Holy Sparklings, Batman!
Title: Honey, Prime, I shrunk the Kids Officers!
Chapter: 02 - Welcome to the Jungle Kinder.
Rating: G Humor.
Pairings: Prowl x Jazz, Ironhide x Ratchet, Hound x Mirage, Inferno x Red Alert, Sunstreaker x Bluestreak.
Summary: When one of Wheeljack's experiments blows up, the consequences take their toll on the Ark's crew.
Notes: Follow up for the crack! More to come, oh yes!
Thanks to nkfloofiepoof for beta reading this for me.
"They're going to kill me." Wheeljack rubbed his face in frustration. "They're going to dismember me limb by limb and turn me into a toaster. Heck, I'll be lucky if they make me into a toaster."
"Calm down," Trailbreaker patted the engineer's shoulder. He had been appointed as bodyguard - and security measure in case anything else blew up in that lab - for Wheeljack. Optimus Prime didn't trust Bluestreak would be enough to keep Sunstreaker's rage in check.
"This is so frustrating! I finally figured out what caused the explosion, but I still don't know how they turned into sparklings." Wheeljack threw his arms up in the air. "I don't know how long it's going to take me to get this sorted out."
"Well, things have been pretty calm in the Decepticon front for now. And, thankfully, it's just five of us and not half of the Ark." Trailbreaker tried his best to offer a positive outlook.
"Yeah but one of them happens to be our strategist! Well, if any, Jazz will have to put those improvisation skills of his to good work. I think I'm going to get some energon." Wheeljack left the laboratory with Trailbreaker in tow. He was beginning to devolve into the engineer's shadow by this point, and Wheeljack had to admit he felt more relaxed about his structural integrity with him around.
"What the pit is that?" Wheeljack looked around as he came into the recreation room, currently filled with some music in a language he wasn't entirely familiar with.
"Mexican Rap, 'Jack! Though it should be called Mexican Hippie Rap." Blaster grinned widely while he sat in the middle of the makeshift playpen. Blaster had taken the caretaker role for the sparklings while their respective, uh, 'mates' and/or siblings were on-duty.
"Do you even understand that?" Trailbreaker piped as he followed Wheeljack to the dispenser.
"Every word! Hello? Communications Officer Blaster at your service? I'm fluent in every major language spoken on this planet! Though the 'dead languages' are Rewind's field." Blaster chuckled as he felt a tug on his hand, forcing him to look down to Red Alert. "What's up, little buddy?"
Red Alert made soft clicking sounds as he pointed to Steeljaw. The Autobot cassette was currently giving a back ride to Mirage and Sideswipe under the careful supervision of Rewind.
"Want a ride, too? All right, let's call Steelie over." Blaster called his cassette, carefully depositing the third sparkling on his back before he allowed Rewind to take him away to continue the ride around the playpen.
The communications officer looked to the other side of the pen where Eject was playing with and keeping watch of Perceptor and Prowl. The sparklings were currently sitting amidst a long sheet of paper, decorating it with finger paints made for them by Ratchet. Both sparklings had made a mess of themselves and Eject just as much as they had on the paper.
"Boy, those two are going to need a visit to the wash racks!" The large orange mech laughed softly as he tapped a finger to the rhythm of the rather cheesy music he was playing.
"God, that was the worst patrol duty I've endured in orns!" Hound all but growled as he made his way into the recreation room, heading right away for a cube of energon.
"What's the matter?" Trailbreaker asked.
"Ironhide put me on patrol with Huffer. Four fragging hours on the road with Huffer! With Huffer of all 'bots! H-U-F-F-E-R. Huffer!" The normally calm and cheerful Hound threw his arms on the air in evident exasperation. "Primus, I have nothing against Ironhide, and I know he's trying to do his best, but... man, I miss Prowl already!"
Prowl looked up from his painting when he heard his designation, recognizing it after being called that by the other adult Autobots. He looked over to the congregation of adult Autobots before he tapped his head, imitating Jazz's 'scratch on his head' whenever he was confused about something. Of course, the maneuver only managed to dirty his helmet even more.
