my internal landscape (looks a lot like my navel)
Ha ha, here's more.
I had some interesting changes in my internal landscape on Sunday, which made it possible for me to win. (Not that I'm obsessing over it or anything.)
Before one of my pool bouts, a second ref arrived at my strip to help speed the bouts along. This ref is a UMass alum who would cheer for me if she were not reffing.* Having friends "judging" me instead of cheering for me has been a tension-inducer in the past, as you may or may not remember from a June post about the Pomme de Terre tournament. And indeed, I lost that bout.
I thought about asking her not to ref my next bout, but instead, something shifted inside me, and I decided it was stupid to allow it to affect me, and that I should just fence as if she were a stranger. The next bout she reffed, I fenced pretty well, and won.
A while later, in my bout against the very tall woman who was #1 seed, two fencers from Boston came and cheered for my opponent. This was a little startling, and of course is diametrically opposed to the boost I get by having friends present and cheering for me.
I scanned the room to see if I could spot my sole club-mate, but he was not in sight. Then I told myself he'd be cheering for me if he were not occupied... and that Mark and my kids ... and, well, you! ... would be cheering if they/you could be there. I felt warm and fuzzy instead of mildly betrayed. Suddenly the Bostonians' cheering didn't affect me any more, and I was able to completely ignore it, and win decisively.
And then in the gold medal bout, my opponent had 6 or 8 people from her club to support her, while I had one club-mate and a friend from another club. There were also about 30 relatively neutral people watching because it was a final and there weren't a lot of other events still happening.
I astonished myself by not hearing the cheers for my opponent (except for one time). I focused 100% on my opponent and the timing I needed to use, and didn't give a moment's thought to what anyone would think of my fencing, or how pitiful it is that I have such a tiny club. The only outside thought that entered my head was, "Oh, I think I might earn a B if I win this," followed by, "Doesn't matter right now. Just think about the next touch."
This is a new and wonderful development, which (I hope) signals a new maturity in my fencing. I now suspect that having that ref come over actually catalyzed my ability to focus, and thus to win.
*Note: In fact, when I went to my hotel Saturday night, I realized I was missing an epee, and would need to stop in at the Lost and Found in the morning. It turns out this ref had spotted my epee abandoned at the end of the day and seen my name inside it, and on Sunday she went out of her way to be sure I had retrieved it.
I had some interesting changes in my internal landscape on Sunday, which made it possible for me to win. (Not that I'm obsessing over it or anything.)
Before one of my pool bouts, a second ref arrived at my strip to help speed the bouts along. This ref is a UMass alum who would cheer for me if she were not reffing.* Having friends "judging" me instead of cheering for me has been a tension-inducer in the past, as you may or may not remember from a June post about the Pomme de Terre tournament. And indeed, I lost that bout.
I thought about asking her not to ref my next bout, but instead, something shifted inside me, and I decided it was stupid to allow it to affect me, and that I should just fence as if she were a stranger. The next bout she reffed, I fenced pretty well, and won.
A while later, in my bout against the very tall woman who was #1 seed, two fencers from Boston came and cheered for my opponent. This was a little startling, and of course is diametrically opposed to the boost I get by having friends present and cheering for me.
I scanned the room to see if I could spot my sole club-mate, but he was not in sight. Then I told myself he'd be cheering for me if he were not occupied... and that Mark and my kids ... and, well, you! ... would be cheering if they/you could be there. I felt warm and fuzzy instead of mildly betrayed. Suddenly the Bostonians' cheering didn't affect me any more, and I was able to completely ignore it, and win decisively.
And then in the gold medal bout, my opponent had 6 or 8 people from her club to support her, while I had one club-mate and a friend from another club. There were also about 30 relatively neutral people watching because it was a final and there weren't a lot of other events still happening.
I astonished myself by not hearing the cheers for my opponent (except for one time). I focused 100% on my opponent and the timing I needed to use, and didn't give a moment's thought to what anyone would think of my fencing, or how pitiful it is that I have such a tiny club. The only outside thought that entered my head was, "Oh, I think I might earn a B if I win this," followed by, "Doesn't matter right now. Just think about the next touch."
This is a new and wonderful development, which (I hope) signals a new maturity in my fencing. I now suspect that having that ref come over actually catalyzed my ability to focus, and thus to win.
*Note: In fact, when I went to my hotel Saturday night, I realized I was missing an epee, and would need to stop in at the Lost and Found in the morning. It turns out this ref had spotted my epee abandoned at the end of the day and seen my name inside it, and on Sunday she went out of her way to be sure I had retrieved it.