If ....
Title: If....
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Genre: Romance, angst
Warning: Sexual content
Length: One-shot
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jaejoong thinks back on his life wondering which exact moment would have spared him from the heartache.
Beta: shupashta - thank you so much sweetie! You have no idea how much I appreciate your help!
A/N: Written for the un_scribbled community's If prompt.
If …
All things changed in only a matter of a few seconds. Moving one second before and everything would have been different. Moving one second later and everything could be the way it had been before. One turn of event and everything could be different. If only things were different. Just one fraction of a second, and everything would be different. If only something had changed. If only the car had stopped. If only Yunho had looked where he was walking. If only they hadn’t had that horrible fight. If only the doctors knew what to do.
~…~…~
If only Jaejoong had heard his mother call him the first time on that morning. If only he, as planned, had gone to bed the night before instead of watching TV, he wouldn’t have been too tired to hear his mother call him. And if he had gotten up by the first call he wouldn’t have had to fight with one of his sisters over the bathroom. If only he had gotten up on time, he would have been in the shower at the time he usually was and would have had time to style his hair. He would have had time to eat breakfast and wouldn’t have had to run for the bus. And if only he hadn’t forgotten his lunch on the counter and remembered on the way out he would have been able to actually catch the bus as he wouldn’t have had to go back and get it. Or if he had run just a little bit quicker. Or if his sister hadn’t taken that long in the shower. Or if his mother hadn’t insisted on him at least taking a sandwich with him for breakfast. If only Jaejoong had actually woken up when his mother first called him everything would have been different.
If Jaejoong had actually caught his usual bus on his way to university, he wouldn’t have had to take the other bus. He wouldn’t have had to stand out in the cold waiting for the bus to come and he wouldn’t have almost frozen his fingers off. Though if he had actually gotten up when he first heard his mother call him, he would have remembered to wear a scarf and gloves and his fingers wouldn’t have frozen at all. And if his fingers hadn’t been frozen, he wouldn’t have had a hard time finding the money for the ticket. If he just hadn’t dropped that coin he wouldn’t have stumbled as he bent down to get it because the bus started to move. If only he wasn’t so clumsy, he wouldn’t have even fallen in the first place. No, if he had been one of those graceful men like the man who had helped him up, then he would elegantly have picked up his coin, not even batting an eyelash as the bus took a tough break. However Jaejoong had never been and would never be graceful and he ended up falling right into a guy, who was nice enough to help him up. And oh, if Jaejoong hadn’t looked into those warm chocolate, perfectly almond shaped eyes, he wouldn’t have felt his heartbeat pick up its pace. And if in that second the man hadn’t smiled, Jaejoong would never have even noticed how perfectly shaped the lips were and he certainly wouldn’t have wondered what it’d feel like kissing them.
Oh no, if Jaejoong had only woken up when his mother had called, he wouldn’t have missed his bus, which meant he wouldn’t have frozen his fingers and then he wouldn’t have dropped the coin and fallen right into the guy with the perfect eyes and amazing smile. If only things had been slightly different in that fraction of a second that would have made him actually catch the bus everything would have been different.
Maybe if Jaejoong hadn’t kept staring at the guy the entire bus ride, he wouldn’t even have noticed that they got off on the same bus stop and if he hadn’t noticed that he wouldn’t even have noticed that the guy also went to the same university. Jaejoong wouldn’t have noticed that the guy too was studying something in within the same building if he hadn’t kept walking behind him to admire his back. And if he hadn’t noticed that back and that ass, he would never had let his mind wander to other places and he wouldn’t have been embarrassingly late for class.
If Jaejoong hadn’t noticed the magnificent body the day before or the perfectly shaped lips matching the perfectly shaped eyes, he would never have deliberately been late the next morning as well. No, he would have been on time for his bus learning from the day before,, but Jaejoong had noticed the perfectly shaped lips and the almond eyes and the magnificent body and being only human meant he had to see it again. And Jaejoong was not disappointed. Even if he was late for school he didn’t care, because the stranger would smile at him every morning, even if Jaejoong did not fall into him every morning.
