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it's been so long since i have written in my journal. has it been about 3 years? anyway, i am going to graduate (hopefully) in a month's time. and going to new zealand on a whs visa. it will be another 4 months or so before i am coming back here.
now the situation is, i think i did badly on my studio projects. i seemed to have lost focus especially when the lecturer herself is lacking knowledge to help us. i feel that she is putting up a lot of challenges for us, that we are not ready to take up. short deadlines are just cakes. but not knowing where we stand is the thing that frustrates me most. i cannot really click with her, in fact, i think that she is annoying, and butthurt. she knows that our class is unsatisfied with her, and yet she kept saying that she is disappointed, this and that.
to succeed in design , i need time to polish and think about my design. it is not how you can make it in 3 weeks time, or how we are supposed to hand in model + full submission just 2 weeks after starting crits. i hate the feeling of not being able to control the situation and i feel that this time, ive really fucked up. i am depressed, one day after my final submission, that i am not able to deliver my best. it's not helping that i've scored really low. i dunno the real marks yet, but i get this feeling that it will be a b- or c+. i'd hate that on my CV. and i get this feeling that it will be lower than that. I don't want to fail. i need to move on.
today i also settled my certs with the admin for upu. it is such a hassle having to endorse everything from ur mum's birthcert, ur birthcert, ur spm results, ur academic results by far and all the certs you have earned in the 3 years. it doesn't help that people are being really unhelpful. this uncle at the library just blatantly say no to me for borrowing the stapler over to let me organise all those documents. i had to bring ALL the photocopied certs and lay them out over the circulation counter to do my business! what horrid man he is.
i had to write this down, and in spite of all negative problems, i want to end my final semester with pride, not regret and sorrow. I wish that god give me strength in this future 3 weeks, i want to win this. i want to win this.
now the situation is, i think i did badly on my studio projects. i seemed to have lost focus especially when the lecturer herself is lacking knowledge to help us. i feel that she is putting up a lot of challenges for us, that we are not ready to take up. short deadlines are just cakes. but not knowing where we stand is the thing that frustrates me most. i cannot really click with her, in fact, i think that she is annoying, and butthurt. she knows that our class is unsatisfied with her, and yet she kept saying that she is disappointed, this and that.
to succeed in design , i need time to polish and think about my design. it is not how you can make it in 3 weeks time, or how we are supposed to hand in model + full submission just 2 weeks after starting crits. i hate the feeling of not being able to control the situation and i feel that this time, ive really fucked up. i am depressed, one day after my final submission, that i am not able to deliver my best. it's not helping that i've scored really low. i dunno the real marks yet, but i get this feeling that it will be a b- or c+. i'd hate that on my CV. and i get this feeling that it will be lower than that. I don't want to fail. i need to move on.
today i also settled my certs with the admin for upu. it is such a hassle having to endorse everything from ur mum's birthcert, ur birthcert, ur spm results, ur academic results by far and all the certs you have earned in the 3 years. it doesn't help that people are being really unhelpful. this uncle at the library just blatantly say no to me for borrowing the stapler over to let me organise all those documents. i had to bring ALL the photocopied certs and lay them out over the circulation counter to do my business! what horrid man he is.
i had to write this down, and in spite of all negative problems, i want to end my final semester with pride, not regret and sorrow. I wish that god give me strength in this future 3 weeks, i want to win this. i want to win this.