(no subject)
So because we're apparently dumbass teenagers, we managed to give each other hickeys the other night. I, fortunately, have access to makeup. He, on the other hand, was subjected to teasing from his coworkers. I dunno, it was nice to see him yesterday actually talking to the guys and laughing. He's usually pretty quiet and keeps to himself. I don't know if he has any actual friends? He hasn't really mentioned any. He lives with two of his brothers so it's not like he's a total loner. But when I've talked about "going out with friends" way more than he has...that's not easy.
I had one of those awful dreams where I was being chased. Possibly by police/government? At first I was hiding (cowering in terror in a closet) in my house but then I decided to try to escape and it just went downhill from there. Driving and running and ugh. Bad. My heart rate is speeding up just thinking about it.
Beach day tomorrow with M. And then Tuesday is yet another day of sitting in an empty office while some underpaid tech scans patients' charts for some insurance or other. But! I just realized I can actually use my ipad now that we've got permanent internet at that office. So I can get more ICD-10 work done, hopefully. Or just veg out cuz sitting there is absolutely soul-sucking.
Ooooookay hold the phone. M does have friends. And they're going to Splish Splash tomorrow. So he wants us to go with. Sliiiiiightly awkward since the one name he mentioned is C who also works at Chips and will now get to see me in a bathing suit. Pardon me while I curl up and die in a corner. (C is great! Platonically friendly! Made sure my drunk ass didn't die on New Year's while waiting for mom to show up! But...bathing suit. Body insecurity. Oy.)
Dammit, if I don't die of embarrassment, I'm dragging him to Panera to meet my lunatics. That'll learn him. *sigh* Better get some beauty sleep.
Edit: Pfft, like I was actually going to sleep. No, I've been sitting and panicking for the last two hours because holy shit this is such a bad idea. Social anxiety flaring. I mean, they're gonna be talking in Spanish and I'll be lost. And they might start adding things up and decide I'm a slut for having gone on dates with three of the Chip's employees plus the one date with the other guy that didn't happen. And they're going to see me in a bathing suit.
I've tried telling myself that I'm worked up over nothing, that I'm going to have a good time, and who cares what anyone thinks and what happened to that girl who was so proud of how brave she is (oh, right, that girl was brave for doing stuff on her own and not needing to socialize) and it's not working and argh I'm a jibbering mess.
But I really do need to sleep so I can drive tomorrow. And get up early enough to prepare and pace and pack and repack and worry myself to death. What have I gotten myself into?
I had one of those awful dreams where I was being chased. Possibly by police/government? At first I was hiding (cowering in terror in a closet) in my house but then I decided to try to escape and it just went downhill from there. Driving and running and ugh. Bad. My heart rate is speeding up just thinking about it.
Beach day tomorrow with M. And then Tuesday is yet another day of sitting in an empty office while some underpaid tech scans patients' charts for some insurance or other. But! I just realized I can actually use my ipad now that we've got permanent internet at that office. So I can get more ICD-10 work done, hopefully. Or just veg out cuz sitting there is absolutely soul-sucking.
Ooooookay hold the phone. M does have friends. And they're going to Splish Splash tomorrow. So he wants us to go with. Sliiiiiightly awkward since the one name he mentioned is C who also works at Chips and will now get to see me in a bathing suit. Pardon me while I curl up and die in a corner. (C is great! Platonically friendly! Made sure my drunk ass didn't die on New Year's while waiting for mom to show up! But...bathing suit. Body insecurity. Oy.)
Dammit, if I don't die of embarrassment, I'm dragging him to Panera to meet my lunatics. That'll learn him. *sigh* Better get some beauty sleep.
Edit: Pfft, like I was actually going to sleep. No, I've been sitting and panicking for the last two hours because holy shit this is such a bad idea. Social anxiety flaring. I mean, they're gonna be talking in Spanish and I'll be lost. And they might start adding things up and decide I'm a slut for having gone on dates with three of the Chip's employees plus the one date with the other guy that didn't happen. And they're going to see me in a bathing suit.
I've tried telling myself that I'm worked up over nothing, that I'm going to have a good time, and who cares what anyone thinks and what happened to that girl who was so proud of how brave she is (oh, right, that girl was brave for doing stuff on her own and not needing to socialize) and it's not working and argh I'm a jibbering mess.
But I really do need to sleep so I can drive tomorrow. And get up early enough to prepare and pace and pack and repack and worry myself to death. What have I gotten myself into?