Why, yes, it's back. And yes, The March of the Holy Man is a song, too!
Title: Honey, Prime, I shrunk the Kids Officers!
Chapter: Chapter 18 - The March of the Holy Man Medic 'Bot.
Rating: PG 13 - Humor.
Pairings: Prowl x Jazz, Ironhide x Ratchet, Hound x Mirage, Inferno x Red Alert, Sunstreaker x Bluestreak.
Summary: When one of Wheeljack's experiments blows up, the consequences take their toll on the Ark's crew.
Notes: Perceptor tests Ratchet's patience when the Doc-bot is already running low. Prowl discovers remote controllers.
Thanks to nkfloofiepoof for beta reading this for me, and her help with the baby speech.
Ratchet grunted, grumbled, and groaned in annoyance and exhaustion. Of all mechs, why was it Sunstreaker or Bluestreak who always, always came to his medical bay after some rather intense... private time with each other? He couldn't begin to fathom how either of the mech's managed to crack something on the other - they were interfacing, not wrestling!
But as images of what the pair could be doing in the privacy of their quarters began to appear into his CPU, he decided to try to focus his attention on fixing the dents Bluestreak was currently sporting in places that were absolutely not appropriate to be seen by other Autobots.
After fixing the dents and applying a layer of primer on the gunner's aft, the medic ordered the Datsun and his lover out of the medical bay with instructions for Bluestreak to drop by first thing in the morning to get his paint touched up. Once they left, Ratchet finished putting away his instruments for the night and headed out towards his and Ironhide's quarters which were close by. He was looking forward to a good cube of energon, possibly some mild high-grade, and a some needed recharge with Ironhide. Little did he know Perceptor had other plans.
When Ratchet reached his and Ironhide's quarters, he was greeted to the sight of Ironhide chasing the sparkling around, trying to pry him from under the berth, the desk, a chair, from behind a shelf he managed to sneak into, rinse and repeat.
"What in Primus' name is going on here?!" Ratchet asked as he watched his mate try to catch the sparkling who looked as if Sideswipe had possessed him or overcharged to the pit and back or a combination of both.
"Hi, Ratchet. Long night at medical?" Ironhide asked cordially, trying to pry Perceptor out from under their berth. "Perceptor got bored tearin' his treats apart an' decided to eat one, then helped himself to half of the slaggin' basket while I wasn't looking!"
"What?!" Ratchet's face was filled pure and absolute terror. This did not bode well for his intended cube of high-grade and recharge in Ironhide's arms. "What the pit were you doing?!" The medic rushed to help his mate to try to capture the sparkling whose systems were in the mother and father of all Cybertronian equivalents of a sugar rush.
"Tracks came to complain about his patrol tomorrow, an' Perceptor decided to swim in the basket while we were arguin' about his patrol partner!" Finally, Ironhide managed to get a hold of the sparkling's foot and dragged him out as gently as possible, holding the twitching baby microscope by his middle. Perceptor looked around excitedly, unable to stay still for more than a second or two. The barrel of his microscope form was constantly twitching around, too, and he was clicking quickly in a way that would be reminiscent of just how quickly Blurr could talk.
Ratchet shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose, already fearing the terrible night he and his mate were going to spend. Picking up the basket, Ratchet tried to find out what exactly Perceptor had consumed in an attempt to calculate just how much the sparkling had over energized himself. Three treats of the size they made for Easter were usually the limit, a fourth was pushing it, but with Perceptor apparently consuming eight, Ratchet was certain there would be no rest for him or his mate. Primus have mercy on any mech that came tomorrow to his medical bay without any life threatening injuries, finger-shaped dents in the aft be slagged.
Ratchet pondered the use of a sedative on Perceptor, but he was certain the sparkling's systems would react worse to the sedative than the excess of energy. There were certain times Ratchet wished they had access or equivalents to more 'traditional' healing methods like humans did. A tea to soothe the sparkling sounded very, very tempting at the moment.