~…~…~
A week went by like this, but then one morning it changed. Again it was a fraction of a moment of coincidence. If the lady next to the stranger hadn’t gotten off the bus on an early stop rather than after the two young men, the seat next to the gorgeous stranger would never have been vacant.
“Hello.” The man smiled politely at Jaejoong when he sat down.
“Hi.” There was a moment of awkward silence.
“I’m Yunho. You’re the guy who fell the other day?” If only Jaejoong hadn’t blushed at that moment, Yunho wouldn’t have smiled so sweetly.
“Yeah.” Jaejoong fell silent for a moment. “I’m Jaejoong.” He added when Yunho looked at him expectantly.
“Well it’s a pleasure to finally actually meet you.” And if Yunho’s voice hadn’t been the perfect combination of everything Jaejoong had ever longed for, he would never have been as bold as he was in the next second.
“The pleasure is all mine.” And he let a hand deliberately touch Yunho’s thigh, though the bold gesture was so subtle that if Yunho hadn’t been looking at his leg at that precise moment, he would have missed it.
“I noticed you go to the same university as me. What do you study?”
“Aesthetics, not really anything interesting, but fine enough, what about you?”
“Marketing economy, but I’m taking philosophy every morning.” And that would explain the same building, since marketing economy students would probably be around the marketing economy building if there was such one. Jaejoong wasn’t sure and he didn’t care. But if Yunho hadn’t taken that extra course in philosophy, he would never have been there to help Jaejoong up the first morning he had been late for his usual bus.
“I like philosophy just fine. Who do you have?” And then the talk about professors and lectures was started. And they didn’t stop talking even as the bus stopped and they went out to the fresh spring air at the same time.
“Well, I’m late for class, will I see you again soon?” And if Jaejoong had not taken out his phone by coincidence, Yunho would never have suggested they exchanged numbers, and maybe, everything would have been different.
~…~…~
If they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers that day, Jaejoong would never have been able to send a text to Yunho asking if he wanted to get together for coffee. And if they had never gotten together for coffee, they would never have gone on an actual date. If they hadn’t sat in the darkness of the movie theatre, tentatively reaching out for each other’s hand, they’d never have found out about the other’s mutual interest and they’d never had laced their fingers together learning that they perfectly fit together.
If Yunho hadn’t been as brave as he was, he would never have leaned down to kiss Jaejoong’s soft lips as they were saying goodbye the same night. And Jaejoong would never have known what those perfectly shaped lips tasted like. If Jaejoong hadn’t traced his tongue over Yunho’s lip and deepened the kiss he wouldn’t have felt himself being pinned against the door, thoroughly snogged with hands roaming far more than they should.
If Jaejoong’s mother hadn’t been wearing her shoes on her way to the door, neither of the young men would have heard her approach and jump apart in just the right time. And Yunho wouldn’t have politely greeted the woman before smiling one last time at Jaejoong. And Jaejoong wouldn’t have run up to his room and clutched his phone, quickly texting Yunho that he had fun. And his heart wouldn’t have been beating like crazy and he’d have been able to fall asleep right away.
But he couldn’t fall asleep, because his thoughts were all about Yunho.
~…~…~
Jaejoong knew he was supposed to move out of his parents’ home. And so he did, and the first day in his new and empty one-bedroom flat, he texted Yunho. And if Yunho hadn’t been by his phone, he wouldn’t have known that his boyfriend was lonely. And so he went to visit Jaejoong. They had been dating for three months now and everything was going good, but a little bit too slow for both boys’ liking.
“Will you stay with me through the night?” He wasn’t scared of course, but it was just weird being alone. If he hadn’t been raised in a house with eight sisters maybe this would have been more bearable.
“I’ll stay.”
If their kisses hadn’t grown far more heated the past few weeks, Jaejoong wouldn’t have been nervous when they both climbed into the bed only wearing boxers.
If Jaejoong had been a virgin, his nervousness would have been justified, but he wasn’t and so when their lips met, it all melted away. Yunho’s hands explored Jaejoong’s body and suddenly they started thrusting against each other, desire flaring between the two of them as sparks flew around them.
