2xH 30 kisses challenge: Theme 04, Our distance and That Person
At least he got to see that everyone was doing ok. Duo sighed as he kicked off his boots and let them drop on the rug next to the door. He crept silently towards the bathroom to wash up before heading to the bedroom, where he knew she was sleeping soundly.
Hilde…she was to small to sleep in that bed alone, he thought as he slid under the covers and carefully scooted close to her, pressing a soft kiss to her exposed shoulder.
“Duo.” Her voice was icy, but he was so surprised that she was awake he didn’t pay attention to the tone.
“Babe, what are you doing awake at this hour, it’s way too early to be up,” he put an arm around her to hold her close, but she slid away. In fact, she slid right out of bed and turned to look at him. Her eyes were unreadable in the dim light that leaked in around their curtains.
“You were gone a while,” she said simply.
“Yeah…well I left you a message on the phone saying I’d be gone a bit, I thought Sally came by and-“
“You know what’s funny about that? She did come by. She asked where you were, and I told her the truth. That I didn’t know,” she barked a bitter laugh and continued. “I had to tell someone I didn’t know where my own husband was. Worse, I had to tell them that I didn’t know when you’d be back! Isn’t that great? Isn’t that just the best example of marriage you can think of? Isn’t that just fucking amazing?”
“Babe,” he sat up in surprise, but she ignored him.
"You know, I was just curious. How many more of these..."needing time" trips are you going to take?"
"Well, shoot, Hil I dunno. It's not like I plan 'em or anything I just...need to clear my head sometimes. You know that, I thought you wanted me to take the time I needed to...you know...think things through and stuff."
“Really? That’s funny. Because for the longest time I let you take your time or whatever it is you needed after the war. I let you roam around, I let you sort things through, and when you asked me to marry you I thought you had figured everything out, at least enough to stay with me and be the husband you promised me you would be!"
"But babe, haven't I? I always come back to you, I never even thought of being-“
“But even after we got married and you keep running off I never really complained. I kept tolerating your outings, your need for ‘space’ or whatever the fuck excuse you’ve given me, I let you leave for weeks at a time even after you stopped having nightmares. And do you know why? Because I love you and I wanted to see you doing ok. But this is enough. I never let it bother me, no matter how hard it was. I was always coming up with some excuse to let you go and do whatever it is you do when you leave. But you know something? Telling that to Sally and Wufei today, that I had no idea where the fuck my husband was, that was the last straw. If you need as much space as you say you do then why the fuck did you ask me to marry you?!”
“Now, Hilde-“
“Don’t ‘now Hilde’ me! I’ve been patient, I’ve been compliant, I’ve always been everything you needed me to be. But no more, Duo. I married you because I love you, because I want a future with you, a family, a home! But we can’t have those things if you aren’t around!”
She ended on a scream and it was the loudest he had ever heard her go. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, he could only gape at her. She stared back, her blue eyes sparking with a fire he hadn’t seen since they first met, her little body tensed in anger.
“Hilde, baby, I’m trying...” he said finally, but she shook her head.
“Trying isn’t doing, Duo. I know what kind of man you are, at least I thought I did, and the Duo I know can do anything he puts his mind to. But you know something? It’s my fault. It’s my fault for saying yes to marrying you when you obviously weren’t ready. I don’t know what the fuck kind of high you were on, but,” she turned to the closet and ripped off her nightie, pulling on her day clothes. “I have a better idea. I’m going to go and stay somewhere far from here, ok? That way, you can have all the time in the world you need to sort through whatever’s left, and I don’t have to explain to anyone where you are, because you’ll be right here. And even better...you won’t have to deal with me coming back and ruining your fun!”
She pulled out her suitcase and he saw that she struggled a bit with it. He gulped as he noticed her side of the closet was empty. She had planned this while he was gone. In a flash, Duo was out of bed and next to her.
“Babe, I had no idea, I really didn’t,” he pleaded with her. Don’t leave…
“You should have! Or do you honestly think that I like sleeping alone or not knowing where you are?” I can’t cry myself to sleep anymore…
“You know I’d do anything for you, Hil, I’m crazy about you,” he reached for her and held firm but the look in her eyes was far away. She was shutting down on him.
“You don’t know how much I want to believe that,” she said softly. “But if I don’t leave you’ll keep leaving and Duo, I can’t handle it. But I can’t make you stay any more that you can make me.” She pulled away and he knew. She was leaving. He had never felt so far from her. Even when he was away from home he still felt her with him, knowing she would be there when he opened the door. Maybe that’s why he left, to have that feeling of security that he wouldn’t come home to an empty house. Maybe, in some part of him still wounded by loss and war, he was expecting to open the door someday and find her gone.
And now she was leaving. And she was right- he couldn’t make her stay. He stood there, immobile, half of him screaming to make her stay, the other half silent, expecting the occurrence as inevitable.
Then why the fuck did you ask me to marry you?
The words stung as she shut the door behind him, and he rushed after her too late. He wrenched open the door but she was already gone. He didn’t know how long he stood there, the chill invading under his clothes and the lights waxing, telling the colonists day was beginning again. It didn’t matter.
She had left.