freewriting about my parents
My parents both died in the past year. My father died Sept 3-- I haven't posted about that before. Yesterday would have been my mother's 84th birthday.
I am in bad shape physically (from cancer and back issues) but don't think of myself as as old as I am (61).
I find I was really angry with my parents because I didn't really think they were as old as they were.
It felt as if they gave up (particularly my mother) and I didn't come to terms with that in time. Well, really, I still haven't.
I don't know what else I have to say about that, but I catch myself dwelling on it-- when I should be sleeping mostly. My father was a really special man with a really special mind, and when I see something or hear about something (scientific mostly) I'm always wondering if he knew about that thing and what he would have thought about it. He was taken over by Alzheimer's the last year or so, but I still think of him thinking like he used to.
When I talk to people about my parents dying they're very nice and concerned, but mostly it's all issues of the heart. But my family is/was/always has been, very pragmatic. I don't think about the times we won't share-- I think about the thoughts he won't have. I guess that's the same really-- my issues of the heart.
I'll need to write more about this another time.
I am in bad shape physically (from cancer and back issues) but don't think of myself as as old as I am (61).
I find I was really angry with my parents because I didn't really think they were as old as they were.
It felt as if they gave up (particularly my mother) and I didn't come to terms with that in time. Well, really, I still haven't.
I don't know what else I have to say about that, but I catch myself dwelling on it-- when I should be sleeping mostly. My father was a really special man with a really special mind, and when I see something or hear about something (scientific mostly) I'm always wondering if he knew about that thing and what he would have thought about it. He was taken over by Alzheimer's the last year or so, but I still think of him thinking like he used to.
When I talk to people about my parents dying they're very nice and concerned, but mostly it's all issues of the heart. But my family is/was/always has been, very pragmatic. I don't think about the times we won't share-- I think about the thoughts he won't have. I guess that's the same really-- my issues of the heart.
I'll need to write more about this another time.