"Let's give him a bath and see if that calms him down a little." Ratchet retrieved a basin and headed out of the room towards the wash racks to collect some cleaning solution and a wash cloth.
On his way, he passed by the recreation room where Jazz was sitting in one of the largest couches with the sparkling Prowl in his lap. "What are you two doing up this late?"
"Prime asked me ta help him get Sideswipe rechargin' an' came to grab some energon before goin' back to our quarters, and Prowl found a new toy." Jazz pointed down at Prowl who was playing with the remote controller for the large TV screen in front of them, pressing his little fingers to the many colorful buttons on the black gadget.
"What's with restless sparklings tonight?" Ratchet sighed softly though he smiled fondly when Prowl looked at him curiously, holding the controller in mid air with evident course towards his mouth.
Jazz chuckled and pulled the controller away before Prowl could put it to his mouth, earning an indignant glare from the baby Datsun -he wanted to sample that!
"Sorry, Prowler, but can't let ya eat th'controller. The other 'bots will throw a fit of epic proportions if I let ya ruin it, sparklin' or not." Jazz grinned and patted the sparkling's head affectionately though that only earned him a disappointed look from Prowl who tried, and failed, to cross his arms like he had seen other adult mechs do, his door wings drooped in light of his evident failure.
"He's developing fast, isn't he?" Ratchet couldn't help but laugh. Out of all the sparklings, Prowl was the one picking up the most mannerisms from other mechs, particularly Jazz, Bluestreak, Smokescreen, and Ratchet himself.
"Yeah, though poor 'lil guy's still havin' so much trouble walkin'." Jazz handed the controller back to Prowl, instructing the sparkling to keep it out of his mouth or he'd take it away. Whether Prowl really understood the warning or not, the sparkling decided to just push more colorful buttons and see what would pop on the TV screen.
"He'll get it eventually, though. Wheeljack promised they'd be back to normal in less than a week now." Fixing his hold on the basin, Ratchet waved good bye to Jazz and Prowl. "Gotta go get some cleaning solution to bathe Perceptor. Little pit-spawn over energized himself with those Easter treats."
Jazz winced visibly and addressed a sympathetic look at the medic, or what Ratchet assumed was a look since he couldn't see Jazz's optics in the first place. "Good luck puttin' that mini devil ta recharge, Ratchet," Jazz said softly and waved to the ambulance, laughing a bit when Prowl waved too and returned his attention to the TV screen.
Ratchet gathered the cleaning solution and carried the basin carefully all the way back to his and Ironhide's quarters, half expecting to find the place short of being a zone of disaster. Thankfully, other than Ironhide sporting a crack on his windshield and Perceptor gnawing on his arm, the room and most of its contents were standing in one piece. "What did he do to you?" Ratchet asked and moved further into the room to a small table where he set down the basin and began to gather the items they'd need to bathe the sparkling.
"Kicked me repeatedly," Ironhide muttered, not exactly happy with the idea of needing to replace his windshield so soon after the crystal had been installed.
"Come on, bring him over." The medic pulled out a wash cloth and a brush.
Ironhide did as he was told and managed to settle Perceptor down in the basin, but no sooner had he put the sparkling in, Perceptor decided the 'water' was nice and fun and began to splash around to soak his caretakers. Ratchet heaved a long suffering sigh and ordered Ironhide to entertain the sparkling and keep him as still as possible while he scrubbed him.
By the time the two vans finished, half of the basin's solution was spilled over the floor and the two larger mechs. Ironhide sported a second crack to his already broken windshield and Ratchet experienced a close encounter of the third kind between his optic and Perceptor's microscope's lens. The bath, however, served its purpose somewhat, and the sparkling was far more subdued by the time the bath was over though he was still fully online and with no sign of intending to get some recharge any time soon.
