Just emptiness to dwell upon..
I just had a slightly akward conversation with my mother. Out of nowhere she comes up to me and is like, "Molly, are you okay? Because you seem not okay." And I was just like yeah I'm fine. But like right then I almost cried. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because it's nice when she acts like she cares.. and it's been a while since she's ginuinely seemed concerned about me. Or I guess maybe it's because it just makes me upset that my relationship with her is ruined. And if what she said didn't make me cry- thinking about this does. Because it makes me so upset. I'm too stubborn, and things are too fucked up to fix. I wish I hadn't made things so bad that they're at the point they are at now.. I don't eat with my family anymore, I don't speak to my dad more than saying hello. And I say helo, because if I don't acknowledge him i get grounded or yelled at. And that makes me sad. That the only communication I have with my father is absolutely forced. My mom and I talk just a little more than that... but just the neccessary how was your day stuff. Last night my dad kissed me and said good night to me. I can't remember the last time he kissed me, let alone said good night to me. I figure my parents must be talking about me.. or something, because it seems like they are trying to fix things wiht me a little. i dont know how to though. i really think it's impossible now. Connor told me he didn't want to ever tlak to his paretns again and that he hated them and stuff like that, and I told him never to do that.. because I REALLY wish, when i started having problems with my parents someone would have just told me to stop being such a bitch and to grow up a little. Yuck.