"Ah well. I'm going to pick up Mirage and go get a good wash and some relaxing time." Hound downed his energon cube in one gulp before he headed for the playpen to retrieve his currently stuck-as-sparkling mate. The scout looked around for Mirage before a panicked look spread across his face. "Where's Mirage??"
"Uh? He's right here with Ste-- What the... where is he?!" Rewind looked around hurriedly when he noticed the missing Sparkling.
"Oh brother." Blaster stood up to carefully and quickly look around to make sure the sparkling wasn't hiding behind him. "I knew I should have asked Ratchet to disable his cloaking device!"
"Mirage? Mirage where are you?!" Hound began to search all across the ample room, genuinely concerned about the baby-Ligier's well being. "Oh, Primus! Please, let him be all right! Let him be all right!"
Trailbreaker, Wheeljack, Eject, and Rewind scattered across the room with Hound to search for the missing sparkling while Blaster kept his eye on the remaining four, silently thanking neither of them could turn invisible and that Sunstreaker had removed Sideswipe's jet pack.
Perceptor clicked happily as he applied yet another layer of paint to Prowl's chevron with a friendly pat on his head before he noticed something odd on the sheet of paper. New hand prints that appeared out of nowhere leaving a trail across the paper and then over the floor of the recreation room.
Steeljaw took notice of the trail and made a sound to get Blaster's attention, nodding his head towards the trail of hands and chassis parts left by an invisible crawler. "Hey, Hound! Look there."
Hound looked on the direction Blaster pointed to and let out a big and loud sigh of relief, fetching the invisible sparkling. Mirage's happy clicking sounds and paint soaked not-so-invisible-anymore hands clapping confirmed the scout's suspicious. "Primus almighty, Mirage! You almost made my servos lock up!"
Unfortunately for the jeep, Mirage knew how to turn invisible but was still at a loss about the opposite operation, so he was stuck invisible. "I better take you to Ratchet and have a talk about deactivating that cloaking device for the time being. Thanks guys. I better go now before he decides to play Hide-and-Seek again."
"I think I better go back to work." Wheeljack waved to Blaster and his cassettes before he left the recreation room with Trailbreaker in tow.
"Someone's going to have to clean Mirage's mess. And that someone surely won't be me." Blaster chuckled as he stretched his limbs a bit just as Optimus Prime came into the room. "Hi, Optimus. How's everything going?"
"Aside from multiple complaints about how Ironhide set up the patrol teams and schedules, things are as fine as they can be given the situation." The Autobot leader headed for the playpen. "How is everything around here?"
"As fine as possible, considering Mirage decided to play hide-and-seek with Hound without informing him. Almost blew his processors with the worry." Before the communications officer could talk any further, a loud cry came from Sideswipe's general direction, the red sparkling was currently sitting on the ground after Rewind had removed him and Red Alert from Steeljaw's back. "Huh, what's up, 'Sides?" He picked up the crying sparkling just as Red Alert and Perceptor joined the crying fest. Prowl whimpered, and his little door wings drooped visibly as he addressed his best distressed look towards their care taker. "Oh, slag! I forgot!"
Prime watched as Blaster gathered the crying sparklings and shoved them into his arms unceremoniously before he rushed towards the exit. "B-Blaster??"
"Hold 'em for a second, Prime. I gotta fetch their energon!" Before the larger Autobot could utter another word, the orange mech left the room.
Optimus looked down to the sparklings in his arms, not exactly sure of what to do with the hungry little 'bots to calm their cries. "Don't cry!" He pleaded softly as he rocked the four sparklings. Sideswipe was wailing like a banshee by this point, and even Prowl had joined the cries, proving that he could cry as loud, if not more, than Perceptor and Sideswipe together. "Primus!" He was thankful the sparklings were small enough to fit perfectly in his arms despite the tantrums they were throwing at the very moment.
"Don't cry, please. Blaster will be here with your energon in a moment." He rocked the sparklings gently and revved his engine in futile attempts to calm them, growing more and more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked away with no sign of Blaster anywhere.
"Sorry about that, I couldn't find Sideswipe's stack in that mess that's his and Sunstreaker's room!" Blaster rushed back into the recreation room with cubes of energon made especially for the little 'bots. Eject and Rewind reached out for Prowl and Red Alert as Optimus knelt to their level, allowing them to take the unhappy sparklings from his arms. The Cassette twins quickly controlled the situation, calming them down as they were being fed. Blaster offered a cube to Prime so he could help him [to] feed Perceptor while he did the same with Sideswipe.
