my languishing mobility.
Two weeks ago I did something to my back. I still don't know what.
I was doing chores-- we set up a small tv, I cleaned out the car.
We decided to go see Avengers. I got out of the car and my right leg went completely numb.
I'm sorry if anyone out there has heard this story before.
Anyway-- I immediately thought stroke.
My doctors immediately thought cancer in my spine.
I ended up in the hospital for three days and they diagnosed Lumbar Spinal Stenosis. Good news compared to our previous fears.
"The typical symptom is increased pain in the legs with walking (pseudoclaudication), which can markedly diminish one's activity level. Patients with lumbar spinal stenosis are typically comfortable at rest but cannot walk far without developing leg pain. Pain relief is achieved, sometimes almost immediately, when they sit down again. For most people, symptoms of lumbar stenosis will typically fluctuate, with some periods of more severe symptoms and some with fewer or none, but symptoms are not always progressive over time. For each person, the severity and duration of lumbar stenosis symptoms is different and often dictates whether conservative (non-surgical) treatment or lumbar spinal stenosis surgery is more suitable."
They say no surgery because mine is not so advanced and due to the current (officially active) state of my cancer.
I'm using a walker. I hate its guts.
I'm in physical therapy and will see a neurologist soon who will be able to manipulate things and get me some relief. They hope. I hope.
Anyway... I wanted to put this down here.
I also feel as if things are slipping away.
Literally-- in that I believe a few friends of mine will lose their battles with cancer soon.
Also-- I feel my optimism slipping away. I feel resentful and there's no one to be resentful at. Except myself I guess.
And also, into my life there have been three brain surgeries in the last week.
All three of them ended up with cancer diagnoses.
What is going on??
Also-- this is only peripherally related, but when did the powers-that-be decide that what humans want is all the bad news slammed together with sensational headlines and disturbing graphics? I'm not looking for sugar coating, but JEEZ. And if you really look at all the BAD news, 95% of what we're fed is nowhere near us-- geographically or in any other way. It's just... "HERE! Look at this awful thing that once happened somewhere!!" NO. Shut the fuck up about that awful stuff.
And then, my ex has decided this is a good time to torment me endlessly too. Or rather-- pester my daughter with things that don't concern her in an attempt to finally, after all this time, build a relationship that she's been repelled from since she was tiny.
Okay, see-- I'm REALLY not happy. Take care of your back! It holds your head up and apparently your head holds all your happiness. Or something like that. Sorry for this. I just really needed to vent. Love you.
I was doing chores-- we set up a small tv, I cleaned out the car.
We decided to go see Avengers. I got out of the car and my right leg went completely numb.
I'm sorry if anyone out there has heard this story before.
Anyway-- I immediately thought stroke.
My doctors immediately thought cancer in my spine.
I ended up in the hospital for three days and they diagnosed Lumbar Spinal Stenosis. Good news compared to our previous fears.
"The typical symptom is increased pain in the legs with walking (pseudoclaudication), which can markedly diminish one's activity level. Patients with lumbar spinal stenosis are typically comfortable at rest but cannot walk far without developing leg pain. Pain relief is achieved, sometimes almost immediately, when they sit down again. For most people, symptoms of lumbar stenosis will typically fluctuate, with some periods of more severe symptoms and some with fewer or none, but symptoms are not always progressive over time. For each person, the severity and duration of lumbar stenosis symptoms is different and often dictates whether conservative (non-surgical) treatment or lumbar spinal stenosis surgery is more suitable."
They say no surgery because mine is not so advanced and due to the current (officially active) state of my cancer.
I'm using a walker. I hate its guts.
I'm in physical therapy and will see a neurologist soon who will be able to manipulate things and get me some relief. They hope. I hope.
Anyway... I wanted to put this down here.
I also feel as if things are slipping away.
Literally-- in that I believe a few friends of mine will lose their battles with cancer soon.
Also-- I feel my optimism slipping away. I feel resentful and there's no one to be resentful at. Except myself I guess.
And also, into my life there have been three brain surgeries in the last week.
All three of them ended up with cancer diagnoses.
What is going on??
Also-- this is only peripherally related, but when did the powers-that-be decide that what humans want is all the bad news slammed together with sensational headlines and disturbing graphics? I'm not looking for sugar coating, but JEEZ. And if you really look at all the BAD news, 95% of what we're fed is nowhere near us-- geographically or in any other way. It's just... "HERE! Look at this awful thing that once happened somewhere!!" NO. Shut the fuck up about that awful stuff.
And then, my ex has decided this is a good time to torment me endlessly too. Or rather-- pester my daughter with things that don't concern her in an attempt to finally, after all this time, build a relationship that she's been repelled from since she was tiny.
Okay, see-- I'm REALLY not happy. Take care of your back! It holds your head up and apparently your head holds all your happiness. Or something like that. Sorry for this. I just really needed to vent. Love you.