Memoirs of a Starbucks Barista
Ok, so I have to get this off my chest before I implode. Exploding would be too messy...
Anyway, this is just a little rant about people in general who come into Starbucks on a daily basis.
Item #1: Frappé
Webster's Dictionary describes a Frappé (often pronounced with the crude American accent as FRAH-p) as: a partly frozen drink (as of fruit juice); a liqueur served over shaved ice. A thick milk shake.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong but when has Starbucks started serving such things? We do not sell alcohol. We do not make milk shakes. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE! Calling the Frappuccino by its proper name is not that hard! It has gotten to the point of frustration with me to respond when people say "Can I have a tall Frappe?" with either "I'm sorry, we don't serve Frappé's here (and speak the french word with a flawless accent)." or two "Would a frappuccino be okay?"
I'm sure I piss the local white trash that comes into my stores with such a sarcastic remark, but it drives me up the wall when people come in and are so blatantly lazy. It's not a difficult word. For christ's sake you can pratically spell it out phoenetically! *tugs at hair*
You know, I can be totally forgiving if people can't pronounce Macchiato because it may be a little intimidating, but Frappuccino is NOT that hard to say. It'll take all of a millisecond longer for you to say.
Oh! Speaking of pronouncation... It's not Chan-tea-ko (I'm talkin' about Chantico) it's pronounced Chan-teh-ko! Just because it has an "I" in there doesn't mean it has that sound! It blows me away when I get people who come in, look at the menu board ... and for the love of all things sane and holy when I see their eyes glaze over in impending stupidity I brace myself for the barrage of Dumb when they inevitably stumble out with "What's a chan...channn..." and I respond in my heavily sugary "Chan-teh-ko?" ... and in that half second before the customer continues like he/she never heard me with "Chan-ti-ko?" I effectively blow him/her away with a sawed-off rife ... I mean ... gah! Why do people do stupid shit like that?
I swear, the entire day anyone asks for ... omg, brilliant idea! When someone asks for a Frappé I'll tell them in the nicest way humanly possible "I'm sorry, we don't have liqeuer here." Yes! I'm so gonna do that!
Anyway...
Item #2: I want that chocolate thing
No I'm not talking about the Chantico. I had this lady come in and at the risk of sounding racist, she looked to be Indian or of Middle Eastern decent. Anyway she was pleasant enough. Her order was thankfully easy as it required no blending or pulling of the espresso shots. Then she had to go on and ruin my day with asking "Oh, can I have that chocolate thing?"
Time froze for half a second and I gleefully imagined her flesh melting off in from the sheer nuclear force of my death gaze.
As time returned I asked pleasantly "What chocolate thing?"
"That chocolate thing." She replied, looking directly at me without even a hint of any desire to actually go over to our pastry case and look at what this alledged chocolate thing was labelled.
I replied with "I don't understand, we have a few things in there that are made with chocolate."
She decided that she was being very much inconvenienced and stormed over the barely two feet it was between us and the pastry case, jammed her finger on the glass (how dare she sully MY pastry case with her finger print) and say "That chocolate thing!"
I calmly walk over and see that she was inquiring about the Raspberry and Creme Cheese Brownie and I inquired as much and she responed with "That's what I was pointing at!" in a very sarcastic tone.
Now would I be unreasonable as to very much wish for a heavy object to fall onto her head at that moment? I didn't think so.
I was half a step away from telling that woman if she didn't stow her attitude I would call the government officials, tell them your name, and be sure that you and your entire family was shipped back to whatever country you came from or hauled off to a jail cell for suspicion of terrorist connections!
That sounds a little harsh, I know ... but people really piss me off! I swear if I had that kind of power I would certainly do that! I have no time for people like that and I certainly don't want them ruining the sanctity of my store! My store is a veritable lair of happiness and people enjoying their time away from work or what have you. I have no time for Weekend Warriors who can only afford to come into Starbucks once a week and think that it's an event or something.
(In a hillbilly accent) "Come awn hunny! Grab da keeds, we're goin' to Starbucks! h'yuck yuck"
I'm chuckling now. But I would certainly hope that whomever reads this understands that if you are not a Starbucks partner you have a high chance of getting looked at with contempt because you choose to be stupid. I know I look at a great deal of people with such contempt because they ARE stupid.
Don't come into my store acting all high and mighty because you spend $10 on a bloody drink. Don't come into my store asking for a Frappé! And don't you dare ask for "That chocolate thing" and not even take the mere seconds to look over at the case and look at the DAMN LABEL!