True to the predictions, Perceptor moved around in his temporary crib, sitting up, looking around, clicking, and attempting to escape the crib more times than Ratchet or Ironhide cared to count. Deciding the only way any of them would get any semblance of rest, the medic and weapons specialist decided to take turns to look after the sparkling while the other rested. Deeming Ratchet's rest a priority over his own, Ironhide insisted on taking the first hour turn to watch Perceptor, and the large red van wondered how many cracks he'd sport on his windshield by the time his shift started.
At first, Ironhide thought he could bore the sparkling to recharge by telling him tales of the old days in the same know-it-all tone Kup used back on Cybertron. Unfortunately, that strategy failed horribly, rather than bore Perceptor, it caught his interest, and every time Ironhide intended to stop, the sparkling would pat his face to get him to talk more. At least the sparkling was behaving.
When Ratchet's turn came, the medic didn't bother to try to bore the sparkling and merely rocked him in his arms, occasionally humming something at random while Ratchet read something to keep himself occupied. Perceptor constantly tried to pry the pad away from Ratchet, but the medic always kept it far away from his reach. After a while, Ratchet began to hum a little louder and Perceptor settled for listening to the primarily white mech's voice.
When it was almost time to wake up Ironhide to trade places again, Ratchet felt Perceptor cuddle closer to him, nuzzling against his shoulder and, to Ratchet's surprise, he felt the sparkling give him a hug.
"Maaaammy..." Perceptor said with a smile and then nuzzled better against Ratchet's shoulder, still keeping his grasp around the medic as best as he could and powered down his optics, apparently intending to finally recharge.
"I would seem he thinks yer his 'ma'," Ironhide murmured with a large grin and wrapped his arm around Ratchet's midsection. "Think it's time to hit the berth, Ratch'. Better bring the 'lil guy along tonight."
Ratchet nodded and cast a quick glance to the now definitely recharging Perceptor and set his data pad down on the desk, following Ironhide to their berth with the sparkling nestled against his shoulder. Carefully settling down by his mate, Ratchet moved closer to Ironhide, feeling his arm wrap around him to hold him close and the baby microscope moving a little in his recharging state to settle comfortably in between his caretakers. Ratchet would later admit it had been one of the best recharge cycles he ever had.
Chapter: Chapter 18 - The March of the Holy Man Medic 'Bot.
Rating: PG 13 - Humor.
Pairings: Prowl x Jazz, Ironhide x Ratchet, Hound x Mirage, Inferno x Red Alert, Sunstreaker x Bluestreak.
Summary: When one of Wheeljack's experiments blows up, the consequences take their toll on the Ark's crew.
Notes: Perceptor tests Ratchet's patience when the Doc-bot is already running low. Prowl discovers remote controllers.
Thanks to nkfloofiepoof for beta reading this for me, and her help with the baby speech.
Ratchet grunted, grumbled, and groaned in annoyance and exhaustion. Of all mechs, why was it Sunstreaker or Bluestreak who always, always came to his medical bay after some rather intense... private time with each other? He couldn't begin to fathom how either of the mech's managed to crack something on the other - they were interfacing, not wrestling!
But as images of what the pair could be doing in the privacy of their quarters began to appear into his CPU, he decided to try to focus his attention on fixing the dents Bluestreak was currently sporting in places that were absolutely not appropriate to be seen by other Autobots.
After fixing the dents and applying a layer of primer on the gunner's aft, the medic ordered the Datsun and his lover out of the medical bay with instructions for Bluestreak to drop by first thing in the morning to get his paint touched up. Once they left, Ratchet finished putting away his instruments for the night and headed out towards his and Ironhide's quarters which were close by. He was looking forward to a good cube of energon, possibly some mild high-grade, and a some needed recharge with Ironhide. Little did he know Perceptor had other plans.
When Ratchet reached his and Ironhide's quarters, he was greeted to the sight of Ironhide chasing the sparkling around, trying to pry him from under the berth, the desk, a chair, from behind a shelf he managed to sneak into, rinse and repeat.
"What in Primus' name is going on here?!" Ratchet asked as he watched his mate try to catch the sparkling who looked as if Sideswipe had possessed him or overcharged to the pit and back or a combination of both.
