ughh
I have finally decided I'm going to call my doctor about all of the PCOS bullshit. It's not healthy for anyone to be on their period for 14 weeks straight. I'm pretty sure I'm anemic and I've developed a whole host of other problems including a rather (un)healthy dependence on pain pills. Yea, having to take two to get through the day really fucking sucks. On good days I can just take one, but I've only gone three days in the past 10 weeks or so without meds. That's not normal, nor is it ok. So yea, my doctor will be hearing from me. She's supposed to be this specialist but she's so busy trying to get infertile women pregnant and delivering their miracle babies that she never really takes me seriously. When I was there in August, I told her I had been bleeding on and off for 9 weeks and she just kind of shrugged it off. She HAS to take my problem seriously or I'm going to lose my mind. And then I'm going to go to rehab. Not seriously. I'm not addicted or anything, but I'm always in pain so I'm always having to take them. I'd like to feel normal, not be in pain, and not have to take medication.
My parents are driving me crazy. Last night I had to cook three different meals. Well, one of them was frozen pizza so that's not a big deal, but my mom has to eat mushy food so I had to make her some potatoes. Then my dad wanted some frozen pizza but there wasn't enough for us to share so I made that for him and then I had to figure out what to make for myself. I made pasta because I was lazy, we had nothing in the house, and I didn't feel like going anywhere. My dad has done nothing for my mom and hasn't even asked her how she's feeling. He's a dick. AND he's drunk again. Yep, awesome.
My mom is doing better, though. She finally stopped bleeding and she's not in nearly as much pain today. I'm glad to see her feeling better.
The dogs are doing fine. Emmie is huge. I seriously woke up yesterday and thought she had grown two inches. She's taller than Roxie all of a sudden. I think I need to increase her food intake because she looks to be growing up but she looks kind of thin through her ribs. I can't keep up with this dog's growth spurts! I kind of want to stunt her growth and keep her a wittle puppy forever, but I'm also excited to see her grow into a big girl. Roxie gets kind of bitchy and annoyed with Emmie sometimes, but I don't really blame her. She's a puppy so she can be really annoying. Emmie doesn't seem to care when Roxie gets angry, though, so that's good. I was scared she'd get mad back at her and we'd have some problems getting along, but it doesn't really bother her. Everything just slides right off her back. She's very, very laid back.
It's a good thing the dogs are so pleasant because they're about the only thing keeping me from ripping my hair out right now. Everything is just really getting to me. It's not taking care of my mom- I actually LIKE doing that. It's my dad. It's his attitude (it's almost a joke to my mom and me at this point. I asked her jokingly, "How's your asshole?" as in her colon from her surgery and she goes, "I think he's playing golf." Haha, awesome... but it's not THAT awesome because we still have to deal with it). It's knowing that the company is doing poorly. It's seeing my mom sick. It's just being frustrated that I feel like I can never do enough and nobody ever appreciates my efforts. It's not being able to go out and have fun. It's wishing I could be everything to everyone.
I found out the other day that Gracie was trying to get involved in my life again... and NOT in a good way. She found out I got an Akita and told Keith she was going to call my mom and tell her that it's a bad idea, blah blah blah. BITCH, GO AWAY. I haven't thought about her or said a fucking word about her since everything happened. She has tried to fuck with me TWICE and both times she has put on this pathetic front that she's just worried about me. The first time she called my mom and told her that I was going to kill myself because Roxie was gone. Yea, that scared the shit out of my mom and she only did it to stir up drama. This is the second time. Don't try to turn my parents against me and my puppy. I LOATHE her. Really, I don't know if I've ever disliked anyone as much as I dislike Gracie. My mom was right- I finally know why my mom hated her all of these years. I just wish she'd disappear and I'd never have to hear shit about her again.
Do you ever feel that way about anyone? That's how I felt about Camden's ex when we were together. I had good reason to feel that way because he WAS messing with both of our heads (and hearts) at once. I've only ever felt this way about Gracie and her. It's silly, though, that I felt that way about Jen (Camden's ex) because it wasn't her fault. At all. This actually IS Gracie's fault, though, so fuck her.
Wow, I sound so angry. I guess I needed to vent a little. I sit here quietly doing everything I'm asked to do and then some, and getting bitched at anyway and I'm just sick of being treated like shit. I have NO release. This is it. I don't even know when I last laughed which is sad, because I'm normally a moderately happy person who does a lot of laughing. Fuck it, though. Things will have to get better soon. Physically, emotionally... something has to give. At the very least I want my doctor to make my period go away. Then everything would at least *seem* better.
