Through the Looking Glass 2/2 (PG)
Title: Through the Looking Glass
Author: pari_nicole79
Rating: PG
Word Count: 6,351
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Martha Jones
Spoilers: None
Summary: Their Latest Adventure leaves the Doctor and Martha with Double Vision!
He found her out on the balcony, leaning over the railing with her eyes closed, letting the breeze wash over her, and he joined her. “That looks dangerous, that railing may not be secure and you could fall right over.” She didn’t even open her eyes to acknowledge him.
“I’m still mad at you, just so you know.” She said and he frowned at her.
“Why, what did I do?” He asked and this caused her to open her eyes and turn to look at him.
“Oh it’s you, of course it’s you, it’s not 'he’d' ever come out and apologize…” She grumbled and then taking in his confused gaze she softened and gave him a welcoming smile. “I’m sorry John my rants and wrath are not meant for you,” She then turned back to stare out over the city. John filled the empty space beside her, and also leaned against the railing.
“Want to talk about it?” He asked casually and invoked a giggle from Martha. “What’s so funny?” He asked as he himself chuckled.
“I guess the Doctor’s findings are true, you two have very different ways of thinking, behaving, and expressing yourselves.”
“Is that a bad thing?” John asked and Martha quickly shook her head no.
“No, not at all.” She said with a smile and he smiled back, relieved.
“What else did he find?” John asked curiously.
“Didn’t he tell you?” He shook his head.
“No he’s in the ‘Sherlock Holmes’ mode right now, and when we’re like that we don’t share much until we’re 100 percent sure in our findings. That way we don’t give the wrong information, that might lead to the wrong decision making.” Martha nodded at this, it sounded like the Doctor.
“You two have the same memories and ideology, you just feel differently about them, and react differently to the things you’ve experienced. You don’t seem to have any emotional links, and you’re both supremely intelligent. At least that’s what I got from the scribbling, your handwriting is quite horrid.” She said playfully and again he chuckled.
“I don’t fully agree with that,” John said and Martha threw him an amused look.
“Have you looked at your handwriting?” She asked and his smile widened.
“That’s not what I mean, I’m speaking of the findings. For the most part I concur it seems we are identical in every way, except how we react to situations and people, but as for the emotional aspects, I think we share the exact same feelings, we must. If I were a unique entity with no emotional ties to the Doctor, then I wouldn’t miss Gallifrey and my family and friends so passionately, I wouldn’t miss Rose,” He said and Martha averted her eyes at hearing the name, which John noticed and knew the reason why. “And I wouldn’t have such strong feelings for you.” He added and she quickly gave him a questioning look. He reached out and with his fingers he pushed several strands of hair that had blown into her face, aside, tucking them securely behind her ear. “These are all ‘his’ feeling too I’d wager, even if he never says as much. I had to have gotten them from somewhere. The only difference is as you said, the way we react to our emotions. I don’t think he’d ever act on most of them, he’d just let them lay stagnate, festering; I can’t imagine it, having all these emotions and doing nothing to stimulate them. May I kiss you?” He asked suddenly and completely out of the blue. She had been dazed by his words, that he was basically telling her that he ‘and’ the Doctor had feelings for her, but his last sentence slapped her back to her senses.
“Say, what?” She asked even though she had heard him just fine.
“May I kiss you?” He repeated as he leaning in closer, not waiting for a reply. She held her breath as she noticed him moving in closer and closer, and then she didn’t have to any longer, for when his lips finally captured hers she felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. After a few seconds with their tongues dueling, testing and tasting, the kiss ended and he pulled back a bit, and stared down at her upturned face. Her eyes were still closed and he smiled at her enchanted expression as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. “I have wanted to do that since our first kiss in the hospital.”
“You said that was nothing except a genetic transfer,” Martha replied her mind still a bit hazy. She mentally noted that John was just as much a great kisser as the Doctor was.
