this post brought to you by bourbon and cackling.
[NOTE: i just found this hiding in a sticky note from more than a year ago. i think i got drunk and forgot i wrote it. posting it anyway!]
i have just decided on my very favorite episode of xena: warrior princess.
...or at least... favorite of the 39 episodes i have seen thus far.
2x10 the xena scrolls
why?
• xena+epic awkward nerditude+southern accent+STOCKINGS WITH THE SEAMS
• gabrielle+epic badassery+butch voice+INDIANA JONES
• 1940!xena's pronunciation of the word "nazzis."
• 1940!gabrielle's reading of the lines "this could be the ticket," "i loosened it for you," and "SAYONARA, SUCKER!"
• joxer is 1000000 times funnier as a vichy french dude. like seriously, i am actually laughing when he is on screen for once.
• features: some cheesetastic old mummy movie which i WILL identify and submit to imdb movie connections, so help me. ...and which, while sufficiently cheesetastic, is probably not actually from the 1940s, just based on the quality of the footage. also possibly features that bela lugosi wolf man movie (again, i will figure it out when i am less drunk, SO HELP ME!). waaait, isn't that from 1941? EPIC ANACHRONISMS, WRITERS OF XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS! still, funniest shit ever.
confession: guys, my favorite hobby is watching stupid '90s tv shows for intertextual references and then submitting them to imdb movie connections. i'm not kidding. a ridiculously large percentage of the submissions for the first 5 seasons of the x-files came from me. fact. also, an equally ridiculous percentage of "memorable quotes" from the films of a one miss joan crawford. fact.
back to my bullet points.
• 1940!gabrielle getting upset about her hat every 5 minutes.
• um... 1940!xena is just unsettlingly sexy. "oh mahhh..."? stop it.
• this just turns into a cheesy clip show because lucy lawless fractured her pelvis, doesn't it. whatever, i will take recycled harpy CGI.
• MAGNETIC CHAKRAM, OMG! also i'm 95% sure xena says, "shazzam" when the two pieces rejoin. BAHAHAH!
• gabrielle totes touches xena's boob. tee hee I AM 12!
• whu... wait a minute. did real xena just time travel to the 1940s? or is melinda possessed? WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?
• ares is a sexy tool. as. per. usual.
• xena gets progressively more naked as the episode... progresses.
• joxer's reading of the line "you're a swell lookin' tomato with a nice setta gams, but baby... i gotta go. dig?"
• HILARIOUS SELF-REFERENTIAL ENDING SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY MR. LUCY LAWLESS ROB TAPERT.
in conclusion, when did lucy lawless have time to learn a comical southern accent?
note to self: learn comical new zealand accent.
i have just decided on my very favorite episode of xena: warrior princess.
...or at least... favorite of the 39 episodes i have seen thus far.
2x10 the xena scrolls
why?
• xena+epic awkward nerditude+southern accent+STOCKINGS WITH THE SEAMS
• gabrielle+epic badassery+butch voice+INDIANA JONES
• 1940!xena's pronunciation of the word "nazzis."
• 1940!gabrielle's reading of the lines "this could be the ticket," "i loosened it for you," and "SAYONARA, SUCKER!"
• joxer is 1000000 times funnier as a vichy french dude. like seriously, i am actually laughing when he is on screen for once.
• features: some cheesetastic old mummy movie which i WILL identify and submit to imdb movie connections, so help me. ...and which, while sufficiently cheesetastic, is probably not actually from the 1940s, just based on the quality of the footage. also possibly features that bela lugosi wolf man movie (again, i will figure it out when i am less drunk, SO HELP ME!). waaait, isn't that from 1941? EPIC ANACHRONISMS, WRITERS OF XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS! still, funniest shit ever.
confession: guys, my favorite hobby is watching stupid '90s tv shows for intertextual references and then submitting them to imdb movie connections. i'm not kidding. a ridiculously large percentage of the submissions for the first 5 seasons of the x-files came from me. fact. also, an equally ridiculous percentage of "memorable quotes" from the films of a one miss joan crawford. fact.
back to my bullet points.
• 1940!gabrielle getting upset about her hat every 5 minutes.
• um... 1940!xena is just unsettlingly sexy. "oh mahhh..."? stop it.
• this just turns into a cheesy clip show because lucy lawless fractured her pelvis, doesn't it. whatever, i will take recycled harpy CGI.
• MAGNETIC CHAKRAM, OMG! also i'm 95% sure xena says, "shazzam" when the two pieces rejoin. BAHAHAH!
• gabrielle totes touches xena's boob. tee hee I AM 12!
• whu... wait a minute. did real xena just time travel to the 1940s? or is melinda possessed? WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?
• ares is a sexy tool. as. per. usual.
• xena gets progressively more naked as the episode... progresses.
• joxer's reading of the line "you're a swell lookin' tomato with a nice setta gams, but baby... i gotta go. dig?"
• HILARIOUS SELF-REFERENTIAL ENDING SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY MR. LUCY LAWLESS ROB TAPERT.
in conclusion, when did lucy lawless have time to learn a comical southern accent?
note to self: learn comical new zealand accent.