I'd say I can't sink any lower, but knowing me, I'd be jinxing myself.
Title: Cho-co-bot.
Rating: G
Warnings: Crack by the fragload. Birds with helms. Uhmm... slashy... bird... stuff? Or not, I kinda lost myself with that one. Crack, fluff, more crack. Total disregard for what Chocobos are for (mounts)
Pairings: Chocobo!Prowl x Chocobo!Jazz. Implied Chocobo!Ironhide x Chocobo!Ratchet.
Characters: Chocobo!Prowl, Chocobo!Jazz... Farmer/Breeder!Optimus? Did I mention this was crack?
Summary: A peek into the secret life of Optimus Farmer or rather, the private life of his rarest chocobos.
Notes: This is a little piece of extreme crack for snugsbunny because she's had a rough week, although she already read it. Inspired directly by this picture over HERE. I totally changed the reason why Chocobos exist to give Optimus a reason to have a chocobo farm... somehow I don't think Ironhide or Red Alert would appreciate Prime to ride on him. This is crack, for the love of Primus, take it as what it is.
Thanks to nkfloofiepoof for beta reading this for me. If you wanna add to the annoyingness... have some Fiddle de Chocobo. I will not draw Optimus with a damn straw hat and bandana and overalls dammit!
Fiddle de Chocobo - Nobou Uematsu
The stalls were busy, overflowing with life. Optimus smiled to himself as he passed by each individual stall, depositing a handful of energon greens in the dispensers after taking careful notes of how much was left before refilling to make sure his chocobos were all eating appropriately.
He gently stroked the helms of the chocobos who approached to greet him, some chirping, others squeaking at him in greeting. Most of them busied themselves arranging their bedding. He approached the last stall, kept nearby the biggest window that allowed a comfortable amount of sunlight and warmth into the stables. One of his precious black and white chocobos was fast at work around the spacious stall, arranging the nest currently occupied by its mate. His bright beak picked little stray twigs and soft hay with dexterity and utmost care, placing them back into the nest, mindful not to wake his slumbering mate.
The chocobo stopped his work once he noticed the mech standing out of the door of his stall and quickly headed to the door, spreading his wings wide, his tail's feathers also spread as far as they would go, and the chocobo frowned, releasing a sound like a hiss. Optimus chuckled and backed down a little, gesturing with his hand that he meant no harm. Normally, this chocobo was quiet and of a kind demeanor, but Optimus knew the large bird had its reasons for this kind of behavior, very important reasons.
The chocobo leveled a glare at him, and after a moment or two, his posture relaxed, approaching the stall's doors closer as if asking the mech to state his business. Optimus smirked and took a small handful of energon greens which he brought carefully within the chocobo's reach without trespassing the limits of the stall's door.
The black and white chocobo brought his beak closer, inspecting the offered greens critically before his beak crossed through the opening in the stall's door, plucking one of the greens into its beak. The chocobo swallowed the energon critically, seeming to be testing that it was good energon, and once satisfied, the chocobo plucked a couple of greens into his beak, turning around and trotting back to the nest. The chocobo dropped the greens carefully near the nest before pressing its head gently against its mate, rubbing and tenderly nuzzling against the slumbering chocobo to rouse it from its sleep.
The other black and white chocobo chirped sleepily, the visor covering its eyes glowing dimly as the first chocobo's nuzzles became a little more energetic, soon earning soft croons from its visored mate. Optimus watched the chocobo with the white helmet coo to its mate as their heads nuzzled before the chocobo picked one of the greens laid by the nest with its beak, offering it to the visored chocobo.
The visored chocobo cooed at its mate, opening its beak to allow the other black and white chocobo to deposit the green in to swallow it. The chocobo with the black helm chirped softly once the green was swallowed, prompting the chocobo with the white helm to pick up another green to feed its mate. When all greens had been consumed, the chocobo trotted back to the door, giving Optimus an expectant look, the mech laughed softly and tempted his luck, reaching to stroke the chocobo's helm.
The chocobo tolerated the touch, returning some measure of the affection with a faint nuzzle, Optimus expected no more, knowing at the moment all this chocobo cared about was the wellbeing of the mate laying on the nest and whatever was being guarded in said nest. After a single but careful stroke on the chocobo's white helm, Optimus gathered another handful of greens he offered to the large bird, the chocobo picked as many as he could gather before turning back to the nest and continue to feed its mate.
Optimus took the chance to reach inside to refill the dispenser, making a note to come to check it again later on to make sure this pair was properly fueled. He indulged in watching the chocobos for a little longer before turning around to tend to other duties, knowing his precious black and white chocobos wouldn't tolerate his presence for much longer.
