At the mercy of all cliches' .... but isn't life just one giant cliche?
Cold Sweat drips from my forehead, What's happening to me?
Why am I so dizzy? Dizzy with all the emotions swimming through my mind...
The heavy breathing echoing in my head, pressure on my chest, like a 20 pound weight I can't lift off...
I could see myself sleeping, but am I awake? or am I dreaming?
it could be a nightmare.. one that never ends... Will I ever be happy? Truly happy?
but what exactly is being happy? growing up, following your dream, raising a family? are these things truly a source of happiness?
everyone is so intent on trying to find something that makes them happy..
but, what if.... what if there was nothing that makes us happy?
Marriage? there's divorce... Children? there's contraceptives...for every big decision there's an opposite option... a back door, a plan B..
The human brain is constantly changing there mind all the time... so how is it that we want to purposely commit to someone or something for the rest of our lives when we can't even commit to one type of cereal? lucky charms wasn't good enough for you.. so you bought cheerios... why? did you need the change? or did society make that change for you?
options... there are many... That's the reason why we can't decide...
We give way too many second chances in this society... and in some cases that's okay, but we really only have one life to live... assuming that there is no afterlife, or reincarnation...these factors have not been proven.. so really we only have a lifetime to make the right choices.. and a lifetime is a long time, but it only takes a few wrong turns in that long road to make you reach a dead end.
so why? why do I need to get married? why do I want to get married and have children? why am I writing this?
The truth is we all want something in our lives, some of us may find it and some of may spend our lives looking for it, but at the end of it all... what it all boils down to is... we'll live, love, regret, and move on.. until the road ends... until this giant cliche of happiness comes to an end and our memories keep us alive, immortalizing us in our own cloud of thought..
The emptiness in my chest will never cease, and I will always feel this... I always have... call it a curse, call it what you will... I will find the meaning of true happiness... I can feel the road beneath my own two feet... I just haven't been able to move.. too scared to take the wrong turn.. but it's now or never...
What do I really want...? If I could answer that I would, believe me... all I know is that I don't want.... this... this emptiness... this shadow of thought that always looms over me... its depressing, it drains, and it keeps me at bay... making me watch as my life unfolds rapidly and me powerless to stop it.... and I've grown tired of it... I won't sit and watch anymore...
that.. is not an option.... and never will be...