WOW
Has it really been that long since I posted to LJ? Guess so! It's not that I have nothing to say and no time to say it...it's just that this seems to be the year of vouyerism for me - I like to watch what is going on around me. I'm trying to do that more and more in my life - it's not that I didn't do it before, it's just that I always felt the need to participate, comment, cry, laugh, sneer...
I have undergone a kind of metamorphasis in the last 6 months of my life and 2008 has already become quite the year - all 24 (sorry 25) days of it! I feel that I am finally becoming more "me" than I have ever been before. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. It's too bad it took me until the year that I turn 40, yes that's right folks, the big 4-oh, to figure "me" out. My plan for my birthday is to be partially naked on a beach somewhere with a lot of booze and a really hot cabana boy! I hope I can pull that off. I have met a lot of very interesting people in the last few months (either in person or online) who have broadened by horizons significantly. My most significant accomplishment in the new year was receiving my clinical therapist's license (finally) - a feat that allows me to move forward with my professional life. What is most interesting about moving forward is that I have always been somewhat of a dichotomy - and now the 2 halves of myself seem to get farther and farther apart rather than integrating like I always thought that they would. I don't think that it is necessarily a good or a bad thing - it's just odd.
My second most significant accomplishment of the year really occurred at the end of last year: I finally joined the gym! I prepaid my membership, got myself a trainer, and am now to the point where I go to the gym EVERYDAY! I am officially a gym rat! It was really about time...In 1988 I weighed 118 pounds and had a 24" waist - about a year and a half ago I was at my heaviest at 250 pounds and we won't even talk about my waist...I don't think I had one! I have carried all my weight in my belly and my ass - so although some guys like the ass and I get hit on by the Brotha's a lot - I was really getting sick of being asked "when are you due." People seem to be offended by the term "fat" when I would speak the truth and say that I was - so I began using a term coined by Gabriel Iglesias and called myself "fluffy." Seems to be less offensive to people. I would like to be able to accept myself "as is" however, being turned down by at least three health insurance companies because I don't meet their "height weight ratio criteria" (i.e. I was too FAT) made me realize I needed to do something. I am so close now to hitting below the 200 pound mark (a place I haven't been in 7 or more years) and look and feel better than I ever have! The girl who always said "I wouldn't fun if a murderer were chasing me" just the other day ran a full mile without stopping in 13 minutes!! The best part is the way that my husband can't keep his hands off me!
I am looking forward to 2008 more than I think I have looked forward to a year in a VERY long time. I'm curious to see what the year has in store for me and for the whole planet (which seems to be a ticking time bomb at the moment).
Huh - writing here at 2am when I can't sleep is cathartic - I should do this more often...
I have undergone a kind of metamorphasis in the last 6 months of my life and 2008 has already become quite the year - all 24 (sorry 25) days of it! I feel that I am finally becoming more "me" than I have ever been before. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. It's too bad it took me until the year that I turn 40, yes that's right folks, the big 4-oh, to figure "me" out. My plan for my birthday is to be partially naked on a beach somewhere with a lot of booze and a really hot cabana boy! I hope I can pull that off. I have met a lot of very interesting people in the last few months (either in person or online) who have broadened by horizons significantly. My most significant accomplishment in the new year was receiving my clinical therapist's license (finally) - a feat that allows me to move forward with my professional life. What is most interesting about moving forward is that I have always been somewhat of a dichotomy - and now the 2 halves of myself seem to get farther and farther apart rather than integrating like I always thought that they would. I don't think that it is necessarily a good or a bad thing - it's just odd.
My second most significant accomplishment of the year really occurred at the end of last year: I finally joined the gym! I prepaid my membership, got myself a trainer, and am now to the point where I go to the gym EVERYDAY! I am officially a gym rat! It was really about time...In 1988 I weighed 118 pounds and had a 24" waist - about a year and a half ago I was at my heaviest at 250 pounds and we won't even talk about my waist...I don't think I had one! I have carried all my weight in my belly and my ass - so although some guys like the ass and I get hit on by the Brotha's a lot - I was really getting sick of being asked "when are you due." People seem to be offended by the term "fat" when I would speak the truth and say that I was - so I began using a term coined by Gabriel Iglesias and called myself "fluffy." Seems to be less offensive to people. I would like to be able to accept myself "as is" however, being turned down by at least three health insurance companies because I don't meet their "height weight ratio criteria" (i.e. I was too FAT) made me realize I needed to do something. I am so close now to hitting below the 200 pound mark (a place I haven't been in 7 or more years) and look and feel better than I ever have! The girl who always said "I wouldn't fun if a murderer were chasing me" just the other day ran a full mile without stopping in 13 minutes!! The best part is the way that my husband can't keep his hands off me!
I am looking forward to 2008 more than I think I have looked forward to a year in a VERY long time. I'm curious to see what the year has in store for me and for the whole planet (which seems to be a ticking time bomb at the moment).
Huh - writing here at 2am when I can't sleep is cathartic - I should do this more often...