(no subject)
Coming up to a week post-avesbury. Its going to be the september 11th, the JFK of the Garou nation. Where were you when we defeated the shards at avesbury? Everybody will know. Those who were there will remember the desperate fight. Those like me who were evacced before the end of the fight will remember sitting waiting for the news. And I am sure that those who weren't there will remember the goodbyes beforehand and waiting in caerns or anywhere else for news of things.
Its only just sinking in though. 7 casualties. I'd met most of them, 2 were in my tribe. Dead in service to Gaia. And I guess now I am finally realisiing that at the end of the day that is how we will all go. We are the warriors of gaia, fighting to restore the triat to their proper place in the world. At the end of the day few of us will die of natural causes, most will die in our fight against the wyrm.
At avesbury, I was scared. Well, not quite true, at avesbury I wasn't scared. There was an almost eerie kind of calm over me. The words of some had inspired me, Winter's Sorrow being one of the most memorable.
"We will have the largest army of the finest warriors of Gaia in some centuries. We will bring the fight to the enemy. And he will be defeated. He has came to our lands to fight, we posess the advantage, we live in Albion, we are the warriors of Gaia, she will give us our blessings."
Originally I had thought to not go to Avesbury. There would be many more capable fighters than me there and there would be a need to defend our own Caerns. But then as people discussed the matter I realised that this wasn't the point. This was potentially the last battle and I knew I had no choice but to stand up and be counted.
A week before the battle I spent worrying and fretting. Some of the time I was kept busy making contingency plans in case we lost and in case we won but I didn't come back. If we couldn't defeat the shards we needed to make sure that the information we had wasn't lost.
Far too much time though was spent thinking that I might die and I was afraid of this. So many others seemed happy to go to their deaths in service of gaia but I didn't want to die. There were so many things that I didn't want to leave behind and despite knowing there was the cycle I knew that *I* would not be the same if I died. If I stayed around as an ancestor spirit I would never go for a drink in a pub and if I was reborn into another body I would not be me, I would be somebody else.
But I had no choice. If we lost at avesbury I was dead anyway, or worse. As was everybdoy I ever loved and everybody I ever cared about. I had to go to Avesbury, even if it cost me my life. It was saturday evening before the calm hit me. I don't what it was but a resolution suddenly crossed my mind that I was going to do this right. I was not going to be afraid and screw up as a result. In memory of all my friends who had already returned to the cycle I would fight and protect the world from the shards and make sure that they would be reborn and be safe from the shards.
And so I fought the shards. I went in with others of my tribe and we fought and we fell. I was lucky to be rescued by Brandon, a Gurahl from Sheffield. I didn't do much. Its a bit of a blur but I don't think I can even claim one kill. However, I am happy in the knowledge that the time those shards took to take me down was time when other garou were doing more damage where it counts. In the way of wolves we fought as a pack and my part in the battle was as important in its own way as the elders part.
And then it was over. I can't even remember who told me the news first, I was quite badly hurt and not entirely with it. I do remember the jubilation I felt though. And the relief that the country was safe. I didn't even think of the casualties at first. I forgot about the people I had seen fall without knowing if they were going to get up again. I did later though and then I heard about the casualties through the spirit network. At first I just nodded and accepted it. Now though the deaths are sinking in. It was people I knew and they were dead.
And where does that leave us? It leaves us with no shards, and that is the important thing. But not only that, it leaves us with the knowledge that the garou nation can destroy *any* enemy if it puts it's mind to it.
And it leaves me feeling in some ways stronger than I was. I have overcome a big personal goal. At the same time though I feel a strange kind of emptiness which is hard to explain. The purpose that united us in that fight is gone. The shards are defeated and the unity has slipped away. We are now separate packs in separate septs all fighting the wyrm separately. We are still united in that we all fight the wyrm but it is no longer the tight unity of the shard battle. We are still united though.
Its only just sinking in though. 7 casualties. I'd met most of them, 2 were in my tribe. Dead in service to Gaia. And I guess now I am finally realisiing that at the end of the day that is how we will all go. We are the warriors of gaia, fighting to restore the triat to their proper place in the world. At the end of the day few of us will die of natural causes, most will die in our fight against the wyrm.
At avesbury, I was scared. Well, not quite true, at avesbury I wasn't scared. There was an almost eerie kind of calm over me. The words of some had inspired me, Winter's Sorrow being one of the most memorable.
"We will have the largest army of the finest warriors of Gaia in some centuries. We will bring the fight to the enemy. And he will be defeated. He has came to our lands to fight, we posess the advantage, we live in Albion, we are the warriors of Gaia, she will give us our blessings."
Originally I had thought to not go to Avesbury. There would be many more capable fighters than me there and there would be a need to defend our own Caerns. But then as people discussed the matter I realised that this wasn't the point. This was potentially the last battle and I knew I had no choice but to stand up and be counted.
A week before the battle I spent worrying and fretting. Some of the time I was kept busy making contingency plans in case we lost and in case we won but I didn't come back. If we couldn't defeat the shards we needed to make sure that the information we had wasn't lost.
Far too much time though was spent thinking that I might die and I was afraid of this. So many others seemed happy to go to their deaths in service of gaia but I didn't want to die. There were so many things that I didn't want to leave behind and despite knowing there was the cycle I knew that *I* would not be the same if I died. If I stayed around as an ancestor spirit I would never go for a drink in a pub and if I was reborn into another body I would not be me, I would be somebody else.
But I had no choice. If we lost at avesbury I was dead anyway, or worse. As was everybdoy I ever loved and everybody I ever cared about. I had to go to Avesbury, even if it cost me my life. It was saturday evening before the calm hit me. I don't what it was but a resolution suddenly crossed my mind that I was going to do this right. I was not going to be afraid and screw up as a result. In memory of all my friends who had already returned to the cycle I would fight and protect the world from the shards and make sure that they would be reborn and be safe from the shards.
And so I fought the shards. I went in with others of my tribe and we fought and we fell. I was lucky to be rescued by Brandon, a Gurahl from Sheffield. I didn't do much. Its a bit of a blur but I don't think I can even claim one kill. However, I am happy in the knowledge that the time those shards took to take me down was time when other garou were doing more damage where it counts. In the way of wolves we fought as a pack and my part in the battle was as important in its own way as the elders part.
And then it was over. I can't even remember who told me the news first, I was quite badly hurt and not entirely with it. I do remember the jubilation I felt though. And the relief that the country was safe. I didn't even think of the casualties at first. I forgot about the people I had seen fall without knowing if they were going to get up again. I did later though and then I heard about the casualties through the spirit network. At first I just nodded and accepted it. Now though the deaths are sinking in. It was people I knew and they were dead.
And where does that leave us? It leaves us with no shards, and that is the important thing. But not only that, it leaves us with the knowledge that the garou nation can destroy *any* enemy if it puts it's mind to it.
And it leaves me feeling in some ways stronger than I was. I have overcome a big personal goal. At the same time though I feel a strange kind of emptiness which is hard to explain. The purpose that united us in that fight is gone. The shards are defeated and the unity has slipped away. We are now separate packs in separate septs all fighting the wyrm separately. We are still united in that we all fight the wyrm but it is no longer the tight unity of the shard battle. We are still united though.