Ok, enough bitching. I'm hungry so I'm going to go eat. And walk the puppy. And then I'm going to retreat to my room and watching "True Blood" because I haven't watched it in three weeks. And then it will probably be time for me to take another pain pill and soon after that I'll go to bed. Then it'll start all over again at 4 am tomorrow. Sweet.
My parents are driving me crazy. Last night I had to cook three different meals. Well, one of them was frozen pizza so that's not a big deal, but my mom has to eat mushy food so I had to make her some potatoes. Then my dad wanted some frozen pizza but there wasn't enough for us to share so I made that for him and then I had to figure out what to make for myself. I made pasta because I was lazy, we had nothing in the house, and I didn't feel like going anywhere. My dad has done nothing for my mom and hasn't even asked her how she's feeling. He's a dick. AND he's drunk again. Yep, awesome.
My mom is doing better, though. She finally stopped bleeding and she's not in nearly as much pain today. I'm glad to see her feeling better.
The dogs are doing fine. Emmie is huge. I seriously woke up yesterday and thought she had grown two inches. She's taller than Roxie all of a sudden. I think I need to increase her food intake because she looks to be growing up but she looks kind of thin through her ribs. I can't keep up with this dog's growth spurts! I kind of want to stunt her growth and keep her a wittle puppy forever, but I'm also excited to see her grow into a big girl. Roxie gets kind of bitchy and annoyed with Emmie sometimes, but I don't really blame her. She's a puppy so she can be really annoying. Emmie doesn't seem to care when Roxie gets angry, though, so that's good. I was scared she'd get mad back at her and we'd have some problems getting along, but it doesn't really bother her. Everything just slides right off her back. She's very, very laid back.
It's a good thing the dogs are so pleasant because they're about the only thing keeping me from ripping my hair out right now. Everything is just really getting to me. It's not taking care of my mom- I actually LIKE doing that. It's my dad. It's his attitude (it's almost a joke to my mom and me at this point. I asked her jokingly, "How's your asshole?" as in her colon from her surgery and she goes, "I think he's playing golf." Haha, awesome... but it's not THAT awesome because we still have to deal with it). It's knowing that the company is doing poorly. It's seeing my mom sick. It's just being frustrated that I feel like I can never do enough and nobody ever appreciates my efforts. It's not being able to go out and have fun. It's wishing I could be everything to everyone.
I found out the other day that Gracie was trying to get involved in my life again... and NOT in a good way. She found out I got an Akita and told Keith she was going to call my mom and tell her that it's a bad idea, blah blah blah. BITCH, GO AWAY. I haven't thought about her or said a fucking word about her since everything happened. She has tried to fuck with me TWICE and both times she has put on this pathetic front that she's just worried about me. The first time she called my mom and told her that I was going to kill myself because Roxie was gone. Yea, that scared the shit out of my mom and she only did it to stir up drama. This is the second time. Don't try to turn my parents against me and my puppy. I LOATHE her. Really, I don't know if I've ever disliked anyone as much as I dislike Gracie. My mom was right- I finally know why my mom hated her all of these years. I just wish she'd disappear and I'd never have to hear shit about her again.
Do you ever feel that way about anyone? That's how I felt about Camden's ex when we were together. I had good reason to feel that way because he WAS messing with both of our heads (and hearts) at once. I've only ever felt this way about Gracie and her. It's silly, though, that I felt that way about Jen (Camden's ex) because it wasn't her fault. At all. This actually IS Gracie's fault, though, so fuck her.
Wow, I sound so angry. I guess I needed to vent a little. I sit here quietly doing everything I'm asked to do and then some, and getting bitched at anyway and I'm just sick of being treated like shit. I have NO release. This is it. I don't even know when I last laughed which is sad, because I'm normally a moderately happy person who does a lot of laughing. Fuck it, though. Things will have to get better soon. Physically, emotionally... something has to give. At the very least I want my doctor to make my period go away. Then everything would at least *seem* better.
Ok, enough bitching. I'm hungry so I'm going to go eat. And walk the puppy. And then I'm going to retreat to my room and watching "True Blood" because I haven't watched it in three weeks. And then it will probably be time for me to take another pain pill and soon after that I'll go to bed. Then it'll start all over again at 4 am tomorrow. Sweet.