Jaejoong reached down and pulled off Yunho’s boxers before pulling off his own, letting his hand(s) explore Yunho in ways he hadn’t done before. The taller man of the two started trailing kisses down Jaejoong’s body. It felt as if his body was on fire and he arched up to get more contact.
The teasing was endless and merciless as Yunho’s tongue trailed over Jaejoong’s inner thigh, softly nibbling and then finally trailing his tongue over the head. He licked and tasted his way forward, making Jaejoong moan softly with every touch. If it hadn’t been a while since Jaejoong last had had sex, then maybe he would have been able to last longer, but it hadn’t and he was soon arching his back with desire under Yunho’s skilled tongue, riding out his orgasm as his hands twisted in the sheets.
Falling back completely out of breath, Jaejoong didn’t get much time to recover as ministrations continued again. If he had been much older, he’d not been able to keep up, but he was still only 23 and was completely able to keep up with Yunho’s hands.
“Lube is in the drawer.” Jaejoong breathed out the words as he twisted again while Yunho moved from on top of Jaejoong and pulled out the lube.
Closing his eyes Jaejoong didn’t expect to feel a finger circling his entrance, but suddenly he felt it push inside him, exploring in the heat. The finger was twisting a bit until Yunho heard the smaller man gasp out.
“There?” He didn’t receive an answer, but merely a soundless moan.
Rubbing his finger against the spot, Yunho added another and another until Jaejoong couldn’t take anymore. He positioned himself against the entrance before he pushed slowly.
“I’m not a bloody virgin, just go ahead.” Jaejoong shifted a bit in the sheets again and pushed against Yunho, demanding more and a quicker pace and Yunho could only comply.
If only this had lasted longer than it had, but as everything else it had to come to an end. Yunho came first, squirming as he frantically used his hand to pump Jaejoong without a specific rhythm, too lost in the sensation, and before long, Jaejoong fell back against the sheets, coming for the second time that night.
Their bodies were sticky. They were both tired. And maybe if they hadn’t been too tired, they’d have felt the need to go take a shower. But neither cared. If Jaejoong had only been a little bit vainer, he would have demanded a shower. But he didn’t. They just lay there in their bliss, soaking in each other and the stillness of the moment. Lips met in a soft kiss.
“Goodnight.” Jaejoong shifted a little, wrapping Yunho around him.
“Goodnight Jaejoong.”
~…~…~
It was funny how time passed. How one random meeting in the bus suddenly turned into coffee, which turned into a date, which again turned into another date and a magical night that turned into another and another and another and suddenly a year had passed.
If Jaejoong hadn’t decided to move out of his parents’ house, he might never have convinced Yunho to stay the night. And what a night it had been. They had spent many together since and Jaejoong remembered every touch Yunho had placed on him that first night.
“It’s been a year.” If Yunho’s lips weren’t smiling like they were then, Jaejoong might have been concerned with a flat statement like this.
“It has.” And if Jaejoong had heard his mother the first time she’d called him, he wouldn’t have missed the bus and he wouldn’t have forgotten to wear gloves and he wouldn’t have had frozen fingers as he stood waiting for the bus. And if all that hadn’t happened then he wouldn’t have stumbled in the bus and Yunho would never have helped him up. He would never have discovered that they went to the same university and they would never have exchanged phone numbers. They would never have gone on dates and they wouldn’t have slept together.
“The best year.” Jaejoong finally said after thinking about the past events.
“Yes.” Jaejoong’s one-bedroom flat wasn’t the biggest, but it was fine for him and Yunho didn’t seem to mind spending time there either.
“Jaejoong?” Jaejoong looked up from the stove while making breakfast. “I love you.”
If that hadn’t been the first time Yunho had said those three words, Jaejoong would have smiled and nodded, but as it was the first time, he dropped the spoon on the floor resulting in boiling water landing on his bare foot.
“You okay?” and in a matter of a few seconds Jaejoong was in Yunho’s arms, boiling water forgotten. They smiled at each other and kissed. If only Jaejoong had had the guts to say those three words back.
“Me too.” Jaejoong finally said after a few kisses.
“I know.”
If Jaejoong hadn’t been such a coward, he would have said ‘I love you too’ but Yunho seemed to know without being told.