After a few moments, the cries had been replaced by soft sounds coming from the sparklings as their hunger was satiated. "Do you have to deal with this every day?" Optimus felt oddly exhausted all of a sudden.
"Nah, it can be worse." Blaster laughed at the look of horror the bearer of the Matrix was giving him. "But it's not always bad, don't worry."
---------
A little later, after Optimus Prime had managed to pry Perceptor away from his frame to go back to his duties, most of the other Autobots came into the room. Jazz, Ironhide, Inferno, and Bluestreak were first in line, coming to pick up their respective sparklings.
"Had a good day, guys?" The communications officer grinned as he cradled the sparklings in his arms, holding them out for the others to retrieve.
"Mine went better than Ironhide's, that's for sure." Jazz grinned as he retrieved Prowl. "Woah! What happened to ya? Someone's gonna need a good wash!" Prowl merely fluttered his door wings silently, happy to see Jazz. The visored mech couldn't help but grin and tickle the sparkling's nose playfully.
"Pft! Excuse me! I haven't been required to program schedules and patrol teams in like, oh, just six or so million of years." The red van grumbled as he picked up Perceptor who he and Ratchet were taking care of for the time being. "Good grief! Look at this mess, young gentlebot!" He laughed softly and patted the sparkling's head. Perceptor was already halfway into recharge mode.
Inferno shook his head and thanked Blaster before he picked up Red Alert and bounced him contently in his arms before he headed to the dispenser for some energon for himself.
"Thanks, Blaster. I better take him back to Sunny now." Bluestreak picked up Sideswipe. The sparkling was, surprisingly, already in recharge after wearing himself out with his previous wailing session.
"No problem guys! Now, I think me and my boys are going to get some rest!" Eject, Rewind, and Steeljaw transformed as the orange Autobot opened the panel of his chest for them. Once his cassettes were back inside, Blaster waved and left the room, humming to the tune of 'Welcome to the Jungle'.
Chapter: 02 - Welcome to the Jungle Kinder.
Rating: G Humor.
Pairings: Prowl x Jazz, Ironhide x Ratchet, Hound x Mirage, Inferno x Red Alert, Sunstreaker x Bluestreak.
Summary: When one of Wheeljack's experiments blows up, the consequences take their toll on the Ark's crew.
Notes: Follow up for the crack! More to come, oh yes!
Thanks to nkfloofiepoof for beta reading this for me.
"They're going to kill me." Wheeljack rubbed his face in frustration. "They're going to dismember me limb by limb and turn me into a toaster. Heck, I'll be lucky if they make me into a toaster."
"Calm down," Trailbreaker patted the engineer's shoulder. He had been appointed as bodyguard - and security measure in case anything else blew up in that lab - for Wheeljack. Optimus Prime didn't trust Bluestreak would be enough to keep Sunstreaker's rage in check.
"This is so frustrating! I finally figured out what caused the explosion, but I still don't know how they turned into sparklings." Wheeljack threw his arms up in the air. "I don't know how long it's going to take me to get this sorted out."
"Well, things have been pretty calm in the Decepticon front for now. And, thankfully, it's just five of us and not half of the Ark." Trailbreaker tried his best to offer a positive outlook.
"Yeah but one of them happens to be our strategist! Well, if any, Jazz will have to put those improvisation skills of his to good work. I think I'm going to get some energon." Wheeljack left the laboratory with Trailbreaker in tow. He was beginning to devolve into the engineer's shadow by this point, and Wheeljack had to admit he felt more relaxed about his structural integrity with him around.
"What the pit is that?" Wheeljack looked around as he came into the recreation room, currently filled with some music in a language he wasn't entirely familiar with.
"Mexican Rap, 'Jack! Though it should be called Mexican Hippie Rap." Blaster grinned widely while he sat in the middle of the makeshift playpen. Blaster had taken the caretaker role for the sparklings while their respective, uh, 'mates' and/or siblings were on-duty.
