Wow.
I haven't logged into this site in I don't even know how long...
The only reason I'm posting now is because I'm sitting here, absolutely placid and I feel like maybe if I start writing stuff down then I'll maybe be able to muster up some kind of emotion.
Thanh is moving to NYC in two weeks (January 4th.) This definitely isn't the way I imagined we'd end our relationship... Then again, I never really had anything scripted for when we eventually broke up. I keep telling myself "it could be much worse" to keep from being depressed, but it's still hard. It's hard ending a relationship no matter what the circumstances. I have to keep myself from thinking about him falling in love with someone else, but when it does creep into my imagination I remind myself that eventually, hopefully, I will too. And if not, that's what friends and family are for.
I always told him that I'd never hold him back from doing whatever he needed to do to feel fulfilled. Instead of feeling inadequate, I applaud myself for being secure and understanding. In the long run we'll both be so much better off.
I'm still sad at the thought of an empty bed every night. Knowing that if I hear something that he would find amusing I'll have to call and leave a message rather than tell him face to face and see him smile.
I'm happy for both of us. We get a chance to start over fresh and steer our lives in the right direction whereas lately we've just been rolling along in neutral hoping we don't break down on the side of the road.
The only reason I'm posting now is because I'm sitting here, absolutely placid and I feel like maybe if I start writing stuff down then I'll maybe be able to muster up some kind of emotion.
Thanh is moving to NYC in two weeks (January 4th.) This definitely isn't the way I imagined we'd end our relationship... Then again, I never really had anything scripted for when we eventually broke up. I keep telling myself "it could be much worse" to keep from being depressed, but it's still hard. It's hard ending a relationship no matter what the circumstances. I have to keep myself from thinking about him falling in love with someone else, but when it does creep into my imagination I remind myself that eventually, hopefully, I will too. And if not, that's what friends and family are for.
I always told him that I'd never hold him back from doing whatever he needed to do to feel fulfilled. Instead of feeling inadequate, I applaud myself for being secure and understanding. In the long run we'll both be so much better off.
I'm still sad at the thought of an empty bed every night. Knowing that if I hear something that he would find amusing I'll have to call and leave a message rather than tell him face to face and see him smile.
I'm happy for both of us. We get a chance to start over fresh and steer our lives in the right direction whereas lately we've just been rolling along in neutral hoping we don't break down on the side of the road.