“No, the 'Doctor' said that, though at the time he full meant it, but after we got a taste of you,” His eyes darted to her mouth and he absentmindedly licked at his lips. “We realized we wanted more.” She stood hypnotized for a second before shaking her head to clear her thoughts.
“Please stop,” She said softly and he looked at her now worriedly.
“I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable again.”
“Yes a bit.” She conceded. “I love him, you do know that, right?” She said and this time John averted his eyes and nodded. “And the things you’re saying, what you're doing, I wish…”
“You wish it were ‘him’ saying it and doing it,” John finished for her as he looked at her with pained eyes, and her heart broke a bit because she could see she was hurting him. “He probably never will.” He stated and she nodded her head.
“I know that here,” She tapped her temple. “But it doesn’t change anything here,” She then placed her hand over her heart. John sighed heavily as he stared up into the sky.
“Isn’t it an awful feeling to want someone you know doesn’t want you in the same way. And no matter what you do or what you say, they’ll probably never look at you any differently.” He asked as he looked directly at Martha, and again she nodded her head.
“Yes it is, but what can you do.” Martha said as she sighed.
“You could move on with someone else,” John said, now making things solely about her, when he had just been referring to them both.
“I could,” She spoke looking directly in his eyes. “But ‘that’ guy would only be a substitute for the Doctor, and that wouldn’t be fair to him.” She said hoping to convey her meaning.
“What if ‘that’ guy didn’t care? He was willing to take whatever he could get?” He asked with puppy dog eyes and a smile.
“John…” Her words were cut short when John suddenly lurched forward, clutching his stomach.
“Uhhhhhgg,” He groaned as a pain gripped him all over. He crumbled to the floor, along with Martha, who tried to steady him.
“John, what is it, what’s wrong?” Martha cried out worry etched in her eyes and voice.
“Oh, it hurts Martha, it feels like I’m dying,” He hissed out and then squeezed his eyes shut to the pain.
“Doctor!” Martha called out as she cradled John’s head in her lap, wiping at his forehead with her hand. “It’s going to be OK John, just hold on.” He smiled up at her as the darkness slowly over came him. He was consoled by the thought that her face may be the last he would ever see.
Later
“How long before…” She asked tears already falling.
“A few hours at most,” He replied as he watched himself lying motionless in one of the med lab beds.
“There’s nothing you can do?” She looked over at him with pleading eyes, as she firmly gripped the hand of the man lying in the bed. He took a deep sigh before replying.
“There’s nothing I should do.” He answered.
“What the hell is that suppose to mean? Wait…are you saying you could possibly save him, but you’re not going to even try?”
“I’m saying I shouldn’t do anything. He’s an anomaly, he’s wrong.”
“Like Jack, and so you’re going to just desert him too.” She said accusingly. “How can you be so cruel? Who made you God almighty?”
“Martha,” The Doctor called to her in a gentle tone, wanting to reason with her.
“No, I don’t want to hear it. There’s nothing that you can possibly say to convince me that doing nothing, why he dies is the better good.”
“Martha, he’s right.” A voice called to her but this time it was John’s voice and not the Doctor’s. Martha quickly looked over at him and reached out to brush his wild hair from his forehead.
“Shhh, don’t talk just rest OK.” He shook his head and made an attempt to sit up, but Martha shot her hand out and pushed him back down. “You can’t get up, you need to rest.”
“I don’t want to spend my last hours lying in this bed,” John said as he again made an attempt to sit up and succeeded this time.
“Don’t talk like that.” She said with a frown. John smiled at her warmly.
“Humans, you’re so afraid of death, even the mere thought of it, yet from the moment you take your first breath you’re dying,” John said as he reached out and wiped away a tear that was trying to escape down her cheek. “It’s not the same for us, we have many regeneration cycles before we die, so when it finally comes we’re ready for it, welcoming it even.”
“Right,” Martha said excitedly with wide-eyes and a smile. “You can do that thing, regeneration. Like you wanted the Master to do,” She directed this to the Doctor, who was still standing at the foot of the bed, his hands stuffed in his pocket, staring at John with a stoic look on his face. He didn’t speak but allowed John to explain things.
