and I offer my sincere condolences. However, inasmuch as we are not closely related, I hope you will forgive me for going into half-mourning at this stage, so I can allow myself to look in a more sobre fashion at the events that have unfolded in series 2 of Downton Abbey. You see, Miss Swire, your famous speech to Matthew in episode 2.08 - which surely has earned you sainthood for years to come with the majority of DA fans - has troubled me a great deal for some time, because it contains, well-hidden in the general tone of humbleness, two grave insults which I cannot leave unaddressed...
You say, I quote, that it is not in you to be Queen of the County, that you are «a little person, an ordinary person, and when I saw you and Mary together, I thought, "How fine. How right you look together."» The longer I have been thinking about these words, the stranger they ring in my ears and I was beginning to suspect that you totally failed to see what Mary's and Matthew's connection has been all about. By reducing their «rightness» to something visually accessible, two handsome aristocratic people in fine clothes dancing (as opposed to ordinary little people), you accuse Matthew of being attracted to Mary only because of her «proper» status, and you equally assume that, of Mary's qualities, it is her status as a trophy wife that gives her the upper hand in the fight for Matthew's love. I can assure you that you get both of them completely wrong, and if Matthew interpreted your words in the same way I did, it is not surprising that he appears edgy rather than apologetic during your conversation. But you do not leave it at that. You add with great pride that «when you were wounded, I thought it was my calling to look after you and care for you. And I don't think Mary would've done that quite as well as me, really.» Matthew agrees with you on that point (I will get back to this, though) and frankly, I do too, for the simple reason that Mary never had any inclination to make Matthew feel disabled, needy and dependent. She knows he hates that! His self-esteem is pretty easily shaken as it is, he always feels he has to prove that he is worth something, worth the attention he receives, and naturally when he is paralysed, his self image is completely shattered. What he needs is someone who emphasizes his abilities, not his disabilities. When Mary sits by Matthew's bedside, she constantly focuses on minimizing the extent of his disability in his eyes, and her practical help such as holding the sick bowl appears effortless as if it was «nothing». Even Isobel comments on that. You, however, return to Matthew because of his illness and his need to be looked after and cared for. And call it your «calling», while he self-deprecatingly calls it a sacrifice on your part. I am positively sure that Matthew never felt more disabled than the moment you decided to devote yourself to him for the rest of his life. Out of «love», of all things...
The great injustice you do Matthew in your two final scenes together is that you never question the quality of your own feelings for him, and that you advertise these feelings as genuine love virtually to your last breath. By the time of your confrontation in 2.08, Matthew has finally come to the realisation that, as far as he is concerned, he does not love you the way he should, and I give him credit for not deceiving you about his lack of feelings for you in this scene. To leave Matthew with a guilty conscience for having hurt you with his honesty hours before your death is bad enough (he sees you cry as he leaves the room), but to let him believe until the very end that your feelings for him are more noble than the ones he harboured for you is - in my humble opinion, Miss Swire - unforgivable. If there is a theme to this letter, and indeed a theme to your relationship with Matthew Crawley, it is that you are unable to define the qualities in him which attract you, that you are in fact unable to endow him with any admirable qualities, and yet you are unwilling to let go of him on your own account. The idea that Matthew Crawley is your emotional life-support system is the red thread running through your plotline, despite the fact that you never really pinpoint what you actually get out of being with him, or want to get out of it, that should make it so impossible for you to go back to the life you had before you met him and enjoy it. I shall argue that you throughout most of the series have forced Matthew to stay in this relationship with you, with complete disregard for how much pain you inflict on him by expecting him to give up the woman both you and he knows to be his true love. That you do not consider once what a real sacrifice he is making for you, for your ego, by giving up on his own shot at happiness to satisfy your idea that your own hypothetical sacrifice demands acknowledgement. I shall argue that it was possible for Matthew to break off the engagement, and that he tried, but that you refused to accept his decision. And that you yourself had several opportunities to break off the engagement - knowing that you did not have the necessary qualities to be a good wife for Matthew, and knowing that you did not fancy the kind of life he had to offer, but that you refused to do so, because you had decided to stay on that boat until you sink together. Just like that.
