Fic: Monster
Fandom: Naruto
Title: Monster
Chapter: N/A, complete oneshot
Characters/Pairings: Kakashi, Sakura, Rin, mentions of Genma, Asuma, and Sakura's parents/background Kakashi/Rin
Genre: Crack Humor/Family
Word Count: 1,364
Rating: PG/K
Notes: Inspired by, but obviously not for, the Make It Work Challenge kakasaku hosted last month. I'm a masochist. *idiotic grin*
Also, Children's Rhymes is totally almost done, I swear. This oneshot pretty much wrote itself in, like, an hour and a half at one A.M.
“There’s a monster under my bed! Kakashi-chan!”
The terrified scream echoed through the entire house, and Kakashi, though unshakeable under even the most horrific circumstances, jumped to his feet and began sprinting down the hall. He was only halfway there when a blur of pink and frills slammed into his legs, tripping him up and wrapping itself there with no intention of being pried off.
“Dammit, Rin,” he grumbled under his breath. “I’m an elite jonin-practically in ANBU-and you’ve got me babysitting.”
The blur, which had resolved itself into a small child, whimpered against his thigh. “Kakashi-chan,” she whispered. “Please come, Kakashi-chan. There’s a monster under my bed and it wants to eat me!”
He really wished Rin were here-she was the one supposed to be looking after the kid, after all. But a medical emergency had called her away to the hospital and he was the only one she could find (and bully into this) on such short notice.
The little girl pulled back and looked up at him. Her face was tear-streaked and red and she was trembling faintly. She gave a pathetic little sniffle.
“Please come kill it,” she begged.
Dammit. Why did this happen to him? On Friday of all nights, when Genma, Asuma, and a few others were headed out to get shit-faced drunk and hook up with girls. He supposed he should be happy-if a monster under a three-year-old’s bed was the worst of his problems, it was a damn good day.
“Alright,” he sighed, remembering the promising glint in Rin’s eyes as she stormed into his tiny apartment with a sleepy-eyed, pink-haired toddler and handed her off to him with directions back to her house. He’d better be well-compensated for this later. “C’mon, let’s go get rid of your monster, Sakura-chan.”
She whimpered again and held her chubby little arms up in a clear sign she wanted to be carried. He grimaced but picked her up anyway, and she snuggled comfortably into the crook of his neck. Her dampened face wet his shirt.
Why were girls always so clingy? he wondered as he entered her bedroom. She wiggled against his chest and he heard her little gasp of fear when he tried to set her down on the bed. Sakura’s fingers tightened on his undershirt where it covered his throat, which threatened to take his mask down, so he had to stay bent over as he said, “Sakura-chan, I can’t kill the monster with you on my face.”
“I want to stand behind you,” she cried, eyes shining with frightened tears.
Kakashi’s eyebrow twitched. “Fine.” He grabbed her off the bed, set her on his other side and dropped to the floor to peer into the murky darkness under her bed. “There’s nothing here, Sakura-chan,” he said.
“There is!” she protested. “I heard it talking, it wants to gobble me up!”
By the desperate alarm and anger in her eyes, there was no winning this argument. He just wanted to get back to the couch and the novel Jiraiya-sama had given him…
“Alright, so how do I kill it?” he asked, trying to humor her.
“I don’t know!” she shrieked, fixing him with a look that told him how dumb she thought he was. “How do you kill anything? Just stab it.” Which was awfully violent coming from a three-year-old.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Rin,” he muttered as he reached under his shirt for a slim knife he always carried in his waistband.
“Wait!” she yelled. Kakashi looked at her. “I want to see it.” He held the blade out to her. She inspected it carefully before nodding. “Okay.”
He swiped at the shadows and sat up. “There,” he said flatly. “All dead. Go back to sleep now, Sakura-chan.”
The girl met his gaze stubbornly. “You missed,” she informed him in a monotone, clearly mimicking him.
“I did not!” he argued.
“Yes, you did. It’s over there.” And she pointed to the other end of the bed. Of course. Sakura regarded it with the absolute terror only small children were truly capable of, and he just wanted to get this over with. He shuffled to the other side and jabbed his knife into the darkness there.
“Did I get it this time?” he asked.
“Y-Yes,” she stammered, eyeing her bed with trepidation. “But I don’t want to stay here alone. What if it comes back?” She turned her huge green eyes on him again.
“Monsters don’t come back,” Kakashi said, and then added, making it up as he went along, “because once they’re killed by adults like me, they’re trapped in the afterlife by heroes of the past.”
He got a look he recognised from Rin-that flat, almost bored I-know-you’re-feeding-me-a-line-of-bullshit stare that always made him uncomfortable. Astonished that someone so young could pull it off as effectively as his girlfriend, he fidgeted.
Man, the way this girl had mood swings made him hope that this was the last time he’d ever see her.
“Can I have some peach ice cream?” Now she was giving him an eager little smile, coyly hidden behind her hands.