“I can’t, there’s no telling what might happened. There is only supposed to be one Doctor, not two. He’s right I am an anomaly, and this…the degeneration of my cell is a testament to that fact, it’s nature’s way of fix things, setting them right again, so there’s only one Doctor. If I was to regenerate, and that’s assuming I even can, it could have grave ramification to this galaxy, even to your Milky Way. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”
“But you don’t know that it will.” She tried to reason as the tears fell harder.
“I’ve been alive for a very long time Martha, and I’ve seen many things, and I know with every fiber of my being that ‘this’ is the right thing. I’m not supposed to be here, I can’t stay.”
“But you promised,” She then looked from John to the Doctor. “That I wouldn’t lose you.” The Doctor still remained silent and stoic as he dropped his eyes to the floor. Martha then looked back to John. “You promised.”
“And you shan’t, you’ve still got the Doctor,” John said with a smile, as he patted her hands which still gripped his. “Now help me up. If I’ve only got a few hours than I want to make the most of them.” Martha stood and tried to give her support and the Doctor moved to the side of the bed to help John to stand. He stood shakily.
“Are you ok?” Martha inquired with worry in her eyes.
“No woman, I’m bloody dying.” He said with a stern look on his face, which quickly melted into a smile, and both Martha and the Doctor couldn’t help but to smile in return, despite the situation.
“You’re a riot,” Martha said as she sniffled. “What do you want to do first?” She asked as she held him about the waist while he draped his arm over her shoulder.
“First, I need to have a conversation with myself,” John answered as he looked to the Doctor who stared back at him inquisitively. “In private.” Martha simply nodded her understandings and left the room, leaving the two Doctors to square off.
“What?” The Doctor said as he crossed his arms across his chest.
“You’re a damned fool,” John replied as he mimicked the Doctor’s stance.
“What are you on about?”
“I know how you feel about her.” John stated and the Doctor’s eyes widened a bit.
“Did you…”
“No I didn’t tell her, I know you’d hate that and you’d only end up punishing her by taking her home, and we both know that’s not what either of you want.”
“I’m just taking her on a little adventure as a way to say thanks, she’s saved my life on a couple of occasions and…”
“Oh come off it, that ‘one trip’ ticket has expired long ago. Your logic is, well it’s illogical innit. You don’t want her around for the same reason you keep her around. She’s not Rose.”
“Oh you know nothing abo...”
“Don’t I, I’m you, you idiot, right down to your molecules. I loved Rose too and I miss her, but that ache,” He paused as he looked down at the floor, though he wasn’t really ‘seeing’ it. “That unbearable ache that was there when she left, it’s not so unbearable anymore is it?” He then looked back at the Doctor. “And there are days when you don’t think about her, when you don’t miss her at all, and that’s because of Martha. Because Martha’s there, she’s filled the void in your hearts.”
“Martha has not replaced Rose and she never could.” The Doctor said and his voice rose as the brims of his eyes turned red.
“No, Martha’s not a substitute for Rose, although you’ve said and done so many things to make her think otherwise. No Martha Jones is one hell of a woman in her own right. She’s nothing like Rose and that’s one of the things you love most about her. So as I said before, you don’t want Martha to stay because every second that she does you find something else, even the most minute things to love about her, and that makes you feel like you’re betraying Rose in some way. So you punish Martha by pushing her away, but not too far, noooo,” The Doctor dropped his eyes to the floor as he listened to his own voice chastising him. “Because you want her around, because unlike Rose, she questions you, pushes you, and fights you when she wants to be heard. She doesn’t do everything you say, just because you say it. You had to earn her respect, that sonic tool of yours didn’t impress her that much.” They both smiled at this. “But most of all she wants to know you, everything about you, even when you’re vague or avoiding her questions, she just keeps at you for the answers. No one had ever bother to before, not even Rose.”