~…~…~
Maybe if Jaejoong hadn’t asked Yunho to move in, they wouldn’t have become that attached. Maybe they would have stopped dating after their first big fight that came a few days after their one year anniversary. Maybe Yunho would have walked out the door and never come back.
If they hadn’t made up and had amazing make up sex afterwards, then maybe Jaejoong wouldn’t have missed Yunho all day long when they were both at work.
More than six years had passed now. If only Yunho would have left after a fight then everything wouldn’t hurt this much now.
They had had a fight this morning. Jaejoong didn’t even remember what it was about. Something silly. Maybe Jaejoong hadn’t done the laundry the way Yunho liked it. Maybe Yunho had forgotten to do the dishes and Jaejoong couldn’t find the lid for the stove. It didn’t matter. If they just hadn’t had that stupid fight, everything would be okay.
If they hadn’t had that fight Yunho, wouldn’t have walked out the door being angry and late for work. He would have looked to the right and to the left as he crossed the street and he would have stopped in time. He would have seen the car coming towards him and he would have dodged it. If only his thoughts weren’t around Jaejoong and how he hated fighting with him. If only he had seen that car.
If only the driver hadn’t been preoccupied on the phone, having a fight with his wife. If only he’d looked up in that instant, he would have managed to slam his foot down on the breaks. He would have stopped just in time.
If only Jaejoong had woken up three minutes earlier and had had time to wake up Yunho with soft kisses.
If only Jaejoong, that one morning more than seven years ago, had woken up when his mother first called. Then he would never have known Yunho. He would never have fallen in love with him and he wouldn’t have broken down sobbing when he got a phone call saying that Yunho was unconscious at the hospital. He would have gone on about his day as if nothing had happened, because to the Jaejoong who had never met Yunho, nothing had happened.
~…~…~
Jaejoong was late that morning and he didn’t catch the bus. And his fingers were frozen and he fell right into Yunho’s arms. And Jaejoong did notice the perfectly shaped eyes and lips and the firm backside and amazing body. Jaejoong did sit down next to Yunho in the bus and they did exchange numbers. They did go on a date and Jaejoong fell in love. They did have that nasty fight and Yunho did leave the house with his mind all occupied with other thoughts.
But the car didn’t stop. The driver was busy on the phone fighting with his wife. And Yunho didn’t cross the street that one second later or earlier. Yunho didn’t look to his left side as he crossed the street and Jaejoong had never said ‘I love you too’.
If only one of these things would have been different. Then maybe, maybe Jaejoong’s heart wouldn’t be shattered in pieces at the moment. Maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t feel like it was being torn out of him harshly. If only one thing had changed.
If only Yunho opened his perfectly almond shaped eyes. If only he would for just one second allow Jaejoong to kiss him again and tell him that he was loved.
Jaejoong looked at the monitor. Yunho’s heart was beating steadily. He opened first one eye. Then the second. And the almond shaped chocolate brown eyes were looking at Jaejoong.
“I love you.” If only Jaejoong had learned to say it without having to watch his lover being hurt from an accident. If only things were different.
Somewhere in the world, someone else wished that his ending had not come this soon. Somewhere in the world someone wished that his lover would open his eyes again. Somewhere in the world someone wished he was as lucky as Jaejoong.
All things changes in only a matter of a few seconds.
Alternative ending: warning - character death
Jaejoong looked at the monitor as it stopped beeping. He knew that he would never get to see those beautiful almond shaped chocolate brown eyes look back at him again. If he could only reach over and softly open them, but he was too scared of the emptiness he knew he’d find.
Jaejoong silently let a single white rose fall to the ground while watching the stone. If only he had been lucky enough and one of the events in his life had been different. If only one thing had changed, and he wouldn’t feel like this. If only he had never met Yunho, he wouldn’t be this sad. If only he had never fallen in love with Yunho. If only he had never had that horrible fight. If he had never met Yunho, he would never have experienced the most excruciating kind of pain.
“I love you.” If only he had learned how to say this before it was too late. If only things were different.
If only he had never met Yunho, he would never have known how great happiness could feel like.
All things changes in only a matter of a few seconds.