«Marriage is a long business»
Dear Miss Swire, let us come clean about your «love» for Matthew Crawley, and what you really had intended to offer him to feed on for the next fourty or fifty years if he had married you. Cousin Violet is absolutely right: Marriage is a long business, and two people's commitment to each other should take that into account. Let's not muddy the pool by discussing the question of Mary being available or not available, of Matthew being honourable or not honourable. I have no intention of placing the responsibility for your marital bliss on any other people, howevermuch you would like to divert the attention away from your own role in this tragic romance. It is not Matthew's responsibility to ensure that you will make him happy, it is your own. It is not Mary's responsibility to ensure that you appear more enticing to Matthew than she does, it is your own. Let us just stick to that for the time being; let us examine what you have to contribute to a happy marriage. In order to do you justice, I have re-examined every line you say in the script about your feelings for Matthew, as well as his lines concerning you, and I was truly surprised at the negativity which pervaded most of your scenes. It is incredible!!!! If the main argument in favour of a union between you and Matthew is supposed to be that you are so sweet together, I should expect to find evidence in the script to warrant that impression, and I am sorry to say that it just does not hold up. But I will get to that in a minute.
Before I do, Miss Swire, let me tell you one thing about what Mary and Matthew are about: She followed him into the trenches. When Matthew was unable to actually talk to anyone about the things he'd seen, she decided to come with him the next time. From the haunted look in his eyes at the dinner table in episode 2.01, Mary sensed that he might feel alone and scared and uprooted, and that this fear might cost him his life, so she went with him. She gave him her little toy dog, the one she'd always had, and followed him into the trenches in the shape of that dog, into the mud and into the cold. She showed faith in his ability to pull through, in a way you did not. She basically gave him the order to survive so he could return the dog to her without a scratch, and Matthew took that order willingly, because it meant that she had confidence in him, that she wanted him back, and that she trusted in his ability to do what he has to do without feeling the need to play the hero. Is it any wonder he would pick the dog anytime he left his quarters, and leave your picture on the shelf? Because he needed to hold on to that faith she had, because it made him stronger. The fact that Mary experienced a physical reaction during the battle of Amiens, in which Matthew was shown to be truly terrified before being wounded, is a testimony to the reality of their bond and the reality of Mary's participation in Matthew's experiences. This is what Mary and Matthew are about.
Did you ever have Matthew's wellbeing in mind when he went back to the front? «And I can't stop thinking about what I'd do if anything happened to him», you say to Mary in episode 2.02. Really? First you have fantasies about something happening to Matthew, and then you proceed to fantasize about yourself and your own life afterwards. You even say that twice! Do you want him dead? There is a difference between faith and conviction, Miss Swire, and when Mary emphasises her faith in Matthew («I know he'll be all right»), you treat her faith like a conviction and dismiss it, as a false confidence in Matthew's abilities, which he obviously neither deserves nor inspires in you: «No you don't. None of us do. We say that sort of thing, but we don't know. If he died, I don't think I could go on living». I believe the show makes it quite clear that it is possible to wish the best for someone without losing sight of the possibility that something bad could happen. Here lies the basic difference between Mary and you with regard to your faith in Matthew, and your ability to provide emotional support both him and yourself during wartime.
The Script
Let us now look at the way you feature in the script, as far as the scenes pertain to your relationship with Matthew. My particular focus lies on what needs Matthew expresses (verbally and non-verbally) during the series, what you offer to contribute to the relationship (verbally and non-verbally), and how Matthew relates to what you have to offer. I must say for starters that I believe the impression of you as a fragile and guileless character can partly be attributed to your tendency to speak with a voice that suggests permanently clogged sinus. This makes about everything you say sound rather sweet on screen, and I believe it lets you get away with statements that no other character on Downton Abbey would get away with. In fact, it was only after reading the episode transcripts provided by scriptline that I even noticed what you were saying! But let us look at the script step by step.
Episode 2.01
The series opens in late autumn 1916, with scenes of Matthew in the trenches during the closing stages of the Battle of the Somme, one of the bloodiest military operations ever recorded. He is informed that he will get a couple of days' leave. We are told of your existence in a later scene set at Downton, where Isobel informs the Granthams that Matthew got to know you on his previous leave, that he has just got engaged to you in London on his present leave, that he will bring you up to Downton to introduce you two, and that it all seems rather hurried. Incidentally, Matthew himself mentions his impending visit to London in his first trench scene: «London first to remind myself what real food tastes like. Then north for a couple of days, I suppose. Naturally there's a girl I want to see when I'm there.» London for the food - that is enthusiastic... The girl up north is the one he «naturally» wants to see...
