(no subject)
I know this is probably something you've already heard before, but some people haven't heard about it and it's a huge part of me. This made me who I am now. Whether that's good or not is up to you to decide. A lot of pine Bush kids don't believe that any of this happened, because they didn't know Tasha, or because I didn't tell them about any of it until later on when I thought they could handle it. I was wrong, and they judged me for it. They ruled this whole thing as a lie. Believe what you want, I don't care. I just want you to realize that this did happen, whether you accept that or not. Anyway here it is.
During the summer between fourth and fifth grade I met this girl Tasha. She was really pretty and really nice and we became friends right away. Then school started and we faded, but then we ended up going to the same camp again the next year. It was weird cause it was a different camp entirely. We became really close again and I figured we'd fade as soon as school started, and we did but then we started talking more and more online and on the phone, probably because I didn't really have that many friends that year. Even though we never hung out we were so close and we told each other everything and everything was really cool. Then she met some kids that were into drugs. Mostly pot and opium and stuff like that, not really hard stuff, but we were in sixth grade so it was hard at the time. They eventually got into harder and harder things and she became more and more depressed. She killed herself on the last day of school that year. I culdn't tell anyone. My mom didn't even realize we were still friends. I couldn't make myself go to her funeral. This kid I knew offered me pot and said it'd help the pain go away. It didn't help unless I was high and even then it wasn't really helping so I got into harder stuff. Like pot, opium, (pretty much anything smokable) lsd, pcp, e, and I could go on but I really don't want to. I lost my virginity to him. I was 12 years old, no longer a virgin, not caring if I woke up the next morning, wishing I was smoking all the time, even when I was stoned, I wanted more. School started and I made some friends. They were into pot so I figured hey, they don't know about any of this so I'll just pretend it never happened. I told them eventually. But they didn't believe me. Then summer started again and I went to a different camp, started martial arts. Then school started, more people got into stuff. More people wanted to die. I drank. I told my SAC councilor and she said I should get outside help, so I called my mom. Got help. Guy was a jerk. I quit the counciling biz. But lately i've been missing it. I've been wanting to do stuff again. Not hard stufff just like pot and stuff. I don't want to. But I do want to. And i've been getting sad lately, not depressed. Just sad. A lot. I can't let anything go. I think about how I should have seen it coming a lot more lately. How I should have known. How I could have helped her. I guess I'm just no good at getting over stuff, cause its been over 2 years. I hate how people are going to judge me for this but I really needed people to know, if they didn't already.
o well. Maybe Minnies are differnet. Sratch that. They are. But i just hope this doesn't kill any friendships I've built.
During the summer between fourth and fifth grade I met this girl Tasha. She was really pretty and really nice and we became friends right away. Then school started and we faded, but then we ended up going to the same camp again the next year. It was weird cause it was a different camp entirely. We became really close again and I figured we'd fade as soon as school started, and we did but then we started talking more and more online and on the phone, probably because I didn't really have that many friends that year. Even though we never hung out we were so close and we told each other everything and everything was really cool. Then she met some kids that were into drugs. Mostly pot and opium and stuff like that, not really hard stuff, but we were in sixth grade so it was hard at the time. They eventually got into harder and harder things and she became more and more depressed. She killed herself on the last day of school that year. I culdn't tell anyone. My mom didn't even realize we were still friends. I couldn't make myself go to her funeral. This kid I knew offered me pot and said it'd help the pain go away. It didn't help unless I was high and even then it wasn't really helping so I got into harder stuff. Like pot, opium, (pretty much anything smokable) lsd, pcp, e, and I could go on but I really don't want to. I lost my virginity to him. I was 12 years old, no longer a virgin, not caring if I woke up the next morning, wishing I was smoking all the time, even when I was stoned, I wanted more. School started and I made some friends. They were into pot so I figured hey, they don't know about any of this so I'll just pretend it never happened. I told them eventually. But they didn't believe me. Then summer started again and I went to a different camp, started martial arts. Then school started, more people got into stuff. More people wanted to die. I drank. I told my SAC councilor and she said I should get outside help, so I called my mom. Got help. Guy was a jerk. I quit the counciling biz. But lately i've been missing it. I've been wanting to do stuff again. Not hard stufff just like pot and stuff. I don't want to. But I do want to. And i've been getting sad lately, not depressed. Just sad. A lot. I can't let anything go. I think about how I should have seen it coming a lot more lately. How I should have known. How I could have helped her. I guess I'm just no good at getting over stuff, cause its been over 2 years. I hate how people are going to judge me for this but I really needed people to know, if they didn't already.
o well. Maybe Minnies are differnet. Sratch that. They are. But i just hope this doesn't kill any friendships I've built.