“Someday,” The Doctor began to speak but then paused to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “Someday she’s going to leave me. Like Rose, like the others.” John nodded his head to this.
“Yes, well that’s the nature of the beast. Someday, but that’s not today is it. You can’t live life like that, trust me I’ve only got hours to live and I plan on spending them with Martha, and I’m going to hold her and kiss her breathless and show her…” He stared at the wall with a far off look on his face and a smile on his lips. “No, I’m going to tell her how much I love her, because she deserves to know and I don’t want someone else I love fading away not knowing, not hearing those words from me.” The Doctor simply nodded and remained rooted to his spot long after John had left.
He found her just after sunset, sitting atop a large hill in the park, located just across the way from the lab. He removed his coat and draped it over her shoulders before taking a seat on the ground beside her. “You ok?” He asked and inwardly kicked himself for asking such a stupid question but it was all he had. She shook her head.
“I just watched you die, you just crumbled to dust and blew away. This is all that’s left.” She opened her hand, which held what looked to be a pile of sand. She turned her hand sideways and let the ashes slide out, to join the rest in the wind. “I know I’m being silly because you’re here, right here, but I’ll still grieve that bit of you and I’ll miss him, John Smith.”
“I suppose now I’ll have to come up with another name to use, doesn’t seem right to use that one anymore.” The Doctor said and Martha looked at him gratefully as she threw him a smile of thanks. He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her closer, and she instinctively rested her head against his shoulder. “Did he…say anything before he went?” The Doctor asked wearily, anxiety had filled him since his conversation with John, his hearts held a fear at the idea that John would expose the secret he had been keeping from Martha, the secret that he loved her.
“No,” She answered in a near whisper. “Mainly he reminisced about our adventures, I got the feeling he was being careful not to expose any of ‘your’ secrets. I’ll admit I did try to coax some things out of him, but he told me that you’d tell me all I need to know, in time.” The Doctor smiled a bit and then kissed the top of her head.
“And we’ve got all the time in the world, don’t we?” He said as he held her a little tighter and stared out into the star-filled horizon.
FIN
Author: pari_nicole79
Rating: PG
Word Count: 6,351
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Martha Jones
Spoilers: None
Summary: Their Latest Adventure leaves the Doctor and Martha with Double Vision!
He found her out on the balcony, leaning over the railing with her eyes closed, letting the breeze wash over her, and he joined her. “That looks dangerous, that railing may not be secure and you could fall right over.” She didn’t even open her eyes to acknowledge him.
“I’m still mad at you, just so you know.” She said and he frowned at her.
“Why, what did I do?” He asked and this caused her to open her eyes and turn to look at him.
“Oh it’s you, of course it’s you, it’s not 'he’d' ever come out and apologize…” She grumbled and then taking in his confused gaze she softened and gave him a welcoming smile. “I’m sorry John my rants and wrath are not meant for you,” She then turned back to stare out over the city. John filled the empty space beside her, and also leaned against the railing.
“Want to talk about it?” He asked casually and invoked a giggle from Martha. “What’s so funny?” He asked as he himself chuckled.
“I guess the Doctor’s findings are true, you two have very different ways of thinking, behaving, and expressing yourselves.”
“Is that a bad thing?” John asked and Martha quickly shook her head no.
“No, not at all.” She said with a smile and he smiled back, relieved.
“What else did he find?” John asked curiously.
“Didn’t he tell you?” He shook his head.
“No he’s in the ‘Sherlock Holmes’ mode right now, and when we’re like that we don’t share much until we’re 100 percent sure in our findings. That way we don’t give the wrong information, that might lead to the wrong decision making.” Martha nodded at this, it sounded like the Doctor.
“You two have the same memories and ideology, you just feel differently about them, and react differently to the things you’ve experienced. You don’t seem to have any emotional links, and you’re both supremely intelligent. At least that’s what I got from the scribbling, your handwriting is quite horrid.” She said playfully and again he chuckled.
“I don’t fully agree with that,” John said and Martha threw him an amused look.