Optimus released the oldest chocobos in the stalls to allow them time to prance in the fields for a while. The youngest wouldn't be allowed out until later when the oldest had inspected the fields and deemed no threats loomed for their youths.
Later that evening, Optimus was back at the now almost empty stalls. The other chocobos pranced happily around the fields, but his two prized black and white chocobos were huddled in their stall. There were some minor disadvantages to the position of the stall the chocobos shared, and that was that sometimes, at this hour in the evening, the sunrays filtered in an angle that hit straight on the face of the nesting chocobo. At another time, a change of location in the stall, or swap to another would have solved the problem, but not at the moment. Optimus found his chocobos exactly like he expected: the chocobo with the white helm and bright red chevron crest stood with his back to the door, wings spread out to shield its mate from the sunrays.
Optimus reached to close the cover of the large window, keeping the sun out to allow his chocobo to rest and refresh. The chevroned chocobo turned to him, again giving him that defensive act, and once again, Optimus eased the large bird's concerns before the visored chocobo chirped, calling its mate. The chocobo with the white helm leveled a warning glare at the mech and trotted back to its mate, their beaks pressing together side by side as they cooed, the chocobo with the black helm chirped and soon its mate was laying down before him exposing its back.
Optimus grinned as he watched the visored chocobo carefully bring its beak to its mate's back, the beak carefully ruffling the soft and fine feathers to refresh the other chocobo. Chocobo feathers were a treasure in itself and one of the reasons Optimus possessed this farm in the first place. They shed their feathers twice a year, which he collected and sold to traders across the galaxy. They were unlike any other bird's feathers - strong, sturdy and resilient but incredibly soft to the touch.
Many traders and merchants sought fine chocobo feathers for a variety of purposes. Fashion, on some planets, craved these feathers like no others. Chocobos came in a myriad of colors, but among them, white and gray were the rarest of colors, with white being the most sought after as they could be dyed and kept the rich colors for a long time.
In reminiscence, it was what brought him to this point with this pair that was so dear to him despite how valuable they were market-wise. His first white chocobo was Ratchet, one of his oldest chocobos and the primary source of his, at the time, modest fortune. He had bought a second white chocobo, Red Alert, and attempted to mate them in the hopes they'd produce another white chocobo or a gray chocobo, but he found out the hard way the reason why white and gray chocobos were so rare in the first place was because they rarely accepted to mate among themselves.
Giving up in his hopes to mate them, Optimus let them be and contented himself with collecting the feathers those two could give him. Unexpected for him was to find Ratchet had mated with his oldest, biggest chocobo, Ironhide, which eventually and surprisingly led to the birth of his third white chocobo, Jazz.
Jazz was still a chick covered in fluff when Optimus was presented with a gift from an old friend and fellow feather producer, a young white chocobo old enough to have shed the fluff into its first set of real feathers. For a chocobo of its age, that black and white one was extremely silent, and he choose to name it Prowl.
Now, as he watched Jazz groom its mate's back feathers to refresh it, Optimus smiled fondly, keeping count mentally of how long it would take before their egg hatched. He approached the stall carefully, making sure to let Jazz or Prowl to see him and what he would do all the time, knowing how protective chocobos and their mates became when they were nesting. He learned that the hard way with Ironhide and Ratchet.
Jazz stopped the careful grooming of its mate's feathers for just a moment to watch Optimus refilling their dispenser and turned its attention back to grooming Prowl's feathers.
Later that night, the mech was back in the stalls, counting his chocobos to make sure none were missing. Although they were fundamental in the keeping of his business, he truly saw his chocobos more like pets he adored. Again, he reached the last stall and watched Prowl hard at work fixing the nest to pack the twigs and hay as close together as possible to generate enough warmth to keep its mate comfortable and their egg at an ideal temperature.
Jazz cooed sleepily as Prowl moved around, shifting a little to be more comfortable on the nest and chirped softly at Prowl, beckoning the other chocobo to cuddle against in their sleep. Prowl was quickly at Jazz's side, allowing the visored chocobo to lean against and rest. Optimus waited patiently until both chocobos were asleep and entered the stall carefully, and as silently as his lumbering size allowed him, he set down a fresh pack of hay in the corner and skillfully slid a hand under Jazz's weight to feel the egg, smiling a little as he could feel the egg shifting as the chick inside moved just a little.
He extracted his hand as carefully as he slid it in and ventured a gentle stroke along Jazz's back, keeping an optic on Prowl just in case, not fancying to incur the wrath of an overprotective mate and future parent. Satisfied for the night, Optimus left the stalls quietly for some rest of his own.