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Genre: Romance, angst
Warning: Sexual content
Length: One-shot
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jaejoong thinks back on his life wondering which exact moment would have spared him from the heartache.
Beta: shupashta - thank you so much sweetie! You have no idea how much I appreciate your help!
A/N: Written for the un_scribbled community's If prompt.
If …
All things changed in only a matter of a few seconds. Moving one second before and everything would have been different. Moving one second later and everything could be the way it had been before. One turn of event and everything could be different. If only things were different. Just one fraction of a second, and everything would be different. If only something had changed. If only the car had stopped. If only Yunho had looked where he was walking. If only they hadn’t had that horrible fight. If only the doctors knew what to do.
~…~…~
If only Jaejoong had heard his mother call him the first time on that morning. If only he, as planned, had gone to bed the night before instead of watching TV, he wouldn’t have been too tired to hear his mother call him. And if he had gotten up by the first call he wouldn’t have had to fight with one of his sisters over the bathroom. If only he had gotten up on time, he would have been in the shower at the time he usually was and would have had time to style his hair. He would have had time to eat breakfast and wouldn’t have had to run for the bus. And if only he hadn’t forgotten his lunch on the counter and remembered on the way out he would have been able to actually catch the bus as he wouldn’t have had to go back and get it. Or if he had run just a little bit quicker. Or if his sister hadn’t taken that long in the shower. Or if his mother hadn’t insisted on him at least taking a sandwich with him for breakfast. If only Jaejoong had actually woken up when his mother first called him everything would have been different.
If Jaejoong had actually caught his usual bus on his way to university, he wouldn’t have had to take the other bus. He wouldn’t have had to stand out in the cold waiting for the bus to come and he wouldn’t have almost frozen his fingers off. Though if he had actually gotten up when he first heard his mother call him, he would have remembered to wear a scarf and gloves and his fingers wouldn’t have frozen at all. And if his fingers hadn’t been frozen, he wouldn’t have had a hard time finding the money for the ticket. If he just hadn’t dropped that coin he wouldn’t have stumbled as he bent down to get it because the bus started to move. If only he wasn’t so clumsy, he wouldn’t have even fallen in the first place. No, if he had been one of those graceful men like the man who had helped him up, then he would elegantly have picked up his coin, not even batting an eyelash as the bus took a tough break. However Jaejoong had never been and would never be graceful and he ended up falling right into a guy, who was nice enough to help him up. And oh, if Jaejoong hadn’t looked into those warm chocolate, perfectly almond shaped eyes, he wouldn’t have felt his heartbeat pick up its pace. And if in that second the man hadn’t smiled, Jaejoong would never have even noticed how perfectly shaped the lips were and he certainly wouldn’t have wondered what it’d feel like kissing them.
Oh no, if Jaejoong had only woken up when his mother had called, he wouldn’t have missed his bus, which meant he wouldn’t have frozen his fingers and then he wouldn’t have dropped the coin and fallen right into the guy with the perfect eyes and amazing smile. If only things had been slightly different in that fraction of a second that would have made him actually catch the bus everything would have been different.
Maybe if Jaejoong hadn’t kept staring at the guy the entire bus ride, he wouldn’t even have noticed that they got off on the same bus stop and if he hadn’t noticed that he wouldn’t even have noticed that the guy also went to the same university. Jaejoong wouldn’t have noticed that the guy too was studying something in within the same building if he hadn’t kept walking behind him to admire his back. And if he hadn’t noticed that back and that ass, he would never had let his mind wander to other places and he wouldn’t have been embarrassingly late for class.
If Jaejoong hadn’t noticed the magnificent body the day before or the perfectly shaped lips matching the perfectly shaped eyes, he would never have deliberately been late the next morning as well. No, he would have been on time for his bus learning from the day before,, but Jaejoong had noticed the perfectly shaped lips and the almond eyes and the magnificent body and being only human meant he had to see it again. And Jaejoong was not disappointed. Even if he was late for school he didn’t care, because the stranger would smile at him every morning, even if Jaejoong did not fall into him every morning.