“Have you looked at your handwriting?” She asked and his smile widened.
“That’s not what I mean, I’m speaking of the findings. For the most part I concur it seems we are identical in every way, except how we react to situations and people, but as for the emotional aspects, I think we share the exact same feelings, we must. If I were a unique entity with no emotional ties to the Doctor, then I wouldn’t miss Gallifrey and my family and friends so passionately, I wouldn’t miss Rose,” He said and Martha averted her eyes at hearing the name, which John noticed and knew the reason why. “And I wouldn’t have such strong feelings for you.” He added and she quickly gave him a questioning look. He reached out and with his fingers he pushed several strands of hair that had blown into her face, aside, tucking them securely behind her ear. “These are all ‘his’ feeling too I’d wager, even if he never says as much. I had to have gotten them from somewhere. The only difference is as you said, the way we react to our emotions. I don’t think he’d ever act on most of them, he’d just let them lay stagnate, festering; I can’t imagine it, having all these emotions and doing nothing to stimulate them. May I kiss you?” He asked suddenly and completely out of the blue. She had been dazed by his words, that he was basically telling her that he ‘and’ the Doctor had feelings for her, but his last sentence slapped her back to her senses.
“Say, what?” She asked even though she had heard him just fine.
“May I kiss you?” He repeated as he leaning in closer, not waiting for a reply. She held her breath as she noticed him moving in closer and closer, and then she didn’t have to any longer, for when his lips finally captured hers she felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. After a few seconds with their tongues dueling, testing and tasting, the kiss ended and he pulled back a bit, and stared down at her upturned face. Her eyes were still closed and he smiled at her enchanted expression as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. “I have wanted to do that since our first kiss in the hospital.”
“You said that was nothing except a genetic transfer,” Martha replied her mind still a bit hazy. She mentally noted that John was just as much a great kisser as the Doctor was.
“No, the 'Doctor' said that, though at the time he full meant it, but after we got a taste of you,” His eyes darted to her mouth and he absentmindedly licked at his lips. “We realized we wanted more.” She stood hypnotized for a second before shaking her head to clear her thoughts.
“Please stop,” She said softly and he looked at her now worriedly.
“I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable again.”
“Yes a bit.” She conceded. “I love him, you do know that, right?” She said and this time John averted his eyes and nodded. “And the things you’re saying, what you're doing, I wish…”
“You wish it were ‘him’ saying it and doing it,” John finished for her as he looked at her with pained eyes, and her heart broke a bit because she could see she was hurting him. “He probably never will.” He stated and she nodded her head.
“I know that here,” She tapped her temple. “But it doesn’t change anything here,” She then placed her hand over her heart. John sighed heavily as he stared up into the sky.
“Isn’t it an awful feeling to want someone you know doesn’t want you in the same way. And no matter what you do or what you say, they’ll probably never look at you any differently.” He asked as he looked directly at Martha, and again she nodded her head.
“Yes it is, but what can you do.” Martha said as she sighed.
“You could move on with someone else,” John said, now making things solely about her, when he had just been referring to them both.
“I could,” She spoke looking directly in his eyes. “But ‘that’ guy would only be a substitute for the Doctor, and that wouldn’t be fair to him.” She said hoping to convey her meaning.
“What if ‘that’ guy didn’t care? He was willing to take whatever he could get?” He asked with puppy dog eyes and a smile.
“John…” Her words were cut short when John suddenly lurched forward, clutching his stomach.
“Uhhhhhgg,” He groaned as a pain gripped him all over. He crumbled to the floor, along with Martha, who tried to steady him.
“John, what is it, what’s wrong?” Martha cried out worry etched in her eyes and voice.
“Oh, it hurts Martha, it feels like I’m dying,” He hissed out and then squeezed his eyes shut to the pain.
“Doctor!” Martha called out as she cradled John’s head in her lap, wiping at his forehead with her hand. “It’s going to be OK John, just hold on.” He smiled up at her as the darkness slowly over came him. He was consoled by the thought that her face may be the last he would ever see.