The next morning, Optimus entered the stalls to continue with the daily routine. The stalls were unusually quiet, however; all chocobos that were wide awake were very quiet, all sitting down on their beds of hay and twigs. Optimus recognized the behavior and hurried to the last stall, peering inside to find Jazz had moved a little back in the nest. A tiny, blue-skinned head covered in the finest silverish fluff peeked from underneath Jazz's chest, chirping weakly.
Prowl's beak nudged the chick's head with utmost care, earning a louder chirp from the blind newborn. Jazz cooed at Prowl, nuzzling the other chocobo and was nuzzled back by its mate. Optimus was mesmerized at the sight but remembered something important and vanquished quickly, returning soon after with a pack of greens especially for the occasion. Prowl saw him and trotted up to meet him. Although he did not make the hissing sound this time, his tail's feathers were spread in that warning way. Optimus placated the protective parent before offering him a handful of the very tiny energon greens he had just brought over.
Prowl inspected them, prodding them cautiously with its beak and carefully sampling one. Once more, deeming them safe, the chocobo gathered as many as he could in its beak and trotted back to the nest with its mate and baby. Prowl offered one to Jazz so the other chocobo could test they were safe, and upon Jazz's chirp of approval, the chevroned chocobo nudged the newborn gently, prompting the chick to open its beak and allow Prowl to deposit the tiny green inside. The chick swallowed the green and chirped weakly again, clamoring for more, and Prowl obliged the newborn, feeding the little one with utmost care, occasionally slipping a green to its mate.
After allowing Prowl to take another handful of greens to the nest to feed the very hungry and quite vocal newborn, Optimus installed a second dispenser with the tiny greens for their chick and refilled their usual dispenser, backing out of the stall before he exhausted Prowl's and Jazz's patience and tolerance for the time being. While the two chocobos were busy tending to their newborn, whom Optimus realized was one of those very rare gray chocobos, he placed a marker on the stall. Next to the white chocobos' names, he wrote the chosen name for their little offspring. In honor of how vocal, especially for a newborn, their chick was, Optimus named him Bluestreak.
He watched the new family for a while before he left to continue his duties, releasing the other chocobos that now stayed close to the stalls, almost as if guarding the new parents and their baby.
Rating: G
Warnings: Crack by the fragload. Birds with helms. Uhmm... slashy... bird... stuff? Or not, I kinda lost myself with that one. Crack, fluff, more crack. Total disregard for what Chocobos are for (mounts)
Pairings: Chocobo!Prowl x Chocobo!Jazz. Implied Chocobo!Ironhide x Chocobo!Ratchet.
Characters: Chocobo!Prowl, Chocobo!Jazz... Farmer/Breeder!Optimus? Did I mention this was crack?
Summary: A peek into the secret life of Optimus Farmer or rather, the private life of his rarest chocobos.
Notes: This is a little piece of extreme crack for snugsbunny because she's had a rough week, although she already read it. Inspired directly by this picture over HERE. I totally changed the reason why Chocobos exist to give Optimus a reason to have a chocobo farm... somehow I don't think Ironhide or Red Alert would appreciate Prime to ride on him. This is crack, for the love of Primus, take it as what it is.
Thanks to nkfloofiepoof for beta reading this for me. If you wanna add to the annoyingness... have some Fiddle de Chocobo. I will not draw Optimus with a damn straw hat and bandana and overalls dammit!
Fiddle de Chocobo - Nobou Uematsu
The stalls were busy, overflowing with life. Optimus smiled to himself as he passed by each individual stall, depositing a handful of energon greens in the dispensers after taking careful notes of how much was left before refilling to make sure his chocobos were all eating appropriately.
He gently stroked the helms of the chocobos who approached to greet him, some chirping, others squeaking at him in greeting. Most of them busied themselves arranging their bedding. He approached the last stall, kept nearby the biggest window that allowed a comfortable amount of sunlight and warmth into the stables. One of his precious black and white chocobos was fast at work around the spacious stall, arranging the nest currently occupied by its mate. His bright beak picked little stray twigs and soft hay with dexterity and utmost care, placing them back into the nest, mindful not to wake his slumbering mate.
The chocobo stopped his work once he noticed the mech standing out of the door of his stall and quickly headed to the door, spreading his wings wide, his tail's feathers also spread as far as they would go, and the chocobo frowned, releasing a sound like a hiss. Optimus chuckled and backed down a little, gesturing with his hand that he meant no harm. Normally, this chocobo was quiet and of a kind demeanor, but Optimus knew the large bird had its reasons for this kind of behavior, very important reasons.