"Hi, Ratchet. Long night at medical?" Ironhide asked cordially, trying to pry Perceptor out from under their berth. "Perceptor got bored tearin' his treats apart an' decided to eat one, then helped himself to half of the slaggin' basket while I wasn't looking!"
"What?!" Ratchet's face was filled pure and absolute terror. This did not bode well for his intended cube of high-grade and recharge in Ironhide's arms. "What the pit were you doing?!" The medic rushed to help his mate to try to capture the sparkling whose systems were in the mother and father of all Cybertronian equivalents of a sugar rush.
"Tracks came to complain about his patrol tomorrow, an' Perceptor decided to swim in the basket while we were arguin' about his patrol partner!" Finally, Ironhide managed to get a hold of the sparkling's foot and dragged him out as gently as possible, holding the twitching baby microscope by his middle. Perceptor looked around excitedly, unable to stay still for more than a second or two. The barrel of his microscope form was constantly twitching around, too, and he was clicking quickly in a way that would be reminiscent of just how quickly Blurr could talk.
Ratchet shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose, already fearing the terrible night he and his mate were going to spend. Picking up the basket, Ratchet tried to find out what exactly Perceptor had consumed in an attempt to calculate just how much the sparkling had over energized himself. Three treats of the size they made for Easter were usually the limit, a fourth was pushing it, but with Perceptor apparently consuming eight, Ratchet was certain there would be no rest for him or his mate. Primus have mercy on any mech that came tomorrow to his medical bay without any life threatening injuries, finger-shaped dents in the aft be slagged.
Ratchet pondered the use of a sedative on Perceptor, but he was certain the sparkling's systems would react worse to the sedative than the excess of energy. There were certain times Ratchet wished they had access or equivalents to more 'traditional' healing methods like humans did. A tea to soothe the sparkling sounded very, very tempting at the moment.
"Let's give him a bath and see if that calms him down a little." Ratchet retrieved a basin and headed out of the room towards the wash racks to collect some cleaning solution and a wash cloth.
On his way, he passed by the recreation room where Jazz was sitting in one of the largest couches with the sparkling Prowl in his lap. "What are you two doing up this late?"
"Prime asked me ta help him get Sideswipe rechargin' an' came to grab some energon before goin' back to our quarters, and Prowl found a new toy." Jazz pointed down at Prowl who was playing with the remote controller for the large TV screen in front of them, pressing his little fingers to the many colorful buttons on the black gadget.
"What's with restless sparklings tonight?" Ratchet sighed softly though he smiled fondly when Prowl looked at him curiously, holding the controller in mid air with evident course towards his mouth.
Jazz chuckled and pulled the controller away before Prowl could put it to his mouth, earning an indignant glare from the baby Datsun -he wanted to sample that!
"Sorry, Prowler, but can't let ya eat th'controller. The other 'bots will throw a fit of epic proportions if I let ya ruin it, sparklin' or not." Jazz grinned and patted the sparkling's head affectionately though that only earned him a disappointed look from Prowl who tried, and failed, to cross his arms like he had seen other adult mechs do, his door wings drooped in light of his evident failure.
"He's developing fast, isn't he?" Ratchet couldn't help but laugh. Out of all the sparklings, Prowl was the one picking up the most mannerisms from other mechs, particularly Jazz, Bluestreak, Smokescreen, and Ratchet himself.
"Yeah, though poor 'lil guy's still havin' so much trouble walkin'." Jazz handed the controller back to Prowl, instructing the sparkling to keep it out of his mouth or he'd take it away. Whether Prowl really understood the warning or not, the sparkling decided to just push more colorful buttons and see what would pop on the TV screen.
"He'll get it eventually, though. Wheeljack promised they'd be back to normal in less than a week now." Fixing his hold on the basin, Ratchet waved good bye to Jazz and Prowl. "Gotta go get some cleaning solution to bathe Perceptor. Little pit-spawn over energized himself with those Easter treats."
