(no subject)
Last night seemed to be a huge test for me.
We had a 'rehearsal' for Carnival. Mainly it was just us playing around.
From the moment I arrived home, he acted like he did nothing to me. Still asking me for my things, incesantly. As if I never discovered that he's been stealing money from me for the past year and a half.
I don't think that it's possible to be creative with someone under those circumstances. The act of creation, to me, is a personal experience. Not that it's JUST for you to experience, but you have to be somewhat vulnerable to do so. Now when you have taken on that alongside someone you trust, the whole process becomes easier. After that trust is violated...
I don't want to share anything with you.
Not my apartment. Not my clothes. Not my camera. Not my energy. Especially, not my creative energy.
You don't deserve that from me. You have taken me for granted and now act as though nothing has ever happened. I know that your future is bright. You are going to be successful. I just want nothing to do with it, or you. It's not important to me because I know that standing alongside you, I will contribute no passion to what we would do. None. You don't deserve it. That's not why I'm doing it...to make you suffer. I'm doing it because it's good for me. Nurturing my creativity when I'm around you, like a newborn baby.
I want to share nothing with you.
I am going to find a sub-letter.
I am going to find a new place to live. again.
I don't think that I can be here until May.
Peace
We had a 'rehearsal' for Carnival. Mainly it was just us playing around.
From the moment I arrived home, he acted like he did nothing to me. Still asking me for my things, incesantly. As if I never discovered that he's been stealing money from me for the past year and a half.
I don't think that it's possible to be creative with someone under those circumstances. The act of creation, to me, is a personal experience. Not that it's JUST for you to experience, but you have to be somewhat vulnerable to do so. Now when you have taken on that alongside someone you trust, the whole process becomes easier. After that trust is violated...
I don't want to share anything with you.
Not my apartment. Not my clothes. Not my camera. Not my energy. Especially, not my creative energy.
You don't deserve that from me. You have taken me for granted and now act as though nothing has ever happened. I know that your future is bright. You are going to be successful. I just want nothing to do with it, or you. It's not important to me because I know that standing alongside you, I will contribute no passion to what we would do. None. You don't deserve it. That's not why I'm doing it...to make you suffer. I'm doing it because it's good for me. Nurturing my creativity when I'm around you, like a newborn baby.
I want to share nothing with you.
I am going to find a sub-letter.
I am going to find a new place to live. again.
I don't think that I can be here until May.
Peace