~…~…~
A week went by like this, but then one morning it changed. Again it was a fraction of a moment of coincidence. If the lady next to the stranger hadn’t gotten off the bus on an early stop rather than after the two young men, the seat next to the gorgeous stranger would never have been vacant.
“Hello.” The man smiled politely at Jaejoong when he sat down.
“Hi.” There was a moment of awkward silence.
“I’m Yunho. You’re the guy who fell the other day?” If only Jaejoong hadn’t blushed at that moment, Yunho wouldn’t have smiled so sweetly.
“Yeah.” Jaejoong fell silent for a moment. “I’m Jaejoong.” He added when Yunho looked at him expectantly.
“Well it’s a pleasure to finally actually meet you.” And if Yunho’s voice hadn’t been the perfect combination of everything Jaejoong had ever longed for, he would never have been as bold as he was in the next second.
“The pleasure is all mine.” And he let a hand deliberately touch Yunho’s thigh, though the bold gesture was so subtle that if Yunho hadn’t been looking at his leg at that precise moment, he would have missed it.
“I noticed you go to the same university as me. What do you study?”
“Aesthetics, not really anything interesting, but fine enough, what about you?”
“Marketing economy, but I’m taking philosophy every morning.” And that would explain the same building, since marketing economy students would probably be around the marketing economy building if there was such one. Jaejoong wasn’t sure and he didn’t care. But if Yunho hadn’t taken that extra course in philosophy, he would never have been there to help Jaejoong up the first morning he had been late for his usual bus.
“I like philosophy just fine. Who do you have?” And then the talk about professors and lectures was started. And they didn’t stop talking even as the bus stopped and they went out to the fresh spring air at the same time.
“Well, I’m late for class, will I see you again soon?” And if Jaejoong had not taken out his phone by coincidence, Yunho would never have suggested they exchanged numbers, and maybe, everything would have been different.
~…~…~
If they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers that day, Jaejoong would never have been able to send a text to Yunho asking if he wanted to get together for coffee. And if they had never gotten together for coffee, they would never have gone on an actual date. If they hadn’t sat in the darkness of the movie theatre, tentatively reaching out for each other’s hand, they’d never have found out about the other’s mutual interest and they’d never had laced their fingers together learning that they perfectly fit together.
If Yunho hadn’t been as brave as he was, he would never have leaned down to kiss Jaejoong’s soft lips as they were saying goodbye the same night. And Jaejoong would never have known what those perfectly shaped lips tasted like. If Jaejoong hadn’t traced his tongue over Yunho’s lip and deepened the kiss he wouldn’t have felt himself being pinned against the door, thoroughly snogged with hands roaming far more than they should.
If Jaejoong’s mother hadn’t been wearing her shoes on her way to the door, neither of the young men would have heard her approach and jump apart in just the right time. And Yunho wouldn’t have politely greeted the woman before smiling one last time at Jaejoong. And Jaejoong wouldn’t have run up to his room and clutched his phone, quickly texting Yunho that he had fun. And his heart wouldn’t have been beating like crazy and he’d have been able to fall asleep right away.
But he couldn’t fall asleep, because his thoughts were all about Yunho.
~…~…~
Jaejoong knew he was supposed to move out of his parents’ home. And so he did, and the first day in his new and empty one-bedroom flat, he texted Yunho. And if Yunho hadn’t been by his phone, he wouldn’t have known that his boyfriend was lonely. And so he went to visit Jaejoong. They had been dating for three months now and everything was going good, but a little bit too slow for both boys’ liking.
“Will you stay with me through the night?” He wasn’t scared of course, but it was just weird being alone. If he hadn’t been raised in a house with eight sisters maybe this would have been more bearable.
“I’ll stay.”
If their kisses hadn’t grown far more heated the past few weeks, Jaejoong wouldn’t have been nervous when they both climbed into the bed only wearing boxers.
If Jaejoong had been a virgin, his nervousness would have been justified, but he wasn’t and so when their lips met, it all melted away. Yunho’s hands explored Jaejoong’s body and suddenly they started thrusting against each other, desire flaring between the two of them as sparks flew around them.