Be sure to look for further inserts from my random rants about work. People always give me reason to have murderous tendancies...
Ta!
Anyway, this is just a little rant about people in general who come into Starbucks on a daily basis.
Item #1: Frappé
Webster's Dictionary describes a Frappé (often pronounced with the crude American accent as FRAH-p) as: a partly frozen drink (as of fruit juice); a liqueur served over shaved ice. A thick milk shake.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong but when has Starbucks started serving such things? We do not sell alcohol. We do not make milk shakes. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE! Calling the Frappuccino by its proper name is not that hard! It has gotten to the point of frustration with me to respond when people say "Can I have a tall Frappe?" with either "I'm sorry, we don't serve Frappé's here (and speak the french word with a flawless accent)." or two "Would a frappuccino be okay?"
I'm sure I piss the local white trash that comes into my stores with such a sarcastic remark, but it drives me up the wall when people come in and are so blatantly lazy. It's not a difficult word. For christ's sake you can pratically spell it out phoenetically! *tugs at hair*
You know, I can be totally forgiving if people can't pronounce Macchiato because it may be a little intimidating, but Frappuccino is NOT that hard to say. It'll take all of a millisecond longer for you to say.
Oh! Speaking of pronouncation... It's not Chan-tea-ko (I'm talkin' about Chantico) it's pronounced Chan-teh-ko! Just because it has an "I" in there doesn't mean it has that sound! It blows me away when I get people who come in, look at the menu board ... and for the love of all things sane and holy when I see their eyes glaze over in impending stupidity I brace myself for the barrage of Dumb when they inevitably stumble out with "What's a chan...channn..." and I respond in my heavily sugary "Chan-teh-ko?" ... and in that half second before the customer continues like he/she never heard me with "Chan-ti-ko?" I effectively blow him/her away with a sawed-off rife ... I mean ... gah! Why do people do stupid shit like that?
I swear, the entire day anyone asks for ... omg, brilliant idea! When someone asks for a Frappé I'll tell them in the nicest way humanly possible "I'm sorry, we don't have liqeuer here." Yes! I'm so gonna do that!
Anyway...
Item #2: I want that chocolate thing
No I'm not talking about the Chantico. I had this lady come in and at the risk of sounding racist, she looked to be Indian or of Middle Eastern decent. Anyway she was pleasant enough. Her order was thankfully easy as it required no blending or pulling of the espresso shots. Then she had to go on and ruin my day with asking "Oh, can I have that chocolate thing?"
Time froze for half a second and I gleefully imagined her flesh melting off in from the sheer nuclear force of my death gaze.
As time returned I asked pleasantly "What chocolate thing?"
"That chocolate thing." She replied, looking directly at me without even a hint of any desire to actually go over to our pastry case and look at what this alledged chocolate thing was labelled.
I replied with "I don't understand, we have a few things in there that are made with chocolate."
She decided that she was being very much inconvenienced and stormed over the barely two feet it was between us and the pastry case, jammed her finger on the glass (how dare she sully MY pastry case with her finger print) and say "That chocolate thing!"
I calmly walk over and see that she was inquiring about the Raspberry and Creme Cheese Brownie and I inquired as much and she responed with "That's what I was pointing at!" in a very sarcastic tone.
Now would I be unreasonable as to very much wish for a heavy object to fall onto her head at that moment? I didn't think so.
I was half a step away from telling that woman if she didn't stow her attitude I would call the government officials, tell them your name, and be sure that you and your entire family was shipped back to whatever country you came from or hauled off to a jail cell for suspicion of terrorist connections!
That sounds a little harsh, I know ... but people really piss me off! I swear if I had that kind of power I would certainly do that! I have no time for people like that and I certainly don't want them ruining the sanctity of my store! My store is a veritable lair of happiness and people enjoying their time away from work or what have you. I have no time for Weekend Warriors who can only afford to come into Starbucks once a week and think that it's an event or something.
(In a hillbilly accent) "Come awn hunny! Grab da keeds, we're goin' to Starbucks! h'yuck yuck"
I'm chuckling now. But I would certainly hope that whomever reads this understands that if you are not a Starbucks partner you have a high chance of getting looked at with contempt because you choose to be stupid. I know I look at a great deal of people with such contempt because they ARE stupid.
Don't come into my store acting all high and mighty because you spend $10 on a bloody drink. Don't come into my store asking for a Frappé! And don't you dare ask for "That chocolate thing" and not even take the mere seconds to look over at the case and look at the DAMN LABEL!
Be sure to look for further inserts from my random rants about work. People always give me reason to have murderous tendancies...
Ta!