This is getting toxic...
and not like the good kind that catchy Brittney Spears sings, you know the one the kids listen to on their disc mans.
It's just going no where, every thing I say is taken negatively and I need some support. I've been more than good to her. And she still plays the victim, but you know what I'm the victim in this love song. I'm the one who's betrayed and hurt. But I guess I need to explain things first.
SOOOOOO way back in January (month of our anniversary) we went to Vancouver to meet with her sister thing and her old internet crush friend Nick. Prior she was all like "I dont want to have any regrets in my life, so i wanna kiss nick" I said fux no to that noise and told her how much that would hurt me so I cried (cuz i'm a pussy like that). Well she planned a day alone with this guy while I was in Victoria with my sister. I was a bit worried but had no major gripes. So me and Nick became friends and such through the trip and good times are had. SO get back to the peg and about 3 weeks pass and Nick messages me and tries to act all kind and shit "I respect you alot bro so I need to tell you this" it turns out a week earlier he confessed his undying pent up 3 year love for Shannon. So being me (a total push over) I said I was fine with it long as he didnt act on this "love" (oh by the by this guy had/has a girl friend who latter cut her self due to his noble act) . The sad part of this is that I heard it from Nick and not my own girlfriend. Lack in communications much. ANY WHO time progressed and I was left in the dark of all going ons of Nicku X Shan-Shan. I even asked about it and the most I got out of it wass "It's just like an anime" PFFT typical response of an inuyasha fan =_=. So time passed and then Shannon got in a huge fight with her sister thing so that night she had some huge melt down and freaked me all out. Tears heavy breathing the works so she wasn't talking for a good hour just a bunch of shakes. When she final started talking she told me hardly anything and then the main reason was that "Angie was gonna tell you I kissed nick" while she told me this she was in full blown panic attack mode, so I couldn't react properly and said everything was alright and I wasn't upset. But really it hurt it hurt a fucking lot. So that's probably the biggest chip on my shoulder, And when I try talking about it she just brushes me off and tells me "You're such a woman" (she does that with most important things I wish to talk about)
Now moving onto toxicity number 2 the "You hate me/I'm a terrible person" to something as simple as rolling on my other side while sleeping to not wanting to fetch her a slurpee she assumes I hate her. And you know what when some one tells you something so much it's pretty hard to not believe it. I love her but with her constant reminder of "you hate me" it proves an interesting obstacle. Also on her docket of catch phrases is the ever loathed "I'm a terrible person" I ask her to do laundry "I'm a terrible person" *whine~* she doesn't help out with chores "I'm a terrible person" She feels that every suggestion and comment is a personal attack on her. Just things like this just poison a relationship.
And to be truly in love you need to love the good and the bad. Trying to accepting these thing are proving difficult. I love her to death but I need help too.