Jaejoong reached down and pulled off Yunho’s boxers before pulling off his own, letting his hand(s) explore Yunho in ways he hadn’t done before. The taller man of the two started trailing kisses down Jaejoong’s body. It felt as if his body was on fire and he arched up to get more contact.
The teasing was endless and merciless as Yunho’s tongue trailed over Jaejoong’s inner thigh, softly nibbling and then finally trailing his tongue over the head. He licked and tasted his way forward, making Jaejoong moan softly with every touch. If it hadn’t been a while since Jaejoong last had had sex, then maybe he would have been able to last longer, but it hadn’t and he was soon arching his back with desire under Yunho’s skilled tongue, riding out his orgasm as his hands twisted in the sheets.
Falling back completely out of breath, Jaejoong didn’t get much time to recover as ministrations continued again. If he had been much older, he’d not been able to keep up, but he was still only 23 and was completely able to keep up with Yunho’s hands.
“Lube is in the drawer.” Jaejoong breathed out the words as he twisted again while Yunho moved from on top of Jaejoong and pulled out the lube.
Closing his eyes Jaejoong didn’t expect to feel a finger circling his entrance, but suddenly he felt it push inside him, exploring in the heat. The finger was twisting a bit until Yunho heard the smaller man gasp out.
“There?” He didn’t receive an answer, but merely a soundless moan.
Rubbing his finger against the spot, Yunho added another and another until Jaejoong couldn’t take anymore. He positioned himself against the entrance before he pushed slowly.
“I’m not a bloody virgin, just go ahead.” Jaejoong shifted a bit in the sheets again and pushed against Yunho, demanding more and a quicker pace and Yunho could only comply.
If only this had lasted longer than it had, but as everything else it had to come to an end. Yunho came first, squirming as he frantically used his hand to pump Jaejoong without a specific rhythm, too lost in the sensation, and before long, Jaejoong fell back against the sheets, coming for the second time that night.
Their bodies were sticky. They were both tired. And maybe if they hadn’t been too tired, they’d have felt the need to go take a shower. But neither cared. If Jaejoong had only been a little bit vainer, he would have demanded a shower. But he didn’t. They just lay there in their bliss, soaking in each other and the stillness of the moment. Lips met in a soft kiss.
“Goodnight.” Jaejoong shifted a little, wrapping Yunho around him.
“Goodnight Jaejoong.”
~…~…~
It was funny how time passed. How one random meeting in the bus suddenly turned into coffee, which turned into a date, which again turned into another date and a magical night that turned into another and another and another and suddenly a year had passed.
If Jaejoong hadn’t decided to move out of his parents’ house, he might never have convinced Yunho to stay the night. And what a night it had been. They had spent many together since and Jaejoong remembered every touch Yunho had placed on him that first night.
“It’s been a year.” If Yunho’s lips weren’t smiling like they were then, Jaejoong might have been concerned with a flat statement like this.
“It has.” And if Jaejoong had heard his mother the first time she’d called him, he wouldn’t have missed the bus and he wouldn’t have forgotten to wear gloves and he wouldn’t have had frozen fingers as he stood waiting for the bus. And if all that hadn’t happened then he wouldn’t have stumbled in the bus and Yunho would never have helped him up. He would never have discovered that they went to the same university and they would never have exchanged phone numbers. They would never have gone on dates and they wouldn’t have slept together.
“The best year.” Jaejoong finally said after thinking about the past events.
“Yes.” Jaejoong’s one-bedroom flat wasn’t the biggest, but it was fine for him and Yunho didn’t seem to mind spending time there either.
“Jaejoong?” Jaejoong looked up from the stove while making breakfast. “I love you.”
If that hadn’t been the first time Yunho had said those three words, Jaejoong would have smiled and nodded, but as it was the first time, he dropped the spoon on the floor resulting in boiling water landing on his bare foot.
“You okay?” and in a matter of a few seconds Jaejoong was in Yunho’s arms, boiling water forgotten. They smiled at each other and kissed. If only Jaejoong had had the guts to say those three words back.
“Me too.” Jaejoong finally said after a few kisses.
“I know.”
If Jaejoong hadn’t been such a coward, he would have said ‘I love you too’ but Yunho seemed to know without being told.