Later
“How long before…” She asked tears already falling.
“A few hours at most,” He replied as he watched himself lying motionless in one of the med lab beds.
“There’s nothing you can do?” She looked over at him with pleading eyes, as she firmly gripped the hand of the man lying in the bed. He took a deep sigh before replying.
“There’s nothing I should do.” He answered.
“What the hell is that suppose to mean? Wait…are you saying you could possibly save him, but you’re not going to even try?”
“I’m saying I shouldn’t do anything. He’s an anomaly, he’s wrong.”
“Like Jack, and so you’re going to just desert him too.” She said accusingly. “How can you be so cruel? Who made you God almighty?”
“Martha,” The Doctor called to her in a gentle tone, wanting to reason with her.
“No, I don’t want to hear it. There’s nothing that you can possibly say to convince me that doing nothing, why he dies is the better good.”
“Martha, he’s right.” A voice called to her but this time it was John’s voice and not the Doctor’s. Martha quickly looked over at him and reached out to brush his wild hair from his forehead.
“Shhh, don’t talk just rest OK.” He shook his head and made an attempt to sit up, but Martha shot her hand out and pushed him back down. “You can’t get up, you need to rest.”
“I don’t want to spend my last hours lying in this bed,” John said as he again made an attempt to sit up and succeeded this time.
“Don’t talk like that.” She said with a frown. John smiled at her warmly.
“Humans, you’re so afraid of death, even the mere thought of it, yet from the moment you take your first breath you’re dying,” John said as he reached out and wiped away a tear that was trying to escape down her cheek. “It’s not the same for us, we have many regeneration cycles before we die, so when it finally comes we’re ready for it, welcoming it even.”
“Right,” Martha said excitedly with wide-eyes and a smile. “You can do that thing, regeneration. Like you wanted the Master to do,” She directed this to the Doctor, who was still standing at the foot of the bed, his hands stuffed in his pocket, staring at John with a stoic look on his face. He didn’t speak but allowed John to explain things.
“I can’t, there’s no telling what might happened. There is only supposed to be one Doctor, not two. He’s right I am an anomaly, and this…the degeneration of my cell is a testament to that fact, it’s nature’s way of fix things, setting them right again, so there’s only one Doctor. If I was to regenerate, and that’s assuming I even can, it could have grave ramification to this galaxy, even to your Milky Way. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”
“But you don’t know that it will.” She tried to reason as the tears fell harder.
“I’ve been alive for a very long time Martha, and I’ve seen many things, and I know with every fiber of my being that ‘this’ is the right thing. I’m not supposed to be here, I can’t stay.”
“But you promised,” She then looked from John to the Doctor. “That I wouldn’t lose you.” The Doctor still remained silent and stoic as he dropped his eyes to the floor. Martha then looked back to John. “You promised.”
“And you shan’t, you’ve still got the Doctor,” John said with a smile, as he patted her hands which still gripped his. “Now help me up. If I’ve only got a few hours than I want to make the most of them.” Martha stood and tried to give her support and the Doctor moved to the side of the bed to help John to stand. He stood shakily.
“Are you ok?” Martha inquired with worry in her eyes.
“No woman, I’m bloody dying.” He said with a stern look on his face, which quickly melted into a smile, and both Martha and the Doctor couldn’t help but to smile in return, despite the situation.
“You’re a riot,” Martha said as she sniffled. “What do you want to do first?” She asked as she held him about the waist while he draped his arm over her shoulder.
“First, I need to have a conversation with myself,” John answered as he looked to the Doctor who stared back at him inquisitively. “In private.” Martha simply nodded her understandings and left the room, leaving the two Doctors to square off.
“What?” The Doctor said as he crossed his arms across his chest.
“You’re a damned fool,” John replied as he mimicked the Doctor’s stance.
“What are you on about?”
“I know how you feel about her.” John stated and the Doctor’s eyes widened a bit.
