SPN: Spa Day
Title: Spa Day
Author: schmevil
Summary: See title.
Characters: Sam, Dean, Castiel
Word Count: 553
Notes: TOTAL CRACK. NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. For Tammy. :p
"Cas, man, where are we?"
Castiel looked past them, and said gravely, "Where you need to be, Dean. Lucifer has risen, and you must be prepared."
"Prepared? How the hell are we supposed to prepare for something like that?"
Castiel reached into Jimmy's coat pocket, and pulled out two vouchers. He handed them to the brothers.
"Cas, is this..."
"Yes Sam."
"But-"
"You must be rested, and strong in mind and body, in order to fight Lucifer."
Dean snorted. "And a mani-pedi is gonna get us there?"
Mani-pedi? Sam mouthed silently. Dean frowned - an equally silent fuck you.
"The mani-pedi is just the beginning. Facials, mud baths and full body massages will follow."
"What the hell, Cas?"
Castiel tilted his head, bird-like. "Ancient warriors prepared themselves in this way, before going into battle."
Dean waved a hand at his surroundings, then the other, with even more violence. "Does this look like ancient, freaking, Sparta? This is Detroit. Michigan. And we." He waved at himself and Sam. "Are men. Who don't get mani-pedis."
"Dean, this is serious," Castiel said, giving Dean that look of infinite sadness only he could manage. Being almost unthinkably ancient probably helped. Dean had no intention of being affected by it, but Castiel kept staring at him, and then Sam--
Sam looked down, his brow furrowed, and his mouth in a too-soft line. When he looked back up, his brother was composed, mostly, but his look of not infinite, but pretty vast sadness, was so much worse than the angel's.
"Yeah," Dean said. "I do get that." He reached out and grabbed the vouchers. "Fine. Whatever. We'll go get pampered." Castiel didn't so much brighten at that, as get less sad, and more grave. Sam though, he stopped looking like he was mourning something, and did in fact brighten - enough so, that Dean was convinced his brother was laughing at him.
"Good," said Cas. He tilted his head again, this time, like a dog listening for something. "I must go, but I will return after the hot rock massage."
"Hot rock mass- dammit Cas!" Dean glared at the oil-stained pavement, where Castiel had been, seconds before.
"Come on, Dean. Let's get you pretty."
Dean frowned. Went frantically searching through his memories for a comeback. Couldn't stop thinking 'hot rock massage!?' "Bitch," he said finally.
Sam just smirked at him, and pushed him into the spa. He kept on smirking at Dean, right through check in, where the pretty blonde behind the desk asked Dean about the friend, who was so nice to buy the brothers a spa day, and really, so polite. And he kept on smirking, through the mani-pedi, the facial and the freaking bath (which Dean could at least admit to himself, was actually pretty relaxing).
He was going to kill Cas. Once he figured out how.
"So Dean," Sam said, all friendly. Too friendly.
"Why yes, Sam?" he said, with even more friendliness.
"How does a guy who's spent his whole life on the road know what a mani-pedi is?" Dean thought about his answer - he thought about it carefully - but before he could come up with anything plausible, Sam said, " Have you been watching Oprah again?"
He was going to kill Sam. And he was really going to kill Cas.
END
Author: schmevil
Summary: See title.
Characters: Sam, Dean, Castiel
Word Count: 553
Notes: TOTAL CRACK. NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. For Tammy. :p
"Cas, man, where are we?"
Castiel looked past them, and said gravely, "Where you need to be, Dean. Lucifer has risen, and you must be prepared."
"Prepared? How the hell are we supposed to prepare for something like that?"
Castiel reached into Jimmy's coat pocket, and pulled out two vouchers. He handed them to the brothers.
"Cas, is this..."
"Yes Sam."
"But-"
"You must be rested, and strong in mind and body, in order to fight Lucifer."
Dean snorted. "And a mani-pedi is gonna get us there?"
Mani-pedi? Sam mouthed silently. Dean frowned - an equally silent fuck you.
"The mani-pedi is just the beginning. Facials, mud baths and full body massages will follow."
"What the hell, Cas?"
Castiel tilted his head, bird-like. "Ancient warriors prepared themselves in this way, before going into battle."
Dean waved a hand at his surroundings, then the other, with even more violence. "Does this look like ancient, freaking, Sparta? This is Detroit. Michigan. And we." He waved at himself and Sam. "Are men. Who don't get mani-pedis."
"Dean, this is serious," Castiel said, giving Dean that look of infinite sadness only he could manage. Being almost unthinkably ancient probably helped. Dean had no intention of being affected by it, but Castiel kept staring at him, and then Sam--
Sam looked down, his brow furrowed, and his mouth in a too-soft line. When he looked back up, his brother was composed, mostly, but his look of not infinite, but pretty vast sadness, was so much worse than the angel's.
"Yeah," Dean said. "I do get that." He reached out and grabbed the vouchers. "Fine. Whatever. We'll go get pampered." Castiel didn't so much brighten at that, as get less sad, and more grave. Sam though, he stopped looking like he was mourning something, and did in fact brighten - enough so, that Dean was convinced his brother was laughing at him.
"Good," said Cas. He tilted his head again, this time, like a dog listening for something. "I must go, but I will return after the hot rock massage."
"Hot rock mass- dammit Cas!" Dean glared at the oil-stained pavement, where Castiel had been, seconds before.
"Come on, Dean. Let's get you pretty."
Dean frowned. Went frantically searching through his memories for a comeback. Couldn't stop thinking 'hot rock massage!?' "Bitch," he said finally.
Sam just smirked at him, and pushed him into the spa. He kept on smirking at Dean, right through check in, where the pretty blonde behind the desk asked Dean about the friend, who was so nice to buy the brothers a spa day, and really, so polite. And he kept on smirking, through the mani-pedi, the facial and the freaking bath (which Dean could at least admit to himself, was actually pretty relaxing).
He was going to kill Cas. Once he figured out how.
"So Dean," Sam said, all friendly. Too friendly.
"Why yes, Sam?" he said, with even more friendliness.
"How does a guy who's spent his whole life on the road know what a mani-pedi is?" Dean thought about his answer - he thought about it carefully - but before he could come up with anything plausible, Sam said, " Have you been watching Oprah again?"
He was going to kill Sam. And he was really going to kill Cas.
END