~…~…~
Maybe if Jaejoong hadn’t asked Yunho to move in, they wouldn’t have become that attached. Maybe they would have stopped dating after their first big fight that came a few days after their one year anniversary. Maybe Yunho would have walked out the door and never come back.
If they hadn’t made up and had amazing make up sex afterwards, then maybe Jaejoong wouldn’t have missed Yunho all day long when they were both at work.
More than six years had passed now. If only Yunho would have left after a fight then everything wouldn’t hurt this much now.
They had had a fight this morning. Jaejoong didn’t even remember what it was about. Something silly. Maybe Jaejoong hadn’t done the laundry the way Yunho liked it. Maybe Yunho had forgotten to do the dishes and Jaejoong couldn’t find the lid for the stove. It didn’t matter. If they just hadn’t had that stupid fight, everything would be okay.
If they hadn’t had that fight Yunho, wouldn’t have walked out the door being angry and late for work. He would have looked to the right and to the left as he crossed the street and he would have stopped in time. He would have seen the car coming towards him and he would have dodged it. If only his thoughts weren’t around Jaejoong and how he hated fighting with him. If only he had seen that car.
If only the driver hadn’t been preoccupied on the phone, having a fight with his wife. If only he’d looked up in that instant, he would have managed to slam his foot down on the breaks. He would have stopped just in time.
If only Jaejoong had woken up three minutes earlier and had had time to wake up Yunho with soft kisses.
If only Jaejoong, that one morning more than seven years ago, had woken up when his mother first called. Then he would never have known Yunho. He would never have fallen in love with him and he wouldn’t have broken down sobbing when he got a phone call saying that Yunho was unconscious at the hospital. He would have gone on about his day as if nothing had happened, because to the Jaejoong who had never met Yunho, nothing had happened.
~…~…~
Jaejoong was late that morning and he didn’t catch the bus. And his fingers were frozen and he fell right into Yunho’s arms. And Jaejoong did notice the perfectly shaped eyes and lips and the firm backside and amazing body. Jaejoong did sit down next to Yunho in the bus and they did exchange numbers. They did go on a date and Jaejoong fell in love. They did have that nasty fight and Yunho did leave the house with his mind all occupied with other thoughts.
But the car didn’t stop. The driver was busy on the phone fighting with his wife. And Yunho didn’t cross the street that one second later or earlier. Yunho didn’t look to his left side as he crossed the street and Jaejoong had never said ‘I love you too’.
If only one of these things would have been different. Then maybe, maybe Jaejoong’s heart wouldn’t be shattered in pieces at the moment. Maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t feel like it was being torn out of him harshly. If only one thing had changed.
If only Yunho opened his perfectly almond shaped eyes. If only he would for just one second allow Jaejoong to kiss him again and tell him that he was loved.
Jaejoong looked at the monitor. Yunho’s heart was beating steadily. He opened first one eye. Then the second. And the almond shaped chocolate brown eyes were looking at Jaejoong.
“I love you.” If only Jaejoong had learned to say it without having to watch his lover being hurt from an accident. If only things were different.
Somewhere in the world, someone else wished that his ending had not come this soon. Somewhere in the world someone wished that his lover would open his eyes again. Somewhere in the world someone wished he was as lucky as Jaejoong.
All things changes in only a matter of a few seconds.
Alternative ending: warning - character death
Jaejoong looked at the monitor as it stopped beeping. He knew that he would never get to see those beautiful almond shaped chocolate brown eyes look back at him again. If he could only reach over and softly open them, but he was too scared of the emptiness he knew he’d find.
Jaejoong silently let a single white rose fall to the ground while watching the stone. If only he had been lucky enough and one of the events in his life had been different. If only one thing had changed, and he wouldn’t feel like this. If only he had never met Yunho, he wouldn’t be this sad. If only he had never fallen in love with Yunho. If only he had never had that horrible fight. If he had never met Yunho, he would never have experienced the most excruciating kind of pain.
“I love you.” If only he had learned how to say this before it was too late. If only things were different.
If only he had never met Yunho, he would never have known how great happiness could feel like.
All things changes in only a matter of a few seconds.