dream
I finally saw Aubrey last night. I was talking to her mom outside for a while and she invited me in to say hi to Aubrey, so i took that chance. Well we didn't get to talk much because her mom likes to talk a lot (we much have talked about 50 different things last night)... but i told Aubrey that we're gonna go bowling, just me & her someday soon. She's homeschooled so she could probably do it any day really. Even though i just saw her last night (i mean i didn't get to talk to her), i think i'm gonna go knock on her door and see if she wants to just sit around and hang out with me so we can get to know eachother again. I missed her so much that i had dreams about her.. it freaked me out so bad that i knew i had to see her soon. lmao!
i had a dream last night about that guy who played bernard in "the santa clause", know who i mean? yep so he's in that show "NUMB3RS" now.. it took me that long to realize that he's cute.. lmao. SO i had a dream where i think i was hanging out with alyse & that guy was there too and alyse kept telling me that he likes me & blah blah blah. (i know.. sounds so grade school-ish) I got to talking to him and forget everything we talked about except that i said "my mom & dad won't let me date" and i don't know why i said it because they do let me date, my mom just doesn't want me to.. go figure, right!? haha... so then he gets up with no hesitation and goes downstairs to my mom (because we were all hanging out in my bedroom, don't ask.. i don't know why) and me & alyse are listening and saying "what's happening!?" So i'm sitting patiently on the bed and he comes up the stairs slowly and pauses at the top, puts his head down, hits the book case, and then slowly walks to the room.. he sits down and i say "what happened?" it was like a long pause and he said "she said 'i don't feel like driving anyone around' so i'm guessing that's a no"... i hugged him and just couldn't help feeling angry, like how wouldn't i? I was rubbing his neck or something and looking at my finger nails.. they were red & blue, i think (anger & sadness???) and i kissed his cheek & hugged him tighter. Oh man.. it was a weird dream but exactly the kind of guy i want, one who asks to date me, and asks to marry me.. only thing is that he asked my mom in the dream.... he should have asked my dad, he would have said yes right away. My dad respects everyone until he sees a real reason not to.. he's a people person & he's friendly.. i wish i could be more like him. BUT instead i'm a bitch like my mom. GRR.. that gets in the way all the time. Like i take things too seriously, but i'm completely goofy like my dad. I'm bitchy & rude like my mom, i have a temper like my dad, and i regret things the same way that my dad does, things that we shouldn't regret or even blame ourselves for.. In a way, i'm glad for the stroke (i know that's odd) because i really am closer to my dad now.. i know what he's really like. We actually talk and i don't push him away. That's another thing.. my mom doesn't listen to things that my dad has to say and she doesn't care about his opinions, really.. i used to be just like her in that way because what ever she found annoying, i found annoying. BUT i've found most of these things rediculous and still acted like her. Now i'm ready to face her and tell her what i hate, and i've already done that in the middle of the super market... who cares.. i know my way home from there.
ok shutting up now. peace
Mary