Everybody has their limit
I can't even move
I'm so upset
I just want to sleep and never wake-up
I'd be in an entrancing state
and The rest of the world would be much better off
I can't feel better
And I can't deal alone anymore
I hate to say it, but sometimes, no matter how self-reliant, distant, cold, independent you are....
You can't always be your own medicine, therapist, coach etc
You can't always control your fall and make it graceful
You can't always laugh it off, you can't
Making new friends, meeting new people, being in different places...it's a gift...but sometimes you lose touch of that...
and it's nothing but a transplanted familiar trap
I love being here, I love being vulnerable, new, away, and in a sense Free
It's my dream
But I am unhappy
and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH UD
at all
....it's just me
It's always me, always has been, always will be me
I'm my own worst enemy, and critic...and my own nightmare
I fall into the same drama...150 miles away
I fall in love....only to be hurt and miserable
It's inescapable
My friends here hurt me, as my friends at home did
...
But my LI Wonderfuls have one thing that my UD buds don't...
They have me. My heart, My soul, Me, My essence.
My UD Buds have potential, don't get me wrong
But I grew up so much on LI. And I am what I am today because of the people that surrounded me. The ones that saw me evolve, mature, and everything else.
I have a second chance to become what I want to be, start over, a rebirth at UD
but You can't escape demons, idiosyncrasies, and experience...once it's happened, it's always there
I just want to be happy
I want to find where I belong
I want to just live...not look back, not feel so torn and tortured
Happiness would be a god-given gift
I want my friends. I want them here. I want them to console me. I want them to make me laugh. Maybe cry. I want to feel at home. I need my friends right now. More than you could ever understand. I'm starting to break down and am not in a good state. i actually need help. I need to cry. I need to talk. I really can't be alone here anymore. I don't trust myself. I never have, but here, away from everything...no one can stop me from hurting myself or anyone else.
o.k. I'm sorry about this entry
I'm not exactly stable
But I'd love feedback, options, advice, consul, anything. I'd appreciate it.
And although I am fascinated my contrasting, and tough truth and love...I ask that you take it easy. I don't need any lectures, mockery, sarcasm, or rash assumptions...believe me you, if i see or hear it...you're cut. not even close to kidding :(
I'm so upset
I just want to sleep and never wake-up
I'd be in an entrancing state
and The rest of the world would be much better off
I can't feel better
And I can't deal alone anymore
I hate to say it, but sometimes, no matter how self-reliant, distant, cold, independent you are....
You can't always be your own medicine, therapist, coach etc
You can't always control your fall and make it graceful
You can't always laugh it off, you can't
Making new friends, meeting new people, being in different places...it's a gift...but sometimes you lose touch of that...
and it's nothing but a transplanted familiar trap
I love being here, I love being vulnerable, new, away, and in a sense Free
It's my dream
But I am unhappy
and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH UD
at all
....it's just me
It's always me, always has been, always will be me
I'm my own worst enemy, and critic...and my own nightmare
I fall into the same drama...150 miles away
I fall in love....only to be hurt and miserable
It's inescapable
My friends here hurt me, as my friends at home did
...
But my LI Wonderfuls have one thing that my UD buds don't...
They have me. My heart, My soul, Me, My essence.
My UD Buds have potential, don't get me wrong
But I grew up so much on LI. And I am what I am today because of the people that surrounded me. The ones that saw me evolve, mature, and everything else.
I have a second chance to become what I want to be, start over, a rebirth at UD
but You can't escape demons, idiosyncrasies, and experience...once it's happened, it's always there
I just want to be happy
I want to find where I belong
I want to just live...not look back, not feel so torn and tortured
Happiness would be a god-given gift
I want my friends. I want them here. I want them to console me. I want them to make me laugh. Maybe cry. I want to feel at home. I need my friends right now. More than you could ever understand. I'm starting to break down and am not in a good state. i actually need help. I need to cry. I need to talk. I really can't be alone here anymore. I don't trust myself. I never have, but here, away from everything...no one can stop me from hurting myself or anyone else.
o.k. I'm sorry about this entry
I'm not exactly stable
But I'd love feedback, options, advice, consul, anything. I'd appreciate it.
And although I am fascinated my contrasting, and tough truth and love...I ask that you take it easy. I don't need any lectures, mockery, sarcasm, or rash assumptions...believe me you, if i see or hear it...you're cut. not even close to kidding :(