Realisation twigged in Kakashi’s brain. “This was all a ploy to get me to let you stay up late and eat ice cream, wasn’t it?” he asked.
Sakura’s green eyes went wide. “No!” she protested in a patently sweet voice. “There was a monster under my bed.”
“And now I’ve killed it-” This was seriously the most ridiculous argument he’d ever had. “Look,” he snapped, irritated, “just get back in bed. The monster is gone, okay?”
“But I want ice cream,” she whined. Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes again.
Kakashi hated it when girls cried. He never knew what to do, and his resolve crumbled under the leak in her face.
“Fine,” he mumbled, knowing he was in deep shit if Rin ever found out about this. “Come on.”
“Yay!” Sakura cheered, following him with an enthusiastic skip in her steps. The short walk to the kitchen felt more like a death march to Kakashi as he trudged along. The toddler hummed tunelessly behind him, and he thought viciously to himself that he’d heard cats in heat making pleasanter noises.
In the kitchen, Sakura demanded to be allowed to sit on the counter as he fixed her a bowl of peach ice cream. But first he had to dig out the peach ice cream. Which either the girl’s parents or Rin had hidden in the back of the freezer.
“Son of a…” he muttered, and continued grumbling curses under his breath as he shuffled aside various frozen vegetables to find the treat.
A scream ripped through the silence for the second time that night, and Kakashi grabbed the first thing that came to hand to use as a weapon.
It was a frozen toaster waffle wrapped in cellophane. Kakashi could have died of embarrassment.
Beside Sakura, crawling on eight spindly legs across the counter toward the sink, was a spider. Sighing and vaguely irritated with the universe-he and Lady Fate were going to have to have a talk-he stepped over to the counter and smacked the waffle down on the spider.
Sakura whimpered when he lifted the waffle away and the spider-smear was left.
Please, someone, anyone-one of you fuckers has got to be on my side-make it stop. Let Rin get back soon, Kakashi prayed silently. If she doesn’t, well, the Sharingan has its uses outside battle, too…
Immediately, the voice that sounded just like Rin went off in his head. Use that eye on that girl and I will make it my life’s mission to ensure that your balls never come back from navy blue, it snarled, and Kakashi gulped, continuing to ransack the freezer for the ice cream.
--
Rin came back four hours later, ready to drop, to the sight of a sticky-faced three-year-old deeply asleep on a grumpy-looking seventeen-year-old jonin, who was also deeply asleep. She smiled gently and made her silent way over to the pair to lift the girl off Kakashi’s chest and carry her up to her bed.
Also at FF.net.
Title: Monster
Chapter: N/A, complete oneshot
Characters/Pairings: Kakashi, Sakura, Rin, mentions of Genma, Asuma, and Sakura's parents/background Kakashi/Rin
Genre: Crack Humor/Family
Word Count: 1,364
Rating: PG/K
Notes: Inspired by, but obviously not for, the Make It Work Challenge kakasaku hosted last month. I'm a masochist. *idiotic grin*
Also, Children's Rhymes is totally almost done, I swear. This oneshot pretty much wrote itself in, like, an hour and a half at one A.M.
“There’s a monster under my bed! Kakashi-chan!”
The terrified scream echoed through the entire house, and Kakashi, though unshakeable under even the most horrific circumstances, jumped to his feet and began sprinting down the hall. He was only halfway there when a blur of pink and frills slammed into his legs, tripping him up and wrapping itself there with no intention of being pried off.
“Dammit, Rin,” he grumbled under his breath. “I’m an elite jonin-practically in ANBU-and you’ve got me babysitting.”
The blur, which had resolved itself into a small child, whimpered against his thigh. “Kakashi-chan,” she whispered. “Please come, Kakashi-chan. There’s a monster under my bed and it wants to eat me!”
He really wished Rin were here-she was the one supposed to be looking after the kid, after all. But a medical emergency had called her away to the hospital and he was the only one she could find (and bully into this) on such short notice.
The little girl pulled back and looked up at him. Her face was tear-streaked and red and she was trembling faintly. She gave a pathetic little sniffle.
“Please come kill it,” she begged.
Dammit. Why did this happen to him? On Friday of all nights, when Genma, Asuma, and a few others were headed out to get shit-faced drunk and hook up with girls. He supposed he should be happy-if a monster under a three-year-old’s bed was the worst of his problems, it was a damn good day.
“Alright,” he sighed, remembering the promising glint in Rin’s eyes as she stormed into his tiny apartment with a sleepy-eyed, pink-haired toddler and handed her off to him with directions back to her house. He’d better be well-compensated for this later. “C’mon, let’s go get rid of your monster, Sakura-chan.”
She whimpered again and held her chubby little arms up in a clear sign she wanted to be carried. He grimaced but picked her up anyway, and she snuggled comfortably into the crook of his neck. Her dampened face wet his shirt.
