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I can't even look at my mom right now. The stuff that she just said to me was inexcusably mean. She hit an all time low. I hate how she's always the fucking victim and everybody else is the problem. She's ALWAYS innocent. She has a huuuuuge victim complex. It's painful to be on the other side of it. She villainizes everyone. My dad even said something to her when we walked into the house and I was crying (I drove her to McDonalds so she could get her diet drink... I would have gotten it for her but she wanted to get out of the house... and I'm SUCH a horrible daughter). "Jo, looks like somebody else is the problem again." I usually don't agree with a lot of what my dad says but he's so right. I'm fucking over it. I have compromised everything I have wanted because of my parents and all they do is rag on me. I'm here because they wanted me to be. I'm staying here because they want me to. They took away my money and my freedom and told me how I have to live my future and I stopped arguing with them months ago. I literally haven't said a word to them... or to anyone, for that matter. I am miserable and I don't say shit. How fucking dare them. How dare HER. She was the one person who I thought knew how shitty this was for me yet she is the one person who really makes me feel awful all the time.
Keith was supposed to come over tonight and he didn't. He didn't call or text. He just kind of stood me up. Whatever. I'm not shocked. I'm bummed, but not at all surprised.
I'm getting out of here tomorrow. I don't care what it takes. I'm going to go get MY shit done. I'm calling my infertility specialist and my shrink and I'm making appointments. I don't get to talk to anyone about anything so I'm going to use my shrink for that. I stopped going because my medical insurance was canceled (which totally sucks, btw) butttttt I think it's time to go back because I'm starting to feel like I'm going to explode. I seriously take so much before I say anything. I actually don't argue much anymore at all. I was, in a way, broken. I lost all will to argue and stand up for myself and I don't talk to ANYONE about anything and it's starting to really affect me.
I actually feel really bad bitching, so I'm going to go. This is when you know it's time to end your day and go to bed. So yea, I'll go to bed when "Girls Next Door" ends. It's totally my guilty pleasure :P.
P.S.
Keith was supposed to come over tonight and he didn't. He didn't call or text. He just kind of stood me up. Whatever. I'm not shocked. I'm bummed, but not at all surprised.
I'm getting out of here tomorrow. I don't care what it takes. I'm going to go get MY shit done. I'm calling my infertility specialist and my shrink and I'm making appointments. I don't get to talk to anyone about anything so I'm going to use my shrink for that. I stopped going because my medical insurance was canceled (which totally sucks, btw) butttttt I think it's time to go back because I'm starting to feel like I'm going to explode. I seriously take so much before I say anything. I actually don't argue much anymore at all. I was, in a way, broken. I lost all will to argue and stand up for myself and I don't talk to ANYONE about anything and it's starting to really affect me.
I actually feel really bad bitching, so I'm going to go. This is when you know it's time to end your day and go to bed. So yea, I'll go to bed when "Girls Next Door" ends. It's totally my guilty pleasure :P.
P.S.