Fuck her.

[maruma_chan]

Fuck goddamn shit patronizing hellcrap KILL. I'm sick, FUCKING SICK of being controlled down to how i put my clothes away. she came into my room twice today, first to order me to take my clothes out of their drawers and then put them back in, and the second time, she herself took them BACK OUT of the drawer, unfolded them and threw them on the bed, and told me to fold them and put them back in. words cannot express how much i have fucking HAD IT with her bullshit. 'she' being the maternal figure, though if you're reading this (and the previous post) you probably already know that. BULL. SHIT. how the fuck, i don't even know how, if at all, she expects me to deal with just the fact that i'm so pissed off. i do NOT NEED THIS SHIT. i have pain and medical problems that are supposed to fucking be gone by now. i have no need to deal with her shit on top of it. and the second time she says 'the drawer looks very nice', like as if i actually give a fuck, when she knows i don't. want to STAB HER. will end up stabbing myself instead. scraping, cutting, whatever. GYARGH, need to cut. i STILL want to kill her for last night. she could at least have waited 'til that wore down. i'm sick of fucking living under this fucking roof with her. i'd rather live on the street. then she wouldn't be ordering me around about such miniscule, ridiculous fucking things. i'd rather live ANYWHERE else, anywhere where she isn't. only i can't. i need to live in decent housing w/ plumbing, for starters, that's a medical necessity for me, and i can't just pick up and go somewhere right now, what with pain and medical shit and medications and school i just can't do that. in fact i never fucking can.

well, that was a pathetic fucking attempt at a purge, that writing. seems the bitch is something i can't purge like that.

books. books books books, need to read, need to cut, that'll make it go away. make her go the fuck away and leave me alone. my stomach still fucking hurts. don't need this shit.