The first time we see you in person is when you enter the Great Hall at Downton alongside Matthew, and your first comment is that the place is «awfully» grand and that «home» would not be the right word to describe it. What a promising start! When Matthew loves Downton almost as much as Robert does (starting from when they are repairing the cottages together in S1) and when he is so proud to show it to you. Basically you tell him it is a bad offer for a home, possibly hurting his pride and self-esteem. Either you do not know Matthew very well, or you do not really care about what is important to him.
Then you are introduced to Mary, and this exchange is interesting:
Mary: Hello, Miss Swire. I'm Mary Crawley.
You: Of course you are. I mean, I've been longing to meet you, because I've heard so much about you from Matthew. Er, that is--
Two statements - and you feel the need to qualify both of them? What did you mean with «of course» if you felt that came out wrong? You've heard «so much» about Mary from Matthew in the short time you have known him? Really? He had the need to talk about his ex extensively? But you never felt that he might not be ready to be with somebody else? In my humble opinion, Miss Swire, you betray in your very first conversation with Mary that you are well aware of Matthew's emotional predicament, and that you are suspicious of Mary from the start. Don't look surprised. And I saw how coldly you looked over your shoulder at Mary during the concert, before putting on a forced smile as her eyes met yours.
During the dinner scene, you assert yourself as a suitable bride to Matthew: «I don't know much about life in the country, but I do understand how the law works, so I believe I can be helpful to Matthew there.» By saying that, you fashion your role in Matthew's life as a supporter of the part of him that is disengaged from Downton. At the other end of the table, Matthew has just asked Mary if it was all right for her that he brought you at all. On his way out of the dining room, under your watchful eyes, Matthew continues his conversation with Mary: «She has plenty of time to learn. Cousin Robert will be in charge here for many years. Lavinia will be a lawyer's wife far longer than she'll be a countess. That's if I get through the war in one piece.» What Matthew is saying here, I believe, is that he hopes you will see your lawyer years as a time to grow into your role as countess, rather than an end in itself. This is an important point to me, as it has been suggested that your character is supposed to be as being just as ill-suited by nature to be a countess as Mary would be ill-suited to be a solicitor's wife. Consequently, it should implicitly follow that Matthew would do wise to pick the woman he could expect to share the greater number of harmonic years with. The way Matthew's statement sounds to me, however, he is already mentally in «Earl mode», and it would be important for his happiness that his future wife is supportive to both parts of his identity from the start. When Matthew questions if your marriage will ever come about, given that he might die, Mary rebuilds his wavering self-esteem immediately: «Of course you will. Don't even think like that.» But then again, that's Mary.
Matthew and Mary talk about you during their farewell dialogue at the train station:
Matthew: Showed Lavinia the places I like the most. Gave her a few memories. Mary, if I don't come back -
Mary: But -
Matthew: No. If I don't, then do remember how very glad I am that we made up when we had the chance. I mean it. You send me off to war a happy man. ... Will you do something for me? Will you...will you look after Mother...if anything happens?
Mary: Of course we will. But it won't.
Matthew: And Lavinia. She's young, she will find someone else. I hope she does, anyway, but...until she does.
The image of your last afternoon together is virtually killed of by a death fantasy in mid-sentence before Matthew's mind jumps back to himself and Mary, as if he wanted to imprint the present moment into his mind as his truly last memory from home. The reason, it seems to me, why he for once does not allow Mary to talk him out of dying is that, at this moment, the thought of their renewed friendship makes him feel like ending life on a high note. He derives his strength in battle (and peace of mind in case of death) not from flight fancies about a future with you but from the gratification he already has experienced in his life so far. And the memories of your quality time together would not have been enough to send him off to war a happy man.
It also appears to be important to Matthew to be remembered for who he feels he really is, and to make sure that people feel good about themselves in case he never returns for another chance to talk things over. It is important to him that Mary should be left with the solace of knowing he is a happy man because of her, and that he is grateful for their friendship. Mary has earlier expressed concern that Matthew might still have a low opinion of her after turning her down at the end of S1 («Who knows what you think of me now»), but he makes it clear that he does not want her to feel guilty about anything she might have said and done, and that is in fact he who is blessed that she still wants to be friends with him. So to release Mary from any guilty feelings she might harbour in case of his death is Matthew's top priority. I am going on about this because the attitude conveyed in this scene will be relevant to my interpretation of your final hour. Anyhow, Matthew's second priority addressed in this speech is his mother's well-being, and your marital status is only his third concern. He does not believe that you would be as devastated by his death as you yourself will claim one episode later. In his mind, he is already marrying you off to someone else.
CONTINUE TO PART TWO