“Did you…”
“No I didn’t tell her, I know you’d hate that and you’d only end up punishing her by taking her home, and we both know that’s not what either of you want.”
“I’m just taking her on a little adventure as a way to say thanks, she’s saved my life on a couple of occasions and…”
“Oh come off it, that ‘one trip’ ticket has expired long ago. Your logic is, well it’s illogical innit. You don’t want her around for the same reason you keep her around. She’s not Rose.”
“Oh you know nothing abo...”
“Don’t I, I’m you, you idiot, right down to your molecules. I loved Rose too and I miss her, but that ache,” He paused as he looked down at the floor, though he wasn’t really ‘seeing’ it. “That unbearable ache that was there when she left, it’s not so unbearable anymore is it?” He then looked back at the Doctor. “And there are days when you don’t think about her, when you don’t miss her at all, and that’s because of Martha. Because Martha’s there, she’s filled the void in your hearts.”
“Martha has not replaced Rose and she never could.” The Doctor said and his voice rose as the brims of his eyes turned red.
“No, Martha’s not a substitute for Rose, although you’ve said and done so many things to make her think otherwise. No Martha Jones is one hell of a woman in her own right. She’s nothing like Rose and that’s one of the things you love most about her. So as I said before, you don’t want Martha to stay because every second that she does you find something else, even the most minute things to love about her, and that makes you feel like you’re betraying Rose in some way. So you punish Martha by pushing her away, but not too far, noooo,” The Doctor dropped his eyes to the floor as he listened to his own voice chastising him. “Because you want her around, because unlike Rose, she questions you, pushes you, and fights you when she wants to be heard. She doesn’t do everything you say, just because you say it. You had to earn her respect, that sonic tool of yours didn’t impress her that much.” They both smiled at this. “But most of all she wants to know you, everything about you, even when you’re vague or avoiding her questions, she just keeps at you for the answers. No one had ever bother to before, not even Rose.”
“Someday,” The Doctor began to speak but then paused to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “Someday she’s going to leave me. Like Rose, like the others.” John nodded his head to this.
“Yes, well that’s the nature of the beast. Someday, but that’s not today is it. You can’t live life like that, trust me I’ve only got hours to live and I plan on spending them with Martha, and I’m going to hold her and kiss her breathless and show her…” He stared at the wall with a far off look on his face and a smile on his lips. “No, I’m going to tell her how much I love her, because she deserves to know and I don’t want someone else I love fading away not knowing, not hearing those words from me.” The Doctor simply nodded and remained rooted to his spot long after John had left.
He found her just after sunset, sitting atop a large hill in the park, located just across the way from the lab. He removed his coat and draped it over her shoulders before taking a seat on the ground beside her. “You ok?” He asked and inwardly kicked himself for asking such a stupid question but it was all he had. She shook her head.
“I just watched you die, you just crumbled to dust and blew away. This is all that’s left.” She opened her hand, which held what looked to be a pile of sand. She turned her hand sideways and let the ashes slide out, to join the rest in the wind. “I know I’m being silly because you’re here, right here, but I’ll still grieve that bit of you and I’ll miss him, John Smith.”
“I suppose now I’ll have to come up with another name to use, doesn’t seem right to use that one anymore.” The Doctor said and Martha looked at him gratefully as she threw him a smile of thanks. He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her closer, and she instinctively rested her head against his shoulder. “Did he…say anything before he went?” The Doctor asked wearily, anxiety had filled him since his conversation with John, his hearts held a fear at the idea that John would expose the secret he had been keeping from Martha, the secret that he loved her.
“No,” She answered in a near whisper. “Mainly he reminisced about our adventures, I got the feeling he was being careful not to expose any of ‘your’ secrets. I’ll admit I did try to coax some things out of him, but he told me that you’d tell me all I need to know, in time.” The Doctor smiled a bit and then kissed the top of her head.
“And we’ve got all the time in the world, don’t we?” He said as he held her a little tighter and stared out into the star-filled horizon.
FIN