The chocobo leveled a glare at him, and after a moment or two, his posture relaxed, approaching the stall's doors closer as if asking the mech to state his business. Optimus smirked and took a small handful of energon greens which he brought carefully within the chocobo's reach without trespassing the limits of the stall's door.
The black and white chocobo brought his beak closer, inspecting the offered greens critically before his beak crossed through the opening in the stall's door, plucking one of the greens into its beak. The chocobo swallowed the energon critically, seeming to be testing that it was good energon, and once satisfied, the chocobo plucked a couple of greens into his beak, turning around and trotting back to the nest. The chocobo dropped the greens carefully near the nest before pressing its head gently against its mate, rubbing and tenderly nuzzling against the slumbering chocobo to rouse it from its sleep.
The other black and white chocobo chirped sleepily, the visor covering its eyes glowing dimly as the first chocobo's nuzzles became a little more energetic, soon earning soft croons from its visored mate. Optimus watched the chocobo with the white helmet coo to its mate as their heads nuzzled before the chocobo picked one of the greens laid by the nest with its beak, offering it to the visored chocobo.
The visored chocobo cooed at its mate, opening its beak to allow the other black and white chocobo to deposit the green in to swallow it. The chocobo with the black helm chirped softly once the green was swallowed, prompting the chocobo with the white helm to pick up another green to feed its mate. When all greens had been consumed, the chocobo trotted back to the door, giving Optimus an expectant look, the mech laughed softly and tempted his luck, reaching to stroke the chocobo's helm.
The chocobo tolerated the touch, returning some measure of the affection with a faint nuzzle, Optimus expected no more, knowing at the moment all this chocobo cared about was the wellbeing of the mate laying on the nest and whatever was being guarded in said nest. After a single but careful stroke on the chocobo's white helm, Optimus gathered another handful of greens he offered to the large bird, the chocobo picked as many as he could gather before turning back to the nest and continue to feed its mate.
Optimus took the chance to reach inside to refill the dispenser, making a note to come to check it again later on to make sure this pair was properly fueled. He indulged in watching the chocobos for a little longer before turning around to tend to other duties, knowing his precious black and white chocobos wouldn't tolerate his presence for much longer.
Optimus released the oldest chocobos in the stalls to allow them time to prance in the fields for a while. The youngest wouldn't be allowed out until later when the oldest had inspected the fields and deemed no threats loomed for their youths.
Later that evening, Optimus was back at the now almost empty stalls. The other chocobos pranced happily around the fields, but his two prized black and white chocobos were huddled in their stall. There were some minor disadvantages to the position of the stall the chocobos shared, and that was that sometimes, at this hour in the evening, the sunrays filtered in an angle that hit straight on the face of the nesting chocobo. At another time, a change of location in the stall, or swap to another would have solved the problem, but not at the moment. Optimus found his chocobos exactly like he expected: the chocobo with the white helm and bright red chevron crest stood with his back to the door, wings spread out to shield its mate from the sunrays.
Optimus reached to close the cover of the large window, keeping the sun out to allow his chocobo to rest and refresh. The chevroned chocobo turned to him, again giving him that defensive act, and once again, Optimus eased the large bird's concerns before the visored chocobo chirped, calling its mate. The chocobo with the white helm leveled a warning glare at the mech and trotted back to its mate, their beaks pressing together side by side as they cooed, the chocobo with the black helm chirped and soon its mate was laying down before him exposing its back.
Optimus grinned as he watched the visored chocobo carefully bring its beak to its mate's back, the beak carefully ruffling the soft and fine feathers to refresh the other chocobo. Chocobo feathers were a treasure in itself and one of the reasons Optimus possessed this farm in the first place. They shed their feathers twice a year, which he collected and sold to traders across the galaxy. They were unlike any other bird's feathers - strong, sturdy and resilient but incredibly soft to the touch.
Many traders and merchants sought fine chocobo feathers for a variety of purposes. Fashion, on some planets, craved these feathers like no others. Chocobos came in a myriad of colors, but among them, white and gray were the rarest of colors, with white being the most sought after as they could be dyed and kept the rich colors for a long time.
In reminiscence, it was what brought him to this point with this pair that was so dear to him despite how valuable they were market-wise. His first white chocobo was Ratchet, one of his oldest chocobos and the primary source of his, at the time, modest fortune. He had bought a second white chocobo, Red Alert, and attempted to mate them in the hopes they'd produce another white chocobo or a gray chocobo, but he found out the hard way the reason why white and gray chocobos were so rare in the first place was because they rarely accepted to mate among themselves.
