Dark Times
To every one of you who read this, to any one that listens, to the one that I wish I could tell face to face, there are things in this world that we do not understand. We say things that we do not mean, we do things to others that cause pain and suffering, hurt and sadness. For what ever excuse, it's not justified. It's not valid and it certainly isn't true. We as human beings deserve better. We need to learn to treat each other better. None of us deserve the hurt or suffering, the anger, the frustrations.
Love I was taught was always the way. In having said that, I have wronged many. I sincerely apologize from deep within side my beating heart. I too am human. I laugh, I cry, I feel pain and anger. We've all had tribulations and hurdles through life, this past 24 months is no different for any of us. I have learnt that forgiveness can repair and create a stronger bond ever imaginable, love I feel has proven to be more powerful than any force. Sadness is a heavy weight, a sinking feeling and a soul crushing pit. We all endure it, we all experience it and at times we all feel alone, unloved, helpless, weak and destined to fail. Yet we endure.
This darkness has impacted a lot of people I love and care about more deeply than they possibly would ever know. Their hurt, their pain, their anguish and their suffering becomes mine. Reflecting on the past brings with it more hurt. It reminds me of the hurt I have inflicted on others, be it emotional or with words. I've pushed many away in the name of fear. I'm not afraid to get close to anyone anymore.
I hurt someone last year that I love dearly and for what ever reason I continue to hang that above my head.. every being inside me continues to shatter just that little bit extra, I feel the cracks appearing and even though the scar has healed, the pain is still there.. I did that. It was never you. I have myself to blame and I'll despise myself for doing so.
It hurts knowing you hurt. It pains me to hear your pain, I do not relish in it I only wish that I could take your pain and bury it deep within my very soul, to prevent it from ever hurting you again. I don't know what else to do.. I don't know how else to help. I just know that if I could revive the spark inside to make you feel loved again, to give you all the love my heart could possibly give to the both of you.. then maybe, just maybe that will be enough to make you whole again. I will never EVER hurt you again. I'd rather die before that happens.
I hope that one day I can tell you this face to face. I hope I get to meet your cub and I hope that one day I get to hold you in my arms just one more time.. I may never ever want to let you go though....