Jazz winced visibly and addressed a sympathetic look at the medic, or what Ratchet assumed was a look since he couldn't see Jazz's optics in the first place. "Good luck puttin' that mini devil ta recharge, Ratchet," Jazz said softly and waved to the ambulance, laughing a bit when Prowl waved too and returned his attention to the TV screen.
Ratchet gathered the cleaning solution and carried the basin carefully all the way back to his and Ironhide's quarters, half expecting to find the place short of being a zone of disaster. Thankfully, other than Ironhide sporting a crack on his windshield and Perceptor gnawing on his arm, the room and most of its contents were standing in one piece. "What did he do to you?" Ratchet asked and moved further into the room to a small table where he set down the basin and began to gather the items they'd need to bathe the sparkling.
"Kicked me repeatedly," Ironhide muttered, not exactly happy with the idea of needing to replace his windshield so soon after the crystal had been installed.
"Come on, bring him over." The medic pulled out a wash cloth and a brush.
Ironhide did as he was told and managed to settle Perceptor down in the basin, but no sooner had he put the sparkling in, Perceptor decided the 'water' was nice and fun and began to splash around to soak his caretakers. Ratchet heaved a long suffering sigh and ordered Ironhide to entertain the sparkling and keep him as still as possible while he scrubbed him.
By the time the two vans finished, half of the basin's solution was spilled over the floor and the two larger mechs. Ironhide sported a second crack to his already broken windshield and Ratchet experienced a close encounter of the third kind between his optic and Perceptor's microscope's lens. The bath, however, served its purpose somewhat, and the sparkling was far more subdued by the time the bath was over though he was still fully online and with no sign of intending to get some recharge any time soon.
True to the predictions, Perceptor moved around in his temporary crib, sitting up, looking around, clicking, and attempting to escape the crib more times than Ratchet or Ironhide cared to count. Deciding the only way any of them would get any semblance of rest, the medic and weapons specialist decided to take turns to look after the sparkling while the other rested. Deeming Ratchet's rest a priority over his own, Ironhide insisted on taking the first hour turn to watch Perceptor, and the large red van wondered how many cracks he'd sport on his windshield by the time his shift started.
At first, Ironhide thought he could bore the sparkling to recharge by telling him tales of the old days in the same know-it-all tone Kup used back on Cybertron. Unfortunately, that strategy failed horribly, rather than bore Perceptor, it caught his interest, and every time Ironhide intended to stop, the sparkling would pat his face to get him to talk more. At least the sparkling was behaving.
When Ratchet's turn came, the medic didn't bother to try to bore the sparkling and merely rocked him in his arms, occasionally humming something at random while Ratchet read something to keep himself occupied. Perceptor constantly tried to pry the pad away from Ratchet, but the medic always kept it far away from his reach. After a while, Ratchet began to hum a little louder and Perceptor settled for listening to the primarily white mech's voice.
When it was almost time to wake up Ironhide to trade places again, Ratchet felt Perceptor cuddle closer to him, nuzzling against his shoulder and, to Ratchet's surprise, he felt the sparkling give him a hug.
"Maaaammy..." Perceptor said with a smile and then nuzzled better against Ratchet's shoulder, still keeping his grasp around the medic as best as he could and powered down his optics, apparently intending to finally recharge.
"I would seem he thinks yer his 'ma'," Ironhide murmured with a large grin and wrapped his arm around Ratchet's midsection. "Think it's time to hit the berth, Ratch'. Better bring the 'lil guy along tonight."
Ratchet nodded and cast a quick glance to the now definitely recharging Perceptor and set his data pad down on the desk, following Ironhide to their berth with the sparkling nestled against his shoulder. Carefully settling down by his mate, Ratchet moved closer to Ironhide, feeling his arm wrap around him to hold him close and the baby microscope moving a little in his recharging state to settle comfortably in between his caretakers. Ratchet would later admit it had been one of the best recharge cycles he ever had.