"Do you even understand that?" Trailbreaker piped as he followed Wheeljack to the dispenser.
"Every word! Hello? Communications Officer Blaster at your service? I'm fluent in every major language spoken on this planet! Though the 'dead languages' are Rewind's field." Blaster chuckled as he felt a tug on his hand, forcing him to look down to Red Alert. "What's up, little buddy?"
Red Alert made soft clicking sounds as he pointed to Steeljaw. The Autobot cassette was currently giving a back ride to Mirage and Sideswipe under the careful supervision of Rewind.
"Want a ride, too? All right, let's call Steelie over." Blaster called his cassette, carefully depositing the third sparkling on his back before he allowed Rewind to take him away to continue the ride around the playpen.
The communications officer looked to the other side of the pen where Eject was playing with and keeping watch of Perceptor and Prowl. The sparklings were currently sitting amidst a long sheet of paper, decorating it with finger paints made for them by Ratchet. Both sparklings had made a mess of themselves and Eject just as much as they had on the paper.
"Boy, those two are going to need a visit to the wash racks!" The large orange mech laughed softly as he tapped a finger to the rhythm of the rather cheesy music he was playing.
"God, that was the worst patrol duty I've endured in orns!" Hound all but growled as he made his way into the recreation room, heading right away for a cube of energon.
"What's the matter?" Trailbreaker asked.
"Ironhide put me on patrol with Huffer. Four fragging hours on the road with Huffer! With Huffer of all 'bots! H-U-F-F-E-R. Huffer!" The normally calm and cheerful Hound threw his arms on the air in evident exasperation. "Primus, I have nothing against Ironhide, and I know he's trying to do his best, but... man, I miss Prowl already!"
Prowl looked up from his painting when he heard his designation, recognizing it after being called that by the other adult Autobots. He looked over to the congregation of adult Autobots before he tapped his head, imitating Jazz's 'scratch on his head' whenever he was confused about something. Of course, the maneuver only managed to dirty his helmet even more.
"Ah well. I'm going to pick up Mirage and go get a good wash and some relaxing time." Hound downed his energon cube in one gulp before he headed for the playpen to retrieve his currently stuck-as-sparkling mate. The scout looked around for Mirage before a panicked look spread across his face. "Where's Mirage??"
"Uh? He's right here with Ste-- What the... where is he?!" Rewind looked around hurriedly when he noticed the missing Sparkling.
"Oh brother." Blaster stood up to carefully and quickly look around to make sure the sparkling wasn't hiding behind him. "I knew I should have asked Ratchet to disable his cloaking device!"
"Mirage? Mirage where are you?!" Hound began to search all across the ample room, genuinely concerned about the baby-Ligier's well being. "Oh, Primus! Please, let him be all right! Let him be all right!"
Trailbreaker, Wheeljack, Eject, and Rewind scattered across the room with Hound to search for the missing sparkling while Blaster kept his eye on the remaining four, silently thanking neither of them could turn invisible and that Sunstreaker had removed Sideswipe's jet pack.
Perceptor clicked happily as he applied yet another layer of paint to Prowl's chevron with a friendly pat on his head before he noticed something odd on the sheet of paper. New hand prints that appeared out of nowhere leaving a trail across the paper and then over the floor of the recreation room.
Steeljaw took notice of the trail and made a sound to get Blaster's attention, nodding his head towards the trail of hands and chassis parts left by an invisible crawler. "Hey, Hound! Look there."
Hound looked on the direction Blaster pointed to and let out a big and loud sigh of relief, fetching the invisible sparkling. Mirage's happy clicking sounds and paint soaked not-so-invisible-anymore hands clapping confirmed the scout's suspicious. "Primus almighty, Mirage! You almost made my servos lock up!"
Unfortunately for the jeep, Mirage knew how to turn invisible but was still at a loss about the opposite operation, so he was stuck invisible. "I better take you to Ratchet and have a talk about deactivating that cloaking device for the time being. Thanks guys. I better go now before he decides to play Hide-and-Seek again."
"I think I better go back to work." Wheeljack waved to Blaster and his cassettes before he left the recreation room with Trailbreaker in tow.