Why were girls always so clingy? he wondered as he entered her bedroom. She wiggled against his chest and he heard her little gasp of fear when he tried to set her down on the bed. Sakura’s fingers tightened on his undershirt where it covered his throat, which threatened to take his mask down, so he had to stay bent over as he said, “Sakura-chan, I can’t kill the monster with you on my face.”
“I want to stand behind you,” she cried, eyes shining with frightened tears.
Kakashi’s eyebrow twitched. “Fine.” He grabbed her off the bed, set her on his other side and dropped to the floor to peer into the murky darkness under her bed. “There’s nothing here, Sakura-chan,” he said.
“There is!” she protested. “I heard it talking, it wants to gobble me up!”
By the desperate alarm and anger in her eyes, there was no winning this argument. He just wanted to get back to the couch and the novel Jiraiya-sama had given him…
“Alright, so how do I kill it?” he asked, trying to humor her.
“I don’t know!” she shrieked, fixing him with a look that told him how dumb she thought he was. “How do you kill anything? Just stab it.” Which was awfully violent coming from a three-year-old.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Rin,” he muttered as he reached under his shirt for a slim knife he always carried in his waistband.
“Wait!” she yelled. Kakashi looked at her. “I want to see it.” He held the blade out to her. She inspected it carefully before nodding. “Okay.”
He swiped at the shadows and sat up. “There,” he said flatly. “All dead. Go back to sleep now, Sakura-chan.”
The girl met his gaze stubbornly. “You missed,” she informed him in a monotone, clearly mimicking him.
“I did not!” he argued.
“Yes, you did. It’s over there.” And she pointed to the other end of the bed. Of course. Sakura regarded it with the absolute terror only small children were truly capable of, and he just wanted to get this over with. He shuffled to the other side and jabbed his knife into the darkness there.
“Did I get it this time?” he asked.
“Y-Yes,” she stammered, eyeing her bed with trepidation. “But I don’t want to stay here alone. What if it comes back?” She turned her huge green eyes on him again.
“Monsters don’t come back,” Kakashi said, and then added, making it up as he went along, “because once they’re killed by adults like me, they’re trapped in the afterlife by heroes of the past.”
He got a look he recognised from Rin-that flat, almost bored I-know-you’re-feeding-me-a-line-of-bullshit stare that always made him uncomfortable. Astonished that someone so young could pull it off as effectively as his girlfriend, he fidgeted.
Man, the way this girl had mood swings made him hope that this was the last time he’d ever see her.
“Can I have some peach ice cream?” Now she was giving him an eager little smile, coyly hidden behind her hands.
Realisation twigged in Kakashi’s brain. “This was all a ploy to get me to let you stay up late and eat ice cream, wasn’t it?” he asked.
Sakura’s green eyes went wide. “No!” she protested in a patently sweet voice. “There was a monster under my bed.”
“And now I’ve killed it-” This was seriously the most ridiculous argument he’d ever had. “Look,” he snapped, irritated, “just get back in bed. The monster is gone, okay?”
“But I want ice cream,” she whined. Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes again.
Kakashi hated it when girls cried. He never knew what to do, and his resolve crumbled under the leak in her face.
“Fine,” he mumbled, knowing he was in deep shit if Rin ever found out about this. “Come on.”
“Yay!” Sakura cheered, following him with an enthusiastic skip in her steps. The short walk to the kitchen felt more like a death march to Kakashi as he trudged along. The toddler hummed tunelessly behind him, and he thought viciously to himself that he’d heard cats in heat making pleasanter noises.
In the kitchen, Sakura demanded to be allowed to sit on the counter as he fixed her a bowl of peach ice cream. But first he had to dig out the peach ice cream. Which either the girl’s parents or Rin had hidden in the back of the freezer.
“Son of a…” he muttered, and continued grumbling curses under his breath as he shuffled aside various frozen vegetables to find the treat.
A scream ripped through the silence for the second time that night, and Kakashi grabbed the first thing that came to hand to use as a weapon.
It was a frozen toaster waffle wrapped in cellophane. Kakashi could have died of embarrassment.
Beside Sakura, crawling on eight spindly legs across the counter toward the sink, was a spider. Sighing and vaguely irritated with the universe-he and Lady Fate were going to have to have a talk-he stepped over to the counter and smacked the waffle down on the spider.
Sakura whimpered when he lifted the waffle away and the spider-smear was left.
Please, someone, anyone-one of you fuckers has got to be on my side-make it stop. Let Rin get back soon, Kakashi prayed silently. If she doesn’t, well, the Sharingan has its uses outside battle, too…
Immediately, the voice that sounded just like Rin went off in his head. Use that eye on that girl and I will make it my life’s mission to ensure that your balls never come back from navy blue, it snarled, and Kakashi gulped, continuing to ransack the freezer for the ice cream.
--
Rin came back four hours later, ready to drop, to the sight of a sticky-faced three-year-old deeply asleep on a grumpy-looking seventeen-year-old jonin, who was also deeply asleep. She smiled gently and made her silent way over to the pair to lift the girl off Kakashi’s chest and carry her up to her bed.
Also at FF.net.