Giving up in his hopes to mate them, Optimus let them be and contented himself with collecting the feathers those two could give him. Unexpected for him was to find Ratchet had mated with his oldest, biggest chocobo, Ironhide, which eventually and surprisingly led to the birth of his third white chocobo, Jazz.
Jazz was still a chick covered in fluff when Optimus was presented with a gift from an old friend and fellow feather producer, a young white chocobo old enough to have shed the fluff into its first set of real feathers. For a chocobo of its age, that black and white one was extremely silent, and he choose to name it Prowl.
Now, as he watched Jazz groom its mate's back feathers to refresh it, Optimus smiled fondly, keeping count mentally of how long it would take before their egg hatched. He approached the stall carefully, making sure to let Jazz or Prowl to see him and what he would do all the time, knowing how protective chocobos and their mates became when they were nesting. He learned that the hard way with Ironhide and Ratchet.
Jazz stopped the careful grooming of its mate's feathers for just a moment to watch Optimus refilling their dispenser and turned its attention back to grooming Prowl's feathers.
Later that night, the mech was back in the stalls, counting his chocobos to make sure none were missing. Although they were fundamental in the keeping of his business, he truly saw his chocobos more like pets he adored. Again, he reached the last stall and watched Prowl hard at work fixing the nest to pack the twigs and hay as close together as possible to generate enough warmth to keep its mate comfortable and their egg at an ideal temperature.
Jazz cooed sleepily as Prowl moved around, shifting a little to be more comfortable on the nest and chirped softly at Prowl, beckoning the other chocobo to cuddle against in their sleep. Prowl was quickly at Jazz's side, allowing the visored chocobo to lean against and rest. Optimus waited patiently until both chocobos were asleep and entered the stall carefully, and as silently as his lumbering size allowed him, he set down a fresh pack of hay in the corner and skillfully slid a hand under Jazz's weight to feel the egg, smiling a little as he could feel the egg shifting as the chick inside moved just a little.
He extracted his hand as carefully as he slid it in and ventured a gentle stroke along Jazz's back, keeping an optic on Prowl just in case, not fancying to incur the wrath of an overprotective mate and future parent. Satisfied for the night, Optimus left the stalls quietly for some rest of his own.
The next morning, Optimus entered the stalls to continue with the daily routine. The stalls were unusually quiet, however; all chocobos that were wide awake were very quiet, all sitting down on their beds of hay and twigs. Optimus recognized the behavior and hurried to the last stall, peering inside to find Jazz had moved a little back in the nest. A tiny, blue-skinned head covered in the finest silverish fluff peeked from underneath Jazz's chest, chirping weakly.
Prowl's beak nudged the chick's head with utmost care, earning a louder chirp from the blind newborn. Jazz cooed at Prowl, nuzzling the other chocobo and was nuzzled back by its mate. Optimus was mesmerized at the sight but remembered something important and vanquished quickly, returning soon after with a pack of greens especially for the occasion. Prowl saw him and trotted up to meet him. Although he did not make the hissing sound this time, his tail's feathers were spread in that warning way. Optimus placated the protective parent before offering him a handful of the very tiny energon greens he had just brought over.
Prowl inspected them, prodding them cautiously with its beak and carefully sampling one. Once more, deeming them safe, the chocobo gathered as many as he could in its beak and trotted back to the nest with its mate and baby. Prowl offered one to Jazz so the other chocobo could test they were safe, and upon Jazz's chirp of approval, the chevroned chocobo nudged the newborn gently, prompting the chick to open its beak and allow Prowl to deposit the tiny green inside. The chick swallowed the green and chirped weakly again, clamoring for more, and Prowl obliged the newborn, feeding the little one with utmost care, occasionally slipping a green to its mate.
After allowing Prowl to take another handful of greens to the nest to feed the very hungry and quite vocal newborn, Optimus installed a second dispenser with the tiny greens for their chick and refilled their usual dispenser, backing out of the stall before he exhausted Prowl's and Jazz's patience and tolerance for the time being. While the two chocobos were busy tending to their newborn, whom Optimus realized was one of those very rare gray chocobos, he placed a marker on the stall. Next to the white chocobos' names, he wrote the chosen name for their little offspring. In honor of how vocal, especially for a newborn, their chick was, Optimus named him Bluestreak.
He watched the new family for a while before he left to continue his duties, releasing the other chocobos that now stayed close to the stalls, almost as if guarding the new parents and their baby.