"Someone's going to have to clean Mirage's mess. And that someone surely won't be me." Blaster chuckled as he stretched his limbs a bit just as Optimus Prime came into the room. "Hi, Optimus. How's everything going?"
"Aside from multiple complaints about how Ironhide set up the patrol teams and schedules, things are as fine as they can be given the situation." The Autobot leader headed for the playpen. "How is everything around here?"
"As fine as possible, considering Mirage decided to play hide-and-seek with Hound without informing him. Almost blew his processors with the worry." Before the communications officer could talk any further, a loud cry came from Sideswipe's general direction, the red sparkling was currently sitting on the ground after Rewind had removed him and Red Alert from Steeljaw's back. "Huh, what's up, 'Sides?" He picked up the crying sparkling just as Red Alert and Perceptor joined the crying fest. Prowl whimpered, and his little door wings drooped visibly as he addressed his best distressed look towards their care taker. "Oh, slag! I forgot!"
Prime watched as Blaster gathered the crying sparklings and shoved them into his arms unceremoniously before he rushed towards the exit. "B-Blaster??"
"Hold 'em for a second, Prime. I gotta fetch their energon!" Before the larger Autobot could utter another word, the orange mech left the room.
Optimus looked down to the sparklings in his arms, not exactly sure of what to do with the hungry little 'bots to calm their cries. "Don't cry!" He pleaded softly as he rocked the four sparklings. Sideswipe was wailing like a banshee by this point, and even Prowl had joined the cries, proving that he could cry as loud, if not more, than Perceptor and Sideswipe together. "Primus!" He was thankful the sparklings were small enough to fit perfectly in his arms despite the tantrums they were throwing at the very moment.
"Don't cry, please. Blaster will be here with your energon in a moment." He rocked the sparklings gently and revved his engine in futile attempts to calm them, growing more and more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked away with no sign of Blaster anywhere.
"Sorry about that, I couldn't find Sideswipe's stack in that mess that's his and Sunstreaker's room!" Blaster rushed back into the recreation room with cubes of energon made especially for the little 'bots. Eject and Rewind reached out for Prowl and Red Alert as Optimus knelt to their level, allowing them to take the unhappy sparklings from his arms. The Cassette twins quickly controlled the situation, calming them down as they were being fed. Blaster offered a cube to Prime so he could help him [to] feed Perceptor while he did the same with Sideswipe.
After a few moments, the cries had been replaced by soft sounds coming from the sparklings as their hunger was satiated. "Do you have to deal with this every day?" Optimus felt oddly exhausted all of a sudden.
"Nah, it can be worse." Blaster laughed at the look of horror the bearer of the Matrix was giving him. "But it's not always bad, don't worry."
---------
A little later, after Optimus Prime had managed to pry Perceptor away from his frame to go back to his duties, most of the other Autobots came into the room. Jazz, Ironhide, Inferno, and Bluestreak were first in line, coming to pick up their respective sparklings.
"Had a good day, guys?" The communications officer grinned as he cradled the sparklings in his arms, holding them out for the others to retrieve.
"Mine went better than Ironhide's, that's for sure." Jazz grinned as he retrieved Prowl. "Woah! What happened to ya? Someone's gonna need a good wash!" Prowl merely fluttered his door wings silently, happy to see Jazz. The visored mech couldn't help but grin and tickle the sparkling's nose playfully.
"Pft! Excuse me! I haven't been required to program schedules and patrol teams in like, oh, just six or so million of years." The red van grumbled as he picked up Perceptor who he and Ratchet were taking care of for the time being. "Good grief! Look at this mess, young gentlebot!" He laughed softly and patted the sparkling's head. Perceptor was already halfway into recharge mode.
Inferno shook his head and thanked Blaster before he picked up Red Alert and bounced him contently in his arms before he headed to the dispenser for some energon for himself.
"Thanks, Blaster. I better take him back to Sunny now." Bluestreak picked up Sideswipe. The sparkling was, surprisingly, already in recharge after wearing himself out with his previous wailing session.
"No problem guys! Now, I think me and my boys are going to get some rest!" Eject, Rewind, and Steeljaw transformed as the orange Autobot opened the panel of his chest for them. Once his cassettes were back inside, Blaster waved and left the room, humming to the tune of 'Welcome to the Jungle'.